The youth felt, however, that his problem was in no wise lifted from him. There was, on the contrary, an irritating prolongation. The tale had created in him a great concern for himself. Now, with the newborn question in his mind, he was compelled to sink back into his old place as part of a blue demonstration6.
For days he made ceaseless calculations, but they were all wondrously7 unsatisfactory. He found that he could establish nothing. He finally concluded that the only way to prove himself was to go into the blaze, and then figuratively to watch his legs to discover their merits and faults. He reluctantly admitted that he could not sit still and with a mental slate8 and pencil derive9 an answer. To gain it, he must have blaze, blood, and danger, even as a chemist requires this, that, and the other. So he fretted10 for an opportunity.
Meanwhile, he continually tried to measure himself by his comrades. The tall soldier, for one, gave him some assurance. This man's serene11 unconcern dealt him a measure of confidence, for he had known him since childhood, and from his intimate knowledge he did not see how he could be capable of anything that was beyond him, the youth. Still, he thought that his comrade might be mistaken about himself. Or, on the other hand, he might be a man heretofore doomed12 to peace and obscurity, but, in reality, made to shine in war.
The youth would have liked to have discovered another who suspected himself. A sympathetic comparison of mental notes would have been a joy to him.
He occasionally tried to fathom13 a comrade with seductive sentences. He looked about to find men in the proper mood. All attempts failed to bring forth14 any statement which looked in any way like a confession15 to those doubts which he privately16 acknowledged in himself. He was afraid to make an open declaration of his concern, because he dreaded17 to place some unscrupulous confidant upon the high plane of the unconfessed from which elevation18 he could be derided19.
In regard to his companions his mind wavered between two opinions, according to his mood. Sometimes he inclined to believing them all heroes. In fact, he usually admired in secret the superior development of the higher qualities in others. He could conceive of men going very insignificantly20 about the world bearing a load of courage unseen, and although he had known many of his comrades through boyhood, he began to fear that his judgment21 of them had been blind. Then, in other moments, he flouted22 these theories, and assured him that his fellows were all privately wondering and quaking.
His emotions made him feel strange in the presence of men who talked excitedly of a prospective23 battle as of a drama they were about to witness, with nothing but eagerness and curiosity apparent in their faces. It was often that he suspected them to be liars24.
He did not pass such thoughts without severe condemnation25 of himself. He dinned26 reproaches at times. He was convicted by himself of many shameful27 crimes against the gods of traditions.
In his great anxiety his heart was continually clamoring at what he considered the intolerable slowness of the generals. They seemed content to perch28 tranquilly29 on the river bank, and leave him bowed down by the weight of a great problem. He wanted it settled forthwith. He could not long bear such a load, he said. Sometimes his anger at the commanders reached an acute stage, and he grumbled30 about the camp like a veteran.
One morning, however, he found himself in the ranks of his prepared regiment31. The men were whispering speculations32 and recounting the old rumors33. In the gloom before the break of the day their uniforms glowed a deep purple hue34. From across the river the red eyes were still peering. In the eastern sky there was a yellow patch like a rug laid for the feet of the coming sun; and against it, black and patternlike, loomed35 the gigantic figure of the colonel on a gigantic horse.
From off in the darkness came the trampling36 of feet. The youth could occasionally see dark shadows that moved like monsters. The regiment stood at rest for what seemed a long time. The youth grew impatient. It was unendurable the way these affairs were managed. He wondered how long they were to be kept waiting.
As he looked all about him and pondered upon the mystic gloom, he began to believe that at any moment the ominous37 distance might be aflare, and the rolling crashes of an engagement come to his ears. Staring once at the red eyes across the river, he conceived them to be growing larger, as the orbs38 of a row of dragons advancing. He turned toward the colonel and saw him lift his gigantic arm and calmly stroke his mustache.
At last he heard from along the road at the foot of the hill the clatter39 of a horse's galloping40 hoofs41. It must be the coming of orders. He bent42 forward, scarce breathing. The exciting clickety-click, as it grew louder and louder, seemed to be beating upon his soul. Presently a horseman with jangling equipment drew rein43 before the colonel of the regiment. The two held a short, sharp-worded conversation. The men in the foremost ranks craned their necks.
