HEUDEBERT.
I go on with my letter which sleep forced me to leave off last night, and, as it is only nine o'clock and as I do not see the Marchioness before noon, I have all the intervening time to complete the details which will be necessary to post you as to my situation.
But it seems to me that I have described the Marquis to you sufficiently1, and that you can now very well represent him to yourself. To answer all your questions, I am going to tell you how my days are passed.
The first fortnight was a little hard, I confess, now that I have obtained a very necessary modification2 of my duties. You know how much need I have of exercise, and how active I have been for the last six years; but here, alas3! I have no house to keep in order and to run over from top to bottom a hundred times a day, no child to walk with and to make play, not even a dog with which I can run, under the pretext4 of amusing it. The Marchioness has a horror of animals; she goes out but once or twice a week to ride up and down the avenue of the Champs-Élysées. She calls that taking exercise. Infirm and unable to go up stairs, except with the aid of a servant's arm,—a thing dreadful enough to her, for she was once let fall in doing it,—she pays no visits, though she passes her life in receiving them. All the activity, all the vigor6 of her existence, is in her head, and much in her speech; she talks remarkably7 well and she knows it; but she is not on that account guilty of any weak vanity, and thinks less of making herself heard than of venting8 the ideas and sentiments which agitate9 her.
She has, you see, an energetic nature and a singular earnestness in her opinions of all things, even of those which seem to me of very little account. She could never be quite happy; she has been seeking to be so too long; and living with her incessantly10 is tiresome11, in spite of the attraction which she exercises. Her hands are perfectly12 idle; nevertheless her sight is sharp and her fingers are still nimble, for she plays tolerably upon the piano; but she eschews13 everything that interferes14 with talking and no longer asks me to read or to play. She says that she holds my talents in reserve for the country, where she finds herself more alone and whither we are to go in two months. I look forward to this change with real pleasure, as here the life of the body is too much suppressed. And then the good Marchioness has the habit of living in a temperature of Senegal, besides covering herself with perfumes, and her apartment is filled with the most odorous of flowers; they are very beautiful to see, but in the absence of air, it is not so easy a thing to breathe.
Moreover I have to be idle, like her. I tried at first to embroider15 while with her; that, I saw very soon, disturbed her nerves. She asked me if I was working by the day, if there was any hurry for what I was doing, if it was very useful, and she interrupted a dozen times with no other motive16 than to see me stop the work which annoyed her. At last I had to abandon it altogether or it would have thrown her into a fit of illness. She was well pleased at this, and in order to insure herself against a renewal17 of the attempt on my part, she gave me a very frank exposition of her way of thinking in such matters. She holds that women who busy their hands and eyes with needlework put a great deal more of their minds into it than they are themselves willing to acknowledge. It is, according to her, a way of stultifying18 one's self in order to escape the tedium19 of existence. She does not understand it except in the hands of unhappy persons and of prisoners. And then she sweetened the draught20 for me by adding that this sort of work gave me the appearance of a lady's maid and that she wished me to be in the eyes of all her visitors her companion and her friend. So she puts me forward in conversation, referring to me frequently in order to force me to "show my intelligence,"—what I am especially careful not to do, for I feel that I have none at all when people are looking at me and listening to me.
I do my best, however, not to sit stolidly21 motionless, and I regret deeply that my old friend—since my friend she really is—does not consent to receive from me the most trifling23 service; she even rings for her maid to pick up her pocket-handkerchief, unless I hasten to seize it, and yet she reproaches me with devoting myself to her too much, not perceiving that I suffer for the want of something to which I can devote myself.
You may ask why, therefore, she has taken me into her service; I will tell you: she does not receive before four o'clock, and up to that time—that is, as soon as the Marquis leaves her—she hears the reading of the newspapers and attends to her correspondence; it is I, then, who read and write for her. Why she does not read and write herself, I am sure I do not know, for she is very able to do both. I think, however, I can see that she cannot endure solitude25, and that the dread5 with which it inspires her cannot be counteracted26 by any occupation whatever. Certainly there is in her something strange which does not appear, but which exists in the secret places of her heart or head. Hers is perhaps a nature a little perverted27 by the relations it has been forced to sustain toward others. It is too late to teach her to be busy, and perhaps she cannot even think when she is alone.
