"Oh, for your writing business," said Rivington; "you couldn't have applied2 to a better shop. What I don't know about little old New York wouldn't make a sonnet3 to a sunbonnet. I'll put you right in the middle of so much local colour that you won't know whether you are a magazine cover or in the erysipelas ward4. When do you want to begin?"
Rivington is a young-man-about-town and a New Yorker by birth, preference and incommutability.
I told him that I would be glad to accept his escort and guardianship5 so that I might take notes of Manhattan's grand, gloomy and peculiar6 idiosyncrasies, and that the time of so doing would be at his own convenience.
"We'll begin this very evening," said Rivington, himself interested, like a good fellow. "Dine with me at seven, and then I'll steer7 you up against metropolitan8 phases so thick you'll have to have a kinetoscope to record 'em."
So I dined with Rivington pleasantly at his club, in Forty-eleventh street, and then we set forth9 in pursuit of the elusive10 tincture of affairs.
As we came out of the club there stood two men on the sidewalk near the steps in earnest conversation.
"And by what process of ratiocination," said one of them, "do you arrive at the conclusion that the division of society into producing and non-possessing classes predicates failure when compared with competitive systems that are monopolizing11 in tendency and result inimically to industrial evolution?"
"Oh, come off your perch12!" said the other man, who wore glasses. "Your premises13 won't come out in the wash. You wind-jammers who apply bandy-legged theories to concrete categorical syllogisms send logical conclusions skallybootin' into the infinitesimal ragbag. You can't pull my leg with an old sophism14 with whiskers on it. You quote Marx and Hyndman and Kautsky—what are they?—shines! Tolstoi?—his garret is full of rats. I put it to you over the home-plate that the idea of a cooperative commonwealth15 and an abolishment of competitive systems simply takes the rag off the bush and gives me hyperesthesia of the roopteetoop! The skookum house for yours!"
I stopped a few yards away and took out my little notebook.
"Why, man," I whispered, "this is just what I do want to hear. These slang types are among your city's most distinguishing features. Is this the Bowery variety? I really must hear more of it."
"If I follow you," said the man who had spoken first, "you do not believe it possible to reorganize society on the basis of common interest?"
"Shinny on your own side!" said the man with glasses. "You never heard any such music from my foghorn17. What I said was that I did not believe it practicable just now. The guys with wads are not in the frame of mind to slack up on the mazuma, and the man with the portable tin banqueting canister isn't exactly ready to join the Bible class. You can bet your variegated18 socks that the situation is all spifflicated up from the Battery to breakfast! What the country needs is for some bully19 old bloke like Cobden or some wise guy like old Ben Franklin to sashay up to the front and biff the nigger's head with the baseball. Do you catch my smoke? What?"
Rivington pulled me by the arm impatiently.
"Please come on," he said. "Let's go see something. This isn't what you want."
"Indeed, it is," I said resisting. "This tough talk is the very stuff that counts. There is a picturesqueness20 about the speech of the lower order of people that is quite unique. Did you say that this is the Bowery variety of slang?"
"Oh, well," said Rivington, giving it up, "I'll tell you straight. That's one of our college professors talking. He ran down for a day or two at the club. It's a sort of fad21 with him lately to use slang in his conversation. He thinks it improves language. The man he is talking to is one of New York's famous social economists22. Now will you come on. You can't use that, you know."
"No," I agreed; "I can't use that. Would you call that typical of New York?"
"Of course not," said Rivington, with a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you see the difference. But if you want to hear the real old tough Bowery slang I'll take you down where you'll get your fill of it."
"I would like it," I said; "that is, if it's the real thing. I've often read it in books, but I never heard it. Do you think it will be dangerous to go unprotected among those characters?"
"Oh, no," said Rivington; "not at this time of night. To tell the truth, I haven't been along the Bowery in a long time, but I know it as well as I do Broadway. We'll look up some of the typical Bowery boys and get them to talk. It'll be worth your while. They talk a peculiar dialect that you won't hear anywhere else on earth."
Rivington and I went east in a Forty-second street car and then south on the Third avenue line.
At Houston street we got off and walked.
"We are now on the famous Bowery," said Rivington; "the Bowery celebrated23 in song and story."
We passed block after block of "gents'" furnishing stores—the windows full of shirts with prices attached and cuffs24 inside. In other windows were neckties and no shirts. People walked up and down the sidewalks.
