She began with the money. She concluded that such cash as her father had given her for her own separate and private use she might still call her own, and use as her own. Had she been dealing2 with a sum of any magnitude she would have hesitated; for this young woman was a Don Quixote in petticoats, and would rather starve than eat food which she even fancied belonged to others; but she was not dealing with a sum of any magnitude. Her father had always made her a generous allowance, of which she had always made a generous use; regarding herself as, in a sense, her father's almoner, she used far the larger part of it in works of charity. Since she left school it had been his custom to give her, four times a year, a sum of one hundred and twenty-five pounds, always in gold. It had been one of his peculiarities3 that he had never given her either cheques or bank-notes, but always sovereigns. One of the quarterly sums had always been handed to her during the first week in April; she had been expecting it when her father had been taken ill. As a matter of fact, it was her hundred and twenty-five sovereigns, plus two more, which had formed that little heap of gold which was on the study table when Elaine Harding first adventured through the window. So, as that little heap had never found its way to her, all she actually possessed4 was what was left from last quarter--and the first three months of the year always were such expensive months. During the winter there was apt to be so much want and suffering; sometimes she found it hard to make both ends meet, even though she spent scarcely anything on herself at all. However, that winter quarter there had been something over; that something represented her entire fortune, nearly nine pounds; to be exact, eight pounds fourteen and eightpence. Even the most clamorous5 creditor6 might have suffered her to go out to face the world with that. Especially as beyond that Nora had very little of a portable nature which she considered she would be justified7 in regarding as her own, except her clothes.
Among the other things to which he had objected Donald Lindsay included jewellery. He wore none himself; had he had his way he would have called no man an acquaintance who did. He disliked to see jewellery even on a woman. On an elderly woman he esteemed8 it bad enough; like the cynic he was, he held that the average elderly woman very properly felt that she was only worth the net value of what she had on her. On a girl, to his thinking, it was impossible; if ever he encountered, under his own roof, young women who were, as they fancied, ornamented9 by products of the jeweller's art, he was apt to make such plain-spoken comments that Nora always endeavoured to warn her girl acquaintances to put aside their ornaments10 while, at any rate, her father was about. Nora herself had only had four pieces of jewellery in her life. One was a plain gold watch, which her father had given her when she was at school, which she then wore attached to a plain black ribbon; another was a gold locket, in which was her father's portrait, which she had worn on the same black ribbon. The other two articles had been presents from Robert Spencer--her engagement ring, and another locket, in which was his portrait. These she had returned to him on the previous day, together with his letters. So that all the jewellery she now had was the gold watch and the locket with the portrait of her father. These, she decided11, came in the same category as the eight pounds fourteen and eightpence; she was entitled to regard them as her very own.
Her wardrobe presented difficulties. She had heaps of pretty dresses; quantities of all sorts of pretty clothes; the puzzle was, what to take and what to leave. She knew, from experience, that if her garments were turned into cash they would not fetch a great deal, however much they might previously12 have cost, or however little they might have been worn; so that if she took all her clothes she was aware that she would not be depriving her creditors13 of an appreciable14 sum of money. It was the difficulty of selection which troubled her. Obviously elaborate and costly15 evening dresses consorted16 ill with a fortune of eight pounds fourteen and eightpence, which represented both capital and income; in that sense the daintier and prettier they were, the more undesirable17 they were. Yet--she loved her pretty frocks; only a woman could understand how hard it seemed to her to have to part from them. With them were entwined so many associations; she wore this one on that never-to-be-forgotten night when Robert first asked her to be his wife; that when he slipped the engagement ring upon her finger; how pretty she had thought it! how she had kissed it when she was alone! She blushed at the memory.
After all, those were sentimental18 considerations which reached back to the life with which she had done for ever. It was quite another sort of life which was in front of her; she must be equipped for that. Three Or four plain, substantial dresses would be sufficient; the rest--those triumphs of the dressmaker's art--she was not likely to require garments of that sort again, ever. So she packed the few clothes she thought she would require into a trunk, together with her Bible, her writing-case, and a few odds19 and ends; looking round the room, she decided that all her other things, which she had so treasured, must remain behind. She undressed, feeling as if she was undressing in a room peopled with ghosts, all of them memories of the many-sided Nora of the days which were gone; then, all radiant in her white attire20, she knelt in prayer; supposing, as she poured forth21 all the dear, secret things which were in her heart, that she was a woman; but God, who heard her, knew that she was a child; and, as she prayed, He breathed peace into her soul; so that hardly, at last, was she between the sheets when she fell fast asleep.
