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Chapter Sixteen.
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 Six o’clock was now near at hand, and Mrs Turnbull entered the drawing-room in full dress. She certainly was a very handsome woman, and had every appearance of being fashionable; but it was her language which exposed her. She was like the peacock. As long as she was silent you could but admire the plumage, but her voice spoilt all. “Now, Mr Turnbull,” said she, “I wish to hexplain to you that there are certain himproprieties in your behaviour which I cannot put hup with, particularly that hof talking about when you were before the mast.”
 
“Well, my dear, is that anything to be ashamed of?”
 
“Yes, Mr Turnbull, that his—one halways sinks them ere particulars in fashionable society. To wirtuperate in company a’n’t pleasant, and Hi’ve thought of a plan which may hact as an himpediment to your vulgarity. Recollect1, Mr T, whenhever I say that Hi’ve an ’eadache, it’s to be a sign for you to ’old your tongue; and, Mr T, hoblige me by wearing kid gloves all the evening.”
 
“What! at dinner time, my dear?”
 
“Yes, Mr T, at dinner time; your ’ands are not fit to be touched.”
 
“Well, I recollect when you thought otherwise.”
 
“When, Mr T? ’ave I not often told you so?”
 
“Yes, lately; but I referred to the time when one Poll Bacon of Wapping took my hand for better or for worse.”
 
“Really, Mr T, you quite shock me. My name was Mary, and the Bacons are a good old Hinglish name. You ’ave their harms quartered on the carriage in right o’ me. That’s something, I can tell you.”
 
“Something I had to pay for pretty smartly, at all events.”
 
“The payment, Mr T, was on account of granting harms to you, who never ’ad any.”
 
“And never wished for them. What do I care for such stuff?”
 
“And when you did choose, Mr Turnbull, you might have consulted me, instead of making yourself the laughing-stock of Sir George Naylor and all the ’eralds. Who but a madman would have chosen three harpoons2 saluims, and three barrels couchants, with a spouting3 whale for a crest4? Just to point out to everybody what should hever be buried in hoblivion; and then your beastly motto—which I would have changed—‘Blubber for ever!’ Blubber indeed! henough to make hany one blubber for ever.”
 
“Well, the heralds5 told me they were just what I ought to have chosen, and very apposite, as they termed it.”
 
“They took your money and laughed at you. Two pair of griffins, a lion, half-a-dozen leopards6, and a hand with a dagger7, wouldn’t ’ave cost a farthing more. But what can you hexpect from an ’og?”
 
“But if I was cured, I should be what you were—Bacon.”
 
“I won’t demean myself, Mr Turnbull.”
 
“That’s right, my dear, don’t; there’s no curing you. Recollect the motto you chose in preference to mine.”
 
“Well, and a very proper one—‘Too much familiarity breeds contempt’—is it not so, Master Faithful?”
 
“Yes, madam, it was one of our copies at school.”
 
“I beg your pardon, sir, it was my hown hinvention.”
 
Rap, tap, rap, tap, tap, tap, tap.
 
“Mr and Mrs Peters, of Petercumb Hall,” announced the butler. Enter Mrs Peters first, a very diminutive8 lady, and followed by Mr Peters, six feet four inches without his shoes, deduct9 for stooping and curved shoulders seven inches. Mr Peters had retired10 from the Stock Exchange with a competence11, bought a place, named it Petercumb Hall, and set up his carriage. Another knock, and Mr and Mrs Drummond were announced. Compliments exchanged, and a pastile lighted by Mrs Turnbull.
 
“Well, Drummond,” said Mr Turnbull, “what are coals worth now?”
 
“Mr Turnbull, I’ve got such an ’eadache.”
 
This was of course a matter of condolence from all present, and a stopper upon Mr Turnbull’s tongue.
 
