Will turn upon his neighbor anxious eyes
That ask:—“Art thou the man?” We hunted Cain,
Some centuries ago, across the world,
That bred the fear our own misdeeds maintain
To-day.
Vibart's Moralities.
Shakespeare says something about worms, or it may be giants or beetles1, turning if you tread on them too severely2. The safest plan is never to tread on a worm—not even on the last new subaltern from Home, with his buttons hardly out of their tissue paper, and the red of sappy English beef in his cheeks. This is the story of the worm that turned. For the sake of brevity, we will call Henry Augustus Ramsay Faizanne, “The Worm,” although he really was an exceedingly pretty boy, without a hair on his face, and with a waist like a girl's when he came out to the Second “Shikarris” and was made unhappy in several ways. The “Shikarris” are a high-caste regiment3, and you must be able to do things well—play a banjo or ride more than a little, or sing, or act—to get on with them.
The Worm did nothing except fall off his pony4, and knock chips out of gate-posts with his trap. Even that became monotonous5 after a time. He objected to whist, cut the cloth at billiards6, sang out of tune7, kept very much to himself, and wrote to his Mamma and sisters at Home. Four of these five things were vices8 which the “Shikarris” objected to and set themselves to eradicate9. Every one knows how subalterns are, by brother subalterns, softened10 and not permitted to be ferocious11. It is good and wholesome12, and does no one any harm, unless tempers are lost; and then there is trouble. There was a man once—but that is another story.
The “Shikarris” shikarred The Worm very much, and he bore everything without winking13. He was so good and so anxious to learn, and flushed so pink, that his education was cut short, and he was left to his own devices by every one except the Senior Subaltern, who continued to make life a burden to The Worm. The Senior Subaltern meant no harm; but his chaff14 was coarse, and he didn't quite understand where to stop. He had been waiting too long for his company; and that always sours a man. Also he was in love, which made him worse.
One day, after he had borrowed The Worm's trap for a lady who never existed, had used it himself all the afternoon, had sent a note to The Worm purporting15 to come from the lady, and was telling the Mess all about it, The Worm rose in his place and said, in his quiet, ladylike voice: “That was a very pretty sell; but I'll lay you a month's pay to a month's pay when you get your step, that I work a sell on you that you'll remember for the rest of your days, and the Regiment after you when you're dead or broke.” The Worm wasn't angry in the least, and the rest of the Mess shouted. Then the Senior Subaltern looked at The Worm from the boots upwards16, and down again, and said, “Done, Baby.” The Worm took the rest of the Mess to witness that the bet had been taken, and retired17 into a book with a sweet smile.
Two months passed, and the Senior Subaltern still educated The Worm, who began to move about a little more as the hot weather came on. I have said that the Senior Subaltern was in love. The curious thing is that a girl was in love with the Senior Subaltern. Though the Colonel said awful things, and the Majors snorted, and married Captains looked unutterable wisdom, and the juniors scoffed18, those two were engaged.
The Senior Subaltern was so pleased with getting his Company and his acceptance at the same time that he forgot to bother The Worm. The girl was a pretty girl, and had money of her own. She does not come into this story at all.
One night, at the beginning of the hot weather, all the Mess, except The Worm, who had gone to his own room to write Home letters, were sitting on the platform outside the Mess House. The Band had finished playing, but no one wanted to go in. And the Captains' wives were there also. The folly19 of a man in love is unlimited20. The Senior Subaltern had been holding forth21 on the merits of the girl he was engaged to, and the ladies were purring approval, while the men yawned, when there was a rustle22 of skirts in the dark, and a tired, faint voice lifted itself:
“Where's my husband?”
I do not wish in the least to reflect on the morality of the “Shikarris;” but it is on record that four men jumped up as if they had been shot. Three of them were married men. Perhaps they were afraid that their wives had come from Home unbeknownst. The fourth said that he had acted on the impulse of the moment. He explained this afterwards.