As the horseman wheeled his animal and galloped44 away he turned to shout over his shoulder, "Don't forget that box of cigars!" The colonel mumbled45 in reply. The youth wondered what a box of cigars had to do with war.
A moment later the regiment went swinging off into the darkness. It was now like one of those moving monsters wending with many feet. The air was heavy, and cold with dew. A mass of wet grass, marched upon, rustled46 like silk.
There was an occasional flash and glimmer48 of steel from the backs of all these huge crawling reptiles49. From the road came creakings and grumblings as some surly guns were dragged away.
The men stumbled along still muttering speculations. There was a subdued50 debate. Once a man fell down, and as he reached for his rifle a comrade, unseeing, trod upon his hand. He of the injured fingers swore bitterly, and aloud. A low, tittering laugh went among his fellows.
Presently they passed into a roadway and marched forward with easy strides. A dark regiment moved before them, and from behind also came the tinkle51 of equipments on the bodies of marching men.
The rushing yellow of the developing day went on behind their backs. When the sunrays at last struck full and mellowingly upon the earth, the youth saw that the landscape was streaked52 with two long, thin, black columns which disappeared on the brow of a hill in front and rearward vanished in a wood. They were like two serpents crawling from the cavern53 of the night.
The river was not in view. The tall soldier burst into praises of what he thought to be his powers of perception.
Some of the tall one's companions cried with emphasis that they, too, had evolved the same thing, and they congratulated themselves upon it. But there were others who said that the tall one's plan was not the true one at all. They persisted with other theories. There was a vigorous discussion.
The youth took no part in them. As he walked along in careless line he was engaged with his own eternal debate. He could not hinder himself from dwelling54 upon it. He was despondent55 and sullen56, and threw shifting glances about him. He looked ahead, often expecting to hear from the advance the rattle57 of firing.
But the long serpents crawled slowly from hill to hill without bluster58 of smoke. A dun-colored cloud of dust floated away to the right. The sky overhead was of a fairy blue.
The youth studied the faces of his companions, ever on the watch to detect kindred emotions. He suffered disappointment. Some ardor59 of the air which was causing the veteran commands to move with glee--almost with song--had infected the new regiment. The men began to speak of victory as of a thing they knew. Also, the tall soldier received his vindication60. They were certainly going to come around in behind the enemy. They expressed commiseration61 for that part of the army which had been left upon the river bank, felicitating themselves upon being a part of a blasting host.
The youth, considering himself as separated from the others, was saddened by the blithe62 and merry speeches that went from rank to rank. The company wags all made their best endeavors. The regiment tramped to the tune63 of laughter.
And it was not long before all the men seemed to forget their mission. Whole brigades grinned in unison66, and regiments67 laughed.
A rather fat soldier attempted to pilfer68 a horse from a dooryard. He planned to load his knapsack upon it. He was escaping with his prize when a young girl rushed from the house and grabbed the animal's mane. There followed a wrangle69. The young girl, with pink cheeks and shining eyes, stood like a dauntless statue.
The observant regiment, standing70 at rest in the roadway, whooped71 at once, and entered whole-souled upon the side of the maiden72. The men became so engrossed73 in this affair that they entirely74 ceased to remember their own large war. They jeered75 the piratical private, and called attention to various defects in his personal appearance; and they were wildly enthusiastic in support of the young girl.
To her, from some distance, came bold advice. "Hit him with a stick."
There were crows and catcalls showered upon him when he retreated without the horse. The regiment rejoiced at his downfall. Loud and vociferous76 congratulations were showered upon the maiden, who stood panting and regarding the troops with defiance77.
At nightfall the column broke into regimental pieces, and the fragments went into the fields to camp. Tents sprang up like strange plants. Camp fires, like red, peculiar78 blossoms, dotted the night.
The youth kept from intercourse79 with his companions as much as circumstances would allow him. In the evening he wandered a few paces into the gloom. From this little distance the many fires, with the black forms of men passing to and fro before the crimson80 rays, made weird81 and satanic effects.
He lay down in the grass. The blades pressed tenderly against his cheek. The moon had been lighted and was hung in a treetop. The liquid stillness of the night enveloping82 him made him feel vast pity for himself. There was a caress83 in the soft winds; and the whole mood of the darkness, he thought, was one of sympathy for himself in his distress84.
