CHAPTER 9

 Our London house was not shut up—two servants were there on board-wages against the possibility of such a temporary return as I was now making—Rachel was away with you three children at Cromingham. I had not told her I was returning to London, and I had put up at one of my clubs. Until I had had a second interview with Maxwell Hartington I still would not let myself think that it was possible that Mary and I would fail with our explanations. We had the common confidence of habitually¹ unchallenged people that our word would be accepted. I had hoped indeed to get the whole affair settled and abolished without anything of it coming to Rachel's ears. Then at my leisure I should be able to tell her exactly how things had come about. But each day made it clearer that things were not going to be settled, that the monstrous³ and the incredible was going to happen and that Justin had set his mind implacably upon a divorce. My sense of complete innocence⁴ had already been shaken by Maxwell Hartington; I had come to perceive that we had been amazingly indiscreet, I was beginning to think we had been criminally indiscreet.

 

I saw Maxwell Hartington for a second time, and it became clear to me I must abandon any hope of keeping things further from Rachel. I took my luggage round to my house, to the great astonishment⁵ of the two servants,—they had supposed of course that I was in Italy—and then went down on the heels of a telegram to Rachel. I forget the wording of that telegram, but it was as little alarming as possible; I think I said something about "back in London for documents; shall try to get down to you." I did not specify⁶ any particular train or indeed state definitely that I was coming that day.

 

I had never been to Cromingham before. I went to the house you occupied on the Esplanade and learnt that you were all upon the beach. I walked along the sea-wall scrutinizing⁷ the various bright groups of children and nursemaids and holiday people that were scattered⁸ over the sands. It was a day of blazing sunshine, and, between the bright sky and the silver drabs of the sand stretched the low levels of a sea that had its customary green-grey touched for once with something of the sapphire⁹ glow of the Mediterranean¹⁰. Here and there were gay little umbrella tents or canvas shelters, and a bather or so and pink and white wading¹¹ children broke the dazzling edge of foam¹². And I sought you with a kind of reluctance¹³ as though finding you would bring nearer the black irrational¹⁴ disaster that hung over us all.

 

And when I found you at last you were all radiantly[Pg 345] happy and healthy, the prettiest of families, and only your mother was touched with any gravity deeper than the joy of sunshine and sea. You and Mademoiselle Potin—in those days her ministrations were just beginning—were busy constructing a great sea-wall that should really and truly stop the advancing tide. Rachel Two was a little apart, making with infinite contentment an endless multitude of conical sand pies with her little tin pail. Margaret, a pink inarticulate lump, scrabbled in the warm sand under Jessica's care. Your mother sat and watched you—thoughtfully. And before any of you knew that I was there my shadow fell across you all.

 

You accepted my appearance when I ought to have been in Italy with the unquestioning confidence with which you still take all my comings and goings. For you, Italy, America, any place is just round the corner. I was kissed with affection but haste, and you got back to your sand-works as speedily as possible. I inspected Rachel Two's mounds,—she was giving them the names of her various aunts and uncles—and patted the crowing Margaret, who ignored me. Rachel had sprung to her feet and kissed me and now hovered¹⁵ radiant over me as I caressed¹⁶ you youngsters. It was all so warm, so real, that for an instant the dark threat that hung over us all vanished from my skies, to return with the force of a blow.

 

"And what has brought you back?" said Rachel. "I had expected a month of widowhood. What can have brought you back?"

 

The dancing gladness in her eyes vanished swiftly as she waited for an answer to her question. She caught the note of tragedy from my face. "Why have you come back from Italy?" she asked in an altered voice.

 

 

"Rachel," I said taking her arm, with a desolating¹⁷ sense of the futility¹⁸ in my gesture of protection; "let us walk along the beach. I want to tell you something—— Something rather complicated."

 

"Is there going to be war, Stephen?" she asked abruptly¹⁹.

 

It seemed then that this question which merely concerned the welfare of a hundred million people or so and pain, destruction and disaster beyond measure, was the most trivial of digressions.

 

"No," I said. "I haven't thought about the war."

 

"But I thought—you were thinking of nothing else."

 

"This has put it out of my head. It's something—— Something disastrous²⁰ to us."

