Every society has it chief; and I was about to observe that every circle has it centre, which certainly would have been true enough, but the comparison is of no use to me, as our circle had two centres, or, to follow up the first idea, had two chiefs—the chief schoolmaster and the chief domestic—the chief masculine and the chief feminine—the chief with the ferula, and the chief with the brimstone and treacle—the master and the matron, each of whom had their appendages—the one in the usher15, the other in the assistant housemaid. But of this quartette, the master was not only the most important, but the most worthy of description; and as he will often appear in the pages of my narrative16, long after my education was complete, I shall be very particular in my description of Dominie Dobiensis, as he delighted to be called, or Dreary17 Dobs, as his dutiful scholars delighted to call him. As in our school it was necessary that we should be instructed in reading, writing, and ciphering, the governors had selected the Dominie as the most fitting person that had offered for the employment, because he had, in the first place, written a work that nobody could understand upon the Greek particles; secondly18, he had proved himself a great mathematician19, having, it is said, squared the circle by algebraical false quantities, but would never show the operation for fear of losing the honour by treachery. He had also discovered as many errors in the demonstrations21 of Euclid as ever did Joey Hume in army and navy estimates, and with as much benefit to the country at large. He was a man who breathed certainly in the present age, but the half of his life was spent in antiquity22 or algebra20. Once carried away by a problem, or a Greek reminiscence, he passed away, as it were, from his present existence, and everything was unheeded. His body remained, and breathed on his desk, but his soul was absent. This peculiarity23 was well known to the boys, who used to say, “Dominie is in his dreams, and talks in his sleep.”
Dominie Dobiensis left reading and writing to the usher, contrary to the regulations of the school, putting the boys, if possible, into mathematics, Latin, and Greek. The usher was not over competent to teach the two first; the boys not over willing to learn the latter. The master was too clever, the usher too ignorant; hence the scholars profited little. The Dominie was grave and irascible, but he possessed24 a fund of drollery25 and the kindest heart. His features could not laugh, but his trachea did. The chuckle26 rose no higher than the rings of the wind-pipe, and then it was vigorously thrust back again by the impulse of gravity into the region of his heart, and gladdened it with hidden mirth in its dark centre. The Dominie loved a pun; whether it was let off in English, Greek, or Latin. The last two were made by nobody but himself, and not being understood, were, of course, relished27 by himself alone. But his love of a pun was a serious attachment28: he loved it with a solemn affection—with him it was no laughing matter.
In person Dominie Dobiensis was above six feet, all bone and sinews. His face was long and his lineaments large; but his predominant feature was his nose, which, large as were the others, bore them down into insignificance29. It was a prodigy—a ridicule30; but he consoled himself—Ovid was called Naso. It was not an aquiline31 nose, nor was it an aquiline nose reversed. It was not a nose snubbed at the extremity32, gross, heavy, or carbuncled, or fluting33. In all its magnitude of proportions, it was an intellectual nose. It was thin, horny, transparent34, and sonorous35. Its snuffle was consequential36 and its sneeze oracular. The very sight of it was impressive; its sound, when blown in school hours, was ominous37. But the scholars loved the nose for the warning which it gave: like the rattle38 of the dreaded39 snake, which announces its presence, so did the nose indicate to the scholars that they were to be on their guard. The Dominie would attend to this world and its duties for an hour or two, and then forget his scholars and his school-room, while he took a journey into the world of Greek or algebra. Then, when he marked x, y, and z, in his calculations, the boys knew that he was safe, and their studies were neglected.
Reader, did you ever witness the magic effects of a drum in a small village, when the recruiting party, with many-coloured ribbons, rouse it up with a spirit-stirring tattoo40? Matrons leave their domestic cares, and run to the cottage door: peeping over their shoulders, the maidens41 admire and fear. The shuffling42 clowns raise up their heads gradually, until they stand erect43 and proud; the slouch in the back is taken out, their heavy walk is changed to a firm yet elastic44 tread, every muscle appears more braced45, every nerve, by degrees, new strung; the blood circulates rapidly: pulses quicken, hearts throb46, eyes brighten, and as the martial47 sound pervades48 their rustic49 frames, the Cimons of the plough are converted, as if by magic, into incipient50 heroes for the field;—and all this is produced by beating the skin of the most gentle, most harmless animal of creation.
Not having at hand the simile51 synthetical52, we have resorted to the antithetical. The blowing of the Dominie’s nose produced the very contrary effects. It was a signal that he had returned from his intellectual journal, and was once more in his school-room—that the master had finished with his x, y, z’s, and it was time for scholars to mind their p’s and q’s. At this note of warning, like the minute-roll among the troops, every one fell into his place; half-munched apples were thrust into the first pocket—popguns disappeared—battles were left to be decided53 elsewhere—books were opened, and eyes directed to them—forms that were fidgeting and twisting in all directions, now took one regimental inclined position over the desk—silence was restored, order resumed her reign54, and Mr Knapps, the usher, who always availed himself of these interregnums, as well as the scholars, by deserting to the matron’s room, warned by the well-known sound, hastened to the desk of toil55; such were the astonishing effects of a blow from Dominie Dobiensis’ sonorous and peace-restoring nose.
