The gods were favourable7 to his wishes that day, for Lucy was at home; she sat in the drawing-room, by the window, reading a novel. At her side were masses of flowers, and his first glimpse of her was against a great bowl of roses. The servant announced his name, and she sprang up with a cry. She flushed with excitement, and then the blood fled from her cheeks, and she became extraordinarily8 pale. Alec noticed that she was whiter and thinner than when last he had seen her; but she was more beautiful.
And then unaccountably tears came to her eyes. Falling back into her chair, she hid her face. Her heart began to beat painfully.
'You must forgive me,' she said, trying to smile. 'I can't help being very silly.'
For days Lucy had lived in an agony of terror, fearing this meeting, and now it had come upon her unexpectedly. More than four years had passed since last they had seen one another, and they had been years of anxiety and distress10. She was certain that she had changed, and looking with pitiful dread11 in the glass, she told herself that she was pale and dull. She was nearly thirty. There were lines about her eyes, and her mouth had a bitter droop12. She had no mercy on herself. She would not minimise the ravages13 of time, and with a brutal4 frankness insisted on seeing herself as she might be in ten years, when an increasing leanness, emphasising the lines and increasing the prominence14 of her features, made her still more haggard. She was seized with utter dismay. He might have ceased to love her. His life had been so full, occupied with strenuous15 adventures, while hers had been used up in waiting, only in waiting. It was natural enough that the strength of her passion should only have increased, but it was natural too that his should have vanished before a more urgent preoccupation. And what had she to offer him now? She turned away from the glass because her tears blurred16 the image it presented; and if she looked forward to the first meeting with vehement17 eagerness, it was also with sickening dread.
And now she was so troubled that she could not adopt the attitude of civil friendliness18 which she had intended in order to show him that she made no claim upon him. She wanted to seem quite collected so that her behaviour should not lead him to think her heart at all affected19, but she could only watch his eyes hungrily. She braced20 herself to restrain a wail21 of sorrow if she saw his disillusionment. He talked in order to give time for her to master her agitation22.
'I was afraid there would be interviewers and boring people generally to meet me if I came by the boat by which I was expected, so I got into another, and I've arrived a day before my time.'
She was calmer now, and though she did not speak, she looked at him with strained attention, hanging on his words.
He was very bronzed, thin after his recent illness, but he looked well and strong. His manner had the noble self-confidence which had delighted her of old, and he spoke23 with the quiet deliberation she loved. Now and then a faint inflection betrayed his Scottish birth.
'I felt that I owed my first visit to you. Can you ever forgive me that I have not brought George home to you?'
Lucy gave a sudden gasp24. And with bitter self-reproach she realised that in the cruel joy of seeing Alec once more she had forgotten her brother. She was ashamed. It was but eighteen months since he had died, but twelve since the cruel news had reached her, and now, at this moment of all others, she was so absorbed in her love that no other feeling could enter her heart.
She looked down at her dress. Its half-mourning still betokened25 that she had lost one who was very dear to her, but the black and white was a mockery. She remembered in a flash the stunning26 grief which Alec's letter had brought her. It seemed at first that there must be a mistake and that her tears were but part of a hateful dream. It was too monstrously27 unjust that the fates should have hit upon George. She had already suffered too much. And George was so young. It was very hard that a mere28 boy should be robbed of the precious jewel which is life. And when she realised that it was really true, her grief knew no bounds. All that she had hoped was come to nought29, and now she could only despair. She bitterly regretted that she had ever allowed the boy to go on that fatal expedition, and she blamed herself because it was she who had arranged it. He must have died accusing her of his death. Her father was dead, and George was dead, and she was alone. Now she had only Alec; and then, like some poor stricken beast, her heart went out to him, crying for love, crying for protection. All her strength, the strength on which she had prided herself, was gone; and she felt utterly30 weak and utterly helpless. And her heart yearned31 for Alec, and the love which had hitherto been like a strong enduring light, now was a consuming fire.
But Alec's words brought the recollection of George back to her reproachful heart, and she saw the boy as she was always pleased to remember him, in his flannels32, the open shirt displaying his fine white neck, with the Panama hat that suited him so well; and she saw again his pleasant blue eyes and his engaging smile. He was a picture of honest English manhood. There was a sob33 in her throat, and her voice trembled when she spoke.
'I told you that if he died a brave man's death I could ask no more.'
She spoke in so low a tone that Alec could scarcely hear, but his pulse throbbed34 with pride at her courage. She went on, almost in a whisper.
'I suppose it was predestined that our family should come to an end in this way. I'm thankful that George so died that his ancestors need have felt no shame for him.'
'You are very brave.'
She shook her head slowly.