It is certain that when I enter her apartment at the stroke of noon I find her very different from what I left her the night before in the midst of her drawing-room. She seems to grow ten years older every night. I know that her maids make a long toilet for her, during which she does not speak a single word to them, for she has a great contempt for people whose language is vulgar. She becomes so annoyed by the presence of these poor women (perhaps she has been sleepless28, which also annoys her desperately), that she appears half dead and is frightfully pale when I first see her; but at the end of ten minutes this is no longer the case; she becomes thoroughly29 waked up, and by the time the Marquis arrives she has regained30 the ten years of the night.
Her correspondence, of which I ought to say nothing, although there is not the least secret about it, is by no means a necessity of her position or of her interests. It merely gratifies her need to talk with her absent friends. It is, she says, a manner of speaking, of exchanging ideas, which varies the only pleasure she knows, namely, that of being in continual communication with the minds of others.
So be it! but, for my part, that would not be my taste, if I were troubled with leisure. I would please myself only with those I loved, and certainly the Marchioness cannot love very much the forty or fifty persons to whom she writes, and the two or three hundred whom she receives every week.
My taste, however, does not come into the question, and I will not criticise31 her to whom I have given my liberty. That would be cowardly, for, after all, if I did not esteem32 or respect her, I should be free to betake myself elsewhere. Besides, supposing my respect and esteem are cumbered by the endurance of certain eccentricities33,—as I might everywhere meet with eccentricities, and probably worse things,—I do not see why I should look with a magnifying-glass upon those which I want to put up with cheerfully and philosophically34. Then, dear sister, if I have happened to blame or ridicule35 any one or anything here, take it as having escaped me inadvertently, and believe that with you I have not cared to restrain myself; for, be assured, nothing troubles me or gives me any real suffering.
The gist36 of all this is that in the soul of the Marchioness there is something strong, warm, and therefore sincere, which really attaches me to her and causes me to accept without the least repugnance37 the task of diverting her and keeping her cheerful. I know very well, whatever she may say, that I am something much worse than an attendant; I am a slave; but I am so by my own will, and therefore I feel in my conscience as free as the air. What is freer than the spirit of a captive, or of one proscribed38 for his faith?
I had not reflected upon all this when I left you, my sister; I believed that I would have to suffer a great deal. Well, I have reflected upon it now, and, save the want of exercise, which is altogether a physical matter, I have not suffered at all. That little suffering will be spared me hereafter; do not torment39 yourself about it. I was forced to acknowledge it to you. Henceforth I shall be permitted to go to sleep early enough, and I can walk in the garden of the hotel, which is not large, but in which I succeed in going a good way, while thinking of you and our wide fields. Then I imagine myself there, with you and the children around me,—a beautiful dream, which does me good.
But I perceive that I have told you nothing yet of the Duke; I now come to that subject.
It was no more than three days ago that I finally got sight of him. I will confess that I was not very impatient to see him. I could not help feeling a sort of horror of the man who has ruined his mother, and who, it is said, is adorned40 with every vice24. Well, my surprise was very great, and if my aversion to his character abides41, I am forced to say that his person is not, as I had pictured it, disagreeable to me.
In my dread I had endowed him with claws and horns. Nevertheless, you shall see how I approached this demon42 without recognizing him. I must tell you first that nothing could be more irregular than his relations with his mother. There are weeks, months even, in which he comes to see her almost every day; then he disappears, is not spoken of for months or weeks, and when he appears again there is no more explanation on one side or the other than if he had gone away the night before. I do not know yet how the Marchioness takes this. I have sometimes heard her mention her eldest43 son as calmly and respectfully as if she were speaking of the Marquis, and you may well suppose that I have never permitted myself to ask the least question upon a subject so delicate. She merely related once in my presence, but without any sort of comment, what I have just told you about the capricious irregularity of his visits.
I had indeed expected him sooner or later to make some sudden or mysterious appearance, but I was not thinking at all of him when, entering the drawing-room after dinner, as I usually do, to see that everything is arranged to suit the Marchioness, I did not notice a personage quietly installed there in a corner upon a small sofa. When the Marchioness has dined she returns to her apartment, where her maids ply22 her with a little white and rouge44, and she remains45 there a quarter of an hour, while I inspect the lamps and flower-stands of the drawing-room. I was therefore absorbed in that grave duty, and profiting by the chance to give myself a little exercise, I moved to and fro very quickly, singing one of our home songs, when I found myself confronted by a pair of large blue eyes of unusual clearness. I bowed, asking pardon. The owner of the eyes arose, apologizing in turn, and, left to do the honors, but not knowing what to say to a new face which seemed to be asking me who I was, I chose the part of saying nothing at all.