 

"Something has happened to our money?"

 

"I wish that was all."

 

"Then what is it?" Her mind flashed out. "It has something to do with Mary Justin."

 

"How did you know that?"

 

"I guessed."

 

"Well. It is. You see—in Switzerland we met."

 

"You met!"

 

"By accident. She had been staying at the hotel on Engstlen Alp."

 

"You slept there!" cried Rachel.

 

"I didn't know she was in the hotel until the next day."

 

"And then you came away!"

 

"That day."

 

"But you talked together?"

 

"Yes."

 

"And for some reason—— You never told me, Stephen! You never told me. And you met. But—— Why is this, disaster?"

 

 

"Because Justin knows and he means to divorce her—and it may be he will succeed...."

 

Rachel's face had become white, for some time she said nothing. Then slowly, "And if he had not known and done that—I should never have known."

 

I had no answer to make to that. It was true. Rachel's face was very still, and her eyes stared at the situation laid bare to her.

 

"When you began," she choked presently, "when she wrote—I knew—I felt——"

 

She ceased for fear she might weep, and for a time we walked in silence.

 

"I suppose," she said desperately²¹ at last, "he will get his divorce."

 

"I am afraid he will."

 

"There's no evidence—you didn't...."

 

"No."

 

"And I never dreamt——!"

 

Then her passion tore at her. "Stephen my dear," she wept, "you didn't? you didn't? Stephen, indeed you didn't, did you? You kept faith with me as a husband should. It was an accident—a real accident—and there was no planning for you to meet together. It was as you say? I've never doubted your word ever—I've never doubted you."

 

Well, at any rate I could answer that plainly, and I did.

 

"And you know, Stephen," she said, "I believe you. And I can't believe you. My heart is tormented²². Why did you write to her? Why did you two write and go on writing? And why did you tell me nothing of that meeting? I believe you because I can't do anything but believe you. It would kill me not to believe you in a thing that came so near to us. And yet, there it is, like a knife being twisted in my heart—that you met. Should I have known of your meeting, Stephen—ever? I know I'm talking badly for you.... But this thing strikes me suddenly. Out of this clear beautiful sky! And the children there—so happy in the sunshine! I was so happy. So happy. With you coming.... It will mean shames and law-courts and newspapers, losses of friends, losses of money and freedom.... My mother and my people!... And you and all the work you do!... People will never forget it, never forgive it. They will say you promised.... If she had never written, if she had kept to her bargain——"

 

"We should still have met."

 

"Stephen!... Stephen, you must bear with me...."

 

"This is a thing," I said, "that falls as you say out of the sky. It seemed so natural—for her to write.... And the meeting ... it is like some tremendous disaster of nature. I do not feel I have deserved it. It is—irrational. But there it is, little Rachel of my heart, and we have to face it. Whatever happens we have to go on. It doesn't alter the work we have to do. If it clips our wings—we have to hop² along with clipped wings.... For you—I wish it could spare you. And she—she too is a victim, Rachel."

 

"She need not have written," said Rachel. "She need not have written. And then if you had met——"

 

She could not go on with that.

 

"It is so hard," I said, "to ask you to be just to her—and me. I wish I could have come to you and married you—without all that legacy—of things remembered.... I was what I was.... One can't shake off a thing in one's blood. And besides—besides——"

 

I stopped helplessly.

1 habitually   

ad.习惯地，通常地

参考例句：

• The pain of the disease caused him habitually to furrow his brow. 病痛使他习惯性地紧皱眉头。
• Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair. 我已经习惯于服从约翰，我来到他的椅子跟前。

2 hop   

n.单脚跳，跳跃；vi.单脚跳，跳跃；着手做某事；vt.跳跃，跃过

参考例句：

• The children had a competition to see who could hop the fastest.孩子们举行比赛，看谁单足跳跃最快。
• How long can you hop on your right foot?你用右脚能跳多远？

3 monstrous   

adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的

参考例句：

• The smoke began to whirl and grew into a monstrous column.浓烟开始盘旋上升，形成了一个巨大的烟柱。
• Your behaviour in class is monstrous!你在课堂上的行为真是丢人！

