Chapter 6

JESS

 

Before I got to the squat¹, I never had any intention² of going on to the roof. Honestly. I'd forgotten about the whole Toppers' House thing until I started speaking to this guy. I think he fancied³ me, which isn't really saying much, seeing as I was about the only female⁴ under thirty who could still stand up. He gave me a fag, and he told me his name was Bong, and when I asked him why he was called Bong he said it was because he always smoked his weed out of a bong. And I went, Does that mean everyone else here is called Spliff ? But he was just, like, No, that bloke over there is called Mental Mike. And that one over there is called Puddle⁵. And that one over there is Nicky Turd. And so on, until he'd been through everyone in the room he knew.

But the ten minutes I spent talking to Bong made history. Well, not history like 55 bc or 1939. Not historical⁶ history, unless one of us goes on to invent a time machine or stops Britain from being invaded⁷ by Al-Qaida or something. But who knows what would have happened to us if Bong hadn't fancied me? Because before he started chatting me up I was just about to go home, and Maureen and Martin would be dead now, probably, and… well, everything would have been different.

When Bong had finished going through his list, he looked at me and he went, You're not thinking of going up on the roof, are you? And I thought, Not with you, stoner-brain. And he went, Because I can see the pain and desperation in your eyes. I was well pissed by that time, so looking back on it, I'm pretty sure that what he could see in my eyes were seven Bacardi Breezers and two cans of Special Brew⁸. I just went, Oh, really? And he went, Yeah, see, I've been put on suicide⁹ watch, to look out for people who've only come here because they want to go upstairs. And I was like, What happens upstairs? And he laughed, and went, You're joking, aren't you? This is Toppers' House, man. This is where people kill themselves. And I would never have thought of it if he hadn't said that. Everything suddenly made sense. Because even though I'd been about to go home, I couldn't imagine what I'd do when I got there, and I couldn't imagine waking up in the morning. I wanted Chas, and he didn't want me, and I suddenly realized that easily the best thing to do was make my life as short as I possibly could. I almost laughed, it was so neat: I wanted to make my life short, and I was at a party in Toppers' House, and the coincidence was too much. It was like a message from God. OK, it was disappointing that all God had to say to me was, like, Jump off a roof, but I didn't blame him. What else was he supposed to tell me?

I could feel the weight of everything then - the weight of loneliness, of everything that had gone wrong. I felt heroic¹⁰, going up those last few flights to the top of the building, dragging that weight along with me. Jumping felt like the only way to get rid of it, the only way to make it work for me instead of against me; I felt so heavy that I knew I'd hit the street in no time. I'd beat the world record for falling off a tower-block.

1 squat   

v.蹲坐，蹲下；n.蹲下；adj.矮胖的，粗矮的

参考例句：

• For this exercise you need to get into a squat.在这次练习中你需要蹲下来。
• He is a squat man.他是一个矮胖的男人。

2 intention   

n.意图；目的；打算

参考例句：

• I'm sorry I offended you,but it wasn't my intention.对不起，冒犯你了，但我绝不是有意的。
• We understood her intention.我们明白了她的心意。

3 fancied   

adj.想象的；幻想的

参考例句：

• He always fancied himself a moralist.他总是认为自己是道德家。
• She fancied herself nervous.她自以为神经衰弱。

4 female   

adj.雌的，女(性)的；n.雌性的动物，女子

参考例句：

• We only employ female workers.我们只雇用女工。
• The animal in the picture was a female elephant.照片上的动物是头母象。

5 puddle   

n.(雨)水坑，泥潭

参考例句：

• The boy hopped the mud puddle and ran down the walk.这个男孩跳过泥坑，沿着人行道跑了。
• She tripped over and landed in a puddle.她绊了一下，跌在水坑里。

6 historical   

adj.历史的，史实的，历史上的

参考例句：

• The book is based on historical events.这本书是根据历史事件写成的。
• We have shared the same historical experiences.咱们有着共同的历史遭遇。

7 invaded   

v.侵入，侵略( invade的过去式和过去分词 )；涌入；侵袭；侵犯

参考例句：

• Troops invaded on August 9th that year. 军队是在那年的8月9日入侵的。
• The diseased tissue can be easily invaded by these microorganisms. 有病的组织容易被微生物侵袭。 来自《简明英汉词典》

8 brew   

v.酿造，调制

参考例句：

• Let's brew up some more tea.咱们沏些茶吧。
• The policeman dispelled the crowd lest they should brew trouble.警察驱散人群，因恐他们酿祸。

9 suicide   

n.自杀，自毁，自杀性行为

参考例句：

• The number of suicide has increased.自杀案件的数量增加了。
• The death was adjudged a suicide by sleeping pills.该死亡事件被判定为服用安眠药自杀。

10 heroic   

adj.英雄的，英勇的，崇高的

参考例句：

• Many people have heard of the man's heroic deeds.许多人都已经听说了这个人的英雄事迹。
• He received a medal for his heroic feat.他因其英雄业绩而获得一枚勋章。