He wished, without reserve, that he was at home again making the endless rounds from the house to the barn, from the barn to the fields, from the fields to the barn, from the barn to the house. He remembered he had so often cursed the brindle cow and her mates, and had sometimes flung milking stools. But, from his present point of view, there was a halo of happiness about each of their heads, and he would have sacrificed all the brass85 buttons on the continent to have been enabled to return to them. He told himself that he was not formed for a soldier. And he mused86 seriously upon the radical87 differences between himself and those men who were dodging88 implike around the fires.
As he mused thus he heard the rustle47 of grass, and, upon turning his head, discovered the loud soldier. He called out, "Oh, Wilson!"
The latter approached and looked down. "Why, hello, Henry; is it you? What are you doing here?"
"Oh, thinking," said the youth.
The other sat down and carefully lighted his pipe. "You're getting blue my boy. You're looking thundering peek-ed. What the dickens is wrong with you?"
"Oh, nothing," said the youth.
The loud soldier launched then into the subject of the anticipated fight. "Oh, we've got 'em now!" As he spoke89 his boyish face was wreathed in a gleeful smile, and his voice had an exultant90 ring. "We've got 'em now. At last, by the eternal thunders, we'll lick 'em good!"
"If the truth was known," he added, more soberly, "they've licked us about every clip up to now; but this time--this time--we'll lick 'em good!"
"I thought you was objecting to this march a little while ago," said the youth coldly.
"Oh, it wasn't that," explained the other. "I don't mind marching, if there's going to be fighting at the end of it. What I hate is this getting moved here and moved there, with no good coming of it, as far as I can see, excepting sore feet and damned short rations91."
"Well, Jim Conklin says we'll get plenty of fighting this time."
"He's right for once, I guess, though I can't see how it come. This time we're in for a big battle, and we've got the best end of it, certain sure. Gee92 rod! how we will thump93 'em!"
He arose and began to pace to and fro excitedly. The thrill of his enthusiasm made him walk with an elastic94 step. He was sprightly95, vigorous, fiery96 in his belief in success. He looked into the future with clear proud eye, and he swore with the air of an old soldier.
The youth watched him for a moment in silence. When he finally spoke his voice was as bitter as dregs. "Oh, you're going to do great things, I s'pose!"
The loud soldier blew a thoughtful cloud of smoke from his pipe. "Oh, I don't know," he remarked with dignity; "I don't know. I s'pose I'll do as well as the rest. I'm going to try like thunder." He evidently complimented himself upon the modesty97 of this statement.
"How do you know you won't run when the time comes?" asked the youth.
"Run?" said the loud one; "run?--of course not!" He laughed.
"Well," continued the youth, "lots of good-a-'nough men have thought they was going to do great things before the fight, but when the time come they skedaddled."
"Oh, that's all true, I s'pose," replied the other; "but I'm not going to skedaddle. The man that bets on my running will lose his money, that's all." He nodded confidently.
"Oh, shucks!" said the youth. "You ain't the bravest man in the world, are you?"
"No, I ain't," exclaimed the loud soldier indignantly; "and I didn't say I was the bravest man in the world, neither. I said I was going to do my share of fighting--that's what I said. And I am, too. Who are you, anyhow? You talk as if you thought you was Napoleon Bonaparte." He glared at the youth for a moment, and then strode away.
The youth called in a savage98 voice after his comrade: "Well, you needn't git mad about it!" But the other continued on his way and made no reply.
He felt alone in space when his injured comrade had disappeared. His failure to discover any mite99 of resemblance in their viewpoints made him more miserable100 than before. No one seemed to be wrestling with such a terrific personal problem. He was a mental outcast.
He went slowly to his tent and stretched himself on a blanket by the side of the snoring tall soldier. In the darkness he saw visions of a thousand-tongued fear that would babble101 at his back and cause him to flee, while others were going coolly about their country's business. He admitted that he would not be able to cope with this monster. He felt that every nerve in his body would be an ear to hear the voices, while other men would remain stolid102 and deaf.