And in her sleep she dreamed the dream which she had dreamed before; of her father, stealing timidly into her room, filled with a great longing22 to tell her something, which he would have given much that she should know, yet speechless. And to him the knowledge that he was dumb was agony, and to her; so that she put her arms about him, and whispered in his ear words which were meant to assist him in the efforts he was making to say what he so yearned23 to tell her. But struggle as he might, speech would not come; until, all at once, in the exceeding bitterness of his grief he made her understand that, because he had been still so long, and so had sinned, God would not let him speak now; He would not forgive him for the opportunities he had wasted. Mingling24 her anguish25 with his, she held him closer, crying--
"God will forgive you, father! God will forgive you!" and, with her own crying, she woke herself up, to find herself in the darkness, alone, and the sound of her own voice in her ears.
As before, the delusion26 of her father's presence was so real that, at first, she could not believe it was delusion. She put out her hands to feel for him; when they found nothing, she whispered--
"Father!"
When none answered she got out of bed, and crossed the room, and stood at the open door, listening for the sound of his retreating footsteps; she had heard them so plainly when he entered. When she remembered that he was dead, and that it must have been a dream, she began to tremble all over; she did not dare to ask herself if this dream had been sent to her of God; she was afraid.
Throughout the remainder of the night she lay awake. Day had scarcely dawned when she rose and dressed. Recollections of the awe27 which had obsessed28 her spirit were with her still. She was conscious of an uncomfortable feeling that something unusual was about to happen. So soon as she was dressed she left her own room and went to the bedroom which had been her father's. As she crossed its threshold she had an odd sensation of having come again into his presence. Impelled29 by she knew not what motive30 of curiosity, she examined methodically all that the room contained, opening drawers and wardrobes, going through their contents. It seemed to her that they were emptier than they used to be. Her father had accumulated clothes until every store-place he had was filled to over-flowing; she had told him not long ago that if he would keep on getting more, without ridding himself of some of those he had, he would require another room to put them in. She knew he had got rid of nothing, yet drawers and cupboards in bedroom and dressing-room were nearly empty. Certainly more than three-quarters of them were gone; what were left were scarcely more than odds and ends. And not only clothes; as she looked about her she began to miss all sorts of things. Both rooms had been nearly stripped of all her father's personal belongings31. By whom had they been taken? who had given the necessary authority?
From the bedroom she passed through the still silent house to the rooms below, and presently to her father's study. Here again was some subtle suggestion of its late owner. He seemed to be standing32 by her as she touched this and that, moving from one familiar object to another. Nor had she been there very long before she perceived that here also things were missing; and, in this case, they were things which mattered. A pair of bronzes had gone from the mantel, for which her father had paid a large sum, and which he valued highly; some ivory antiques, fine specimens33 of the carver's art, which he had brought with him from China, had also vanished; a Satsuma vase, two costly examples of powder blue, even prints and pictures from the walls, all kinds of curiosities, the possession of which would gladden a collector's heart, had disappeared. Of course their absence was capable of a natural and legitimate34 interpretation35; they might have been put out of sight for safer keeping. Still--they were there on Saturday; she was sure she had noticed them when she came in a moment for some ink; why should they have been removed during the course of yesterday?
While she stood looking about her, feeling a little bewildered, the door was opened suddenly, and Morgan, the butler, came hastily in. He stared at her as if she was not at all the person he had expected to see; indeed, he said as much.
"I beg your pardon, Miss Lindsay, I thought--" He left his sentence unfinished, and began another. "I heard some one moving about below, and knowing that the household was still upstairs, I thought it might be some one who had no business here, so hurried down to see who it was."
He made as if to withdraw, but Nora stopped him.
"Morgan, who has been interfering36 with my father's things?"
"I beg your pardon; I don't quite follow."
"Have they been removed?"
"You can see for yourself that they've been removed; who has taken them? where are they?"
