MY determination not to swerve1 from the truth in this history, may cause me to relate things of the major his military friends, who are exceedingly sensitive, will set down as malicious2 attempts to damage the profession of arms. Let it be understood, then, that what charges I shall bring against the major will, on inquiry3, be found to have their origin in an uncontrollable passion for trade only. Whether it will be found that he has committed acts for which he can be arraigned4 before a court-martial, such being the fashionable process of making heroes of military delinquents6, must be left entirely7 to the reader's judgment8.
Having got well upon the road, the major turned to me with an air of evident self-satisfaction, and addressed me as follows: "If Mrs. Major Potter was out of the way, I would make twain of the widow, merely for the love her children bear me." Here he jerked the reins9 and bade old Battle, who was giving strong proof of the quality of his wind, quicken his pace. "However, as it is wicked to contemplate10 matrimony with a wife on hand, I must console myself with having cleared in the trade with her and the fishmonger, at least two dollars and forty cents. The chickens are not what she takes them for. There can be no doubt of their coming to Shanghais, but as to their eating off barrel heads, they can do that now, only set the barrel heads upon the ground. All the ill feathered devils in my coop are not worth a single black foot." The major, like many others who affect gallantry, rather prided himself on the chivalry12 there was in deceiving widows and getting the better of fishmongers. We were thus pursuing our journey, when the major suddenly reminded me that he had been interrupted in the recital13 of the story of his first adventure in New York, and begged I would tell him the exact point where he left off. This I did, as far as my memory served, out of sheer charity. He then begged me not to get impatient, for he would soon get to where he was the hero of several extraordinary exploits, which he had performed while taking care of the nation. "That's the point," said the Major, taking the cue. "The story was interrupted at the point where we held it fortunate detectives were not employed to go in pursuit of Fopp, as they both were of one kith and kin5, only that they had different processes for draining purses.
"My fashionable friends, on hearing of my distress14, had no more attentions to bestow15 upon me. And as I had no more dinners to give, the newspapers also let me drop very quietly. I should not forget to mention, however, that one huge fellow, who commanded the columns of a very small paper, and made the importance of his position a means of getting loans of his friends, said time would establish the fact that I was an adventurer. I entertained a hope that the good old Evening Post would have answered this, but it never did. It was something that I could console my heart with the fact, that the little paper could do me no harm, since its circulation never got beyond two hundred prosey old women, who admired the way the cunning fellow wore his hair and discoursed16 upon good society, though he held it a virtue17 never to pay a debt.
"A friend or two, as poor as myself, and who had clung to me as long as a dollar remained, advised the getting up of an affair of honor with this editor; but, as I had always chosen to be a philosopher, and believing valor18 an article better preserved with peace than war, I objected. It was then suggested by one of my friends, who was, or had been a politician, (an enemy of his said he had twice been driven out of Wall Street for violating its rules of morality,) that the affair could be more easily settled over a champagne19 supper at Delmonico's. The best eater and drinker could then demand his opponent to consider himself vanquished20 and pay the bill, the same being accepted as a sufficient apology. Upon inquiry, it was found that the editor was famous in this sort of warfare21, hence it would not do to engage him at odds22 so unequal. Telling my friends then, that I would take two weeks to consider it, they thought the matter might be indefinitely postponed23. Another friend hinted, slyly, that editors, as a general thing, held character of so little worth that nothing so much delighted them as to demolish24 it over a strongly compounded punch.
"Well, with the loss of my money, I had the satisfaction, or rather mortification25, soon to know that I had gained the suspicions of mine host of the Astor, who had the temerity26 to stick his bill in the door one morning. My balance on hand not being equal to the amount, I shoved the curious bit of paper into my pocket, and proceeded down stairs, slightly inclined to saunter and contemplate the matter over in the park. But the polite host, with an eye made keen by his doubts, intercepted27 me at the bottom of the stairs, beckoned28 me behind the big bright counter, and said I must pardon the request, but he would like the trifle between us squared. Notwithstanding his great respect for politicians in general, they so often forgot these little matters as to make it a serious affair with him. The kindness of his manner set my conscience in a tumult29; and this, added to the fact that he had entertained me in a princely style, sent me into a state of great grief. One likes to perform kind offices to a courteous30 recipient31. Indeed, nothing would have so much pleased me as to discharge every obligation to so excellent a landlord. I might at some future day need the comforts of his house, especially as several of my friends had intimated, while fortune smiled, that the voice of the people might one day call me to rule the nation.