“Jacob Faithful, draw near,” were the first words which struck upon my tympanum the next morning, when I had taken my seat at the further end of the school-room. I rose and threaded my way through two lines of boys, who put out their legs to trip me up in my passage through their ranks; and surmounting56 all difficulties, found myself within three feet of the master’s high desk, or pulpit, from which he looked down upon me like the Olympian Jupiter upon mortals, in ancient time.
“Jacob Faithful, canst thou read?”
“No, I can’t,” replied I; “I wish I could.”
“A well-disposed answer, Jacob; thy wishes shall be gratified. Knowest thou thine alphabet?”
“I don’t know what that is.”
“Then thou knowest it not. Mr Knapps shall forthwith instruct thee. Thou shall forthwith go to Mr Knapps, who inculcateth the rudiments57. Levior Puer, lighter-boy, thou hast a crafty58 look.” And then I heard a noise in his throat that resembled the “cluck, cluck” when my poor mother poured the gin out of the great stone bottle.
“My little navilculator,” continued he, “thou art a weed washed on shore, one of Father Thames’ cast-up wrecks59. ‘Fluviorum rex Eridanus,’ (Chuck, cluck.) To thy studies; be thyself—that is, be Faithful. Mr Knapps, let the Cadmean art proceed forthwith.” So saying, Dominie Dobiensis thrust his large hand into his right coat pocket, in which he kept his snuff loose, and taking a large pinch (the major part of which, the stock being low, was composed of hair and cotton abrasions60 which had collected in the corners of his pocket), he called up the first class, while Mr Knapps called me to my first lesson.
Mr Knapps was a thin, hectic-looking young man, apparently61 nineteen or twenty years of age, very small in all his proportions, red ferret eyes, and without the least sign of incipient manhood; but he was very savage62, nevertheless. Not being permitted to pummel the boys when the Dominie was in the school-room, he played the tyrant63 most effectually when he was left commanding officer. The noise and hubbub64 certainly warranted his interference—the respect paid to him was positively65 nil66. His practice was to select the most glaring delinquent67, and let fly his ruler at him, with immediate68 orders to bring it back. These orders were complied with for more than one reason; in the first place, was the offender69 hit, he was glad that another should have his turn; in the second, Mr Knapps being a very bad shot (never having drove a Kamschatdale team of dogs), he generally missed the one he aimed at, and hit some other, who, if he did not exactly deserve it at that moment, certainly did for previous, or would for subsequent, delinquencies. In the latter case, the ruler was brought back to him because there was no injury inflicted70, although intended. However, be it as it may, the ruler was always returned to him; and thus did Mr Knapps pelt71 the boys as if they were cocks on Shrove Tuesday, to the great risk of their heads and limbs. I have little further to say of Mr Knapps, except that he wore a black shalloon loose coat; on the left sleeve of which he wiped his pen, and upon the right, but too often, his ever-snivelling nose.
“What is that, boy?” said Mr Knapps, pointing to the letter A.
I looked attentively72, and recognising, as I thought, one of my father’s hieroglyphics73, replied, “That’s half-a-bushel;” and I was certainly warranted in my supposition.
“Half-a-bushel! You’re more than half a fool. That’s the letter A.”
“No; it’s half-a-bushel; father told me so.”
“Then your father was as big a fool as yourself.”
“Father knew what half-a-bushel was, and so do I: that’s half-a-bushel.”
“I tell you it’s the letter A,” cried Mr Knapps, in a rage.
“It’s half-a-bushel,” replied I, doggedly74. I persisted in my assertion: and Mr Knapps, who dared not punish me while the Dominie was present, descended75 his throne of one step, and led me up to the master.
“I can do nothing with this boy, sir,” said he, red as fire; “he denies the first letter in the alphabet, and insists upon it that the letter A is not A, but half-a-bushel.”
“Dost thou, in thine ignorance, pretend to teach when thou comest here to learn, Jacob Faithful?”
“Father always told me that that thing there meant half-a-bushel.”
“Thy father might, perhaps, have used that letter to signify the measure which thou speakest of, in the same way as I, in my mathematics, use divers76 letters for known and unknown quantities; but thou must forget that which thy father taught thee, and commence de novo. Dost thou understand?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Then, little Jacob, that represents the letter A, and whatever else Mr Knapps may tell thee, thou wilt77 believe. Return, Jacob, and be docile78.”