"In some ways," said I, "this reminds me of Kokomono, Ind., during the peach-crating season."
"Step into one of these saloons or vaudeville26 shows," said he, "with a large roll of money, and see how quickly the Bowery will sustain its reputation."
"You make impossible conditions," said I, coldly.
By and by Rivington stopped and said we were in the heart of the Bowery. There was a policeman on the corner whom Rivington knew.
"Hallo, Donahue!" said my guide. "How goes it? My friend and I are down this way looking up a bit of local colour. He's anxious to meet one of the Bowery types. Can't you put us on to something genuine in that line—something that's got the colour, you know?"
Policeman Donahue turned himself about ponderously27, his florid face full of good-nature. He pointed28 with his club down the street.
"Sure!" he said huskily. "Here comes a lad now that was born on the Bowery and knows every inch of it. If he's ever been above Bleecker street he's kept it to himself."
A man about twenty-eight or twenty-nine, with a smooth face, was sauntering toward us with his hands in his coat pockets. Policeman Donahue stopped him with a courteous29 wave of his club.
"Evening, Kerry," he said. "Here's a couple of gents, friends of mine, that want to hear you spiel something about the Bowery. Can you reel 'em off a few yards?"
"Certainly, Donahue," said the young man, pleasantly. "Good evening, gentlemen," he said to us, with a pleasant smile. Donahue walked off on his beat.
"Say, cull," said Rivington, pushing back his hat, "wot's doin'? Me and my friend's taking a look down de old line—see? De copper31 tipped us off dat you was wise to de bowery. Is dat right?"
I could not help admiring Rivington's power of adapting himself to his surroundings.
"Donahue was right," said the young man, frankly32; "I was brought up on the Bowery. I have been news-boy, teamster, pugilist, member of an organized band of 'toughs,' bartender, and a 'sport' in various meanings of the word. The experience certainly warrants the supposition that I have at least a passing acquaintance with a few phases of Bowery life. I will be pleased to place whatever knowledge and experience I have at the service of my friend Donahue's friends."
Rivington seemed ill at ease.
"I say," he said—somewhat entreatingly33, "I thought—you're not stringing us, are you? It isn't just the kind of talk we expected. You haven't even said 'Hully gee34!' once. Do you really belong on the Bowery?"
"I am afraid," said the Bowery boy, smilingly, "that at some time you have been enticed35 into one of the dives of literature and had the counterfeit37 coin of the Bowery passed upon you. The 'argot38' to which you doubtless refer was the invention of certain of your literary 'discoverers' who invaded the unknown wilds below Third avenue and put strange sounds into the mouths of the inhabitants. Safe in their homes far to the north and west, the credulous39 readers who were beguiled40 by this new 'dialect' perused41 and believed. Like Marco Polo and Mungo Park—pioneers indeed, but ambitious souls who could not draw the line of demarcation between discovery and invention—the literary bones of these explorers are dotting the trackless wastes of the subway. While it is true that after the publication of the mythical42 language attributed to the dwellers43 along the Bowery certain of its pat phrases and apt metaphors44 were adopted and, to a limited extent, used in this locality, it was because our people are prompt in assimilating whatever is to their commercial advantage. To the tourists who visited our newly discovered clime, and who expected a realization45 of their literary guide books, they supplied the demands of the market.
"But perhaps I am wandering from the question. In what way can I assist you, gentlemen? I beg you will believe that the hospitality of the street is extended to all. There are, I regret to say, many catchpenny places of entertainment, but I cannot conceive that they would entice36 you."
I felt Rivington lean somewhat heavily against me.
"Thank you, but I never drink. I find that alcohol, even in the smallest quantities, alters the perspective. And I must preserve my perspective, for I am studying the Bowery. I have lived in it nearly thirty years, and I am just beginning to understand its heartbeats. It is like a great river fed by a hundred alien streams. Each influx47 brings strange seeds on its flood, strange silt48 and weeds, and now and then a flower of rare promise. To construe49 this river requires a man who can build dykes50 against the overflow51, who is a naturalist52, a geologist53, a humanitarian54, a diver and a strong swimmer. I love my Bowery. It was my cradle and is my inspiration. I have published one book. The critics have been kind. I put my heart in it. I am writing another, into which I hope to put both heart and brain. Consider me your guide, gentlemen. Is there anything I can take you to see, any place to which I can conduct you?"
I was afraid to look at Rivington except with one eye.