"Dispensing32 all ceremony, I invited mine host to a conference in one corner, and then and there pleaded the lean condition of my purse, to which he listened with great patience, and when I had done begged me to consider him a friend. Once indeed he seemed on the point of shedding tears of sorrow for my troubles; but his eyes resumed their usual dryness. On the following day, his sympathy having no doubt run out, he informed me, with great politeness of manner, that the demand for his lodgings33 was more than equal to the supply. 'Perhaps,' he added, 'you can make it convenient to continue your journey.'
"I was in the condition of an army unable to move for want of supplies. It was no difficult matter to make a dozen or so of political speeches, or to make a meeting split its sides with laughter, or to tear the sophistries34 of an opponent into tatters, but to be cheated out of one's money in a great city, and leave the Astor to enter the Irving, or the more fashionable 'New York,' with an empty pocket, though common among New Yorkers, was a feat11 I had not learned to achieve."
The mischief35 of the matter was, that no sooner had I got rid of General Fopp, than a man, whom I shall for convenience sake call the great Captain Splinters, made my acquaintance. This man, of whom many queer things were said over tea-tables, by people calling themselves the aristocracy, plumed36 himself on being the greatest politician Manhattan Island ever was blessed with. People of steady habits differed in their views on this subject, some asserting that the honor of the island would sustain no loss if he were made Governor of New Jersey37, or President of the Camden and Amboy Railroad, in which latter capacity he would have ample means of gratifying his ambition for mutilating legal voters. I had heard of this man through the newspapers; he seemed, however, a much smaller man than they had represented him to be. In fine, he told me the newspapers had always taken great pride in misrepresenting him; but he said so many good things of himself, and recounted the many scrapes he had been in with such evident self-satisfaction, that I began to mistrust there was something in him. It was at least certain that he had hung himself to the government, in the very harmless belief that it could not get along without him. Of his pranks38, as related by himself, I had no very high opinion, inasmuch as they made public virtue cut a very sorry figure. He, however, requested me to bear in mind the fact, that he never squared his opinions with those who set so high a value upon public virtue that they were for ever nursing it and weeping over it at their firesides.
"He thought the nation extremely fortunate in possessing an individual capable of rendering39 it services so varied40 as he was capable of. He made power his game, and to the end of extending universal liberty to vagabonds, he had at his command the services of no less than four hundred and forty as arrant41 knaves42 as ever did bloodletting at elections, or managed the rascality43 necessary to the success of their candidate. They had given up the business of stealing; and being much in need of money and clean raiment, had taken to the more profitable occupation of president-making, hoping ere long to be rewarded by a grateful government with important and lucrative44 appointments.
"This Captain Splinters, of whom so much was said, expressed great sympathy for my misfortunes, and seemed to entertain a hearty45 horror for such fellows as Fopp. He said that now, being on the road to fame, it was only necessary to fasten to him, when, having great power in his hands, he would ensure me the nomination46 for next President. I got to liking47 him, he was so companionable. We visited together many low drinking places up dark alleys48, wherein political mischief was very generally manufactured by youths who dressed in flashy colored garments, were lean of figure, and very noisy. Their features were sharp, but undefined, and about them there was air of recklessness made more striking by their long, oily locks, (which were turned under in the neck,) and the strong profanity of their conversation, which invariably turned either upon some pugilistic rencounter, or a question of municipal or national policy. Being a popular politician, it was necessary, Splinters said, that the good opinion of these men be secured; and this could be best done by ordering the landlord to give them strong drinks without stint49. He added, that unless I did this, my political shop would be closed for ever. I at first pleaded the scanty50 condition of my purse, but it availed me nothing. The dread51 alternative stared me in the face, and seeing that they were very outspoken52 men, I stood their demands at the bar until an empty purse put an end to my generosity53.