Another sounding rap, and a pause. “Monsieur and Madame de Tagliabue coming up.” Enter Monsieur and Madame de Tagliabue. The former, a dapper little Frenchman, with a neat pair of legs, and stomach as round as a pea. Madame sailing in like an outward-bound East Indiaman, with studding sails below and aloft; so large in her dimensions, that her husband might be compared to the pilot-boat plying12 about her stern.
 
“Charmée de vous voir, Madame Tom-bulle. Vous vous portez bien; n’est-ce pas?”
 
“Ve,” replied Mrs Turnbull, who thus exhausted13 her knowledge of the French language while the Monsieur tried in vain, first on one side, and then on the other, to get from under the lee of his wife and make his bow. This was not accomplished14 until the lady had taken possession of a sofa, which she filled most comfortably.
 
Who these people were, and how they lived, I never could find out: they came in a fly from Brentford.
 
Another announcement. “My Lord Babbleton and Mr Smith coming up.”
 
“Mr T, pray go down and receive his lordship. (There are two wax candles for you to light on the hall table, and you must walk up with them before his lordship,” said the lady aside.)
 
“I’ll be hanged if I do,” replied Mr Turnbull; “let the servants light him.”
 
“O, Mr T, I’ve such an ’eadache?”
 
“So you may have,” replied Mr T, sitting down doggedly15.
 
In the meantime Mr Smith entered, leading Lord Babbleton, a boy of twelve or thirteen years old, shy, awkward, red-haired, and ugly, to whom Mr Smith was tutor. Mrs T had found out Mr Smith, who was residing near Brentford with his charge, and made his acquaintance on purpose to have a lord on her visiting list, and, to her delight, the leader had not forgotten to bring his bear with him. Mrs Turnbull sprang to the door to receive them, making a prepared courtesy to the aristocratical cub16, and then shaking him respectfully by the hand. “Won’t your lordship walk to the fire? Isn’t your lordship cold? I hope your lordship’s sty is better in your lordship’s eye. Allow me to introduce to your lordship’s notice Mr and Mrs Peters—Madame and Mounsheer Tagleebue—Mr and Mrs Drummond, the Right Honourable17 Lord Viscount Babbleton.” As for Mr Turnbull and myself, we were left out as unworthy of introduction. “We are ready for dinner, Mr Turnbull.”
 
“Snobbs, get dinner dressed up,” said Mr T to the butler.
 
“O, Mr T, I’ve such an ’eadache.”
 
This last headache was produced by Mr T forgetting himself, and calling the butler by his real name, which was Snobbs; but Mrs Turnbull had resolved that it should be changed to Mortimer—or rather, to Mr Mortimer, as the household were directed to call him, on pain of expulsion.
 
Dinner was announced. Madame Tagliabue, upon what pretence19 I know not, was considered the first lady in the room, and Lord Babbleton was requested by Mrs Turnbull to hand her down. Madame rose, took his lordship’s hand, and led him away. Before they were out of the room, his lordship had disappeared among the ample folds of Madame’s gown, and was seen no more until she pulled him out, on their arrival at the dinner-table. At last we were all arranged according to Mrs Turnbull’s wishes, although there were several chops and changes about, until the order of precedence could be correctly observed. A French cook had been sent for by Mrs Turnbull; and not being mistress of the language, she had a card with the names of the dishes to refresh her memory, Mr Mortimer having informed her that such was always the custom among great people, who, not ordering their own dinners, of course they could not tell what there was to eat.
 
“Mrs Turnbull, what soup have you there?”
 
“Consummy soup, my lord. Will your lordship make use of that or of this here, which is o’juss.”
 
His lordship stared, made no answer; looked foolish; and Mr Mortimer placed some soup before him.
 
“Lord Babbleton takes soup,” said Mr Smith, pompously20; and the little right honourable supped soup, much to Mrs Turnbull’s satisfaction.
 
“Madame, do you soup? or do you fish?”
 
“Merci, no soup—poisson.”
 
“Don’t be afraid, madame; we’ve a French cook: you won’t be poisoned here,” replied Mrs Turnbull, rather annoyed.
 