Then the voice cried:—“Oh, Lionel!” Lionel was the Senior Subaltern's name. A woman came into the little circle of light by the candles on the peg-tables, stretching out her hands to the dark where the Senior Subaltern was, and sobbing23. We rose to our feet, feeling that things were going to happen and ready to believe the worst. In this bad, small world of ours, one knows so little of the life of the next man—which, after all, is entirely25 his own concern—that one is not surprised when a crash comes. Anything might turn up any day for any one. Perhaps the Senior Subaltern had been trapped in his youth. Men are crippled that way occasionally. We didn't know; we wanted to hear; and the Captains' wives were as anxious as we. If he HAD been trapped, he was to be excused; for the woman from nowhere, in the dusty shoes, and gray travelling dress, was very lovely, with black hair and great eyes full of tears. She was tall, with a fine figure, and her voice had a running sob24 in it pitiful to hear. As soon as the Senior Subaltern stood up, she threw her arms round his neck, and called him “my darling,” and said she could not bear waiting alone in England, and his letters were so short and cold, and she was his to the end of the world, and would he forgive her. This did not sound quite like a lady's way of speaking. It was too demonstrative.
Things seemed black indeed, and the Captains' wives peered under their eyebrows26 at the Senior Subaltern, and the Colonel's face set like the Day of Judgment27 framed in gray bristles28, and no one spoke29 for a while.
Next the Colonel said, very shortly:—“Well, Sir?” and the woman sobbed30 afresh. The Senior Subaltern was half choked with the arms round his neck, but he gasped31 out:—“It's a d——d lie! I never had a wife in my life!” “Don't swear,” said the Colonel. “Come into the Mess. We must sift32 this clear somehow,” and he sighed to himself, for he believed in his “Shikarris,” did the Colonel.
We trooped into the ante-room, under the full lights, and there we saw how beautiful the woman was. She stood up in the middle of us all, sometimes choking with crying, then hard and proud, and then holding out her arms to the Senior Subaltern. It was like the fourth act of a tragedy. She told us how the Senior Subaltern had married her when he was Home on leave eighteen months before; and she seemed to know all that we knew, and more too, of his people and his past life. He was white and ashy gray, trying now and again to break into the torrent33 of her words; and we, noting how lovely she was and what a criminal he looked, esteemed34 him a beast of the worst kind. We felt sorry for him, though.
I shall never forget the indictment35 of the Senior Subaltern by his wife. Nor will he. It was so sudden, rushing out of the dark, unannounced, into our dull lives. The Captains' wives stood back; but their eyes were alight, and you could see that they had already convicted and sentenced the Senior Subaltern. The Colonel seemed five years older. One Major was shading his eyes with his hand and watching the woman from underneath36 it. Another was chewing his moustache and smiling quietly as if he were witnessing a play. Full in the open space in the centre, by the whist-tables, the Senior Subaltern's terrier was hunting for fleas37. I remember all this as clearly as though a photograph were in my hand. I remember the look of horror on the Senior Subaltern's face. It was rather like seeing a man hanged; but much more interesting. Finally, the woman wound up by saying that the Senior Subaltern carried a double F. M. in tattoo38 on his left shoulder. We all knew that, and to our innocent minds it seemed to clinch39 the matter. But one of the Bachelor Majors said very politely:—“I presume that your marriage certificate would be more to the purpose?”
That roused the woman. She stood up and sneered40 at the Senior Subaltern for a cur, and abused the Major and the Colonel and all the rest. Then she wept, and then she pulled a paper from her breast, saying imperially:—“Take that! And let my husband—my lawfully42 wedded43 husband—read it aloud—if he dare!”
There was a hush44, and the men looked into each other's eyes as the Senior Subaltern came forward in a dazed and dizzy way, and took the paper. We were wondering as we stared, whether there was anything against any one of us that might turn up later on. The Senior Subaltern's throat was dry; but, as he ran his eye over the paper, he broke out into a hoarse45 cackle of relief, and said to the woman:—“You young blackguard!”
