IF you had known Charlie P., and had seen his little struggle, and had felt as I did the anguish1 caused by his tragic2 death, you would not talk of moderate drinking as a remedy for intemperance3.
I was away from my parish when I first heard of it. I very well remember the start with which I read the first line of the note, "Charlie P-- is dead;" and how after I had finished the account, written in haste and partaking of the confusion of the hour, the letter dropped from my hands, and I sat in the gathering4 darkness of the summer twilight5, rehearsing to myself the story of his life, and the sad, sad story of his tragic death. Years have passed since, but the whole is impressed upon my memory in figures that time cannot fade. If I were an artist, I could paint his portrait, I am sure, as I see him even now. Such a grand, open-hearted, whole-souled fellow as he was.
It was about a year before that I first saw him in my church. His peculiar6 gait as he walked up the center aisle7, first attracted my attention. He carried a stout8 cane9 and walked a little lame10. His wife was with him. Indeed, except at his office, I rarely saw them apart. She loved him with an almost idolatrous affection; as well she might, for he was the most lovable man I ever knew; and he loved her with a tenderness almost womanly. I think he never for a moment forgot that it was her assiduous nursing which saved his life. His face attracted me from the first, and I rather think I called on the new-comers that very week. At all events we soon became fast friends, and at the very next communion husband and wife united with my church by letter from --, but no matter where; I had best give neither names nor dates. They lived in a quite, simple way, going but little into society, for they were society to each other. They rarely spent an evening out, if I except the weekly prayer-meeting. They came together to that. He very soon went into the Sabbath-school. A Bible-class of young people gathered about him as if by magic. He had just the genial11 way, the social qualities, and the personal magnetism12 to draw the young to him. I used to look about sometimes with a kind of envy at the eager attentive13 faces of his class.
Judge of my surprise when, one day, a warm friend of Charlie's came to me, privately14, and said, "Charlie P. is drinking."
"Impossible," said I.
"Alas15!" said he, "it is too true. I have talked with him time and again. He promises reform, but keeps no promise. His wife is almost broken-hearted, but carries her burden alone. You have influence with him, more than any one else I think. I want you to see him and talk with him."
I promised, of course. I made the effort, but without success. I called once or twice at his office. He was always immersed in business. I called at his house. But I never could see him alone. I was really and greatly perplexed16, when he relieved me of my perplexity. Perhaps he suspected my design. At all events one morning he surprised me by a call at my study. He opened the subject at once himself.
"Pastor17," said he, "I have come to talk with you about myself. I am bringing shame on the Church and disgrace on my family. You know all about it. Everybody knows all about it. I wonder that the children do not point at me in the street as I go along. Oh! my poor wife! my poor wife! what shall I do?"
He was intensely excited. I suspected that he had been drinking to nerve himself to what he regarded as a disagreeable but unavoidable duty. I calmed him as well as I could, and he told me his story.
He was formerly18 a temperate19 though never a total abstinence man. He was employed on a railroad in some capacity-express messenger I think. The cars ran off the track. That in which he was sitting was thrown down an embankment. He was dreadfully bruised20 and mangled21, and was taken up for dead. It seemed at first as though he had hardly a whole bone in his body; but by one of those marvelous freaks, as we account them, which defeat all physicians' calculations, he survived. Gradually he rallied. For twelve months he lived on stimulants22. His wife's assiduous nursing through these twelve months of anxiety prostrated23 her upon a bed of sickness. From his couch he arose, as he supposed, to go through life on crutches24. But returning strength had enabled him to substitute a cane. Her attack of typhoid fever left her an invalid25, never to be strong again. Alas! his twelve months' use of stimulants had kindled26 a fire within him which it seemed impossible to quench27.
"I cannot do my work," said he, "without a little, and a little is enough to overset me. I am not a hard drinker, Pastor, indeed I am not. But half a glass of liquor will sometimes almost craze me."
I told him he must give up the little. For him there was but one course of safety, that of total abstinence. He was reluctant to come to it. His father's sideboard was never empty. It was hard to put aside the notions of hospitality which he had learned in his childhood, and adopt the principles of a total abstinence, which he had always been taught to ridicule28. However, he resolved bravely, and went away from my study, as I fondly hoped, a saved man.
I had not then learned, as I have since, the meaning of the declaration, "The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."
