CHAPTER XXIII DUM SPIRO, SPERO

 You know how there are times in our lives when the days hang heavily, each moment dragging on leaden feet, weighted all the more grievously because we are ready to protest to our fellow-men, to ourselves perhaps, that the days are not grey, but each one as full of light as we would have it be. And if you do not know you are lucky. Or are you lucky? Are not the heavy clouds, which temporarily hide the golden sunshine, better than a dull monochrome of a life, in which neither cloud nor sunshine is existent? For is it not by the very brightness of the sun which has been, that we recognize the clouds which now obscure it? It is when the sun has never shone in its fullest splendour for us that we do not recognize the existence of the clouds, for to say that any life is passed in one unbroken dream of golden glory is to make a statement which one will dare to denounce as untrue. If there be the gold of joy, so there will come the clouds of sorrow, and a life without clouds is of necessity one without sun, a monochrome of a life, peaceful perhaps, but lacking in intensity¹.

 

The days passed slowly for Anne. They no longer went by with the gay carelessness of a year, six months, nay², only three months ago. Take an interest out of your life, however chary³ you may have been of admitting the existence of that interest to your secret heart, and then fill your days with gaiety, friends, books, anything and everything but the one thing you want, and you will find it a method of subtraction⁴ and addition which is apt to result in a distinctly unsatisfactory sum total.

 

It is not to be supposed, however, that Anne wore her heart upon her sleeve for society daws to peck at. She hid it and its little ache deep under a charming courtliness which was, if anything, more charming than usual. And if she smiled a little more frequently, if a bon mot came more readily to her lips, after all they were but attempts to bury the heartache a bit deeper, and it was at least the real Anne who once more walked the earth.

 

 

She saw Millicent occasionally, but only occasionally. There was now between them a civil exchange of courtesies; an assumption, but merely an assumption, of the old friendly footing. On a certain afternoon in the White House Millicent had attempted to give a version of a particular story to Anne. To which Anne had responded that she already knew it. Millicent, however, had attempted to explain, and in explaining had told Anne one or two things Anne had not before known, which things had caused those aforementioned cracks in Millicent to gape⁵ with such ominous⁶ wideness that Millicent herself suddenly perceived them, and, worse still, saw that Anne perceived them. Anne had quietly announced that she preferred not to talk of the matter further: the part of it that concerned Millicent was her own affair, the part of it that concerned herself was hers. And so it had concluded, outwardly at all events. But it did not require a vast amount of acumen⁷ to perceive that their former friendly relationship was of necessity a trifle strained.

 

It is not to be inferred from this, however, that Anne and Millicent were anywhere near warfare⁸ with each other. Anne was far too much grande dame⁹ for such a proceeding¹⁰. Also her sentiments towards Millicent were now those of pure indifference¹¹. Millicent had never counted a great deal in her life, she now merely counted less. Of Millicent one cannot be so sure. She had seen Anne’s face on that historic afternoon; she had seen Peter’s face. She had therefrom drawn¹² her own conclusions—conclusions to which Anne’s subsequent refusal to discuss the matter had given further weight.

 

Millicent would have liked to think of Peter as pining in quiet grief for her, leading a kind of piano life of minor¹³ passages in which she stood for the keynote. She had—to be candid—pictured Peter in her mind as a prematurely¹⁴ grey-haired man, slightly bowed at the shoulders (from remorse), gazing fervently¹⁵ at a photograph of a Madonna-like woman with a child in her arms (Millicent’s latest by Lafayette), sorrowfully considering the fact that the child was not his, and announcing to Heaven that the thought of her should guide him at last to its Gates. It must be allowed that it was a distinct jar to find him not at all grey-haired, not at all bowed at the shoulders, but jaunty¹⁶, debonair¹⁷, carrying a ridiculous hat with a peacock feather in his hand, and talking intimately to one of her own friends, one, too, who had kept her acquaintanceship with him a dead secret. Millicent’s feelings towards both him and Anne verged¹⁸ on something like hatred¹⁹, though this primeval instinct was so hidden beneath a mask of culture that no one, Anne least of all, perceived it.