'No, it's not courage; it's despair. Sometimes, when I think what his father was, I'm thankful that George is dead. For at least his end was heroic. He died in a noble cause, in the performance of his duty. Life would have been too hard for him to allow me to regret his end.'
Alec watched her. He foresaw the words that she would say, and he waited for them.
'I want to thank you for all you did for him,' she said, steadying her voice.
'You need not do that,' he answered, gravely.
She was silent for a moment. Then she raised her eyes and looked at him steadily35. Her voice now had regained36 its usual calmness.
'I want you to tell me that he did all I could have wished him to do.'
To Alec it seemed that she must notice the delay of his answer. He had not expected that the question would be put to him so abruptly37. He had no moral scruples38 about telling a deliberate lie, but it affected him with a physical distaste. It sickened him like nauseous water.
'Yes, I think he did.'
'It's my only consolation39 that in the short time there was given to him, he did nothing that was small or mean, and that in everything he was honourable40, upright, and just dealing41.'
'Yes, he was all that.'
'And in his death?'
It seemed to Alec that something caught at his throat. The ordeal42 was more terrible than he expected.
'In his death he was without fear.'
Lucy drew a deep breath of relief.
'Oh, thank God! Thank God! You don't know how much it means to me to hear all that from your own lips. I feel that in a manner his courage, above all his death, have redeemed43 my father's fault. It shows that we're not rotten to the core, and it gives me back my self-respect. I feel I can look the world in the face once more. I'm infinitely44 grateful to George. He's repaid me ten thousand times for all my love, and my care, and my anxiety.'
'I'm very glad that it is not only grief I have brought you. I was afraid you would hate me.'
Lucy blushed, and there was a new light in her eyes. It seemed that on a sudden she had cast away the load of her unhappiness.
'No, I could never do that.'
At that moment they heard the sound of a carriage stopping at the door.
'There's Aunt Alice,' said Lucy. 'She's been lunching out.'
'Then let me go,' said Alec. 'You must forgive me, but I feel that I want to see no one else to-day.'
He rose, and she gave him her hand. He held it firmly.
'You haven't changed?'
'Don't,' she cried.
She looked away, for once more the tears were coming to her eyes. She tried to laugh.
'I'm frightfully weak and emotional now. You'll utterly despise me.'
'I want to see you again very soon,' he said.
The words of Ruth came to her mind: Why have I found grace in thine eyes, that thou shouldst take knowledge of me, and her heart was very full. She smiled in her old charming way.
When he was gone she drew a long breath. It seemed that a new joy was come into her life, and on a sudden she felt a keen pleasure in all the beauty of the world. She turned to the great bowl of flowers which stood on a table by the chair in which she had been sitting, and burying her face in them, voluptuously45 inhaled46 their fragrance47. She knew that he loved her still.
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1
pall
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| v.覆盖，使平淡无味；n.柩衣，棺罩；棺材；帷幕 | |
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opulence
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| n.财富，富裕 | |
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civilisation
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| n.文明，文化，开化，教化 | |
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brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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brutality
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| n.野蛮的行为，残忍，野蛮 | |
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wilderness
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| n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等，荒漠 | |
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7
favourable
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| adj.赞成的，称赞的，有利的，良好的，顺利的 | |
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extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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9
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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10
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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droop
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| v.低垂，下垂；凋萎，萎靡 | |
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ravages
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| 劫掠后的残迹，破坏的结果，毁坏后的残迹 | |
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prominence
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| n.突出；显著；杰出；重要 | |
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strenuous
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| adj.奋发的，使劲的；紧张的；热烈的，狂热的 | |
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16
blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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17
vehement
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| adj.感情强烈的；热烈的；(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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friendliness
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| n.友谊，亲切，亲密 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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braced
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| adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 )；撑牢；使自己站稳；振作起来 | |
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21
wail
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| vt./vi.大声哀号，恸哭；呼啸，尖啸 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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24
gasp
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| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
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betokened
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| v.预示，表示( betoken的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stunning
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| adj.极好的；使人晕倒的 | |
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monstrously
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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nought
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| n.／adj.无，零 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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yearned
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| 渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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32
flannels
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| 法兰绒男裤； 法兰绒( flannel的名词复数 ) | |
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33
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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34
throbbed
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| 抽痛( throb的过去式和过去分词 )； （心脏、脉搏等）跳动 | |
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steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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regained
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| 复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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38
scruples
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| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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39
consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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40
honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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41
dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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42
ordeal
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| n.苦难经历，（尤指对品格、耐力的）严峻考验 | |
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43
redeemed
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| adj. 可赎回的，可救赎的 动词redeem的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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44
infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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voluptuously
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| adv.风骚地，体态丰满地 | |
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46
inhaled
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| v.吸入( inhale的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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47
fragrance
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| n.芬芳，香味，香气 | |
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