But the woman had fled through a door, and on the paper was written:—“This is to certify46 that I, The Worm, have paid in full my debts to the Senior Subaltern, and, further, that the Senior Subaltern is my debtor47, by agreement on the 23d of February, as by the Mess attested48, to the extent of one month's Captain's pay, in the lawful41 currency of the India Empire.”
Then a deputation set off for The Worm's quarters and found him, betwixt and between, unlacing his stays, with the hat, wig49, serge dress, etc., on the bed. He came over as he was, and the “Shikarris” shouted till the Gunners' Mess sent over to know if they might have a share of the fun. I think we were all, except the Colonel and the Senior Subaltern, a little disappointed that the scandal had come to nothing. But that is human nature. There could be no two words about The Worm's acting50. It leaned as near to a nasty tragedy as anything this side of a joke can. When most of the Subalterns sat upon him with sofa-cushions to find out why he had not said that acting was his strong point, he answered very quietly:—“I don't think you ever asked me. I used to act at Home with my sisters.” But no acting with girls could account for The Worm's display that night. Personally, I think it was in bad taste. Besides being dangerous. There is no sort of use in playing with fire, even for fun.
The “Shikarris” made him President of the Regimental Dramatic Club; and, when the Senior Subaltern paid up his debt, which he did at once, The Worm sank the money in scenery and dresses. He was a good Worm; and the “Shikarris” are proud of him. The only drawback is that he has been christened “Mrs. Senior Subaltern;” and as there are now two Mrs. Senior Subalterns in the Station, this is sometimes confusing to strangers.
Later on, I will tell you of a case something like, this, but with all the jest left out and nothing in it but real trouble.
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1
beetles
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| n.甲虫( beetle的名词复数 ) | |
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2
severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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regiment
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| n.团，多数，管理；v.组织，编成团，统制 | |
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pony
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| adj.小型的；n.小马 | |
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monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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6
billiards
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| n.台球 | |
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tune
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| n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整 | |
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8
vices
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| 缺陷( vice的名词复数 )； 恶习； 不道德行为； 台钳 | |
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eradicate
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| v.根除，消灭，杜绝 | |
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10
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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ferocious
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| adj.凶猛的，残暴的，极度的，十分强烈的 | |
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wholesome
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| adj.适合；卫生的；有益健康的；显示身心健康的 | |
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13
winking
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| n.瞬眼，目语v.使眼色( wink的现在分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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14
chaff
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| v.取笑，嘲笑；n.谷壳 | |
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15
purporting
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| v.声称是…，（装得）像是…的样子( purport的现在分词 ) | |
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upwards
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| adv.向上，在更高处...以上 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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scoffed
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| 嘲笑，嘲弄( scoff的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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unlimited
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| adj.无限的，不受控制的，无条件的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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27
judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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28
bristles
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| 短而硬的毛发，刷子毛( bristle的名词复数 ) | |
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29
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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30
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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sift
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| v.筛撒，纷落，详察 | |
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torrent
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| n.激流，洪流；爆发，(话语等的)连发 | |
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esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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indictment
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| n.起诉；诉状 | |
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underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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fleas
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| n.跳蚤( flea的名词复数 )；爱财如命；没好气地（拒绝某人的要求） | |
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tattoo
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| n.纹身，(皮肤上的)刺花纹；vt.刺花纹于 | |
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clinch
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| v.敲弯，钉牢；确定；扭住对方 [参]clench | |
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40
sneered
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| 讥笑，冷笑( sneer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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41
lawful
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| adj.法律许可的，守法的，合法的 | |
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42
lawfully
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| adv.守法地，合法地；合理地 | |
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43
wedded
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| adj.正式结婚的；渴望…的，执著于…的v.嫁，娶，（与…）结婚( wed的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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44
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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46
certify
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| vt.证明，证实；发证书(或执照)给 | |
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debtor
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| n.借方，债务人 | |
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attested
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| adj.经检验证明无病的，经检验证明无菌的v.证明( attest的过去式和过去分词 )；证实；声称…属实；使宣誓 | |
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49
wig
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| n.假发 | |
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50
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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