Life flashes before my eyes this fourteenth of November, bitty flashes of weird1 existence, like the two weeks of a mosquito's life. The last minute of that life is filled with the news that Mr Nuckles will testify on the last day of my trial, in five days' time. Observers say only he can save me now. I remember the last time I saw him. Twentieth of May this year.
'If things don't happen unless you see them happening,' said Jesus, 'do they still happen if you think they're gonna - but don't tell nobody …?'
'Sounds like not unless nobody doesn't see you not telling,' I say.
'Fuck, Verm. Just forget it.' His eyes squint2 into knife cuts, he just pedals ahead. I don't think he can take another week like last week. His lust3 for any speck4 of power in life is scary at times. He ain't a sporting hero, or a brain. More devastatingly5, he can't afford new Brands. Licensed6 avenues of righteousness are out of his reach, see? Don't get me wrong, the guy's smart. I know it from a million long minutes spent chasing insects, building planes, oiling guns. Falling out, falling in again, knowing he knows I know he's soft at heart. I know Jesus is human in ways nobody'll spend the money to measure. Only I know.
Class is a pizza oven this Tuesday morning, all the usual smells baked into an aftertaste of saliva8 on metal. Rays of light impale9 selected slimeballs at their desks. Jesus is locked in his school attitude, lit by the biggest ray. He stares at his desk, baring his back, exposing his knife. You probably have a knife stuck in you that loved-ones can twist on a whim11. You should take care nobody else discovers where it's stuck. Jesus is proof you should take damn good care.
'Yo Jaysus, your ass7 is drippin,' says Max Lechuga. He's the stocky guy in class, you know the one. Fat, to be honest, with this inflatable mouth. 'Stand clear of Jaysus's ass, the fire department lost another four men up there last night.' The Gurie twins huddle12 around him, geeing13 him on. Then he starts on me. 'Vermie - git a little anal action this morning?'
'Suck a fart, Lechuga.'
'Make me, faggot.'
'I ain't no faggot, fat-ass.'
Lorna Speltz is a girl who's on a time-delay from the rest of us. She finally gets the first joke. 'Maybe a whole fire engine is up there too,' she says with a giggle14. That authorizes15 the she-dorks to start up. Hee, hee, hee.
School never teaches you about this mangled16 human slime, it slays17 me. You spend all your time learning the capital of Surinam while these retards18 carve their initials in your back.
'Find focus, science-lovers.' Marion Nuckles arrives in a puff19 of Calvin Klein chalk dust, all gingery20 and erectile. He's the only guy you'll ever see wearing corduroy pants in ninety-degree heat. Looks like he'd wear leather shorts without laughing.
'Who remembered to bring a candle?' he asks. Suddenly I find my shoe needs tying. Like just about everybody, except Dana Gurie who produces a boxed set of gold-leaf aromatherapy candles.
'Oops - I left the price on!' She waves the box around real slow. It even looks like she highlighted the price with a marker. That's our Dana. She's usually busy reporting who barfed in class. The careers advisor22 says she'll make a fine journalist.
Lechuga stands out of his chair. 'I think Jesus used his candle already, sir.'
Exploratory snorts of laughter. Nuckles tightens23. 'Care to elaborate, Max?'
'You mightn't want to touch Jesus' candle, that's all.'
'Where do you think it's been?'
Max weighs up audience potential. 'Up his ass.'
The class detonates through its nose.
'Mr Nuckles,' says Dana, 'we're here to receive an education, and this doesn't seem very educational.'
'Yeah, sir,' says Charlotte Brewster, 'we have a constitutional right to be protected from deviated24 sexual influences.'
'And some people have a right not to be persecuted25, Miss Brewster,' says Nuckles.
'That's Ms Brewster, sir.'
Max Lechuga puts on his most blameless face. 'Heck, it's just fun, y'know?'
'Ask Jesus if he finds it so fun,' says Nuckles.
'Well,' shrugs26 Charlotte. 'If you can't take the heat …'
'Get out of the car!' chirps27 Lorna Speltz. Wrong, Lorna. Duh.
Nuckles sighs. 'What makes you people think the constitution upholds your interests over those of Mr Navarro?'
