Chapter 1

OK. DON’T PANIC. Don’tpanic. It’s only a VISA bill. It’s a piece of paper; a few numbers. I mean, just how scary can a few num-bers be?

I stare out of the office window at a bus driving down Oxford¹ Street, willing myself to open the white envelope sitting on my cluttered² desk. It’s only a piece of paper, I tell myself for the thou-sandth time. And I’m not stupid, am I? I know exactly how much this VISA bill will be.

Sort of. Roughly.

It’ll be about . . . ￡200. Three hundred, maybe. Yes, maybe ￡300. Three-fifty, max.

I casually³ close my eyes and start to tot up. There was that suit in Jigsaw⁴. And there was dinner with Suze at Quaglinos. And there was that gorgeous red and yellow rug. The rug was ￡200, come to think of it. But it was definitely worth every penny—everyone’s admired it. Or, at least, Suze has.

And the Jigsaw suit was on sale—30 percent off. So that was actuallysaving money.

I open my eyes and reach for the bill. As my fingers hit the paper I remember new contact lenses. Ninety-five pounds. Quitea lot. But, I mean, I had to get those, didn’t I? What am I sup-posed to do, walk around in a blur⁵?

And I had to buy some new solutions and a cute case and some hypoallergenic eyeliner. So that takes it up to . . . ￡400?

At the desk next to mine, Clare Edwards looks up from her post. She’s sorting all her letters into neat piles, just like she does every morning. She puts rubber bands round them and puts labels on them saying things like “Answer immediately” and “Not urgent but respond.” I loathe⁶ Clare Edwards.

“OK, Becky?” she says.

“Fine,” I say lightly. “Just reading a letter.”

I reach gaily⁷ into the envelope, but my fingers don’t quite pull out the bill. They remain clutched around it while my mind is seized—as it isevery month—by my secret dream.

Do you want to know about my secret dream? It’s based on a story I once read inThe Daily World about a mix-up at a bank. I loved this story so much, I cut it out and stuck it onto my wardrobe door. Two credit card bills were sent to the wrong peo-ple, and—get this—each person paid the wrong bill without real-izing. They paid off each other’s billswithout even checking them.

And ever since I read that story, my secret fantasy has been that the same thing will happen to me. I mean, I know it sounds unlikely—but if it happened once, it can happen again, can’t it? Some dotty old woman in Cornwall will be sent my humongous bill and will pay it without even looking at it. And I’ll be sent her bill for three tins of cat food at fifty-nine pence each. Which, naturally, I’ll pay without question. Fair’s fair, after all.

A smile is plastered over my face as I gaze out of the window. I’m convinced that this month it’ll happen—my secret dream is about to come true. But when I eventually pull the bill out of the envelope—goaded by Clare’s curious gaze—my smile falters⁸, then disappears. Something hot is blocking my throat. I think it could be panic.

The page is black with type. A series of familiar names rushes past my eyes like a mini shopping mall. I try to take them in, butthey’re moving too fast. Thorntons, I manage to glimpse. Thorntons Chocolates? What was I doing in Thorntons Chocolates? I’m sup-posed to be on a diet. This billcan’t be right. This can’t be me. I can’t possibly have spent all this money.

Don’t panic! I yell internally. The key is not to panic. Just read each entry slowly, one by one. I take a deep breath and force my-self to focus calmly, starting at the top.

 

WHSmith (well, that’s OK. Everyone needs stationery⁹.)

Boots (everyone needs shampoo)

Specsavers (essential)

Oddbins(bottleof wine—essential)

Our Price(Our Price?Oh yes. The new Charlatans¹⁰ album. Well, I had to have that, didn’t I?)

Bella Pasta (supper with Caitlin)

Oddbins (bottle of wine—essential)

Esso (petrol doesn’t count)

Quaglinos (expensive—but it was a one-off)

Pret à Manger (that time I ran out of cash)

Oddbins (bottle of wine—essential)

Rugs to Riches (what? Oh yes. Stupid rug.)

La Senza (sexy underwear for date with James)

Agent Provocateur (even sexier underwear for date with James. Like I needed it.)

