GENERAL POTTER was not kept long waiting for means to prove himself a great warrior1, for the cargo2 of vagabonds, described so exultingly3 by Glenmoregain as of the choicest kind, arrived early one morning, and conducted themselves so riotously4 that the simple-minded people of quiet Jollifee were thrown into a state of great excitement, and imagining them demons5 escaped from the infernal regions, took to their heels and ran terrified out of town. And this was regarded as a great blessing6, for the vagabond army, numbering not less than five hundred, took possession of their houses and made clean work of their poultry7 yards, which fortunately for the Commander-in-chief were well stocked. But what pleased General Potter most was that Glenmoregain advised him of his intention to ship a dozen more just such cargoes8, for there was no lack of such vagabonds in New York, and heaven knew it would be a blessing to get rid of.
And when they had sent terror and dismay to the hearts of the poor natives, and plundered9 their homes, and revelled10 to their heart's content, General Potter, feeling in every inch of him how great it was to be Commander-in-chief, directed that his generals appear before him, that he might consult with them concerning various projects of war he had in his head. In obedience11 then to this sum- mons there appeared before him at least twenty generals and as many major-generals; not one of whom had ever scented12 the perfume of battle, for ill truth they were dilapidated politicians, and editors, whose lack of brains and love of the bottle had brought them to the very verge13 of distress14. And when they had partaken of the General's good cheer, he addressed them as follows: "Gentlemen! conscious that you are all brave soldiers, I would have you listen with becoming gravity to what I have to say; for I am no fool, and intend to have satisfaction of this King for the insult he offered to our country in compelling me to sit upon the ice. Know then that I have resolved to make the penalty the loss of his kingdom; and as I see you are all patriots15, pray bear in mind how great is the undertaking16. If we fail, why, then there will be enough to sneer17 at us; if we be victorious18, then the valor19 of our arms will be sung and glorified20 in many lands. Remember that success closes malicious21 mouths. Be heroes then, see that your swords be sharp and your wits not blunted; for I hold that there is no judgment22 so just as that of a country conferring honors upon the brave; and he who earns the glory shall have it. As to myself, you shall see more of me when the enemy affords me a chance. But forget not that my motto is: "Compositum jus fasque animi," which, seeing that you are all scholars, I make no doubt, is familiar enough to you. To-morrow we will march against the enemy, so let no man say he is sick."
The generals were not a little diverted by this speech, which I venture to assert was never excelled for originality23, though many stranger addresses have been made by Commanders-in-Chief to their officers. Indeed they were not long in discovering all the weaknesses of the man, and questioned among themselves whether it were better to yield him explicit24 obedience or set him down for a fool and treat him accordingly. They however took their departure, promising25 that nothing should be left undone26; in fine that his orders would be obeyed to the letter.
And when they were gone, General Potter shrugged27 his shoulders, and looking askant at his secretary, who had remained silent during the interview, said: "Honestly, Mr. Tickler, I would like to have your opinion respecting these gentlemen generals of mine, for they seem a set of scurvy28 fellows, and have much need of raiment." Whispering, with his lips to Tickler's ear, he continued, "and there is a flavor about them by no means agreeable. And unless I be a bad prophet, either the devil has been painting all their noses, or they have long been familiar with the bottle."
"Faith of the saints, if your excellency would know what I think of them, it is this-that, barring you have the capacity of Wellington and Napoleon combined, you will have your hands full in keeping these generals from making war upon one another; though you may find it difficult to keep the army to their fighting when the enemy appears."
"I have them in my power, Tickler," replied the general, giving his head a significant toss; "and if they keep not peace between themselves then I will order them all hanged. And as the rules of the service must not be broken, I will take good care that they show me that deference29 due to my high position. What is more, friend Tickler, you shall be judge in all these matters, which is an honor of no mean quality; and which is here conferred upon you out of respect to your great learning." Mr. Tickler shook his head, and stroked his beard, despondingly. "It is well enough to be judge, your excellency; but as I have a fear the honors you seem so free to lavish30 upon me would not keep house well with my poverty, I would prefer first to have that relieved. Do not forget that our man has fed us on stolen provisions for these three weeks," replied Mr. Tickler. An end was put to this dialogue by the general reminding Mr. Tickler that men of great learning ought always to be patriots, since history furnished proofs enough of their great endurance under poverty.