And as he sweated with the pain of these thoughts, he could hear low, serene sentences. "I'll bid five." "Make it six." "Seven." "Seven goes."
He stared at the red, shivering reflection of a fire on the white wall of his tent until, exhausted103 and ill from the monotony of his suffering, he fell asleep.
点击收听单词发音
1 scoffing | |
n. 嘲笑, 笑柄, 愚弄 v. 嘲笑, 嘲弄, 愚弄, 狼吞虎咽 | |
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2 adherents | |
n.支持者,拥护者( adherent的名词复数 );党羽;徒子徒孙 | |
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3 sneering | |
嘲笑的,轻蔑的 | |
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4 rumor | |
n.谣言,谣传,传说 | |
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5 severely | |
adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地 | |
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6 demonstration | |
n.表明,示范,论证,示威 | |
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7 wondrously | |
adv.惊奇地,非常,极其 | |
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8 slate | |
n.板岩,石板,石片,石板色,候选人名单;adj.暗蓝灰色的,含板岩的;vt.用石板覆盖,痛打,提名,预订 | |
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9 derive | |
v.取得;导出;引申;来自;源自;出自 | |
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10 fretted | |
焦躁的,附有弦马的,腐蚀的 | |
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11 serene | |
adj. 安详的,宁静的,平静的 | |
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12 doomed | |
命定的 | |
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13 fathom | |
v.领悟,彻底了解 | |
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14 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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15 confession | |
n.自白,供认,承认 | |
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16 privately | |
adv.以私人的身份,悄悄地,私下地 | |
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17 dreaded | |
adj.令人畏惧的;害怕的v.害怕,恐惧,担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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18 elevation | |
n.高度;海拔;高地;上升;提高 | |
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19 derided | |
v.取笑,嘲笑( deride的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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20 insignificantly | |
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21 judgment | |
n.审判;判断力,识别力,看法,意见 | |
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22 flouted | |
v.藐视,轻视( flout的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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23 prospective | |
adj.预期的,未来的,前瞻性的 | |
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24 liars | |
说谎者( liar的名词复数 ) | |
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25 condemnation | |
n.谴责; 定罪 | |
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26 dinned | |
vt.喧闹(din的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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27 shameful | |
adj.可耻的,不道德的 | |
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28 perch | |
n.栖木,高位,杆;v.栖息,就位,位于 | |
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29 tranquilly | |
adv. 宁静地 | |
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30 grumbled | |
抱怨( grumble的过去式和过去分词 ); 发牢骚; 咕哝; 发哼声 | |
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31 regiment | |
n.团,多数,管理;v.组织,编成团,统制 | |
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32 speculations | |
n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 );思考;投机活动;推断 | |
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33 rumors | |
n.传闻( rumor的名词复数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷v.传闻( rumor的第三人称单数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷 | |
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34 hue | |
n.色度;色调;样子 | |
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35 loomed | |
v.隐约出现,阴森地逼近( loom的过去式和过去分词 );隐约出现,阴森地逼近 | |
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36 trampling | |
踩( trample的现在分词 ); 践踏; 无视; 侵犯 | |
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37 ominous | |
adj.不祥的,不吉的,预兆的,预示的 | |
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38 orbs | |
abbr.off-reservation boarding school 在校寄宿学校n.球,天体,圆形物( orb的名词复数 ) | |
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39 clatter | |
v./n.(使)发出连续而清脆的撞击声 | |
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40 galloping | |
adj. 飞驰的, 急性的 动词gallop的现在分词形式 | |
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41 hoofs | |
n.(兽的)蹄,马蹄( hoof的名词复数 )v.(兽的)蹄,马蹄( hoof的第三人称单数 ) | |
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42 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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43 rein | |
n.疆绳,统治,支配;vt.以僵绳控制,统治 | |
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44 galloped | |
(使马)飞奔,奔驰( gallop的过去式和过去分词 ); 快速做[说]某事 | |
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45 mumbled | |
含糊地说某事,叽咕,咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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46 rustled | |
v.发出沙沙的声音( rustle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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47 rustle | |
v.沙沙作响;偷盗(牛、马等);n.沙沙声声 | |
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48 glimmer | |
v.发出闪烁的微光;n.微光,微弱的闪光 | |
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49 reptiles | |