“Comment, my chère madame, I meant to say dat I prefer de cod21.”
 
“Mr T, some soup for Madame. John, a clean plate for Lord Babbleton. What will your lordship condescend22 to make use of now?” (Mrs Turnbull thought the phrase, make use, excessively refined and elegant.)
 
“Ah, madame, votre cuisine23 est superbe,” exclaimed Monsieur Tagliabue, tucking the corner of his napkin into his button-hole, and making preparations for well filling his little rotundity.
 
“Ve,” replied Mrs Turnbull. “Mrs Peters, will you try the dish next Mr Turnbull? What is it?” (looking at her card)—“Agno roty. Will you, my lord? If your lordship has not yet got into your French—it means roast quarter of lamb.”
 
“His lordship is very partial to lamb,” said Mr Smith, with emphasis.
 
“Mr Turnbull, some lamb for Lord Babbleton, and for Mr Peters.”
 
“Directly, my dear.—Well, Jacob, you see, when I was first mate—”
 
“Dear! Mr Turnbull—I’ve such an ’eadache. Do, pray, cut the lamb. (Aside.) Mr Mortimer, do go and whisper to Mr Turnbull that I beg he will put on his gloves.”
 
“Mrs Peters, you’re doing nothing. Mr Mortimer, ’and round the side dishes, and let John serve out the champagne24.”
 
“Mrs Peters, there’s a wolley went o’ weaters. Will you make use of some? Mrs Drummond, will you try the dish coming round? It is—let me see—chew farsy. My Lord Babbleton, I ’ope the lamb’s to your liking25? Monshere Tagliabue—William, give Monshere a clean plate. What will you take next?”
 
“Vraiment, madame, tout26 est excellent, superbe! Je voudrais embrasser votre cuisinier—c’est un artiste comme il n’y a pas?”
 
“Ve,” replied Mrs Turnbull.
 
The first course was removed; and the second, after some delay, made its appearance. In the interim27, Mr Mortimer handed round one or two varieties of wine.
 
“Drummond, will you take a glass of wine with me?” said Mr Turnbull. “I hate your sour French wines. Will you take Madeira? I was on shore at Madeira once for a few hours, when I was before the mast, in the—”
 
“Mr Turnbull, I’ve such an ’eadache,” cried his lady, in an angry tone. “My lord, will you take some of this?—it is ding dong o’ turf—a turkey, my lord.”
 
“His lordship is fond of turkey,” said Mr Smith, dictatorially28.
 
Monsieur Tagliabue, who sat on the other side of Mrs T, found that the turkey was in request—it was some time before he could help himself.
 
“C’est superbe?” said Monsieur, thrusting a truffle into his mouth. “Apparemment, madame, n’aime pas la cuisine Anglaise?”
 
“Ve,” replied Mrs Turnbull. “Madame, what will you be hassisted to?” continued Mrs T.
 
“Tout de bon, madame.”
 
“Ve; what are those by you, Mr Peters?” inquired the lady in continuation.
 
“I really cannot exactly say; but they are fritters of some sort.”
 
“Let me see—hoh! bidet du poms. Madame, will you eat some bidet du poms?”
 
“Comment, madame, je ne vous comprends pas—”
 
“Ve.”
 
“Monsieur Tagliabue, expliquez donc;” said the foreign lady, red as a quarter of beef.
 
“Permettez,” said Monsieur, looking at the card. “Ah, c’est impossible, ma chère,” continued he, laughing. “Madame Turnbull se trompait; elle voudrait dire18 Beignets de pommes.”
 
“Vous trouvez notre langue fort difficile, n’est-ce pas?” continued madame, who recovered her good humour, and smiled graciously at Mrs T.
 
“Ve,” replied Mrs Turnbull, who perceived that she had made some mistake, and was anxiously awaiting the issue of the dialogue. It had, however, the effect of checking Mrs T, who said little more during the dinner and dessert.
 