"Thanks," said Rivington. "We were looking up . . . that is . . . my friend . . . confound it; it's against all precedent55, you know . . . awfully56 obliged . . . just the same."
"In case," said our friend, "you would like to meet some of our Bowery young men I would be pleased to have you visit the quarters of our East Side Kappa Delta57 Phi Society, only two blocks east of here."
"Awfully sorry," said Rivington, "but my friend's got me on the jump to-night. He's a terror when he's out after local colour. Now, there's nothing I would like better than to drop in at the Kappa Delta Phi, but—some other time!"
We said our farewells and boarded a home-bound car. We had a rabbit on upper Broadway, and then I parted with Rivington on a street corner.
"Well, anyhow," said he, braced58 and recovered, "it couldn't have happened anywhere but in little old New York."
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1
syllable
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| n.音节；vt.分音节 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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sonnet
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| n.十四行诗 | |
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ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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guardianship
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| n. 监护, 保护, 守护 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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steer
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| vt.驾驶，为…操舵；引导；vi.驾驶 | |
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metropolitan
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| adj.大城市的，大都会的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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elusive
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| adj.难以表达(捉摸)的；令人困惑的；逃避的 | |
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monopolizing
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| v.垄断( monopolize的现在分词 )；独占；专卖；专营 | |
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perch
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| n.栖木，高位，杆；v.栖息，就位，位于 | |
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premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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sophism
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| n.诡辩 | |
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commonwealth
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| n.共和国，联邦，共同体 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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foghorn
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| n..雾号（浓雾信号） | |
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variegated
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| adj.斑驳的，杂色的 | |
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bully
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| n.恃强欺弱者，小流氓；vt.威胁，欺侮 | |
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picturesqueness
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fad
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| n.时尚；一时流行的狂热；一时的爱好 | |
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economists
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| n.经济学家，经济专家( economist的名词复数 ) | |
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celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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cuffs
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| n.袖口( cuff的名词复数 )v.掌打，拳打( cuff的第三人称单数 ) | |
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nettled
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| v.拿荨麻打，拿荨麻刺（nettle的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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vaudeville
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| n.歌舞杂耍表演 | |
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ponderously
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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courteous
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| adj.彬彬有礼的，客气的 | |
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jaw
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| n.颚，颌，说教，流言蜚语；v.喋喋不休，教训 | |
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copper
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| n.铜；铜币；铜器；adj.铜(制)的；(紫)铜色的 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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entreatingly
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| 哀求地，乞求地 | |
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gee
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| n.马；int.向右！前进！，惊讶时所发声音；v.向右转 | |
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35
enticed
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| 诱惑，怂恿( entice的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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entice
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| v.诱骗，引诱，怂恿 | |
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counterfeit
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| vt.伪造，仿造；adj.伪造的，假冒的 | |
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argot
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| n.隐语，黑话 | |
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credulous
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| adj.轻信的，易信的 | |
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beguiled
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| v.欺骗( beguile的过去式和过去分词 )；使陶醉；使高兴；消磨（时间等） | |
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41
perused
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| v.读（某篇文字）( peruse的过去式和过去分词 )；（尤指）细阅；审阅；匆匆读或心不在焉地浏览（某篇文字） | |
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42
mythical
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| adj.神话的；虚构的；想像的 | |
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dwellers
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| n.居民，居住者( dweller的名词复数 ) | |
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44
metaphors
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| 隐喻( metaphor的名词复数 ) | |
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45
realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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46
utterance
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| n.用言语表达，话语，言语 | |
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47
influx
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| n.流入，注入 | |
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48
silt
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| n.淤泥，淤沙，粉砂层，泥沙层；vt.使淤塞；vi.被淤塞 | |
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49
construe
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| v.翻译，解释 | |
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50
dykes
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| abbr.diagonal wire cutters 斜线切割机n.堤( dyke的名词复数 )；坝；堰；沟 | |
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51
overflow
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| v.(使)外溢，(使)溢出；溢出，流出，漫出 | |
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52
naturalist
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| n.博物学家(尤指直接观察动植物者) | |
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53
geologist
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| n.地质学家 | |
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54
humanitarian
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| n.人道主义者，博爱者，基督凡人论者 | |
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55
precedent
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| n.先例，前例；惯例；adj.在前的，在先的 | |
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awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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delta
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| n.（流的）角洲 | |
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braced
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| adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 )；撑牢；使自己站稳；振作起来 | |
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