And oh, my countrymen, is this not the case in a nutshell? It has got to such a pitch now, in this dear land of ours, that a pauper4 feels that he confers a favour upon a workhouse by condescending5 to board in it, and if it does not suit him he will instruct one of the labour members to ask a question about it in the House of Commons. Poor Emanuel couldn't understand it anyhow, and I have recorded his exact words wrung6 from the gentlest of souls. However, what he said to me about others is one thing, what he said to me about myself and my unbusinesslike habits is another. But he always added "of course you are English, and do not know the need for economy such as we on the Continent have drilled into us from our earliest years. So I don't blame you. But I tell you that the day is surely coming, when you, all of you, will be reduced to doing what we have so long been obliged to do, gather the weeds of the field to stay your craving7 stomachs, and your women will have to work like ours. I am sorry, for you have been a great people, but you have been a friend of every country but your own, and your people are getting played out—no patience, no stamina8, no savvy9!" I have translated his quaint10 words, but that is the sense of them, and shamefacedly I have to admit that they are scarcely exaggerated, they are nearly true.
Now this poor consumptive, who always looked more fit for an hospital than to be about at his strenuous11 work, had deep within his heart the passion of love, and very wrongly of course, in defiance12 of all right reasoning, married the girl of his choice in his youth. She came from America at his bidding, and together they lived a more strenuous life than ever, producing several children, and yet such was their united energy, always getting on. They bought a large house in Maida Vale that was running to seed, and letting it out in furnished apartments, while living themselves in a basement, made it pay.
It was at this time that I came along with my repayment14 of the loans made years before, and no memories of mine can overtop in interest those of the evening when I came and poured into the wife's lap the little heap of gold which represented his advances to me and substantial interest thereon. It happily came at a time when their affairs were under a shade, it was entirely15 unexpected and so grateful. Her face was streaming as she gathered up the coins, and said to her husband in their own language, "This makes all right, beloved one, no need to worry now."
It was a happy evening, but over it was the shadow of death. Not many weeks after I was called to his bedside, where he lay ardently16 desiring release from his sufferings, and assured that his lingerings here could only mean an additional burden on his wife, already staggering under a far too heavy load. I can never forget his parting words to me, "If I could only die. I have done with this world, I am of no[Pg 287] more use here, and why I should live on puzzles me. I will so gladly go and rest." I bade him farewell and left him, to hear the next day that he had gone to that rest which he so ardently desired.
Now, I might if it were desirable give a great many more instances of the delight and satisfaction I had at that time, if it were not that I feel that these pages lack so plentifully17 that characteristic so earnestly, so eagerly demanded to-day, humour. I have no quarrel with this demand, for I love humour, and believe that no one has a keener appreciation18 of it than myself. But when I look at the majority of the alleged19 humorous productions of the day, I am reluctantly compelled to say that I do not see where their humour lies. I will not mention any names I see at the foot of alleged humorous articles to-day, which give me a feeling of nausea20, and I wonder mightily21 how anyone can be found to read, much less buy the futile22 piffle that is printed, and that, too, in our leading magazines and newspapers. One leading exception I will make and gladly break my rule for, Mr Pett Ridge23, bless him, who never makes a mistake, whose humour is sweet and true, and who, I believe from his writings, all of which I eagerly read, is as good a man as they make nowadays. As I only know this gentleman by casual meetings at dinners, I cannot be accused of log-rolling; indeed, I know how he would heartily24 repudiate25 any effort of the kind on my part.
Now, in my present peregrinations in search of those to whom I was indebted, I was unable to trace two or three, notably26 the gentleman in the Adelphi from whom I had borrowed £10 at an interest of £1 per month. And so, when the business was over, and I visited my friend Mr Hardhat with the story of my efforts, he smiled grimly and said, "They'll suspend your discharge for two years, you see if they don't." I said nothing, because I did not greatly care; but I felt that if they did, it would only be on a par13 with all that I had hitherto seen and known of the business. However we made the application for discharge in due form, presenting with it documentary evidence that all the debts had been paid, with the exception of those two or three that we could not find before mentioned, the total amount remaining unpaid27 being a mere28 trifle.
Now it seems scarcely believable, since one would naturally suppose that such an institution existed primarily for the purpose of doing justice to creditors29, but the official to whom I presented the documents looked as if he had been personally affronted30. "This ought to have gone through the Official Receiver's hands," he said severely31. I was sorely tempted32 to reply in a similar manner, since his severity or otherwise mattered not a jot33 to me now, but I choked it down and answered mildly, "I wanted to save the creditors and myself trouble and fees and delay." To this he made no reply, but handed me my appointment for the hearing of my application for discharge.
