CHAPTER 4

 My visit to Boppard was drawing to an end before I had a clear opportunity to have things out with Rachel. It was in a little garden, under the very shadow of that gracious cathedral at Worms, the sort of little garden to which one is admitted by ringing a bell and tipping a custodian¹. I think Worms is in many respects one of the most beautiful cathedrals I have ever seen, so perfectly² proportioned, so delicately faded, so aloof³, so free from pride or presumption⁴, and it rises over this green and flowery peace, a towering, lithe⁵, light brown, sunlit, easy thing, as unconsciously and irrelevantly⁶ splendid as a tall ship in the evening glow under a press of canvas. We looked up at it for a time and then went on with the talk to which we had been coming slowly since the Fürstin had packed us off for it, while she went into the town with Berwick to buy toys for her gatekeeper's children. I had talked about myself, and the gradual replacement⁷ of my ambition to play a part in imperial politics by wider intentions. "You know," I asked abruptly⁸, "why I left England?"

 

She thought through the briefest of pauses. "No," she decided⁹ at last.

 

"I made love," I said, "to Lady Mary Justin, and we were found out. We couldn't go away together——"

 

 

"Why not?" she interjected.

 

"It was impossible."

 

For some moments neither of us spoke¹⁰. "Something," she said, and then, "Some vague report," and left these fragments to be her reply.

 

"We were old playmates; we were children together. We have—something—that draws us to each other. She—she made a mistake in marrying. We were both very young and the situation was difficult. And then afterwards we were thrown together.... But you see that has made a great difference to my life; it's turned me off the rails on which men of my sort usually run. I've had to look to these other things.... They've become more to me than to most people if only because of that...."

 

"You mean these ideas of yours—learning as much as you can about the world, and then doing what you can to help other people to a better understanding."

 

"Yes," I said.

 

"And that—will fill your life."

 

"It ought to."

 

"I suppose it ought. I suppose—you find—it does."

 

"Don't you think it ought to fill my life?"

 

"I wondered if it did."

 

"But why shouldn't it?"

 

"It's so—so cold."

 

My questioning silence made her attempt to explain.

 

"One wants life more beautiful than that," she said. "One wants—— There are things one needs, things nearer one."

 

We became aware of a jangling at the janitor's bell. Our opportunity for talk was slipping away. And we were both still undecided, both blunderingly nervous and insecure. We were hurried into clumsy phrases that afterwards we would have given much to recall.

 

"But how could life be more beautiful," I said, "than when it serves big human ends?"

 

Her brows were knit. She seemed to be listening for the sound of the unlocking gate.

 

"But," she said, and plunged¹², "one wants to be loved. Surely one needs that."

 

"You see, for me—that's gone."

 

"Why should it be gone?"

 

"It is. One doesn't begin again. I mean—myself. You—can. You've never begun. Not when you've loved—loved really." I forced that on her. I over emphasized. "It was real love, you know; the real thing.... I don't mean the mere¹³ imaginative love, blindfold¹⁴ love, but love that sees.... I want you to understand that. I loved—altogether...."

 

Across the lawn under its trim flowering-trees appeared Berwick loaded with little parcels, and manifestly eager to separate us, and the Fürstin as manifestly putting on the drag.

 

"There's a sort of love," I hurried, "that doesn't renew itself ever. Don't let yourself believe it does. Something else may come in its place, but that is different. It's youth,—a wonderful newness.... Look at that youngster. He can love you like that. I've watched him. He does. You know he does...."

 

"Yes," she said, as hurriedly; "but then, you see, I don't love him."

 

"You don't?"

 

"I can't."

 

"But he's such a fresh clean human being——"

 

 

"That's not all," said Rachel. "That's not all.... You don't understand."

 

The two drew near. "It is so hard to explain," she said. "Things that one hardly sees for oneself. Sometimes it seems one cannot help oneself. You can't choose. You are taken...." She seemed about to say something more, and stopped and bit her lip.

 

In another moment I was standing¹¹ up, and the Fürstin was calling to us across ten feet of space. "Such amoosin' little toyshops. We've got a heap of things. Just look at him!"

 

He smiled over his load with anxious eyes upon our faces.

 

"Ten separate parcels," he said, appealing for Rachel's sympathy. "I'm doing my best not to complain."

 

And rather adroitly¹⁵ he contrived¹⁶ to let two of them slip, and captured Rachel to assist him.

1 custodian   

n.保管人，监护人；公共建筑看守

参考例句：

• Benitez believes his custodian is among the top five in world football.贝尼特斯坚信他的门将是当今足坛最出色的五人之一。
• When his father died his uncle became his legal custodian.他父亲死后，他叔叔成了他的法定监护人。

2 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

3 aloof   

adj.远离的；冷淡的，漠不关心的

参考例句：

• Never stand aloof from the masses.千万不可脱离群众。
• On the evening the girl kept herself timidly aloof from the crowd.这小女孩在晚会上一直胆怯地远离人群。

4 presumption   

n.推测，可能性，冒昧，放肆，[法律]推定

参考例句：

• Please pardon my presumption in writing to you.请原谅我很冒昧地写信给你。
• I don't think that's a false presumption.我认为那并不是错误的推测。

5 lithe   

adj.(指人、身体)柔软的，易弯的

参考例句：

• His lithe athlete's body had been his pride through most of the fifty - six years.他那轻巧自如的运动员体格，五十六年来几乎一直使他感到自豪。
• His walk was lithe and graceful.他走路轻盈而优雅。

6 irrelevantly   

adv.不恰当地，不合适地；不相关地

参考例句：

• To-morrow!\" Then she added irrelevantly: \"You ought to see the baby.\" 明天，”随即她又毫不相干地说：“你应当看看宝宝。” 来自英汉文学 - 盖茨比
• Suddenly and irrelevantly, she asked him for money. 她突然很不得体地向他要钱。 来自互联网

7 replacement   

n.取代，替换，交换；替代品，代用品

参考例句：

• We are hard put to find a replacement for our assistant.我们很难找到一个人来代替我们的助手。
• They put all the students through the replacement examination.他们让所有的学生参加分班考试。

8 abruptly   

adv.突然地，出其不意地

参考例句：

• He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
• I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。

9 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

10 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

11 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

12 plunged   

v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降

参考例句：

• The train derailed and plunged into the river. 火车脱轨栽进了河里。
• She lost her balance and plunged 100 feet to her death. 她没有站稳，从100英尺的高处跌下摔死了。

13 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

14 blindfold   

vt.蒙住…的眼睛；adj.盲目的；adv.盲目地；n.蒙眼的绷带[布等]； 障眼物，蒙蔽人的事物

参考例句：

• They put a blindfold on a horse.他们给马蒙上遮眼布。
• I can do it blindfold.我闭着眼睛都能做。

15 adroitly   

adv.熟练地，敏捷地

参考例句：

• He displayed the cigarette holder grandly on every occasion and had learned to manipulate it adroitly. 他学会了一套用手灵巧地摆弄烟嘴的动作，一有机会就要拿它炫耀一番。 来自辞典例句
• The waitress passes a fine menu to Molly who orders dishes adroitly. 女服务生捧来菜单递给茉莉，后者轻车熟路地点菜。 来自互联网

16 contrived   

adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的

参考例句：

• There was nothing contrived or calculated about what he said.他说的话里没有任何蓄意捏造的成分。
• The plot seems contrived.情节看起来不真实。