Chapter 10

MAUREEN

 

I d never met an American before, I don't think. I wasn't at all sure he was one, either, until the others said something. You don't expect Americans to be delivering pizzas, do you? Well, I don't, but perhaps I'm just out of touch. I don't order pizzas very often, but every time I have, they've been delivered by someone who doesn't  speak English. Americans don't deliver things, do they? Or serve you in shops, or take your money on the bus. I suppose they must do in America, but they don't here. Indians and West Indians, lots of Australians in the hospital where they see Matty, but no Americans. So we probably thought he was a bit mad at first. That was the only explanation for him. He looked a bit mad, with that hair. And he thought that we'd ordered pizzas while we were standing¹ on the roof of Toppers' House.

'How would we have ordered pizzas?' Jess asked him. We were still sitting on her, so her voice sounded funny.

'On a cell,' he said.

'What's a cell?' Jess asked.

'OK, a mobile, whatever.'

Fair play to him, we could have done that.

'Are you American?' Jess asked him.

'Yeah.'

'What are you doing delivering pizzas?'

'What are you guys doing sitting on her head?'

'They're sitting on my head because this isn't a free country,' Jess said. 'You can't do what you want to.'

'What did you wanna do?'

She didn't say anything.

'She was going to jump,' Martin said.

'So were you!'

He ignored her.

'You were all gonna jump?' the pizza man asked us.

We didn't say anything.

'The f—?' he said.

'The f—?' said Jess. 'The f— what?'

'It's an American abbreviation,' said Martin. ' "The f—?" means "What the f—?" In America, they're so busy that they don't have time to say the "what".'

'Would you watch your language, please?' I said to them. 'We weren't all brought up in a pigsty².'

The pizza man just sat down on the roof and shook his head. I thought he was feeling sorry for us, but later he told us it wasn't that at all.

'OK,' he said after a while. 'Let her go.'

We didn't move.

'Hey, you. You f— listening to me? Am I gonna have to come over and make you listen?' He stood up and walked towards us.

'I think she's OK, now, Maureen,' Martin said, as if he was deciding to stand up of his own accord³, and not because the American man might punch him. He stood up, and I stood up, and Jess stood up and brushed herself down and swore a lot. Then she stared at Martin.

'You're that bloke,' she said. 'The breakfast TV bloke. The one who slept with the fifteen-year-old. Martin Sharp. F—! Martin Sharp was sitting on my head. You old pervert⁴.'

Well, of course I didn't have a clue about any fifteen-year-old. I don't look at that sort of newspaper, unless I'm in the hairdresser's, or someone's left one on the bus.

'You kidding me?' said the pizza man. 'The guy who went to prison? I read about him.'

Martin made a groaning⁵ noise. 'Does everyone in America know, too?' he said.

'Sure,' the pizza man said. 'I read about it in the New York Times.'

'Oh, God,' said Martin, but you could tell he was pleased.

'I was just kidding,' said the pizza man. 'You used to present a breakfast TV show in England. No one in the US has ever heard of you. Get real.'

'Give us some pizza, then,' said Jess. 'What flavours have you got?'

'I don't know,' said the pizza man.

'Let me have a look, then,' said Jess.

No, I mean… They're not my pizzas, you know?'

Oh, don't be such a pussy,' said Jess. (Really. That's what she said. I don't know why.) She leaned over, grabbed⁶ his bag and took out the pizza boxes. Then she opened the boxes and started poking⁷ the pizzas.

This one's pepperoni. I don't know what that is though. Vegetables.'

'Vegetarian⁸,' said the pizza man.

'Whatever,' said Jess. 'Who wants what?'

I asked for vegetarian. The pepperoni sounded like something that wouldn't agree with me.

1 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

2 pigsty   

n.猪圈，脏房间

参考例句：

• How can you live in this pigsty?你怎能这住在这样肮脏的屋里呢？
• We need to build a new pigsty for the pigs.我们需修建一个新猪圈。

3 accord   

vt.给予（欢迎、称颂等） vi./n.符合，一致

参考例句：

• Most people are in accord with their desire for peace.在渴望和平这一点上，大多数人都是一致的。
• The hearts of our people accord with those of yours.我们两国人民心心相印。

4 pervert   

n.堕落者，反常者；vt.误用，滥用；使人堕落，使入邪路

参考例句：

• Reading such silly stories will pervert your taste for good books.读这种愚昧的故事会败坏你对好书的嗜好。
• Do not pervert the idea.别歪曲那想法。

5 groaning   

adj. 呜咽的, 呻吟的 动词groan的现在分词形式

参考例句：

• She's always groaning on about how much she has to do. 她总抱怨自己干很多活儿。
• The wounded man lay there groaning, with no one to help him. 受伤者躺在那里呻吟着，无人救助。

6 grabbed   

v.抢先，抢占( grab的过去式和过去分词 )；（尤指匆忙地）取；攫取；（尤指自私、贪婪地）捞取

参考例句：

• He was grabbed by two men and frogmarched out of the hall. 他被两个男人紧抓双臂押出大厅。
• She grabbed the child's hand and ran. 她抓住孩子的手就跑。

7 poking   

n. 刺，戳，袋 vt. 拨开，刺，戳 vi. 戳，刺，捅，搜索，伸出，行动散慢

参考例句：

• He was poking at the rubbish with his stick. 他正用手杖拨动垃圾。
• He spent his weekends poking around dusty old bookshops. 他周末都泡在布满尘埃的旧书店里。

8 vegetarian   

n.素食者；adj.素食的

参考例句：

• She got used gradually to the vegetarian diet.她逐渐习惯吃素食。
• I didn't realize you were a vegetarian.我不知道你是个素食者。