n.爬行动物,爬虫( reptile的名词复数 ) | |
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50 subdued | |
adj. 屈服的,柔和的,减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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51 tinkle | |
vi.叮当作响;n.叮当声 | |
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52 streaked | |
adj.有条斑纹的,不安的v.快速移动( streak的过去式和过去分词 );使布满条纹 | |
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53 cavern | |
n.洞穴,大山洞 | |
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54 dwelling | |
n.住宅,住所,寓所 | |
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55 despondent | |
adj.失望的,沮丧的,泄气的 | |
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56 sullen | |
adj.愠怒的,闷闷不乐的,(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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57 rattle | |
v.飞奔,碰响;激怒;n.碰撞声;拨浪鼓 | |
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58 bluster | |
v.猛刮;怒冲冲的说;n.吓唬,怒号;狂风声 | |
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59 ardor | |
n.热情,狂热 | |
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60 vindication | |
n.洗冤,证实 | |
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61 commiseration | |
n.怜悯,同情 | |
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62 blithe | |
adj.快乐的,无忧无虑的 | |
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63 tune | |
n.调子;和谐,协调;v.调音,调节,调整 | |
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64 blatant | |
adj.厚颜无耻的;显眼的;炫耀的 | |
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65 sarcasms | |
n.讥讽,讽刺,挖苦( sarcasm的名词复数 ) | |
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66 unison | |
n.步调一致,行动一致 | |
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67 regiments | |
(军队的)团( regiment的名词复数 ); 大量的人或物 | |
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68 pilfer | |
v.盗,偷,窃 | |
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69 wrangle | |
vi.争吵 | |
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70 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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71 whooped | |
叫喊( whoop的过去式和过去分词 ); 高声说; 唤起 | |
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72 maiden | |
n.少女,处女;adj.未婚的,纯洁的,无经验的 | |
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73 engrossed | |
adj.全神贯注的 | |
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74 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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75 jeered | |
v.嘲笑( jeer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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76 vociferous | |
adj.喧哗的,大叫大嚷的 | |
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77 defiance | |
n.挑战,挑衅,蔑视,违抗 | |
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78 peculiar | |
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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79 intercourse | |
n.性交;交流,交往,交际 | |
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80 crimson | |
n./adj.深(绯)红色(的);vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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81 weird | |
adj.古怪的,离奇的;怪诞的,神秘而可怕的 | |
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82 enveloping | |
v.包围,笼罩,包住( envelop的现在分词 ) | |
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83 caress | |
vt./n.爱抚,抚摸 | |
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84 distress | |
n.苦恼,痛苦,不舒适;不幸;vt.使悲痛 | |
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85 brass | |
n.黄铜;黄铜器,铜管乐器 | |
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86 mused | |
v.沉思,冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 );沉思自语说(某事) | |
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87 radical | |
n.激进份子,原子团,根号;adj.根本的,激进的,彻底的 | |
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88 dodging | |
n.避开,闪过,音调改变v.闪躲( dodge的现在分词 );回避 | |
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89 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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90 exultant | |
adj.欢腾的,狂欢的,大喜的 | |
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91 rations | |
定量( ration的名词复数 ); 配给量; 正常量; 合理的量 | |
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92 gee | |
n.马;int.向右!前进!,惊讶时所发声音;v.向右转 | |
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93 thump | |
v.重击,砰然地响;n.重击,重击声 | |
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94 elastic | |
n.橡皮圈,松紧带;adj.有弹性的;灵活的 | |
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95 sprightly | |
adj.愉快的,活泼的 | |
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96 fiery | |
adj.燃烧着的,火红的;暴躁的;激烈的 | |
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97 modesty | |
n.谦逊,虚心,端庄,稳重,羞怯,朴素 | |
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98 savage | |
adj.野蛮的;凶恶的,残暴的;n.未开化的人 | |
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99 mite | |
n.极小的东西;小铜币 | |
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100 miserable | |
adj.悲惨的,痛苦的;可怜的,糟糕的 | |
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101 babble | |
v.含糊不清地说,胡言乱语地说,儿语 | |
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102 stolid | |
adj.无动于衷的,感情麻木的 | |
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103 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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