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收听单词发音
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1
converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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2
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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3
procuring
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| v.（努力）取得， （设法）获得( procure的现在分词 )；拉皮条 | |
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4
abode
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| n.住处，住所 | |
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barge
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| n.平底载货船，驳船 | |
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annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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7
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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8
regiment
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| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
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9
perpendiculars
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| n.垂直的，成直角的( perpendicular的名词复数 )；直立的 | |
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10
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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scion
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| n.嫩芽，子孙 | |
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12
doomed
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| 命定的 | |
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13
lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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14
gratis
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| adj.免费的 | |
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15
usher
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| n.带位员，招待员；vt.引导，护送；vi.做招待，担任引座员 | |
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16
narrative
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| n.叙述，故事；adj.叙事的，故事体的 | |
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17
dreary
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| adj.令人沮丧的，沉闷的，单调乏味的 | |
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18
secondly
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| adv.第二，其次 | |
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19
mathematician
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| n.数学家 | |
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20
algebra
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| n.代数学 | |
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21
demonstrations
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| 证明( demonstration的名词复数 )； 表明； 表达； 游行示威 | |
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antiquity
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| n.古老；高龄；古物，古迹 | |
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23
peculiarity
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| n.独特性，特色；特殊的东西；怪癖 | |
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24
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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drollery
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| n.开玩笑，说笑话；滑稽可笑的图画（或故事、小戏等） | |
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chuckle
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| vi.／n.轻声笑，咯咯笑 | |
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relished
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| v.欣赏( relish的过去式和过去分词 )；从…获得乐趣；渴望 | |
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28
attachment
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| n.附属物，附件；依恋；依附 | |
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29
insignificance
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| n.不重要；无价值；无意义 | |
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30
ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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aquiline
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| adj.钩状的，鹰的 | |
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32
extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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33
fluting
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| 有沟槽的衣料； 吹笛子； 笛声； 刻凹槽 | |
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34
transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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35
sonorous
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| adj.响亮的，回响的；adv.圆润低沉地；感人地；n.感人，堂皇 | |
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36
consequential
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| adj.作为结果的，间接的；重要的 | |
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ominous
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| adj.不祥的，不吉的，预兆的，预示的 | |
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38
rattle
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| v.飞奔，碰响；激怒；n.碰撞声；拨浪鼓 | |
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39
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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40
tattoo
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| n.纹身，(皮肤上的)刺花纹；vt.刺花纹于 | |
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41
maidens
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| 处女( maiden的名词复数 )； 少女； 未婚女子； （板球运动）未得分的一轮投球 | |
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42
shuffling
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| adj. 慢慢移动的, 滑移的 动词shuffle的现在分词形式 | |
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43
erect
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| n./v.树立，建立，使竖立；adj.直立的，垂直的 | |
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44
elastic
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| n.橡皮圈，松紧带；adj.有弹性的；灵活的 | |
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45
braced
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| adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 )；撑牢；使自己站稳；振作起来 | |
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46
throb
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| v.震颤，颤动；(急速强烈地)跳动，搏动 | |
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47
martial
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| adj.战争的，军事的，尚武的，威武的 | |
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48
pervades
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| v.遍及，弥漫( pervade的第三人称单数 ) | |
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49
rustic
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| adj.乡村的，有乡村特色的；n.乡下人，乡巴佬 | |
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50
incipient
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| adj.起初的，发端的，初期的 | |
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51
simile
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| n.直喻，明喻 | |
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52
synthetical
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| adj.综合的，合成的 | |
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53
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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54
reign
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| n.统治时期，统治，支配，盛行；v.占优势 | |
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55
toil
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| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
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56
surmounting
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| 战胜( surmount的现在分词 )； 克服（困难）； 居于…之上； 在…顶上 | |
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57
rudiments
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| n.基础知识，入门 | |
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58
crafty
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| adj.狡猾的，诡诈的 | |
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59
wrecks
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| n.沉船( wreck的名词复数 )；（事故中）遭严重毁坏的汽车（或飞机等）；（身体或精神上）受到严重损伤的人；状况非常糟糕的车辆（或建筑物等）v.毁坏[毁灭]某物( wreck的第三人称单数 )；使（船舶）失事，使遇难，使下沉 | |
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60
abrasions
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| n.磨损( abrasion的名词复数 )；擦伤处；摩擦；磨蚀（作用） | |
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61
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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62
savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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63
tyrant
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| n.暴君，专制的君主，残暴的人 | |
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64
hubbub
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| n.嘈杂；骚乱 | |
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65
positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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66
nil
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| n.无，全无，零 | |
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67
delinquent
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| adj.犯法的，有过失的；n.违法者 | |
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68
immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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69
offender
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| n.冒犯者，违反者，犯罪者 | |
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70
inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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71
pelt
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| v.投掷，剥皮，抨击，开火 | |
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72
attentively
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| adv.聚精会神地；周到地；谛；凝神 | |
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73
hieroglyphics
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| n.pl.象形文字 | |
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74
doggedly
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| adv.顽强地，固执地 | |
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75
descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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76
divers
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| adj.不同的；种种的 | |
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77
wilt
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| v.(使)植物凋谢或枯萎；(指人)疲倦，衰弱 | |
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78
docile
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| adj.驯服的，易控制的，容易教的 | |
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