From the Cliff where She lay in the Sun,
Fell the Stone
So She fell from the light of the Sun,
And alone.
With the Goat and the Cliff and the Tarn,
But the Stone
Knows only Her life is accursed,
As She sinks in the depths of the Tarn,
And alone.
Oh, Thou who has builded the world
Oh, Thou who hast lighted the Sun!
Oh, Thou who hast darkened the Tarn!
Judge Thou
By the Goat from the light of the Sun,
Even now—even now—even now!
From the Unpublished Papers of McIntosh Jellaludin.
Thou whom I long for, who longest for me?
Oh be it night—be it—”
Here he fell over a little camel-colt that was sleeping in the Serai where the horse-traders and the best of the blackguards from Central Asia live; and, because he was very drunk indeed and the night was dark, he could not rise again till I helped him. That was the beginning of my acquaintance with McIntosh Jellaludin. When a loafer, and drunk, sings The Song of the Bower, he must be worth cultivating. He got off the camel's back and said, rather thickly:—“I—I—I'm a bit screwed, but a dip in Loggerhead will put me right again; and I say, have you spoken to Symonds about the mare's knees?”
Now Loggerhead was six thousand weary miles away from us, close to Mesopotamia, where you mustn't fish and poaching is impossible, and Charley Symonds' stable a half mile further across the paddocks. It was strange to hear all the old names, on a May night, among the horses and camels of the Sultan Caravanserai. Then the man seemed to remember himself and sober down at the same time. He leaned against the camel and pointed8 to a corner of the Serai where a lamp was burning:—
“I live there,” said he, “and I should be extremely obliged if you would be good enough to help my mutinous9 feet thither10; for I am more than usually drunk—most—most phenomenally tight. But not in respect to my head. 'My brain cries out against'—how does it go? But my head rides on the—rolls on the dung-hill I should have said, and controls the qualm.”
I helped him through the gangs of tethered horses and he collapsed11 on the edge of the verandah in front of the line of native quarters.
“Thanks—a thousand thanks! O Moon and little, little Stars! To think that a man should so shamelessly.... Infamous12 liquor, too. Ovid in exile drank no worse. Better. It was frozen. Alas13! I had no ice. Good-night. I would introduce you to my wife were I sober—or she civilized14.”
A native woman came out of the darkness of the room, and began calling the man names; so I went away. He was the most interesting loafer that I had the pleasure of knowing for a long time; and later on, he became a friend of mine. He was a tall, well-built, fair man fearfully shaken with drink, and he looked nearer fifty than the thirty-five which, he said, was his real age. When a man begins to sink in India, and is not sent Home by his friends as soon as may be, he falls very low from a respectable point of view. By the time that he changes his creed15, as did McIntosh, he is past redemption.
In most big cities, natives will tell you of two or three Sahibs, generally low-caste, who have turned Hindu or Mussulman, and who live more or less as such. But it is not often that you can get to know them. As McIntosh himself used to say:—“If I change my religion for my stomach's sake, I do not seek to become a martyr16 to missionaries17, nor am I anxious for notoriety.”
At the outset of acquaintance McIntosh warned me. “Remember this. I am not an object for charity. I require neither your money, your food, nor your cast-off raiment. I am that rare animal, a self-supporting drunkard. If you choose, I will smoke with you, for the tobacco of the bazars does not, I admit, suit my palate; and I will borrow any books which you may not specially18 value. It is more than likely that I shall sell them for bottles of excessively filthy19 country-liquors. In return, you shall share such hospitality as my house affords. Here is a charpoy on which two can sit, and it is possible that there may, from time to time, be food in that platter. Drink, unfortunately, you will find on the premises20 at any hour: and thus I make you welcome to all my poor establishments.”
I was admitted to the McIntosh household—I and my good tobacco. But nothing else. Unluckily, one cannot visit a loafer in the Serai by day. Friends buying horses would not understand it. Consequently, I was obliged to see McIntosh after dark. He laughed at this, and said simply:—“You are perfectly21 right. When I enjoyed a position in society, rather higher than yours, I should have done exactly the same thing, Good Heavens! I was once”—he spoke7 as though he had fallen from the Command of a Regiment—“an Oxford22 Man!” This accounted for the reference to Charley Symonds' stable.
“You,” said McIntosh, slowly, “have not had that advantage; but, to outward appearance, you do not seem possessed23 of a craving24 for strong drinks. On the whole, I fancy that you are the luckier of the two. Yet I am not certain. You are—forgive my saying so even while I am smoking your excellent tobacco—painfully ignorant of many things.”