"He, Captain Splinters, then led me by the button to Stanwix Hall, which he said was the head quarters of his four hundred and forty president-makers. Here the glare of an hundred gas lights threw curious shadows over a throng54 of staggering and grotesque55 figures in toppling hats, broad, brown skirted coats, with brass56 buttons, and bright striped trowsers. 'These men,' said the Captain, introducing them to me, with an extension of his left hand, 'are made of better metal than they seem; you must not judge them by what you see on the surface. Keep but their wants well supplied, and my honor for it, they will take such care of the nation as no man shall gainsay-'
"'Aye! aye!' interrupted a dozen husky voices, as the whole number circled around the great bar, spread with a barricade57 of decanters, 'we are good men, and strong. Let the nation but call us, and we will do it such service as it may need. We are all honest men, who wait but the word from our captain, ere we break the liberty that binds58 the delusions59 of men calling themselves our betters.' The captain now leaned over the bar and whispered something in the ear of the landlord, a burly man, who stood with his coat off and shirt sleeves rolled up. Drinks were now quickly compounded for each man, who seized his glass as the Captain, who was glib61 of tongue, commenced a speech in compliment of me. It surprised me not a little, that he made me the hero of more political conquests than were written down in our history since the declaration of independence; but as he vouched62 for the truth of every one of them, with an oath to every sentence, his men received them with great cheering. Indeed, they emptied their glasses, offering to lay their services at my feet. It was curious to see how much these men, so apparently63 shattered by strong drink, knew about the ins and outs of the constitution. Albeit64, for men whose education was as doubtful as their means of living, (even reading and writing was not in very high favor with them,) they knew a deal about Congress. More than one had his pockets full of letters written him by distinguished65 members. And it seemed a custom with them, when emptying a glass, to drink the health of some senator, who sent them Congressional documents weekly and promised to say a good word in their behalf to the President.
"Having enjoyed four rounds, the men began to examine the bottom of their glasses, and to cast longing66 glances first at the landlord and then at the captain. Such was the influence of the latter over them, that at a word they set their glasses peaceably upon the counter and subserviently67 retired68 to remote parts of the hall, where they commenced to smoke strong flavored cigars. A word from Splinters, it was said, and these men would set upon and demolish any object of his dislike. And to such an extent had their mischievous69 excesses been carried, that it had cost the city no end of tears and gold, for which they had no other penance70 to offer, than an incurable71 ambition to run mad in worshiping their captain.
"A touch on the elbow, and Splinters whispered that the landlord's opinion of me would be raised by settling the score. And to do this I reached my last dollar. Having thus graciously initiated72 me into high favor with his men, the Captain kindly73 offered to see me safe home. Taking him for so good a friend, I discovered to him the state of my finances, which he said was a matter of no moment, since he would give me his note for five hundred dollars on thirty days, which Duncan, Sherman & Co., or any banker in Wall Street, would be glad to discount, merely for the pleasure of making my acquaintance. A flood of joy poured into my ears and heart at this expression of friendship. So we walked into the office of the Astor, when Splinters, affecting an air of great confidence, dashed off the note, and, bidding me look misfortune right in the face, took his leave. But he said he would call the next morning. He forgot to keep his promise, and when I presented his 'I promise to pay,' at the counter of Messrs. Duncan, Sherman & Co., flattering myself that they knew all about it, the whole counting-room of clerks went into a titter. One set me down for a madman; another directed me to the care of the commissioners74 of the insane asylum75; and a third thought I would do to go into business in Wall Street. Captain Splinters would, no doubt, seeing that only his name was wanted, furnish capital to any amount, provided always that he shared the result of the circulation, they said. It was clear to me that the house of Duncan, Sherman & Co. was not fast in the discount line. I then looked in at Drew & Robinson's. Thinking I had come to buy steamboats, a little, shriveled up old man led the way into a dark back office, saying he could give me but five minutes to make known my business. Anxious to facilitate matters, I produced the note, saying that he of course knew the signer by reputation, and would like to discount it out of compliment to him. A sight at the name, and it seemed as if he was about looking the glasses out of his spectacles. Then he went straight into a passion, ordering me to leave the premises76 or he would call a policeman. Not to swerve from the truth, I may say here, that I thought it very fortunate in getting into the Street without being kicked there. All Wall Street, it seemed to me, was in a state of anxiety. Every man looked as if he were besieged77 by his neighbor, or had had a breach78 made in him by some sudden revolution, and was in search of a physician to save his bleeding bowels79. Here and there I met a man looking as if he had just rushed into the street to proclaim the baseness and treachery of a newly discovered foe80, who, with a thousand anxious thoughts, had carried away the last remnant of his fortune.