At last the ladies rose from the dessert, and left the gentlemen at the table; but we were not permitted to remain long before coffee was announced, and we went up stairs. A variety of French liqueurs were handed about, and praised by most of the company. Mr Turnbull, however, ordered a glass of brandy as a settler.
 
“Oh! Mr Turnbull, I’ve such an ’eadache!”
 
After that the party became very dull. Lord Babbleton fell asleep on the sofa. Mr Peters walked round the room, admiring the pictures, and asking the names of the masters.
 
“I really quite forget; but, Mr Drummond, you are a judge of paintings I hear. Who do you think this is painted by?” said the lady, pointing to a very inferior performance. “I am not quite sure; but I think it is Van—Van Daub.”
 
“I should think so too,” replied Mr Drummond, drily; “we have a great many pictures in England by the same hand.”
 
The French gentleman proposed écarté, but no one knew how to play it except his wife; who sat down with him to pass away the time. The ladies sauntered about the room, looking at the contents of the tables, Mrs Peters occasionally talking of Petercumb Hall; Mr Smith played at patience in one corner; while Mr Turnbull and Mr Drummond sat in another in close conversation; and the lady of the house divided her attentions, running from one to the other, and requesting them not to talk so loud as to awake the Right Honourable Lord Viscount Babbleton. At last the vehicles were announced, and the fashionable party broke up, much to the satisfaction of everybody, and to none more than myself.
 
I ought to observe that all the peculiar29 absurdities30 I have narrated31 did not strike me so much at the time; but it was an event to me to dine out, and the scene was well impressed upon my memory. After what occurred to me in my after life, and when I became better able to judge of fashionable pretensions32, the whole was vividly33 brought back to my recollection.