'On accounta he's a diller-wippy,' says Beau Gurie. Don't even ask.
'Thank you, Beauregard, for that incisive28 encapsulation of the issue at hand. As for you, Ms Brewster, I think you'll find that our illustrious constitution stops short of empowering you to breach29 a person's fundamental human rights.'
'We're not breaching30 any rights,' says Charlotte. 'We, The People, have decided31 to have a little fun, with whoever, and we have that right. Then whoever has a right to fun us back. Or ignore us. Otherwise, if they can't take the heat …'
'Get out of the fire!' Wrong, Lorna. Duh.
'Yeah, sir,' says Lechuga. 'It's constitutional.'
Nuckles paces the width of the room. 'Nowhere in the papers of State, Doctor Lechuga, will you see written "If you can't take the heat.'" He spreads the words out thick and creamy. It's a tactical error with Charlotte Brewster fired up the way she is. She won't tolerate losing, not at all. Her lips turn anus-like. Her eyes get beady.
'Seems to me, sir, you're spending a lot of time defending Jesus Navarro. A whole lot of time. Maybe we don't have the whole picture …?'
Nuckles freezes. 'Meaning what?'
'I guess you don't surf the net much, huh, sir?' Lechuga casts a sly eye around the room. 'I guess you ain't seen them - boy sites.'
Nuckles moves towards Max, trembling with rage. Jesus abandons his desk with a crash, and runs from the room. Class goddess Lori Donner runs after him. Nuckles spins. 'Lori! Jesus!' He chases them into the hall.
See Jesus' dad, ole Rosario? He'd never end up in this position. Know why? Because he was raised back across the border, where they have a sensible tradition of totally freaking out when the first thing gets to them. Jesus caught the white-assed disease of bottling it all up. I have to find him.
The class casually32 slips into character for the scene, the one where they're innocent bystanders at a chance event. Heads shake maturely. The Gurie twins swallow a giggle. Then Max Lechuga gets out of his chair, and goes to the bank of computer terminals by the window. One by one, he activates33 the screen-savers. Pictures jump to the screen of Jesus naked, bent34 over a hospital-type gurney.
I step up to Nuckles in the hall outside class. He ain't seen the computer screens yet. 'Sir, want me to find Jesus?'
'No. Take those notes to the lab and see if you can find me a candle.'
I grab the sheaf of notes from his desk, and head outside. Already I can see Jesus' locker35 hanging open in the corridor; his sports bag is gone. Nuckles returns to the class. I guess he sees the pictures, because he snarls36: 'You cannibals dare talk to me about the constitution?'
'The constitution', says Charlotte, 'is a tool of interpretation37, for the governing majority of any given time.'
'And?'
'We are that majority. This is our time.'
'Bambi-Boy, Bambi-Boy!' sings Max Lechuga.
*
Dew tiptoes down Lori Dormer's cheeks, falling without a sound onto the path outside the lab. 'He took his bike. I don't know where he went.'
'I do,' I say.
I guess she feels safe, Jesus turning out the way he is. She's just real sympathetic. I'm still not sure how to handle the new Jesus. It's like he watched too much TV, got lulled38 into thinking anything goes. Like the world was California all of a sudden.
'Lori, I have to find him. Cover for me?'
'What do I tell Nuckles?'
'Say I fell or something. Say I'll be back for math.'
She takes one of my fingertips and kneads it. 'Vern - tell Jesus we can change things if we stick together - tell him …' She starts to cry.
'I'm gone,' I say. The ground detaches from my New Jacks39, I leap clean over the school building, in my movie I do. I'm fifty yards away from Lori before I realize that the candle, and Nuckles's notes, are still in my hand - I don't want to ruin my Caped-Crusader-like exit, though. I just jam them into my back pocket, and keep running.
Sunny dogs and melted tar10 come to my nose as I fly to Keeter's on my bike. I also catch a blast of girls' hot-weather underwear, the loose cotton ones, white ones with bitty holes to circulate air. I'm not saying I catch a real whiff, don't get me wrong. But the components40 of this lathery41 morning bring them to mind. As Nuckles would say, the underwears are evoked42. I ride this haze43 of tangs, dodging44 familiar bushes along Keeter's track. A sheet of iron creaks in a gust45, somehow marking this as an important day, a pivot46. But I'm embarrassed. The excitement of it puts me in a category with the ass-wipes at school, toking on the drug of somebody else's drama. Your neighbor's tragedy is big business now, I guess because money can't buy it.