 

Of General Carden Anne now saw a good deal. Having come once to her house he came again, and came frequently. And every time, by some subtle method of his own device, he contrived²⁰ to mention a certain green-covered book, and also to speak of the author. And, queerly enough, Anne responded. Perhaps by some feminine intuition she guessed General Carden’s secret, namely, that he had a pretty shrewd inkling of the identity of the author, and perhaps underneath²¹ the courtly worldly demeanour of the old man she saw the heart which longed for some word, some sign, from him. And perhaps knowing this, seeing this, the heart of the now liberated²² Anne went out to the old General, having in a way a common cause of unhappiness. And so the two smiled and chatted, and skimmed the surface of [Pg 234]their sorrow, finding in so doing a curious consolation²³, so queer and unaccountable is human nature.

 

And then one day, a few weeks after her conversation with Muriel, she became conscious of a tiny hope in her heart. She could no more say at which precise moment it had first been born than one can say at which precise moment the tiny green leaves of a spring flower first push above the brown earth. For weeks there is nothing to be seen, and then one morning we come down to our garden and the tiny shoot is there in the sunshine, smiling shyly at us.

 

And so one morning, all unsuspected in its hidden growth, a tiny green shoot of hope sprang up in Anne’s heart, a hope that after all her pride had not been abased²⁴ as she had feared, but that somewhere, somehow, love was lifting it from the earth. It is not easy to put into exact words precisely²⁵ what she hoped, but assuredly trust had been renewed. And with an old priest praying at an altar, and a woman kneeling to St. Joseph, and somewhere, far away, a man’s heart worshipping and adoring, it is hardly surprising that it was so.

1 intensity   

n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度

参考例句：

• I didn't realize the intensity of people's feelings on this issue.我没有意识到这一问题能引起群情激奋。
• The strike is growing in intensity.罢工日益加剧。

2 nay   

adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者

参考例句：

• He was grateful for and proud of his son's remarkable,nay,unique performance.他为儿子出色的，不，应该是独一无二的表演心怀感激和骄傲。
• Long essays,nay,whole books have been written on this.许多长篇大论的文章，不，应该说是整部整部的书都是关于这件事的。

3 chary   

adj.谨慎的，细心的

参考例句：

• She started a chary descent of the stairs.她开始小心翼翼地下楼梯。
• She is chary of strangers.她见到陌生人会害羞。

4 subtraction   

n.减法，减去

参考例句：

• We do addition and subtraction in arithmetic.在算术里,我们作加减运算。
• They made a subtraction of 50 dollars from my salary.他们从我的薪水里扣除了五十美元。

5 gape   

v.张口，打呵欠，目瞪口呆地凝视

参考例句：

• His secretary stopped taking notes to gape at me.他的秘书停止了记录，目瞪口呆地望着我。
• He was not the type to wander round gaping at everything like a tourist.他不是那种像个游客似的四处闲逛、对什么都好奇张望的人。

6 ominous   

adj.不祥的，不吉的，预兆的，预示的

参考例句：

• Those black clouds look ominous for our picnic.那些乌云对我们的野餐来说是个不祥之兆。
• There was an ominous silence at the other end of the phone.电话那头出现了不祥的沉默。

7 acumen   

n.敏锐，聪明

参考例句：

• She has considerable business acumen.她的经营能力绝非一般。
• His business acumen has made his very successful.他的商业头脑使他很成功。

8 warfare   

n.战争(状态)；斗争；冲突

参考例句：

• He addressed the audience on the subject of atomic warfare.他向听众演讲有关原子战争的问题。
• Their struggle consists mainly in peasant guerrilla warfare.他们的斗争主要是农民游击战。