The man having attained46 his feet, turned his back to the mantel-piece, and followed me with his eyes with an air of kindness rather than astonishment47. He is tall, somewhat heavy-made, with a large face, and—what is most surprising—very attractive features. He could not have a sweeter, a more humane48, even a more candid49 expression; the tone of his voice is subdued50 and tender, and there are in his pronunciation, as in his manners, the unmistakable marks of high-breeding. I will say even that there is a certain suavity51 in the slightest movements of this rattlesnake, and that his smile is like a child's.
Do you begin to understand something of the truth? For my part I was so far from suspecting it that I went nearer to the mantel-piece, feeling myself drawn52 thither53, as it were, by the kindliness54 with which he regarded me, and I stood ready to reply in the most affable manner if he should feel inclined to speak to me. He appeared desirous to begin, and did so very frankly55.
"Is Mlle Esther ill?" he asked in his soft voice and with a very polite intonation56.
"Mlle Esther has not been here for two months," I answered. "I never knew her. It is I who have taken her place."
"O no!"
"Pardon me."
"Say that you have succeeded her! Spring does not take the place of winter; it causes it to be forgotten."
"Winter can nevertheless have good in it."
"O, you did not know Esther! She was sharp as the north-wind of December, and when she came near you you felt the approach of rheumatism57!"
Then he went into a description of the poor Esther which was very lively, though not at all malicious58, and it was altogether so droll59 that I could not restrain a burst of laughter.
"That's right!" he rejoined; "but do you laugh? Then we shall hear laughter here! I hope you laugh often?"
"Certainly, when there is a good occasion."
"There never was a good occasion for Esther. After all she was right: if she had laughed she would have shown her teeth. Ah! but do not hide yours. I have seen them, and yet I shall say nothing about them. I know nothing sillier than compliments. Would it be impertinent to ask your name? But no; do not tell me it. I guessed Esther's: I baptized her Rebecca. You see that I detected the race. I want to guess yours."
"Come, then, guess."
"Well, a very French name,—Louise, Blanche, Charlotte?"
"That's it; my name is Caroline."
"There! you see—and you come from one of the provinces?"
"From the country."
"But see! why have n't you red hands? Do you like it here in Paris?"
"No, not at all."
"No, no one has compelled me."
"But you find it tedious here? Confess now that you do."
"O no; I never find it tedious anywhere."
"You are no longer frank."
"I assure you I am."
"You are then very reasonable?"
"I pride myself on being so."
"And positive, perhaps?"
"No."
"Romantic, though?"
"Still less."
"What then?"
"Nothing."
"How nothing?"
"Nothing that merits the slightest attention. I can read, write, and reckon. I thrum a little on the piano. I am very obedient. I am conscientious61 in the discharge of my duties, and that is all it is important that I should be here."
"Well, now, you do not know yourself. Do you want me to tell you what you are? You are a person of intelligence and an excellent soul."
"You believe so?"
"I am sure of it. I see very quickly, and I judge tolerably well. And you? Do you form an idea of people at first sight?"
"O yes, more or less."
"Well, then, what do you think of me, for example?"
"Naturally I think of you what you think of me."
"No, it is from a sort of instinct."
"Indeed? I thank you for it. Now I will tell you what really gives me pleasure: not brightness of mind, by any means; almost everybody can have that; it can at least in a measure be acquired; but thorough goodness,—you do not think me very bad, do you? Then,—come, will you let me take your hand?"
"What for?"
"I will tell you directly. Do you refuse me? There is nothing more honest in the world than the sentiment which causes me to ask that favor of you."
There was something so true and so touching63 in the face and accent of this man, that, in spite of the strangeness of his demand and the still greater strangeness of my consent, I put my hand in his with confidence. He pressed it gently, detaining it but a second; but tears came to his eyes and he faltered64 as if with suffocation65, "Thanks; take good care of my poor mother!"
And I, comprehending at last that this was the Duke d'Aléria, and that I had just been touching the hand of this soulless profligate66, this undutiful son, this heartless brother, in a word this man without restraint or conscience, I felt my limbs giving way under me and I leaned upon the table, becoming so exceedingly pale that he noticed it, and made a movement toward sustaining me, while he exclaimed, "What! are you ill?"
