Chapter 69

 By the way, I found my word.

I found it in the library, of course, bookworm that I am. I'd been wondering about my word ever since that afternoon back in Rome when my Italian friend Giulio had told me that Rome's word is SEX, and had asked me what mine was. I didn't know the answer then, but kind of figured my word would show up eventually, and that I'd recognize it when I saw it.

So I saw it during my last week at the Ashram. I was reading through an old text about Yoga, when I found a description of ancient spiritual seekers. A Sanskrit word appeared in the paragraph: ANTEVASIN. It means "one who lives at the border." In ancient times this was a literal description. It indicated a person who had left the bustling¹ center of worldly life to go live at the edge of the forest where the spiritual masters dwelled. The antevasin was not one of the villagers anymore--not a householder with a conventional life. But neither was he yet a transcendent--not one of those sages² who live deep in the unexplored woods, fully³ realized. The antevasin was an in-betweener. He was a border-dweller. He lived in sight of both worlds, but he looked toward the unknown. And he was a scholar.

When I read this description of the antevasin, I got so excited I gave a little bark of recognition. That's my word, baby! In the modern age, of course, that image of an unexplored forest would have to be figurative, and the border would have to be figurative, too. But you can still live there. You can still live on that shimmering⁴ line between your old thinking and your new understanding, always in a state of learning. In the figurative sense, this is a border that is always moving--as you advance forward in your studies and realizations⁵, that mysterious forest of the unknown always stays a few feet ahead of you, so you have to travel light in order to keep following it. You have to stay mobile, movable, supple⁶. Slippery, even. Which is funny, because just the day before, my friend the poet/plumber from New Zealand had left the Ashram, and on his way out the door, he'd handed me a friendly little good-bye poem about my journey. I remembered this verse:

Elizabeth, betwixt and between

Italian phrases and Bali dreams,

Elizabeth, between and betwixt,

Sometimes as slippery as a fish . . .

I've spent so much time these last years wondering what I'm supposed to be. A wife? A mother? A lover? A celibate⁷? An Italian? A glutton⁸? A traveler? An artist? A Yogi? But I'm not any of these things, at least not completely. And I'm not Crazy Aunt Liz, either. I'm just a slippery antevasin--betwixt and between--a student on the ever-shifting border near the wonderful, scary forest of the new.

1 bustling   

adj.喧闹的

参考例句：

• The market was bustling with life. 市场上生机勃勃。
• This district is getting more and more prosperous and bustling. 这一带越来越繁华了。

2 sages   

n.圣人( sage的名词复数 )；智者；哲人；鼠尾草（可用作调料）

参考例句：

• Homage was paid to the great sages buried in the city. 向安葬在此城市的圣哲们表示敬意。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Confucius is considered the greatest of the ancient Chinese sages. 孔子被认为是古代中国最伟大的圣人。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

3 fully   

adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地

参考例句：

• The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气，然后全部呼出。
• They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。

4 shimmering   

v.闪闪发光，发微光( shimmer的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The sea was shimmering in the sunlight. 阳光下海水波光闪烁。
• The colours are delicate and shimmering. 这些颜色柔和且闪烁微光。 来自辞典例句

5 realizations   

认识，领会( realization的名词复数 )； 实现

参考例句：

• Popular realizations of MPI standard are CHIMP and LAM and so on. 目前，公用的MPI实现有CHIMP、lam等。
• The author presents some realizations from the certificate assurance work. 本文介绍了笔者在ISO9001质量体系认证工作中的几点体会。

6 supple   

adj.柔软的，易弯的，逢迎的，顺从的，灵活的；vt.使柔软，使柔顺，使顺从；vi.变柔软，变柔顺

参考例句：

• She gets along well with people because of her supple nature.她与大家相处很好，因为她的天性柔和。
• He admired the graceful and supple movements of the dancers.他赞扬了舞蹈演员优雅灵巧的舞姿。

7 celibate   

adj.独身的，独身主义的；n.独身者

参考例句：

• He had defended the institution of a celibate priesthood.他捍卫了独身牧师制度。
• The instinct of the celibate warned him to hold back.单身汉的本能告诫他回头是岸。

8 glutton   

n.贪食者，好食者

参考例句：

• She's a glutton for work.She stays late every evening.她是个工作狂，每天都很晚才下班。
• He is just a glutton.He is addicted to excessive eating.他就是个老饕，贪吃成性。