9 dame   

n.女士

参考例句：

• The dame tell of her experience as a wife and mother.这位年长妇女讲了她作妻子和母亲的经验。
• If you stick around,you'll have to marry that dame.如果再逗留多一会，你就要跟那个夫人结婚。

10 proceeding   

n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报

参考例句：

• This train is now proceeding from Paris to London.这次列车从巴黎开往伦敦。
• The work is proceeding briskly.工作很有生气地进展着。

11 indifference   

n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎

参考例句：

• I was disappointed by his indifference more than somewhat.他的漠不关心使我很失望。
• He feigned indifference to criticism of his work.他假装毫不在意别人批评他的作品。

12 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

13 minor   

adj.较小(少)的，较次要的；n.辅修学科；vi.辅修

参考例句：

• The young actor was given a minor part in the new play.年轻的男演员在这出新戏里被分派担任一个小角色。
• I gave him a minor share of my wealth.我把小部分财产给了他。

14 prematurely   

adv.过早地，贸然地

参考例句：

• She was born prematurely with poorly developed lungs. 她早产，肺部未发育健全。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• His hair was prematurely white, but his busy eyebrows were still jet-black. 他的头发已经白了，不过两道浓眉还是乌黑乌黑的。 来自辞典例句

15 fervently   

adv.热烈地，热情地，强烈地

参考例句：

• "Oh, I am glad!'she said fervently. “哦，我真高兴！”她热烈地说道。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• O my dear, my dear, will you bless me as fervently to-morrow?' 啊，我亲爱的，亲爱的，你明天也愿这样热烈地为我祝福么？” 来自英汉文学 - 双城记

16 jaunty   

adj．愉快的，满足的；adv.心满意足地，洋洋得意地；n.心满意足；洋洋得意

参考例句：

• She cocked her hat at a jaunty angle.她把帽子歪戴成俏皮的样子。
• The happy boy walked with jaunty steps.这个快乐的孩子以轻快活泼的步子走着。

17 debonair   

adj.殷勤的，快乐的

参考例句：

• He strolled about,look very debonair in his elegant new suit.他穿了一身讲究的新衣服逛来逛去，显得颇为惬意。
• He was a handsome,debonair,death-defying racing-driver.他是一位英俊潇洒、风流倜傥、敢于挑战死神的赛车手。

18 verged   

接近，逼近（verge的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• The situation verged on disaster. 形势接近于灾难的边缘。
• Her silly talk verged on nonsense. 她的蠢话近乎胡说八道。

19 hatred   

n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨

参考例句：

• He looked at me with hatred in his eyes.他以憎恨的眼光望着我。
• The old man was seized with burning hatred for the fascists.老人对法西斯主义者充满了仇恨。

20 contrived   

adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的

参考例句：

• There was nothing contrived or calculated about what he said.他说的话里没有任何蓄意捏造的成分。
• The plot seems contrived.情节看起来不真实。

21 underneath   

adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面

参考例句：

• Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
• She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣，里面套着一条连衣裙。

22 liberated   

a.无拘束的，放纵的

参考例句：

• The city was liberated by the advancing army. 军队向前挺进，解放了那座城市。
• The heat brings about a chemical reaction, and oxygen is liberated. 热量引起化学反应，释放出氧气。

23 consolation   

n.安慰，慰问

参考例句：

• The children were a great consolation to me at that time.那时孩子们成了我的莫大安慰。
• This news was of little consolation to us.这个消息对我们来说没有什么安慰。

24 abased   

使谦卑( abase的过去式和过去分词 )； 使感到羞耻； 使降低（地位、身份等）； 降下

参考例句：

• His moral force was abased into more than childish weakness. 他的精神力量已经衰颓，低得不如孩子。 来自英汉文学 - 红字
• He is self-abased because of unluck he meets with. 他因遭不幸而自卑。

25 precisely   

adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地

参考例句：

• It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。
• The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准。