But he paused when he perceived the dread and disgust with which he inspired me, or perhaps merely because his mother was just entering the room. She saw my trouble, and looked at the Duke as if to demand of him the cause. He answered only by kissing her hand in the most tender and respectful manner, and by asking the news about herself. I immediately retired67, as much to collect myself as to leave them alone together.
When I re-entered the drawing-room several persons had arrived, and I entered into conversation with a certain Madame de D——, who is particularly kind to me, and who appears to be an excellent woman. She cannot, however, endure the Duke, and it is she who has told me all the evil I know of him. A feeling of reaction against the sympathy with which he had inspired me caused me, no doubt, to seek now the society of this lady.
"Well," she said, as if she had divined what was passing in me, while she regarded the Duke, then engaged in conversation not far from his mother, "you have at last seen him, the 'beloved child'? What have you to say of him?"
"Yes, is it not so? His is certainly a fine organization, and it is incredible that he should be so well preserved and so intellectually bright after the life he has led; but do not go to trusting him. He is the most corrupt70 being that exists, and he is perfectly able to play the good apostle with you in order to compromise you."
"With me? O no! The humbleness71 of my position will preserve me from his attention."
"Not at all. You will see. I will not tell you that your merit raises you above your position, since that is evident to everybody; but to know that you are honest will be enough to inspire him with a desire to lead you astray."
"Do not attempt to frighten me; I would not stay here an hour, Madame, if I thought I were going to be insulted."
"No, no; that is not what you need apprehend72. He is always gentlemanly in the society of gentle and pure people, and you will never have to guard yourself from any impropriety on his part. Quite the contrary; if you are not careful he will persuade you that he is a repentant73 angel, perhaps even a saint in disguise, and—you will be his dupe."
Madame de D—— said these last words in a compassionate74 tone which wounded me. I was going to reply, but I remembered what I had heard another old lady say, namely, that a daughter of Madame de D—— had been very much compromised by the Duke. The poor woman must suffer horribly at the sight of him, and I thus explain to myself how a person so indulgent toward all the world speaks of him with such bitterness; but I do not so easily explain to myself why, in spite of her repugnance at seeing him and hearing him named, she speaks of him to me with a sort of insistence75 every time she can get me aside. One would indeed think that I were destined76 to be taken in the snares77 of this Lovelace, and that she sought her revenge in disputing my poor soul with him.
A moment of reflection led me to regard her excessive fear as a trifle ridiculous, and wishing neither to make her angry with me nor to remind her of her own griefs, I have from that moment avoided speaking of her enemy. Besides, the Duke did not say another word to me that evening, and since that evening he has not made his appearance. If I am in any danger I have not perceived it yet; but you can be as much at rest on that subject as I am myself, for I have not the least fear of people whom I do not esteem.
In the rest of the letter Caroline treats of other persons and circumstances that had more or less excited her attention. As those details do not connect directly with our story, we suppress them now, though expecting our narrative78 to lead us back to them.
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1 sufficiently | |
adv.足够地,充分地 | |
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2 modification | |
n.修改,改进,缓和,减轻 | |
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3 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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4 pretext | |
n.借口,托词 | |
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5 dread | |
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧 | |
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6 vigor | |
n.活力,精力,元气 | |
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7 remarkably | |
ad.不同寻常地,相当地 | |
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8 venting | |
消除; 泄去; 排去; 通风 | |
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9 agitate | |
vi.(for,against)煽动,鼓动;vt.搅动 | |
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10 incessantly | |
ad.不停地 | |
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11 tiresome | |
adj.令人疲劳的,令人厌倦的 | |
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12 perfectly | |
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地 | |
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13 eschews | |
v.(尤指为道德或实际理由而)习惯性避开,回避( eschew的第三人称单数 ) | |
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14 interferes | |
vi. 妨碍,冲突,干涉 | |
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15 embroider | |
v.刺绣于(布)上;给…添枝加叶,润饰 | |
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16 motive | |
n.动机,目的;adv.发动的,运动的 | |
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17 renewal | |
adj.(契约)延期,续订,更新,复活,重来 | |
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18 stultifying | |
v.使成为徒劳,使变得无用( stultify的现在分词 ) | |
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19 tedium | |
n.单调;烦闷 | |
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20 draught | |
n.拉,牵引,拖;一网(饮,吸,阵);顿服药量,通风;v.起草,设计 | |
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21 stolidly | |
adv.迟钝地,神经麻木地 | |