Body Shop (that skin brusher thing which Imustuse)

Next (fairly boring white shirt—but it was in the sale)

Millets . . .

 

I stop in my tracks. Millets? I never go into Millets. What would I be doing in Millets? I stare at the statement in puzzle-ment, wrinkling my brow and trying to think—and then sud-denly, the truth dawns on me. It’s obvious. Someone else has been using my card.

Oh my God. I, Rebecca Bloomwood, have been the victim of a crime.

Now it all makes sense. Some criminals pinched my creditcard and forged my signature. Who knows where else they’ve used it? No wonder my statement’s so black with figures! Some-one’s gone on a spending spree round London with my card—and they thought they would just get away with it.

But how? I scrabble in my bag for my purse, open it—and there’s my VISA card, staring up at me. I take it out and run my fingers over the glossy¹¹ surface. Someone must have pinched it from my purse, used it—and then putit back.It must be someone I know. Oh my God. Who?

I look suspiciously round the office. Whoever it is, isn’t very bright. Using my card at Millets! It’s almost laughable. As if I’d ever shop there.

“I’ve never even been into Millets!” I say aloud.

“Yes you have,” says Clare.

“What?” I turn to her. “No I haven’t.”

“You bought Michael’s leaving present from Millets, didn’t you?”

I feel my smile disappear. Oh, bugger. Of course. The blue anorak for Michael. The blue sodding anorak from Millets.

When Michael, our deputy editor, left three weeks ago, I vol-unteered to buy his present. I took the brown envelope full of coins and notes into the shop and picked out an anorak (take it from me, he’s that kind of guy). And at the last minute, now I remember, I decided¹² to pay on credit and keep all that handy cash for myself.

I can vividly¹³ remember fishing out the four ￡5 notes and carefully putting them in my wallet, sorting out the pound coins and putting them in my coin compartment¹⁴, and pouring the rest of the change into the bottom of my bag. Oh good, I remember thinking. I won’t have to go to the cash machine. I’d thought that sixty quid would last me for weeks.

So what happened to it? I can’t have justspent sixty quid without realizing it, can I?

“Why are you asking, anyway?” says Clare, and she leans for-ward. I can see her beady little X-ray eyes gleaming behind herspecs. She knows I’m looking at my VISA bill. “No reason,” I say, briskly turning to the second page of my statement.

But I’ve been put off my stride. Instead of doing what I nor-mally do—look at the minimum payment required and ignore the total completely—I find myself staring straight at the bottom figure.

Nine hundred and forty-nine pounds, sixty-three pence. In clear black and white.

For thirty seconds I am completely motionless. Then, with-out changing expression, I stuff the bill back into the envelope. I honestly feel as though this piece of paper has nothing to do with me. Perhaps, if I carelessly let it drop down on the floor behind my computer, it will disappear. The cleaners will sweep it up and I can claim I never got it. They can’t charge me for a bill I never received, can they?

I’m already composing a letter in my head. “Dear Managing Director of VISA. Your letter has confused me. What bill are you talking about, precisely¹⁵? I never received any bill from your com-pany. I did not care for your tone and should warn you, I am writing to Anne Robinson ofWatchdog.”

Or I could always move abroad.

“Becky?” My head jerks up and I see Clare holding this month’s news list. “Have you finished the piece on Lloyds?”

“Nearly,” I lie. As she’s watching me, I feel forced to summon it up on my computer screen, just to show I’m willing.

“This high-yield, 60-day access account offers tiered rates of interest on investments of over ￡2,000,” I type onto the screen, copying directly from a press release in front of me. “Long-term savers may also be interested in a new stepped-rate bond which requires a minimum of ￡5,000.”

I type a full stop, take a sip¹⁶ of coffee, and turn to the second page of the press release.

This is what I do, by the way. I’m a journalist on a financial magazine. I’m paid to tell other people how to organize their money.

Of course, being a financial journalist is not the career I always wanted. No one who writes about personal finance ever meant to do it. People tell you they “fell into” personal finance. They’re lying. What they mean is they couldn’t get a job writing about anything more interesting. They mean they applied¹⁷ for jobs atThe Times andThe Express andMarie-Claire andVogue andGQ , and all they got back was “Piss off.”