4 innocence   

n.无罪；天真；无害

参考例句：

• There was a touching air of innocence about the boy.这个男孩有一种令人感动的天真神情。
• The accused man proved his innocence of the crime.被告人经证实无罪。

5 astonishment   

n.惊奇，惊异

参考例句：

• They heard him give a loud shout of astonishment.他们听见他惊奇地大叫一声。
• I was filled with astonishment at her strange action.我对她的奇怪举动不胜惊异。

6 specify   

vt.指定，详细说明

参考例句：

• We should specify a time and a place for the meeting.我们应指定会议的时间和地点。
• Please specify what you will do.请你详述一下你将做什么。

7 scrutinizing   

v.仔细检查，详审( scrutinize的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• His grandfather's stern eyes were scrutinizing him, and Chueh-hui felt his face reddening. 祖父的严厉的眼光射在他的脸上。 来自汉英文学 - 家（1-26） - 家（1-26）
• The machine hushed, extraction and injection nozzles poised, scrutinizing its targets. 机器“嘘”地一声静了下来，输入输出管道各就各位，检查着它的目标。 来自互联网

8 scattered   

adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的

参考例句：

• Gathering up his scattered papers,he pushed them into his case.他把散乱的文件收拾起来，塞进文件夹里。

9 sapphire   

n.青玉，蓝宝石；adj.天蓝色的

参考例句：

• Now let us consider crystals such as diamond or sapphire.现在让我们考虑象钻石和蓝宝石这样的晶体。
• He left a sapphire ring to her.他留给她一枚蓝宝石戒指。

10 Mediterranean   

adj.地中海的；地中海沿岸的

参考例句：

• The houses are Mediterranean in character.这些房子都属地中海风格。
• Gibraltar is the key to the Mediterranean.直布罗陀是地中海的要冲。

11 wading   

（从水、泥等）蹚，走过，跋( wade的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The man tucked up his trousers for wading. 那人卷起裤子，准备涉水。
• The children were wading in the sea. 孩子们在海水中走着。

12 foam   

v./n.泡沫，起泡沫

参考例句：

• The glass of beer was mostly foam.这杯啤酒大部分是泡沫。
• The surface of the water is full of foam.水面都是泡沫。

13 reluctance   

n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿

参考例句：

• The police released Andrew with reluctance.警方勉强把安德鲁放走了。
• He showed the greatest reluctance to make a reply.他表示很不愿意答复。

14 irrational   

adj.无理性的，失去理性的

参考例句：

• After taking the drug she became completely irrational.她在吸毒后变得完全失去了理性。
• There are also signs of irrational exuberance among some investors.在某些投资者中是存在非理性繁荣的征象的。

15 hovered   

鸟( hover的过去式和过去分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫

参考例句：

• A hawk hovered over the hill. 一只鹰在小山的上空翱翔。
• A hawk hovered in the blue sky. 一只老鹰在蓝色的天空中翱翔。

16 caressed   

爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• His fingers caressed the back of her neck. 他的手指抚摩着她的后颈。
• He caressed his wife lovingly. 他怜爱万分地抚摸着妻子。

17 desolating   

毁坏( desolate的现在分词 )； 极大地破坏； 使沮丧； 使痛苦

参考例句：

• Most desolating were those evenings the belle-mere had envisaged for them. 最最凄凉的要数婆婆给她们设计的夜晚。

18 futility   

n.无用

参考例句：

• She could see the utter futility of trying to protest. 她明白抗议是完全无用的。
• The sheer futility of it all exasperates her. 它毫无用处，这让她很生气。

19 abruptly   

adv.突然地，出其不意地

参考例句：

• He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
• I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。

20 disastrous   

adj.灾难性的，造成灾害的；极坏的，很糟的

参考例句：

• The heavy rainstorm caused a disastrous flood.暴雨成灾。
• Her investment had disastrous consequences.She lost everything she owned.她的投资结果很惨，血本无归。

21 desperately   

adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地

参考例句：

• He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
• He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。

22 tormented   

饱受折磨的

参考例句：

• The knowledge of his guilt tormented him. 知道了自己的罪责使他非常痛苦。
• He had lain awake all night, tormented by jealousy. 他彻夜未眠，深受嫉妒的折磨。