That day came, and I again appeared before the Registrar34 to support my application for discharge. Now, when I had last come there, an utterly35 penniless man without any prospect36 of ever paying my debts, the public prosecutor37 or Official Receiver had dealt most leniently38 with me, had only stated the case against me of not keeping proper books of account, and of continuing to trade after knowing myself to be a bankrupt, without bias39 of any kind. But now that I had vindicated40 my right to be called an honest man, by voluntarily paying every man to whom I had ever owed anything, I was treated as a criminal. And on some technical count or other, which I did not understand, my discharge was suspended for two years. I endeavoured to protest, but was summarily silenced, and came away in a white heat of indignation against a system that under the ægis of law makes it more profitable to be a rogue41 than to be honest. I have no doubt that the Bankruptcy42 Act may theoretically be as near perfection as can be, but I am absolutely certain that in its administration it puts a premium43 upon knavery44 and crushes the honestly intentioned debtor45 into the dust.
My good friend, Mr Hardhat, was waiting for me when I emerged, and listened in silence while I exhausted46 my fairly copious47 vocabulary of disgust and dislike upon the whole sordid48 business. But he laughed outright49, when I stamped the dirt off my boots upon the threshold, and declared that I would die rather than enter the place again. However we parted an hour later, on most excellent terms, and from that day to this, nearly nine years ago, although I have passed the place a thousand times, I have never seen him again.
And now my narrative50 draws near its close. For when I commenced it, I meant it to contain only what should justify51 its title, "The Confessions52 of a Tradesman," and so I have rigidly53 excluded all that I felt would not rightly come under that head. I found also as I advanced with the story that, among the thousands of incidents which rushed to my mind, I was reduced to a really small selection, since I was determined54 to tell the truth only. And if I told the whole truth there can be little doubt that I should have got into exceedingly hot water. So as I have been badly scalded once, I feel disinclined to run any risks of a like nature, and while my determination, and indeed my compulsion to tell the truth is as strong as ever, I must tell only such parts of it as will not wring55 the withers56 of sensitive individuals, or give opportunity to any grasping ones to get at me in a pecuniary57 sense.
Writers of autobiography58 are often blamed, quite unjustly I think, for leaving out just those parts of their story which in the opinion of the reader would prove most interesting. But would it not be more[Pg 291] just to remember that closely interwoven as our lives are with those of others, it would be impossible to go into all the details desired without involving other persons who have not the least wish that their names or their actions should be made public? Another thing which is constantly pressed by the reviewers of autobiographies59 is, that no man or woman can be trusted to tell the truth about themselves. That they will either naturally try to make themselves out better than they are, or in a spirit of perverse60 braggadocio61, pretend themselves to be villains62 of a deep and deadly dye, when they have only been playing at wickedness.
From both of these reproaches I do earnestly hope to be absolved63. I have honestly tried in these confessions to set down just what has happened in a curiously64 involved life, repressing many desires to be vindictive65 towards others or exculpatory66 of myself, and since I am not here to be accused of the crime of writing a novel with a purpose (which I understand is considered in literary circles to be the unpardonable sin), I may hope that some struggling tradesmen may find comfort and even amusement in these pages. That the Philistines67, whom superior Matthew Arnold hated, but whom I believe to be the very salt of the earth, the dwellers68 in suburbia and its mean streets, may perchance recognise one of their own kindred, who is not looking down upon them from any sublime69 literary height, but who is one of them and entirely unashamed of the fact; these are my consolations70 and encouragements as I finish these pages.
And thus with all my heart and soul I wish to every man and woman who have sunk their precious little capital in some suburban71 shop, and are to-night, oh, so anxiously, looking for the customers to drop in who may make their venture a success, a bumper72 house. May you all feel that your efforts have not been in vain. When you look up at the prettily73 decorated window, every muscle of you aching with the strain you have put upon it during the last few days, may you feel not only a glow of satisfaction at the appearance of your handiwork, but may your souls be gladdened by seeing crowds of easily pleased customers with bulging74 purses streaming through your gaping75 doors.