We were sitting together on the edge of his bedstead, for he owned no chairs, watching the horses being watered for the night, while the native woman was preparing dinner. I did not like being patronized by a loafer, but I was his guest for the time being, though he owned only one very torn alpaca-coat and a pair of trousers made out of gunny-bags. He took the pipe out of his mouth, and went on judicially:—“All things considered, I doubt whether you are the luckier. I do not refer to your extremely limited classical attainments26, or your excruciating quantities, but to your gross ignorance of matters more immediately under your notice. That for instance.”—He pointed to a woman cleaning a samovar near the well in the centre of the Serai. She was flicking27 the water out of the spout28 in regular cadenced29 jerks.
“There are ways and ways of cleaning samovars. If you knew why she was doing her work in that particular fashion, you would know what the Spanish Monk30 meant when he said—
'I the Trinity illustrate31,
Drinking watered orange-pulp—
and many other things which now are hidden from your eyes. However, Mrs. McIntosh has prepared dinner. Let us come and eat after the fashion of the people of the country—of whom, by the way, you know nothing.”
The native woman dipped her hand in the dish with us. This was wrong. The wife should always wait until the husband has eaten. McIntosh Jellaludin apologized, saying:—
“It is an English prejudice which I have not been able to overcome; and she loves me. Why, I have never been able to understand. I fore-gathered with her at Jullundur, three years ago, and she has remained with me ever since. I believe her to be moral, and know her to be skilled in cookery.”
He patted the woman's head as he spoke, and she cooed softly. She was not pretty to look at.
McIntosh never told me what position he had held before his fall. He was, when sober, a scholar and a gentleman. When drunk, he was rather more of the first than the second. He used to get drunk about once a week for two days. On those occasions the native woman tended him while he raved35 in all tongues except his own. One day, indeed, he began reciting Atalanta in Calydon, and went through it to the end, beating time to the swing of the verse with a bedstead-leg. But he did most of his ravings in Greek or German. The man's mind was a perfect rag-bag of useless things. Once, when he was beginning to get sober, he told me that I was the only rational being in the Inferno36 into which he had descended—a Virgil in the Shades, he said—and that, in return for my tobacco, he would, before he died, give me the materials of a new Inferno that should make me greater than Dante. Then he fell asleep on a horse-blanket and woke up quite calm.
“Man,” said he, “when you have reached the uttermost depths of degradation37, little incidents which would vex38 a higher life, are to you of no consequence. Last night, my soul was among the gods; but I make no doubt that my bestial39 body was writhing40 down here in the garbage.”
“You were abominably41 drunk if that's what you mean,” I said.
“I WAS drunk—filthy drunk. I who am the son of a man with whom you have no concern—I who was once Fellow of a College whose buttery-hatch you have not seen. I was loathsomely42 drunk. But consider how lightly I am touched. It is nothing to me. Less than nothing; for I do not even feel the headache which should be my portion. Now, in a higher life, how ghastly would have been my punishment, how bitter my repentance43! Believe me, my friend with the neglected education, the highest is as the lowest—always supposing each degree extreme.”
He turned round on the blanket, put his head between his fists and continued:—
“On the Soul which I have lost and on the Conscience which I have killed, I tell you that I CANNOT feel! I am as the gods, knowing good and evil, but untouched by either. Is this enviable or is it not?”
When a man has lost the warning of “next morning's head,” he must be in a bad state, I answered, looking at McIntosh on the blanket, with his hair over his eyes and his lips blue-white, that I did not think the insensibility good enough.
“For pity's sake, don't say that! I tell you, it IS good and most enviable. Think of my consolations44!”
“Have you so many, then, McIntosh?”
“Certainly; your attempts at sarcasm45 which is essentially46 the weapon of a cultured man, are crude. First, my attainments, my classical and literary knowledge, blurred47, perhaps, by immoderate drinking—which reminds me that before my soul went to the Gods last night, I sold the Pickering Horace you so kindly48 lent me. Ditta Mull the Clothesman has it. It fetched ten annas, and may be redeemed49 for a rupee—but still infinitely50 superior to yours. Secondly51, the abiding52 affection of Mrs. McIntosh, best of wives. Thirdly, a monument, more enduring than brass53, which I have built up in the seven years of my degradation.”
He stopped here, and crawled across the room for a drink of water. He was very shaky and sick.