I spy fresh tracks in the dirt. Jesus went to the den21 all right. The last bushes crackle around me as I squeeze into our clearing. But he's not here. It's unusual for him not to stick around and sulk, shoot some cans with one of the rifles. I throw the bike down and scramble47 to the den hatch. The padlock is secured. My key is back home, in the shoebox in my closet, but I manage to lever back an edge of the hatch enough to squint into the shaft48. My daddy's rifle is still there. Jesus' gun is gone. I follow his tracks up the far side of the bunker, scanning the horizon all around. Then I catch my breath. There, in the far distance, goes Jesus - a speck away, standing49 up pedaling, flying, on the way back to school with his sports bag. I screech50 after him, catch myself running like the kid in that ole movie, 'Shane - come back!' But he's gone.
Blood circulation re-starts in my body. It's interpreted as a window of opportunity by my bowels51. Thanks. My brain locks up over a crossfire52 of messages, but there ain't much I can do. Believe me. I grab Nuckles's handwritten physics notes from my pocket. They're all I have for ass-paper. I decide to use them, then ditch them in the den. Some bitty inkling tells me they won't be top priority when I get back to class.
On the ride back to school I'm followed, then overtaken, by a rug of time-lapse clouds, muddy like underfruits bound for the fan. You sense it in the way the breeze bastes53 your face, stuffs your sinus with dishcloth, ready to yank when the moment comes. Trouble has its own hormone54. I look over my shoulder at the frame of a sunny day shrinking, vanishing. Ahead it's dark, and I'm late for math. It's dark, I'm late, and my life rolls toward a new alien world. I haven't figured out the old alien world, and now it's new again.
School has a stench when I get back, of sandwiches that won't be eaten, lunchboxes lovingly packed, jokingly, casually packed, that by tonight will be stale with cold tears. I'm bathed in the stench before I can turn back. I drop flat to the ground at the side of the gym and, through the shrubs55, watch young life splatter through slick mucous56 air. When massive times come, your mind sprays your senses with ice. Not to deaden the brain, but to deaden the part that learned to expect. This is what I learn as the shots fire. The shots sound shopping-cart ordinary.
I find a lump of cloth tucked in the shadow of the gym. Jesus' shorts, the ones he keeps at the back of his locker. Somebody cut a hole in back, and painted the edges with brown marker. 'Bambi' it says above. A few feet away lies his sports bag. I grab it. It's empty, save for a half box of ammunition57. I keep my eyes down, I don't look across the lawn. Sixteen units of flesh on the lawn have already given up their souls. Empty flesh buzzes like it's full of bees.
'He went for me, but got Lori …' Nuckles snakes around the corner on his belly58, slugging back air in blocks. 'He said don't follow him - another gun, at Keeter's …'
One of Jesus' fingers betrayed him. He hit Lori Donner, his only other friend. I look up to the school's main entrance and spy him arched over her crumpled59 body, shrieking60, ugly and alone. I never see his face in its likeness61 again. He knows what he has to do. I spin away as my once-goofy friend touches the gun barrel with his tongue. My arms reach for Nuckles, but he pulls away. I don't understand why. I stare at him. His mouth turns down at the edges, like a tragedy mask, and spit flows out. Then a chill soaks through me. I follow his eyes to the sports bag, and leftover62 ammunition, still tightly gripped in my hand.