"I found I had been laboring81 under a political delusion60. Indeed, I felt like one in a desert without means of alleviating82 his misery83, and turned to make my way out of Wall Street and declare myself its eternal enemy, so ungrateful was the reception it had given me. And as I was proceeding84 through the mass of rapidly moving figures that surged along the sidewalk, my eye caught the sign of Van Vlete, Read, & Drexel. The name struck me as being consonant85 with generosity, so I looked in, and was accosted86 by a tall, lean man, with a dusky complexion87, and a face radiant of intelligence. He stood behind a massive, semicircular counter, piled with bank notes and gold; and having readily engaged me in conversation, which he had the facility of doing without being interrupted in his business, I found him a man who could talk faster and much more sensibly than any revival88 preacher outside of Rhode Island. And to this he added the rare quality of being courteous, which was remarkable89 in a Wall Street dealer90 in money. Having discovered my business, he smiled and shook his head, evidently at what he was pleased to consider my freshness.
"The captain's paper, he said, might be set down as floating security, the value of which was so prospective92, depending as it did upon his future good behavior as well as the fortunes of his party, that he did not feel inclined to purchase any very large amount of it. However, as he liked to be considered as a man of good parts, and as I had a prospect91 of getting a foreign mission, he would advance ten dollars on the five hundred, taking the risk of such change as years might produce in the fortunes of the great captain, which even the moon seemed to favor. Having declined this generous offer, we parted excellent friends."
A cloud of dust rose up in the road about half a mile ahead, which, together with the barking of a dog, and the "hellowing" of a loud voice, announced the approach of a drover, and interrupted the major's story.
1 swerve | |
v.突然转向,背离;n.转向,弯曲,背离 | |
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2 malicious | |
adj.有恶意的,心怀恶意的 | |
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3 inquiry | |
n.打听,询问,调查,查问 | |
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4 arraigned | |
v.告发( arraign的过去式和过去分词 );控告;传讯;指责 | |
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5 kin | |
n.家族,亲属,血缘关系;adj.亲属关系的,同类的 | |
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6 delinquents | |
n.(尤指青少年)有过失的人,违法的人( delinquent的名词复数 ) | |
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7 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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8 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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9 reins | |
感情,激情; 缰( rein的名词复数 ); 控制手段; 掌管; (成人带着幼儿走路以防其走失时用的)保护带 | |
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10 contemplate | |
vt.盘算,计议;周密考虑;注视,凝视 | |
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11 feat | |
n.功绩;武艺,技艺;adj.灵巧的,漂亮的,合适的 | |
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12 chivalry | |
n.骑士气概,侠义;(男人)对女人彬彬有礼,献殷勤 | |
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13 recital | |
n.朗诵,独奏会,独唱会 | |
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14 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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15 bestow | |
v.把…赠与,把…授予;花费 | |
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16 discoursed | |
演说(discourse的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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17 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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18 valor | |
n.勇气,英勇 | |
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19 champagne | |
n.香槟酒;微黄色 | |
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20 vanquished | |
v.征服( vanquish的过去式和过去分词 );战胜;克服;抑制 | |
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21 warfare | |
n.战争(状态);斗争;冲突 | |
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22 odds | |
n.让步,机率,可能性,比率;胜败优劣之别 | |
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23 postponed | |
vt.& vi.延期,缓办,(使)延迟vt.把…放在次要地位;[语]把…放在后面(或句尾)vi.(疟疾等)延缓发作(或复发) | |
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24 demolish | |
v.拆毁(建筑物等),推翻(计划、制度等) | |
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25 mortification | |
n.耻辱,屈辱 | |
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26 temerity | |
n.鲁莽,冒失 | |
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27 intercepted | |
拦截( intercept的过去式和过去分词 ); 截住; 截击; 拦阻 | |
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28 beckoned | |
v.(用头或手的动作)示意,召唤( beckon的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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29 tumult | |
n.喧哗;激动,混乱;吵闹 | |
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30 courteous | |
adj.彬彬有礼的,客气的 | |
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31 recipient | |
a.接受的,感受性强的 n.接受者,感受者,容器 | |
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32 dispensing | |
v.分配( dispense的现在分词 );施与;配(药) | |
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33 lodgings | |
n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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34 sophistries | |
n.诡辩术( sophistry的名词复数 );(一次)诡辩 | |
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35 mischief | |
n.损害,伤害,危害;恶作剧,捣蛋,胡闹 | |
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36 plumed | |