点击收听单词发音
1 captious | |
adj.难讨好的,吹毛求疵的 | |
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2 vat | |
n.(=value added tax)增值税,大桶 | |
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3 wile | |
v.诡计,引诱;n.欺骗,欺诈 | |
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4 pauper | |
n.贫民,被救济者,穷人 | |
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5 condescending | |
adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的 | |
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6 wrung | |
绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 ); 握紧(尤指别人的手); 把(湿衣服)拧干; 绞掉(水) | |
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7 craving | |
n.渴望,热望 | |
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8 stamina | |
n.体力;精力;耐力 | |
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9 savvy | |
v.知道,了解;n.理解能力,机智,悟性;adj.有见识的,懂实际知识的,通情达理的 | |
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10 quaint | |
adj.古雅的,离奇有趣的,奇怪的 | |
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11 strenuous | |
adj.奋发的,使劲的;紧张的;热烈的,狂热的 | |
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12 defiance | |
n.挑战,挑衅,蔑视,违抗 | |
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13 par | |
n.标准,票面价值,平均数量;adj.票面的,平常的,标准的 | |
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14 repayment | |
n.偿还,偿还款;报酬 | |
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15 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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16 ardently | |
adv.热心地,热烈地 | |
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17 plentifully | |
adv. 许多地,丰饶地 | |
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18 appreciation | |
n.评价;欣赏;感谢;领会,理解;价格上涨 | |
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19 alleged | |
a.被指控的,嫌疑的 | |
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20 nausea | |
n.作呕,恶心;极端的憎恶(或厌恶) | |
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21 mightily | |
ad.强烈地;非常地 | |
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22 futile | |
adj.无效的,无用的,无希望的 | |
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23 ridge | |
n.山脊;鼻梁;分水岭 | |
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24 heartily | |
adv.衷心地,诚恳地,十分,很 | |
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25 repudiate | |
v.拒绝,拒付,拒绝履行 | |
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26 notably | |
adv.值得注意地,显著地,尤其地,特别地 | |
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27 unpaid | |
adj.未付款的,无报酬的 | |
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28 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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29 creditors | |
n.债权人,债主( creditor的名词复数 ) | |
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30 affronted | |
adj.被侮辱的,被冒犯的v.勇敢地面对( affront的过去式和过去分词 );相遇 | |
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31 severely | |
adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地 | |
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32 tempted | |
v.怂恿(某人)干不正当的事;冒…的险(tempt的过去分词) | |
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33 jot | |
n.少量;vi.草草记下;vt.匆匆写下 | |
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34 registrar | |
n.记录员,登记员;(大学的)注册主任 | |
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35 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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36 prospect | |
n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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37 prosecutor | |
n.起诉人;检察官,公诉人 | |
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38 leniently | |
温和地,仁慈地 | |
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39 bias | |
n.偏见,偏心,偏袒;vt.使有偏见 | |
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40 vindicated | |
v.澄清(某人/某事物)受到的责难或嫌疑( vindicate的过去式和过去分词 );表明或证明(所争辩的事物)属实、正当、有效等;维护 | |
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41 rogue | |
n.流氓;v.游手好闲 | |
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42 bankruptcy | |
n.破产;无偿付能力 | |
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43 premium | |
n.加付款;赠品;adj.高级的;售价高的 | |
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44 knavery | |
n.恶行,欺诈的行为 | |
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45 debtor | |
n.借方,债务人 | |
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46 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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47 copious | |
adj.丰富的,大量的 | |
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48 sordid | |
adj.肮脏的,不干净的,卑鄙的,暗淡的 | |
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49 outright | |
adv.坦率地;彻底地;立即;adj.无疑的;彻底的 | |
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50 narrative | |
n.叙述,故事;adj.叙事的,故事体的 | |
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51 justify | |
vt.证明…正当(或有理),为…辩护 | |
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52 confessions | |
n.承认( confession的名词复数 );自首;声明;(向神父的)忏悔 | |
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53 rigidly | |
adv.刻板地,僵化地 | |
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54 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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55 wring | |
n.扭绞;v.拧,绞出,扭 | |
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56 withers | |
马肩隆 | |
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57 pecuniary | |
adj.金钱的;金钱上的 | |
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58 autobiography | |
n.自传 | |
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59 autobiographies | |
n.自传( autobiography的名词复数 );自传文学 | |
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60 perverse | |
adj.刚愎的;坚持错误的,行为反常的 | |
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61 braggadocio | |
n.吹牛大王 | |
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62 villains | |
n.恶棍( villain的名词复数 );罪犯;(小说、戏剧等中的)反面人物;淘气鬼 | |
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63 absolved | |
宣告…无罪,赦免…的罪行,宽恕…的罪行( absolve的过去式和过去分词 ); 不受责难,免除责任 [义务] ,开脱(罪责) | |
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64 curiously | |
adv.有求知欲地;好问地;奇特地 | |
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65 vindictive | |
adj.有报仇心的,怀恨的,惩罚的 | |
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66 exculpatory | |
adj.辩解的,辩明无罪的 | |
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67 philistines | |
n.市侩,庸人( philistine的名词复数 );庸夫俗子 | |
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68 dwellers | |
n.居民,居住者( dweller的名词复数 ) | |
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69 sublime | |
adj.崇高的,伟大的;极度的,不顾后果的 | |
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70 consolations | |
n.安慰,慰问( consolation的名词复数 );起安慰作用的人(或事物) | |
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71 suburban | |
adj.城郊的,在郊区的 | |
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72 bumper | |
n.(汽车上的)保险杠;adj.特大的,丰盛的 | |
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73 prettily | |
adv.优美地;可爱地 | |
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74 bulging | |
膨胀; 凸出(部); 打气; 折皱 | |
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75 gaping | |
adj.口的;张口的;敞口的;多洞穴的v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的现在分词 );张开,张大 | |
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