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 recollect eUOxl     
v.回忆,想起,记起,忆起,记得
参考例句:
  • He tried to recollect things and drown himself in them.他极力回想过去的事情而沉浸于回忆之中。
  • She could not recollect being there.她回想不起曾经到过那儿。
2 harpoons 251647187a14e257f7d35de0729d6da4     
n.鱼镖,鱼叉( harpoon的名词复数 )v.鱼镖,鱼叉( harpoon的第三人称单数 )
参考例句:
  • Greenpeace hopes to position its boats between the harpoons and the whales. 绿色和平希望他们的船能开到港口与鲸鱼群之间的地方。 来自互联网
  • NIV Can you fill his hide with harpoons or his head with fishing spears? 7[和合]你能用倒钩枪扎满它的皮,能用鱼叉叉满它的头吗? 来自互联网
3 spouting 7d5ba6391a70f183d6f0e45b0bbebb98     
n.水落管系统v.(指液体)喷出( spout的现在分词 );滔滔不绝地讲;喋喋不休地说;喷水
参考例句:
  • He's always spouting off about the behaviour of young people today. 他总是没完没了地数落如今年轻人的行为。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Blood was spouting from the deep cut in his arm. 血从他胳膊上深深的伤口里涌出来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
4 crest raqyA     
n.顶点;饰章;羽冠;vt.达到顶点;vi.形成浪尖
参考例句:
  • The rooster bristled his crest.公鸡竖起了鸡冠。
  • He reached the crest of the hill before dawn.他于黎明前到达山顶。
5 heralds 85a7677643514d2e94585dc21f41b7ab     
n.使者( herald的名词复数 );预报者;预兆;传令官v.预示( herald的第三人称单数 );宣布(好或重要)
参考例句:
  • The song of birds heralds the approach of spring. 百鸟齐鸣报春到。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
  • The wind sweeping through the tower heralds a rising storm in the mountain. 山雨欲来风满楼。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
6 leopards 5b82300b95cf3e47ad28dae49f1824d1     
n.豹( leopard的名词复数 );本性难移
参考例句:
  • Lions, tigers and leopards are all cats. 狮、虎和豹都是猫科动物。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • For example, airlines never ship leopards and canaries on the same flight. 例如,飞机上从来不会同时运送豹和金丝雀。 来自英语晨读30分(初三)
7 dagger XnPz0     
n.匕首,短剑,剑号
参考例句:
  • The bad news is a dagger to his heart.这条坏消息刺痛了他的心。
  • The murderer thrust a dagger into her heart.凶手将匕首刺进她的心脏。
8 diminutive tlWzb     
adj.小巧可爱的,小的
参考例句:
  • Despite its diminutive size,the car is quite comfortable.尽管这辆车很小,但相当舒服。
  • She has diminutive hands for an adult.作为一个成年人,她的手显得非常小。
9 deduct pxfx7     
vt.扣除,减去
参考例句:
  • You can deduct the twenty - five cents out of my allowance.你可在我的零用钱里扣去二角五分钱。
  • On condition of your signing this contract,I will deduct a percentage.如果你在这份合同上签字,我就会给你减免一个百分比。
10 retired Njhzyv     
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的
参考例句:
  • The old man retired to the country for rest.这位老人下乡休息去了。
  • Many retired people take up gardening as a hobby.许多退休的人都以从事园艺为嗜好。
11 competence NXGzV     
n.能力,胜任,称职
参考例句:
  • This mess is a poor reflection on his competence.这种混乱情况说明他难当此任。
  • These are matters within the competence of the court.这些是法院权限以内的事。
12 plying b2836f18a4e99062f56b2ed29640d9cf     
v.使用(工具)( ply的现在分词 );经常供应(食物、饮料);固定往来;经营生意
参考例句:
  • All manner of hawkers and street sellers were plying their trade. 形形色色的沿街小贩都在做着自己的买卖。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • It was rather Mrs. Wang who led the conversation, plying Miss Liu with questions. 倒是汪太太谈锋甚健,向刘小姐问长问短。 来自汉英文学 - 围城
13 exhausted 7taz4r     
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的
参考例句:
  • It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长,到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
  • Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。
14 accomplished UzwztZ     
adj.有才艺的;有造诣的;达到了的
参考例句:
  • Thanks to your help,we accomplished the task ahead of schedule.亏得你们帮忙,我们才提前完成了任务。
  • Removal of excess heat is accomplished by means of a radiator.通过散热器完成多余热量的排出。
15 doggedly 6upzAY     
adv.顽强地,固执地
参考例句:
  • He was still doggedly pursuing his studies.他仍然顽强地进行着自己的研究。
  • He trudged doggedly on until he reached the flat.他顽强地、步履艰难地走着,一直走回了公寓。
16 cub ny5xt     
n.幼兽,年轻无经验的人
参考例句:
  • The lion cub's mother was hunting for what she needs. 这只幼师的母亲正在捕猎。