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weird
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| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
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squint
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| v. 使变斜视眼, 斜视, 眯眼看, 偏移, 窥视; n. 斜视, 斜孔小窗; adj. 斜视的, 斜的 | |
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lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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speck
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| n.微粒，小污点，小斑点 | |
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devastatingly
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| adv. 破坏性地，毁灭性地，极其 | |
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licensed
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| adj.得到许可的v.许可，颁发执照(license的过去式和过去分词) | |
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ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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saliva
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| n.唾液，口水 | |
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impale
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| v.用尖物刺某人、某物 | |
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tar
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| n.柏油，焦油；vt.涂或浇柏油/焦油于 | |
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whim
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| n.一时的兴致，突然的念头；奇想，幻想 | |
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huddle
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| vi.挤作一团；蜷缩；vt.聚集；n.挤在一起的人 | |
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geeing
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| v.驭马快走或向右（gee的现在分词形式） | |
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giggle
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| n.痴笑，咯咯地笑；v.咯咯地笑着说 | |
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authorizes
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| 授权，批准，委托( authorize的名词复数 ) | |
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mangled
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| vt.乱砍（mangle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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slays
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| 杀死，宰杀，杀戮( slay的第三人称单数 ) | |
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retards
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| 使减速( retard的第三人称单数 )； 妨碍； 阻止； 推迟 | |
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puff
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| n.一口(气)；一阵(风)；v.喷气，喘气 | |
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gingery
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| adj.姜味的 | |
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den
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| n.兽穴；秘密地方；安静的小房间，私室 | |
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advisor
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| n.顾问，指导老师，劝告者 | |
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tightens
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| 收紧( tighten的第三人称单数 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
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deviated
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| v.偏离，越轨( deviate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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persecuted
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| （尤指宗教或政治信仰的）迫害(~sb. for sth.)( persecute的过去式和过去分词 )； 烦扰，困扰或骚扰某人 | |
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shrugs
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| n.耸肩（以表示冷淡，怀疑等）( shrug的名词复数 ) | |
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chirps
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| 鸟叫，虫鸣( chirp的第三人称单数 )； 啾； 啾啾 | |
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incisive
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| adj.敏锐的，机敏的，锋利的，切入的 | |
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breach
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| n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破 | |
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breaching
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| 攻破( breach的过去式 )； 破坏，违反 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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activates
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| 使活动，起动，触发( activate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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locker
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| n.更衣箱，储物柜，冷藏室，上锁的人 | |
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snarls
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| n.（动物的）龇牙低吼( snarl的名词复数 )；愤怒叫嚷（声）；咆哮（声）；疼痛叫声v.（指狗）吠，嗥叫， （人）咆哮( snarl的第三人称单数 )；咆哮着说，厉声地说 | |
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interpretation
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| n.解释，说明，描述；艺术处理 | |
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lulled
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| vt.使镇静，使安静（lull的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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jacks
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| n.抓子游戏；千斤顶( jack的名词复数 )；（电）插孔；[电子学]插座；放弃 | |
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components
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| （机器、设备等的）构成要素，零件，成分； 成分( component的名词复数 )； [物理化学]组分； [数学]分量； （混合物的）组成部分 | |
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lathery
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| adj.肥皂泡的，充满泡沫的 | |
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evoked
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| [医]诱发的 | |
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43
haze
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| n.霾，烟雾；懵懂，迷糊；vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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dodging
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| n.避开，闪过，音调改变v.闪躲( dodge的现在分词 )；回避 | |
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gust
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| n.阵风，突然一阵（雨、烟等），（感情的）迸发 | |
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pivot
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| v.在枢轴上转动；装枢轴，枢轴；adj.枢轴的 | |
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scramble
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| v.爬行，攀爬，杂乱蔓延，碎片，片段，废料 | |
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shaft
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| n.(工具的)柄，杆状物 | |
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49
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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screech
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| n./v.尖叫；(发出)刺耳的声音 | |
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51
bowels
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| n.肠，内脏，内部；肠( bowel的名词复数 )；内部，最深处 | |
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52
crossfire
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| n.被卷进争端 | |
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bastes
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| v.打( baste的第三人称单数 )；粗缝；痛斥；（烤肉等时）往上抹[浇]油 | |
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54
hormone
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| n.荷尔蒙，激素，内分泌 | |
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shrubs
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| 灌木( shrub的名词复数 ) | |
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56
mucous
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| adj. 黏液的，似黏液的 | |
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ammunition
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| n.军火，弹药 | |
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belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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crumpled
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| adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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shrieking
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| v.尖叫( shriek的现在分词 ) | |
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61
likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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leftover
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| n.剩货，残留物，剩饭；adj.残余的 | |
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