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22 ply | |
v.(搬运工等)等候顾客,弯曲 | |
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23 trifling | |
adj.微不足道的;没什么价值的 | |
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24 vice | |
n.坏事;恶习;[pl.]台钳,老虎钳;adj.副的 | |
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25 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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26 counteracted | |
对抗,抵消( counteract的过去式 ) | |
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27 perverted | |
adj.不正当的v.滥用( pervert的过去式和过去分词 );腐蚀;败坏;使堕落 | |
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28 sleepless | |
adj.不睡眠的,睡不著的,不休息的 | |
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29 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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30 regained | |
复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 ); 赢回; 重回; 复至某地 | |
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31 criticise | |
v.批评,评论;非难 | |
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32 esteem | |
n.尊敬,尊重;vt.尊重,敬重;把…看作 | |
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33 eccentricities | |
n.古怪行为( eccentricity的名词复数 );反常;怪癖 | |
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34 philosophically | |
adv.哲学上;富有哲理性地;贤明地;冷静地 | |
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35 ridicule | |
v.讥讽,挖苦;n.嘲弄 | |
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36 gist | |
n.要旨;梗概 | |
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37 repugnance | |
n.嫌恶 | |
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38 proscribed | |
v.正式宣布(某事物)有危险或被禁止( proscribe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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39 torment | |
n.折磨;令人痛苦的东西(人);vt.折磨;纠缠 | |
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40 adorned | |
[计]被修饰的 | |
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41 abides | |
容忍( abide的第三人称单数 ); 等候; 逗留; 停留 | |
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42 demon | |
n.魔鬼,恶魔 | |
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43 eldest | |
adj.最年长的,最年老的 | |
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44 rouge | |
n.胭脂,口红唇膏;v.(在…上)擦口红 | |
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45 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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46 attained | |
(通常经过努力)实现( attain的过去式和过去分词 ); 达到; 获得; 达到(某年龄、水平、状况) | |
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47 astonishment | |
n.惊奇,惊异 | |
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48 humane | |
adj.人道的,富有同情心的 | |
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49 candid | |
adj.公正的,正直的;坦率的 | |
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50 subdued | |
adj. 屈服的,柔和的,减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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51 suavity | |
n.温和;殷勤 | |
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52 drawn | |
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的 | |
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53 thither | |
adv.向那里;adj.在那边的,对岸的 | |
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54 kindliness | |
n.厚道,亲切,友好的行为 | |
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55 frankly | |
adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说 | |
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56 intonation | |
n.语调,声调;发声 | |
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57 rheumatism | |
n.风湿病 | |
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58 malicious | |
adj.有恶意的,心怀恶意的 | |
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59 droll | |
adj.古怪的,好笑的 | |
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60 wager | |
n.赌注;vt.押注,打赌 | |
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61 conscientious | |
adj.审慎正直的,认真的,本着良心的 | |
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62 gratitude | |
adj.感激,感谢 | |
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63 touching | |
adj.动人的,使人感伤的 | |
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64 faltered | |
(嗓音)颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 ); 支吾其词; 蹒跚; 摇晃 | |
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65 suffocation | |
n.窒息 | |
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66 profligate | |
adj.行为不检的;n.放荡的人,浪子,肆意挥霍者 | |
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67 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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68 amiable | |
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的 | |
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69 condemns | |
v.(通常因道义上的原因而)谴责( condemn的第三人称单数 );宣判;宣布…不能使用;迫使…陷于不幸的境地 | |
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70 corrupt | |
v.贿赂,收买;adj.腐败的,贪污的 | |
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71 humbleness | |
n.谦卑,谦逊;恭顺 | |
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72 apprehend | |
vt.理解,领悟,逮捕,拘捕,忧虑 | |
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73 repentant | |
adj.对…感到悔恨的 | |
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74 compassionate | |
adj.有同情心的,表示同情的 | |
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75 insistence | |
n.坚持;强调;坚决主张 | |
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76 destined | |
adj.命中注定的;(for)以…为目的地的 | |
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77 snares | |
n.陷阱( snare的名词复数 );圈套;诱人遭受失败(丢脸、损失等)的东西;诱惑物v.用罗网捕捉,诱陷,陷害( snare的第三人称单数 ) | |
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78 narrative | |
n.叙述,故事;adj.叙事的,故事体的 | |
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