  • The cub licked the milk from its mother's breast. 这头幼兽吸吮着它妈妈的奶水。
17 honourable honourable     
adj.可敬的;荣誉的,光荣的
参考例句:
  • I don't think I am worthy of such an honourable title.这样的光荣称号,我可担当不起。
  • I hope to find an honourable way of settling difficulties.我希望设法找到一个体面的办法以摆脱困境。
18 dire llUz9     
adj.可怕的,悲惨的,阴惨的,极端的
参考例句:
  • There were dire warnings about the dangers of watching too much TV.曾经有人就看电视太多的危害性提出严重警告。
  • We were indeed in dire straits.But we pulled through.那时我们的困难真是大极了,但是我们渡过了困难。
19 pretence pretence     
n.假装,作假;借口,口实;虚伪;虚饰
参考例句:
  • The government abandoned any pretence of reform. 政府不再装模作样地进行改革。
  • He made a pretence of being happy at the party.晚会上他假装很高兴。
20 pompously pompously     
adv.傲慢地,盛大壮观地;大模大样
参考例句:
  • He pompously described his achievements. 他很夸耀地描述了自己所取得的成绩。 来自互联网
21 cod nwizOF     
n.鳕鱼;v.愚弄;哄骗
参考例句:
  • They salt down cod for winter use.他们腌鳕鱼留着冬天吃。
  • Cod are found in the North Atlantic and the North Sea.北大西洋和北海有鳕鱼。
22 condescend np7zo     
v.俯就,屈尊;堕落,丢丑
参考例句:
  • Would you condescend to accompany me?你肯屈尊陪我吗?
  • He did not condescend to answer.He turned his back on me.他不愿屈尊回答我的问题。他不理睬我。
23 cuisine Yn1yX     
n.烹调,烹饪法
参考例句:
  • This book is the definitive guide to world cuisine.这本书是世界美食的权威指南。
  • This restaurant is renowned for its cuisine.这家餐馆以其精美的饭菜而闻名。
24 champagne iwBzh3     
n.香槟酒;微黄色
参考例句:
  • There were two glasses of champagne on the tray.托盘里有两杯香槟酒。
  • They sat there swilling champagne.他们坐在那里大喝香槟酒。
25 liking mpXzQ5     
n.爱好;嗜好;喜欢
参考例句:
  • The word palate also means taste or liking.Palate这个词也有“口味”或“嗜好”的意思。
  • I must admit I have no liking for exaggeration.我必须承认我不喜欢夸大其词。
26 tout iG7yL     
v.推销,招徕;兜售;吹捧,劝诱
参考例句:
  • They say it will let them tout progress in the war.他们称这将有助于鼓吹他们在战争中的成果。
  • If your case studies just tout results,don't bother requiring registration to view them.如果你的案例研究只是吹捧结果,就别烦扰别人来注册访问了。
27 interim z5wxB     
adj.暂时的,临时的;n.间歇,过渡期间
参考例句:
  • The government is taking interim measures to help those in immediate need.政府正在采取临时措施帮助那些有立即需要的人。
  • It may turn out to be an interim technology.这可能只是个过渡技术。
28 dictatorially 9feeeef9c805d6f934a059dcdb7c62b9     
adv.独裁地,自大地
参考例句:
  • These people act arbitrarily and dictatorially. 这些人独断专横。 来自互联网
  • This manager acts dictatorially toward his colleagues. 这位经理对他的同事非常独裁。 来自互联网
29 peculiar cinyo     
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的
参考例句:
  • He walks in a peculiar fashion.他走路的样子很奇特。
  • He looked at me with a very peculiar expression.他用一种很奇怪的表情看着我。
30 absurdities df766e7f956019fcf6a19cc2525cadfb     
n.极端无理性( absurdity的名词复数 );荒谬;谬论;荒谬的行为
参考例句:
  • She has a sharp eye for social absurdities, and compassion for the victims of social change. 她独具慧眼,能够看到社会上荒唐的事情,对于社会变革的受害者寄以同情。 来自辞典例句
  • The absurdities he uttered at the dinner party landed his wife in an awkward situation. 他在宴会上讲的荒唐话使他太太陷入窘境。 来自辞典例句
31 narrated 41d1c5fe7dace3e43c38e40bfeb85fe5     
v.故事( narrate的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • Some of the story was narrated in the film. 该电影叙述了这个故事的部分情节。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Defoe skilfully narrated the adventures of Robinson Crusoe on his desert island. 笛福生动地叙述了鲁滨逊·克鲁索在荒岛上的冒险故事。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
32 pretensions 9f7f7ffa120fac56a99a9be28790514a     
自称( pretension的名词复数 ); 自命不凡; 要求; 权力
参考例句:
  • The play mocks the pretensions of the new middle class. 这出戏讽刺了新中产阶级的装模作样。
  • The city has unrealistic pretensions to world-class status. 这个城市不切实际地标榜自己为国际都市。
33 vividly tebzrE     
adv.清楚地,鲜明地,生动地
参考例句:
  • The speaker pictured the suffering of the poor vividly.演讲者很生动地描述了穷人的生活。
  • The characters in the book are vividly presented.这本书里的人物写得栩栩如生。


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