I saw him every few days. He never showed any signs of liquor. I asked him casually29, as I had opportunity, how he was getting along. He always answered, "Well." I sounded others cautiously. No one suspected him of any evil habit. I concluded he had conquered it. Though I did not lose him from my thoughts or prayers, I grew less anxious. He kept his Bible-class, which grew in numbers and in interest. Spring came, and I relaxed a little my labors30, as that climate-no matter where it was, to me the climate was bad enough-required it. Despite the caution, the subtle malaria31 laid hold of me. I fought for three weeks a hard battle with disease. When I arose from my bed the doctor forbade all study and all work for six weeks at least. No minister can rest in his own parish. My people understood that, as parishes do not always. One bright spring day, one of my deacons called, and put a sealed envelope into my hand to be opened when he had left. It contained a check for my traveling expenses, and an official note from the officers of the church bidding me go and spend it. In three days I was on my way to the White Mountains. It was there my wife's hurried note told me the story of Charlie's death. And this was it:
The habit had proved too strong for his weak will. He had resumed drinking. No one knew it but his wife and one confidential32 friend. He rarely took much; never so much as to be brutal33 at home, or unfit for business at the office; but enough to prove to him that he was not his own master. The shame of his bondage34 he felt keenly, powerless as he felt himself to break the chains. The week after I left home his wife left also for a visit to her father's. She took the children, one a young babe three months old, with her. Mr. P. was to follow her in a fortnight. She never saw him again. One night he went to his solitary35 home. Possibly he had been drinking-no one ever knew-opened his photograph album, covered his own photograph with a piece of an old envelope, that it might no longer look upon the picture of his wife on the opposite page, and wrote her, on a scrap36 of paper torn from a letter, this line of farewell:
"I have fought the battle as long as I can. It is no use. I will not suffer my wife and children to share with me a drunkard's shame. God-bye. God have mercy on you and me."
The next morning, long after the streets had resumed their accustomed activity, and other houses threw wide open their shutters37 to admit the fragrance38 of flowers, and the song of birds, and the glad sunshine, and all the joy of life, that house was shut and still. When the office clerk, missing him, came to seek him, the door was fast. Neighbors were called in. A window was forced open. Lying upon the bed, where he had fallen the night before, lay poor Charlie P. A few drops of blood stained the white coverlet. It oozed39 from a bullet wound in the back of his head. The hand in death still grasped the pistol that fired the fatal shot.
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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intemperance
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| n.放纵 | |
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gathering
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| n.集会，聚会，聚集 | |
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twilight
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| n.暮光，黄昏；暮年，晚期，衰落时期 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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aisle
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| n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道 | |
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cane
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| n.手杖，细长的茎，藤条；v.以杖击，以藤编制的 | |
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lame
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| adj.跛的，(辩解、论据等)无说服力的 | |
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genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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magnetism
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| n.磁性，吸引力，磁学 | |
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attentive
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| adj.注意的，专心的；关心(别人)的，殷勤的 | |
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privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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pastor
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| n.牧师，牧人 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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temperate
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| adj.温和的，温带的，自我克制的，不过分的 | |
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bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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mangled
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| vt.乱砍（mangle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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stimulants
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| n.兴奋剂( stimulant的名词复数 )；含兴奋剂的饮料；刺激物；激励物 | |
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prostrated
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| v.使俯伏，使拜倒( prostrate的过去式和过去分词 )；（指疾病、天气等）使某人无能为力 | |
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24
crutches
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| n.拐杖, 支柱 v.支撑 | |
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invalid
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| n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的 | |
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kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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quench
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| vt.熄灭，扑灭；压制 | |
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ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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labors
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| v.努力争取(for)( labor的第三人称单数 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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malaria
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| n.疟疾 | |
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confidential
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| adj.秘（机）密的，表示信任的，担任机密工作的 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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bondage
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| n.奴役，束缚 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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scrap
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| n.碎片；废料；v.废弃，报废 | |
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shutters
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| 百叶窗( shutter的名词复数 )； （照相机的）快门 | |
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38
fragrance
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| n.芬芳，香味，香气 | |
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39
oozed
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| v.（浓液等）慢慢地冒出，渗出( ooze的过去式和过去分词 )；使（液体）缓缓流出；（浓液）渗出，慢慢流出 | |
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