Morgan glanced round the room with, in his air, as it seemed to Nora, almost a suggestion of amusement.
"They do seem to have been removed, don't they? As you say, all sorts of things."
"Didn't you know they had been removed?"
"Perhaps Mr. Nash has had it done; or Dr. Banyard."
"Why should they? Besides, neither of them has been here since Saturday; and the things were here then, because I saw them."
"Ah, if you saw them that doesn't look as if they could have had it done, does it? But--may I ask, Miss Lindsay, how it matters?"
"How it matters, Morgan--the things are worth a great deal of money."
"Isn't that all the more reason why they shouldn't be allowed to fall into the hands of--I don't wish to cause you pain, Miss Lindsay--of those who are coming?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't you know? Then, in that case, Miss Lindsay, I will have inquiries38 made, and will inform you, at the earliest possible moment, of the result."
He slipped out of the room so rapidly that she had not a chance to question him further, leaving her more bewildered than he had found her. What did he mean? what could he mean? She did not like to suspect him of impertinence, or even something worse; yet--what had he implied? That it would be just as well that these most valuable possessions of her father should be kept out of the hand--of those who were coming? She did not doubt that the state of affairs was known to the household; could he have been referring to the creditors? was he suggesting that they should be defrauded39 of what might go some distance towards settling their claims, and that she should connive40 at such a fraud? If he had not meant that, what had he meant? Her impulse was to call him back, and insist upon an explanation there and then.
But she reflected that, whatever his meaning might have been, she had made herself quite plain; his manner had shown it. His error, perhaps, had been one of over-zeal41 for her service; though that was not a fault of which she had supposed Morgan would have been likely to be guilty. Still, that was how it might have been. If so, now he understood--that that was not the sort of zeal which she desired. If--as, in spite of his evasions42, she thought was possible, he knew where the missing articles were to be found--she gave him an opportunity to restore them, in his own fashion, to their former places, no doubt, when she returned again to the study, she would find them where they had always been. With some vague notion of giving him such an opportunity, there and then, she opened the French window which led into the grounds--through which Elaine Harding had made that entry she was never to forget, which had changed the whole face of the world for her, as well as for others--and, hatless, passed out into the morning air.
Although she did not know it, she was setting out on what was to be her last walk through the familiar places she had known so long, and loved so well.
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1
undertaking
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| n.保证，许诺，事业 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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peculiarities
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| n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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clamorous
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| adj.吵闹的，喧哗的 | |
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creditor
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| n.债仅人，债主，贷方 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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9
ornamented
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| adj.花式字体的v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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10
ornaments
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| n.装饰( ornament的名词复数 )；点缀；装饰品；首饰v.装饰，点缀，美化( ornament的第三人称单数 ) | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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creditors
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| n.债权人，债主( creditor的名词复数 ) | |
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14
appreciable
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| adj.明显的，可见的，可估量的，可觉察的 | |
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costly
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| adj.昂贵的，价值高的，豪华的 | |
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consorted
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| v.结伴( consort的过去式和过去分词 )；交往；相称；调和 | |
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17
undesirable
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| adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子 | |
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18
sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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odds
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| n.让步，机率，可能性，比率；胜败优劣之别 | |
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attire
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| v.穿衣，装扮[同]array；n.衣着；盛装 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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yearned
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| 渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mingling
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| adj.混合的 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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awe
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| n.敬畏，惊惧；vt.使敬畏，使惊惧 | |
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obsessed
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| adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的 | |
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impelled
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| v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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belongings
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| n.私人物品，私人财物 | |
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32
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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specimens
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| n.样品( specimen的名词复数 )；范例；（化验的）抽样；某种类型的人 | |
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legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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interpretation
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| n.解释，说明，描述；艺术处理 | |
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interfering
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| adj. 妨碍的 动词interfere的现在分词 | |
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blues
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| n.抑郁，沮丧；布鲁斯音乐 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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39
defrauded
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| v.诈取，骗取( defraud的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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40
connive
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| v.纵容；密谋 | |
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41
zeal
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| n.热心，热情，热忱 | |
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42
evasions
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| 逃避( evasion的名词复数 )； 回避； 遁辞； 借口 | |
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