On the following day, the general mounted his faithful horse, and with Mr. Tickler on his mule31, proceeded to review his army of vagabonds. And though he complimented them on the great perfection of their drill, and bid them esteem32 themselves the heroes of no end of victories, they were in truth as awkward a set of fellows as ever shouldered musket33, in short, not one of them knew how to take the first move in forming a section, though they could rob hen roosts and banana fields with a facility truly remarkable34. And now, as the noon-day sun was oppressive enough to dissolve all their brains, the general ordered his second in command, one Absolam Broadbottom, to say to the army that he would march at nightfall. And when nightfall came, the army commenced its march, and was followed by the general, who cut such a shabby figure, when surrounded by his staff, that the whole army was ready to dissolve with laughter. In short the Commander-in-Chief afforded them an amount of amusement that quite compensated35 for the loss of hen-roosts. As a truthful36 historian I must not forget to mention that the general, like a good and discreet37 warrior, kept at a respectful distance in the rear, ordering at the same time that the country in advance be well scoured38, lest some lurking39 portion of the enemy's army come upon them by surprise, doing serious damage before he could get his army in trim for making them dance again.
When they had travelled many miles, displaying great courage under all sorts of trials, the general suddenly discovered that he had lost his secretary, which sad misfortune he began to bewail in right good earnest. "I would have you know, Broadbottom," said he, addressing his second in command, "that the success of our undertaking will be hazarded without him, for he is a man of great learning."
"Umph!" returned Broadbottom, "if victories are to be gained only by your men of great learning, our country will have little to boast of in that line. It is now midnight, and I would suggest a halt for the night."
The general replied that the suggestion was an excellent one, and bid him act upon it. "You must know sir," said he, "that it is so many years since I have had aught to do with an army, that my memory needs much refreshing40 on these small matters." He also ordered Broadbottom to detach a file of men and send them in search of his secretary, which order was forthwith executed, to the great delight of those composing it, who instead of troubling themselves about the secretary, were resolved on spending the night at a ranch41 where dancing was to be had.
And now when all was quiet; when the general, having seen his horse comfortably provided for; when not even a vulture was heard croaking42 his hopes of a banquet on some dead hero; and when the great and all powerful Potter was sleeping quietly in his camp, the whole army was thrown into a state of great confusion by various voices calling out that they had come upon the enemy, who was forming for battle. The alarm soon found the whole camp out in its shirt, ready to give as good as sent, though report had it that the force of the enemy was prodigious43. Another moment and Broadbottom, panting for breath, came rushing into the commander's camp, crying at the very top of his voice: "General! general! for heavens sake get up and take command of the army, for the enemy is advancing rapidly upon us, and there will be one of the bloodiest44 battles!" A clash of arms was now heard outside, which confirmed what he said, and also sent a thrill of terror to the heart of the great Potter, whose stock of courage was as suddenly snuffed out. Loud reports of musketry followed the clash of arms, and then night was made terrible with divers45 other piercing cries common to battles of the most sanguinary character.