So they started applying toMetalwork Monthly andCheese-makers Gazette andWhat Investment Plan ? And they were taken on as the crappiest editorial assistant possible on no money whatso-ever and were grateful. And they’ve stayed on writing about metal, or cheese, or savings¹⁸, ever since—because that’s all they know. I myself started on the catchily¹⁹ titledPersonal Investment Periodical. I learned how to copy out a press release and nod at press conferences and ask questions that sounded as though I knew what I was talking about. After a year and a half—believe it or not—I was head-hunted toSuccessful Saving.

Of course, I still know nothing about finance. People at the bus stop know more about finance than me. Schoolchildren know more than me. I’ve been doing this job for three years now, and I’m still expecting someone to catch me out.

 

 

That afternoon, Philip, the editor, calls my name, and I jump in fright.

“Rebecca?” he says. “A word.” And he beckons²⁰ me over to his desk. His voice seems lower all of a sudden, almost conspirato-rial, and he’s smiling at me, as though he’s about to give me a piece of good news.

Promotion²¹, I think. It must be. He read the piece I wrote on international equity²² securities last week (in which I likened the hunt for long-term growth to the hunt for the perfect pair of sum-mer mules) and was bowled over by how exciting I made it allsound. Heknows it’s unfair I earn less than Clare, so he’s going to promote me to her level. Or even above. And he’s telling me dis-creetly so Clare won’t get jealous.

A wide smile plasters itself over my face and I get up and walk the three yards or so to his desk, trying to stay calm but already planning what I’ll buy with my raise. I’ll get that swirly²³ coat in Whistles. And some black high-heeled boots from Pied à Terre. Maybe I’ll go on holiday. And I’ll pay off that blasted VISA bill once and for all. I feel buoyant with relief. Iknew everything would be OK . . .

“Rebecca?” He’s thrusting a card at me. “I can’t make this press conference,” he says. “But it could be quite interesting. Will you go? It’s at Brandon Communications.”

I can feel the elated expression falling off my face like jelly. He’s not promoting me. I’m not getting a raise. I feel betrayed.Why did he smile at me like that? He must have known he was lifting my hopes.

“Something wrong?” inquires Philip.

“No,” I mutter. But I can’t bring myself to smile. In front of me, my new swirly coat and high-heeled boots are disappearing into a puddle²⁴, like the Wicked Witch of the West. No promotion. Just a press conference about . . . I turn over the card. About a new unit trust. How could anyonepossibly describe that as inter-esting?

1 Oxford   

n.牛津（英国城市）

参考例句：

• At present he has become a Professor of Chemistry at Oxford.他现在已是牛津大学的化学教授了。
• This is where the road to Oxford joins the road to London.这是去牛津的路与去伦敦的路的汇合处。

2 cluttered   

v.杂物，零乱的东西零乱vt.( clutter的过去式和过去分词 )；乱糟糟地堆满，把…弄得很乱；（以…） 塞满…

参考例句：

• The room is cluttered up with all kinds of things. 零七八碎的东西放满了一屋子。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• The desk is cluttered with books and papers. 桌上乱糟糟地堆满了书报。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

3 casually   

adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地

参考例句：

• She remarked casually that she was changing her job.她当时漫不经心地说要换工作。
• I casually mentioned that I might be interested in working abroad.我不经意地提到我可能会对出国工作感兴趣。

4 jigsaw   

n.缕花锯，竖锯，拼图游戏；vt.用竖锯锯，使互相交错搭接

参考例句：

• A jigsaw puzzle can keep me absorbed for hours.一副拼图就能让我沉醉几个小时。
• Tom likes to work on jigsaw puzzles,too.汤姆也喜欢玩拼图游戏。

5 blur   

n.模糊不清的事物；vt.使模糊，使看不清楚

参考例句：

• The houses appeared as a blur in the mist.房子在薄雾中隐隐约约看不清。
• If you move your eyes and your head,the picture will blur.如果你的眼睛或头动了，图像就会变得模糊不清。