He referred several times to his “treasure”—some great possession that he owned—but I held this to be the raving25 of drink. He was as poor and as proud as he could be. His manner was not pleasant, but he knew enough about the natives, among whom seven years of his life had been spent, to make his acquaintance worth having. He used actually to laugh at Strickland as an ignorant man—“ignorant West and East”—he said. His boast was, first, that he was an Oxford Man of rare and shining parts, which may or may not have been true—I did not know enough to check his statements—and, secondly, that he “had his hand on the pulse of native life”—which was a fact. As an Oxford man, he struck me as a prig: he was always throwing his education about. As a Mahommedan faquir—as McIntosh Jellaludin—he was all that I wanted for my own ends. He smoked several pounds of my tobacco, and taught me several ounces of things worth knowing; but he would never accept any gifts, not even when the cold weather came, and gripped the poor thin chest under the poor thin alpaca-coat. He grew very angry, and said that I had insulted him, and that he was not going into hospital. He had lived like a beast and he would die rationally, like a man.
As a matter of fact, he died of pneumonia54; and on the night of his death sent over a grubby note asking me to come and help him to die.
The native woman was weeping by the side of the bed. McIntosh, wrapped in a cotton cloth, was too weak to resent a fur coat being thrown over him. He was very active as far as his mind was concerned, and his eyes were blazing. When he had abused the Doctor who came with me so foully55 that the indignant old fellow left, he cursed me for a few minutes and calmed down.
Then he told his wife to fetch out “The Book” from a hole in the wall. She brought out a big bundle, wrapped in the tail of a petticoat, of old sheets of miscellaneous note-paper, all numbered and covered with fine cramped56 writing. McIntosh ploughed his hand through the rubbish and stirred it up lovingly.
“This,” he said, “is my work—the Book of McIntosh Jellaludin, showing what he saw and how he lived, and what befell him and others; being also an account of the life and sins and death of Mother Maturin. What Mirza Murad Ali Beg's book is to all other books on native life, will my work be to Mirza Murad Ali Beg's!”
This, as will be conceded by any one who knows Mirza Ali Beg's book, was a sweeping57 statement. The papers did not look specially valuable; but McIntosh handled them as if they were currency-notes. Then he said slowly:—“In despite the many weaknesses of your education, you have been good to me. I will speak of your tobacco when I reach the Gods. I owe you much thanks for many kindnesses. But I abominate58 indebtedness. For this reason I bequeath to you now the monument more enduring than brass—my one book—rude and imperfect in parts, but oh, how rare in others! I wonder if you will understand it. It is a gift more honorable than... Bah! where is my brain rambling59 to? You will mutilate it horribly. You will knock out the gems60 you call 'Latin quotations,' you Philistine61, and you will butcher the style to carve into your own jerky jargon62; but you cannot destroy the whole of it. I bequeath it to you. Ethel... My brain again!... Mrs. McIntosh, bear witness that I give the sahib all these papers. They would be of no use to you, Heart of my heart; and I lay it upon you,” he turned to me here, “that you do not let my book die in its present form. It is yours unconditionally—the story of McIntosh Jellaludin, which is NOT the story of McIntosh Jellaludin, but of a greater man than he, and of a far greater woman. Listen now! I am neither mad nor drunk! That book will make you famous.”
I said, “thank you,” as the native woman put the bundle into my arms.
“My only baby!” said McIntosh with a smile. He was sinking fast, but he continued to talk as long as breath remained. I waited for the end: knowing that, in six cases out of ten the dying man calls for his mother. He turned on his side and said:—
“Say how it came into your possession. No one will believe you, but my name, at least, will live. You will treat it brutally63, I know you will. Some of it must go; the public are fools and prudish64 fools. I was their servant once. But do your mangling65 gently—very gently. It is a great work, and I have paid for it in seven years' damnation.”
His voice stopped for ten or twelve breaths, and then he began mumbling66 a prayer of some kind in Greek. The native woman cried very bitterly. Lastly, he rose in bed and said, as loudly as slowly:—“Not guilty, my Lord!”
Then he fell back, and the stupor67 held him till he died. The native woman ran into the Serai among the horses and screamed and beat her breasts; for she had loved him.
Perhaps his last sentence in life told what McIntosh had once gone through; but, saving the big bundle of old sheets in the cloth, there was nothing in his room to say who or what he had been.
Strickland helped me to sort them, and he said that the writer was either an extreme liar69 or a most wonderful person. He thought the former. One of these days, you may be able to judge for yourself. The bundle needed much expurgation and was full of Greek nonsense, at the head of the chapters, which has all been cut out.