Feeling in his heart that it would not do for so great a general to let his army know that even an ounce of his courage had left him, he gave a turn in the sheets and was out of bed in a jiffy. He then got into his breeches, but not without some delay, occasioned, I am sorry to say, by divers snakes having invaded the camp and coiled themselves peaceably away in the nether46 parts. And this, added to the time lost in finding his sword, with which he swore he would trip the toes of all who came in his way, had well-nigh incurred47 the most fatal consequences. "Minutes are hours, general," spoke48 Broadbottom, addressing the commander; "and the slightest delay may play the very devil with the glory of our arms, and put an end to the noble enterprise we are engaged in." Hearing this from his second in command, the general quickened his motions and, buckling49 on his sword, ran out in his night-cap, but without either coat or boots. Indeed, I here assert that history, so far as I have read, affords no instance of one so famous in war as the great Potter proceeding50 to take command of his army in so strange a uniform. "Now, to my horse!" he exclaimed, "for I take it no man can command an army unless he be mounted." Broadbottom, who was a stalwarth Mississippian, and withal as great a wag as could be found in that state of wags, affected51 great concern lest the battle be lost for want of speedy action on the part of the commander-in-chief. And as misfortunes will come upon us during the most trying moments, so was it found on reaching old Battle that he had been suddenly seized with a cholic, and indeed was giving out so many proofs of his illness that his master was unable to withhold52 his tears. In short, so strong was the affection General Potter bore his horse that, being a man of great compassion53, he was in no condition to fight a terrible battle. Still the noise of battle without warned him how much his presence was needed on the field. "Heavens! general," said he, wiping the tears from his eyes, "get you to the field without a moment's delay, sink all scientific rules, attack the enemy in front and rear, and when you have shown him that you care neither for him or the devil, turn his flank, which will throw him into confusion and give us a victory. Take the fighting of this great battle to yourself, for I see you are a man of wonderful capacity. And if you give the enemy a right good drubbing, depend upon it I will make the glory all your own, for it shall be recorded in more than one newspaper. It will not do to leave my poor horse in this condition." Broadbottom left the general shedding tears for his horse, and proceeded to carry out the orders of his superior, the extraordinary result of which will be found in the next chapter.
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warrior
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| n.勇士，武士，斗士 | |
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cargo
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| n.(一只船或一架飞机运载的)货物 | |
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exultingly
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| 兴高采烈地，得意地 | |
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riotously
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| adv.骚动地，暴乱地 | |
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demons
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| n.恶人( demon的名词复数 )；恶魔；精力过人的人；邪念 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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poultry
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| n.家禽，禽肉 | |
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cargoes
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| n.（船或飞机装载的）货物( cargo的名词复数 )；大量，重负 | |
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plundered
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| 掠夺，抢劫( plunder的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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revelled
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| v.作乐( revel的过去式和过去分词 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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scented
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| adj.有香味的；洒香水的；有气味的v.嗅到(scent的过去分词) | |
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verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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patriots
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| 爱国者，爱国主义者( patriot的名词复数 ) | |
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undertaking
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| n.保证，许诺，事业 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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victorious
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| adj.胜利的，得胜的 | |
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valor
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| n.勇气，英勇 | |
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glorified
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| 美其名的，变荣耀的 | |
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malicious
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| adj.有恶意的，心怀恶意的 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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originality
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| n.创造力，独创性；新颖 | |
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explicit
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| adj.详述的，明确的；坦率的；显然的 | |
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promising
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| adj.有希望的，有前途的 | |
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undone
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| a.未做完的，未完成的 | |
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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scurvy
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| adj.下流的，卑鄙的，无礼的；n.坏血病 | |
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deference
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| n.尊重，顺从；敬意 | |
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lavish
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| adj.无节制的；浪费的；vt.慷慨地给予，挥霍 | |
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mule
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| n.骡子，杂种，执拗的人 | |
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esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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musket
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| n.滑膛枪 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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compensated
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| 补偿，报酬( compensate的过去式和过去分词 )； 给（某人）赔偿（或赔款） | |
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truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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scoured
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| 走遍（某地）搜寻（人或物）( scour的过去式和过去分词 )； （用力）刷； 擦净； 擦亮 | |
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lurking
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| 潜在 | |
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refreshing
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| adj.使精神振作的，使人清爽的，使人喜欢的 | |
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ranch
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| n.大牧场，大农场 | |
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croaking
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| v.呱呱地叫( croak的现在分词 )；用粗的声音说 | |
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prodigious
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| adj.惊人的，奇妙的；异常的；巨大的；庞大的 | |
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bloodiest
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| adj.血污的( bloody的最高级 )；流血的；屠杀的；残忍的 | |
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divers
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| adj.不同的；种种的 | |
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nether
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| adj.下部的，下面的；n.阴间；下层社会 | |
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incurred
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| [医]招致的，遭受的； incur的过去式 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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buckling
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| 扣住 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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withhold
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| v.拒绝，不给；使停止，阻挡 | |
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compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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