6 loathe   

v.厌恶，嫌恶

参考例句：

• I loathe the smell of burning rubber.我厌恶燃着的橡胶散发的气味。
• You loathe the smell of greasy food when you are seasick.当你晕船时，你会厌恶油腻的气味。

7 gaily   

adv.欢乐地，高兴地

参考例句：

• The children sing gaily.孩子们欢唱着。
• She waved goodbye very gaily.她欢快地挥手告别。

8 falters   

（嗓音）颤抖( falter的第三人称单数 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃

参考例句：

• He never falters in his determination. 他的决心从不动摇。
• The plan never falters; the design never changes. It is all ordered. 大自然从不步履蹒跚，从不三心二意，一切都是有条不紊。

9 stationery   

n.文具；(配套的)信笺信封

参考例句：

• She works in the stationery department of a big store.她在一家大商店的文具部工作。
• There was something very comfortable in having plenty of stationery.文具一多，心里自会觉得踏实。

10 charlatans   

n.冒充内行者，骗子( charlatan的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• There are lots of phonies and charlatans in the financial newsletter business. 干金融通讯这一行的人中间不乏骗子和吹牛大王。 来自辞典例句
• But wicked people and charlatans will go from bad to worse, deceivers and deceived. 但是恶人和行诈术的人却越来越坏，他们迷惑人，也必受人迷惑。 来自互联网

11 glossy   

adj.平滑的；有光泽的

参考例句：

• I like these glossy spots.我喜欢这些闪闪发光的花点。
• She had glossy black hair.她长着乌黑发亮的头发。

12 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

13 vividly   

adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地

参考例句：

• The speaker pictured the suffering of the poor vividly.演讲者很生动地描述了穷人的生活。
• The characters in the book are vividly presented.这本书里的人物写得栩栩如生。

14 compartment   

n.卧车包房，隔间；分隔的空间

参考例句：

• We were glad to have the whole compartment to ourselves.真高兴，整个客车隔间由我们独享。
• The batteries are safely enclosed in a watertight compartment.电池被安全地置于一个防水的隔间里。

15 precisely   

adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地

参考例句：

• It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。
• The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准。

16 sip   

v.小口地喝，抿，呷；n.一小口的量

参考例句：

• She took a sip of the cocktail.她啜饮一口鸡尾酒。
• Elizabeth took a sip of the hot coffee.伊丽莎白呷了一口热咖啡。

17 applied   

adj.应用的；v.应用，适用

参考例句：

• She plans to take a course in applied linguistics.她打算学习应用语言学课程。
• This cream is best applied to the face at night.这种乳霜最好晚上擦脸用。

18 savings   

n.存款，储蓄

参考例句：

• I can't afford the vacation,for it would eat up my savings.我度不起假，那样会把我的积蓄用光的。
• By this time he had used up all his savings.到这时，他的存款已全部用完。

19 catchily   

有吸引力地； 动人地； 有欺骗性地； 令人难解地

参考例句：

20 beckons   

v.（用头或手的动作）示意，召唤( beckon的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• He sent his ships wherever profit beckons. 他将船队派往赢利的那些地方。 来自辞典例句
• I believe history beckons again. 我认为现在历史又在召唤了。 来自辞典例句

21 promotion   

n.提升，晋级；促销，宣传

参考例句：

• The teacher conferred with the principal about Dick's promotion.教师与校长商谈了迪克的升级问题。
• The clerk was given a promotion and an increase in salary.那个职员升了级，加了薪。

22 equity   

n.公正，公平，（无固定利息的）股票

参考例句：

• They shared the work of the house with equity.他们公平地分担家务。
• To capture his equity,Murphy must either sell or refinance.要获得资产净值，墨菲必须出售或者重新融资。

23 swirly   

成涡旋形的

参考例句：

• There is now a black swirly animation when a spell is resisted. 当法术被抵抗的时候有一个黑色旋涡形的效果。 来自互联网

24 puddle   

n.(雨)水坑，泥潭

参考例句：

• The boy hopped the mud puddle and ran down the walk.这个男孩跳过泥坑，沿着人行道跑了。
• She tripped over and landed in a puddle.她绊了一下，跌在水坑里。