饰有羽毛的 | |
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37 jersey | |
n.运动衫 | |
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38 pranks | |
n.玩笑,恶作剧( prank的名词复数 ) | |
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39 rendering | |
n.表现,描写 | |
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40 varied | |
adj.多样的,多变化的 | |
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41 arrant | |
adj.极端的;最大的 | |
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42 knaves | |
n.恶棍,无赖( knave的名词复数 );(纸牌中的)杰克 | |
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43 rascality | |
流氓性,流氓集团 | |
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44 lucrative | |
adj.赚钱的,可获利的 | |
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45 hearty | |
adj.热情友好的;衷心的;尽情的,纵情的 | |
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46 nomination | |
n.提名,任命,提名权 | |
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47 liking | |
n.爱好;嗜好;喜欢 | |
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48 alleys | |
胡同,小巷( alley的名词复数 ); 小径 | |
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49 stint | |
v.节省,限制,停止;n.舍不得化,节约,限制;连续不断的一段时间从事某件事 | |
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50 scanty | |
adj.缺乏的,仅有的,节省的,狭小的,不够的 | |
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51 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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52 outspoken | |
adj.直言无讳的,坦率的,坦白无隐的 | |
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53 generosity | |
n.大度,慷慨,慷慨的行为 | |
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54 throng | |
n.人群,群众;v.拥挤,群集 | |
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55 grotesque | |
adj.怪诞的,丑陋的;n.怪诞的图案,怪人(物) | |
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56 brass | |
n.黄铜;黄铜器,铜管乐器 | |
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57 barricade | |
n.路障,栅栏,障碍;vt.设路障挡住 | |
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58 binds | |
v.约束( bind的第三人称单数 );装订;捆绑;(用长布条)缠绕 | |
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59 delusions | |
n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 );谬见;错觉;妄想 | |
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60 delusion | |
n.谬见,欺骗,幻觉,迷惑 | |
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61 glib | |
adj.圆滑的,油嘴滑舌的 | |
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62 vouched | |
v.保证( vouch的过去式和过去分词 );担保;确定;确定地说 | |
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63 apparently | |
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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64 albeit | |
conj.即使;纵使;虽然 | |
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65 distinguished | |
adj.卓越的,杰出的,著名的 | |
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66 longing | |
n.(for)渴望 | |
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67 subserviently | |
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68 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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69 mischievous | |
adj.调皮的,恶作剧的,有害的,伤人的 | |
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70 penance | |
n.(赎罪的)惩罪 | |
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71 incurable | |
adj.不能医治的,不能矫正的,无救的;n.不治的病人,无救的人 | |
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72 initiated | |
n. 创始人 adj. 新加入的 vt. 开始,创始,启蒙,介绍加入 | |
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73 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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74 commissioners | |
n.专员( commissioner的名词复数 );长官;委员;政府部门的长官 | |
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75 asylum | |
n.避难所,庇护所,避难 | |
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76 premises | |
n.建筑物,房屋 | |
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77 besieged | |
包围,围困,围攻( besiege的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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78 breach | |
n.违反,不履行;破裂;vt.冲破,攻破 | |
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79 bowels | |
n.肠,内脏,内部;肠( bowel的名词复数 );内部,最深处 | |
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80 foe | |
n.敌人,仇敌 | |
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81 laboring | |
n.劳动,操劳v.努力争取(for)( labor的现在分词 );苦干;详细分析;(指引擎)缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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82 alleviating | |
减轻,缓解,缓和( alleviate的现在分词 ) | |
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83 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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84 proceeding | |
n.行动,进行,(pl.)会议录,学报 | |
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85 consonant | |
n.辅音;adj.[音]符合的 | |
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86 accosted | |
v.走过去跟…讲话( accost的过去式和过去分词 );跟…搭讪;(乞丐等)上前向…乞讨;(妓女等)勾搭 | |
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87 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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88 revival | |
n.复兴,复苏,(精力、活力等的)重振 | |
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89 remarkable | |
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
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90 dealer | |
n.商人,贩子 | |
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91 prospect | |
n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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92 prospective | |
adj.预期的,未来的,前瞻性的 | |
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