If the things are ever published some one may perhaps remember this story, now printed as a safeguard to prove that McIntosh Jellaludin and not I myself wrote the Book of Mother Maturin.
I don't want the Giant's Robe to come true in my case.
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1
hoof
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| n.(马，牛等的)蹄 | |
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2
tarn
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| n.山中的小湖或小潭 | |
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3
ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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hurled
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| v.猛投，用力掷( hurl的过去式和过去分词 )；大声叫骂 | |
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mire
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| n.泥沼，泥泞；v.使...陷于泥泞，使...陷入困境 | |
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bower
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| n.凉亭，树荫下凉快之处；闺房；v.荫蔽 | |
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7
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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8
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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9
mutinous
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| adj.叛变的，反抗的；adv.反抗地，叛变地；n.反抗，叛变 | |
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10
thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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11
collapsed
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| adj.倒塌的 | |
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12
infamous
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| adj.声名狼藉的，臭名昭著的，邪恶的 | |
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13
alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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14
civilized
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| a.有教养的，文雅的 | |
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creed
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| n.信条；信念，纲领 | |
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martyr
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| n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲 | |
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missionaries
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| n.传教士( missionary的名词复数 ) | |
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18
specially
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| adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地 | |
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19
filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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20
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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21
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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22
Oxford
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| n.牛津（英国城市） | |
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possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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raving
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| adj.说胡话的；疯狂的，怒吼的；非常漂亮的；令人醉心[痴心]的v.胡言乱语(rave的现在分词)n.胡话；疯话adv.胡言乱语地；疯狂地 | |
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26
attainments
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| 成就，造诣； 获得( attainment的名词复数 )； 达到； 造诣； 成就 | |
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27
flicking
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| （尤指用手指或手快速地）轻击( flick的现在分词 )； （用…）轻挥； （快速地）按开关； 向…笑了一下（或瞥了一眼等） | |
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28
spout
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| v.喷出，涌出；滔滔不绝地讲；n.喷管；水柱 | |
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29
cadenced
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| adj.音调整齐的，有节奏的 | |
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monk
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| n.和尚，僧侣，修道士 | |
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illustrate
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| v.举例说明，阐明；图解，加插图 | |
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sips
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| n.小口喝，一小口的量( sip的名词复数 )v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的第三人称单数 ) | |
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frustrate
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| v.使失望；使沮丧；使厌烦 | |
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gulp
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| vt.吞咽，大口地吸（气）；vi.哽住；n.吞咽 | |
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raved
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| v.胡言乱语( rave的过去式和过去分词 )；愤怒地说；咆哮；痴心地说 | |
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inferno
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| n.火海；地狱般的场所 | |
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degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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vex
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| vt.使烦恼，使苦恼 | |
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bestial
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| adj.残忍的；野蛮的 | |
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writhing
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的现在分词 ) | |
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41
abominably
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| adv. 可恶地，可恨地，恶劣地 | |
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42
loathsomely
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| adv.令人讨厌地，可厌地 | |
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43
repentance
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| n.懊悔 | |
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consolations
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| n.安慰，慰问( consolation的名词复数 )；起安慰作用的人（或事物） | |
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45
sarcasm
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，嘲弄，反话 （adj.sarcastic） | |
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46
essentially
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| adv.本质上，实质上，基本上 | |
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47
blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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48
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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49
redeemed
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| adj. 可赎回的，可救赎的 动词redeem的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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50
infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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secondly
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| adv.第二，其次 | |
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52
abiding
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| adj.永久的，持久的，不变的 | |
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53
brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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54
pneumonia
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| n.肺炎 | |
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55
foully
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| ad.卑鄙地 | |
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56
cramped
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| a.狭窄的 | |
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57
sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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58
abominate
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| v.憎恨，厌恶 | |
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59
rambling
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| adj.[建]凌乱的，杂乱的 | |
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60
gems
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| growth； economy； management； and customer satisfaction 增长 | |
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61
philistine
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| n.庸俗的人；adj.市侩的，庸俗的 | |
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62
jargon
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| n.术语，行话 | |
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brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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64
prudish
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| adj.装淑女样子的，装规矩的，过分规矩的；adv.过分拘谨地 | |
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65
mangling
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| 重整 | |
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66
mumbling
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的现在分词 ) | |
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67
stupor
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| v.昏迷；不省人事 | |
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68
muddle
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| n.困惑，混浊状态；vt.使混乱，使糊涂，使惊呆；vi.胡乱应付，混乱 | |
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69
liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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