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CHAPTER XXI ELIZABETH BLAKE
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 Oh, that I had wings, yea wings like a dove,
 
Then would I flee away and be at rest;
 
Lo, the dove hath wings because she is a dove,
 
God gave her wings and bade her build her nest.
 
Thy wings are stronger far, strong wings of love,
 
Thy home is sure in His unchanging rest.
 
Elizabeth went up to London by the 12.22, which is a fast train, and only stops once.
 
She found Agneta, worn, tired, and cross.
 
“Thank Heaven, you’ve come, Lizabeth,” she said. “All my relations have been to see me. They are so kind. They are so dreadfully kind, and they all talk about its being God’s Will, and tell me what a beautiful thing resignation is. If I believed in a God who arranged for people to murder each other in order to give some one else a moral lesson, I’d shoot myself. I really would. And resignation is a perfectly1 horrible thing. I do think I must be getting a little better than I used to be, because I wasn’t even rude to Aunt Henrietta, who told me I ought not to repine, because all was for the best. She said there were many trials in the married state, and that those who did not marry were spared the sorrow of losing a child or having an unfaithful husband. I really wasn’t rude to her, Lizabeth—I swear I wasn’t. But when I saw my cousin, Mabel Aston, coming up the street—you always can see her a mile off—I told Jane to say that I was very sorry, but I really couldn’t see any one. Mabel won’t ever forgive me, because all the other relations will tell her that I saw them. I told them every one that I was perfectly certain that Douglas was all right. And so I am. Yes, really. But, oh, Lizabeth, how I do hate the newspapers.”
 
“I shouldn’t read them,” said Elizabeth.
 
“I don’t! Nothing would induce me to. But I can’t stop my relations from quoting reams of them, verbatim. By the by, do you mind dining at seven to-night? I want to go to church. I don’t want you or Louis to come. Heavens, Lizabeth, you’ve no idea what a relief it is not to have to be polite, and say you want people when you don’t.”
 
When Agneta had gone out Elizabeth talked to Louis for a little, and then read. Presently she stopped reading and leaned back with closed eyes, thinking first of Agneta, then of herself and David. Louis’s voice broke in upon her thoughts.
 
“Lizabeth, what is it?”
 
She was startled.
 
“Oh, I was just thinking.”
 
He frowned.
 
“What is the good?” he said. “I told you I could see. You’re troubled, horribly troubled about something. And it’s not Agneta. What is it?”
 
Elizabeth was rather pale.
 
“Oh, Louis,” she said, “please don’t. I’d rather you didn’t. And it’s not what you think. It’s not really a trouble. I’m puzzled. I don’t know what to do. There’s something I have to think out. And it’s not clear—I can’t quite see——”
 
Louis regarded her seriously.
 
“If any man lack wisdom,” he said. “That’s a pretty good thing in the pike-staff line. Good Lord, fancy me preaching to you. It’s amusing, isn’t it?”
 
He laughed a little.
 
Elizabeth nodded.
 
“You can go on,” she said.
 
He considered.
 
“I don’t know that I’ve got anything more to say except that—things that puzzle one—there’s always the touchstone of reality. And things one doesn’t want to do because they’re difficult, or because they hurt, or because they take us away from something we’ve set our heart on—well—if they’re right, they’re right, and there’s an end of it. And the right thing, well, it’s the best thing all round. And when we get where we can see it properly, it’s—well, it’s trumps2 all right.”
 
Elizabeth nodded again.
 
“Thank you, Louis,” she said. “I’ve been shirking. I think I’ve really known it all along. Only when one shirks, it’s part of it to wrap oneself up in a sort of mist, and call everything by a wrong name. I’ve got to change my labels....”
 
Her voice died away, and they sat silent until Agneta’s key was heard in the latch3. She came in looking rested.
 
“Nice church?” said Elizabeth.
 
“Yes,” said Agneta, “very nice. I feel better.”
 
 
During the week that followed, Elizabeth had very little time to spare for her own concerns, and Agneta clung to her and clung to hope, and day by day the hope grew fainter. It was the half-hours when they waited for the telephone bell to ring that brought the grey threads into Agneta’s hair. Twice daily Louis rang up, and each time, after the same agonising suspense4, came the same message, “No news yet.” Towards the end of the week, there was a wire to say that a rumour5 had reached the coast that Mr. Strange was alive and on his way down the river.
 
It was then that Agneta broke down. Whilst all had despaired, she had held desperately6 to hope, but when Louis followed his message home, he found Agneta with her head in Elizabeth’s lap, weeping slow, hopeless tears.
 
Then, forty-eight hours later, Douglas Strange himself cabled in code to say that he had abandoned part of his journey owing to a native rising, and was returning at once to England.
 
“And now, Lizabeth,” said Agneta, “now your visit begins, please. This hasn’t been a visit, it has been purgatory7. I’m sure we’ve both expiated8 all the sins we’ve ever committed or are likely to commit. Louis, take the receiver off that brute9 of a telephone. I shall never, never hear a telephone bell again without wanting to scream. Lizabeth, let’s go to a music hall.”
 
Next day Agneta said suddenly:
 
“Lizabeth, what is it?”
 
“What is what?”
 
Agneta’s little dark face became serious.
 
“Lizabeth, I’ve been a beast. I’ve only been thinking about myself. Now it’s your turn. What’s the matter?”
 
Elizabeth was silent.
 
“Mayn’t I ask? Do you mind?”
 
Elizabeth shook her head.
 
“Which is the ‘no’ for?”
 
“Both,” said Elizabeth.
 
“I mustn’t ask then. You’d rather not talk about it? Really?”
 
“Yes, really, Neta, dear.”
 
“Right you are.”
 
Agneta was silent for a few minutes. They were sitting together in the firelight, and she watched the play of light and shade upon Elizabeth’s face. It was beautiful, but troubled.
 
“Lizabeth, you used not to be beautiful, but you are beautiful now,” she said suddenly.
 
“Am I?”
 
“Yes, I always loved your face, but it wasn’t really beautiful. Now I think it is.”
 
“Anything else?” Elizabeth laughed a little.
 
 
“Yes, the patient look has gone. You used to look so patient that it hurt. As if you were carrying a heavy load and just knew you had got to carry it without making any fuss.”
 
“Issachar, in fact——”
 
“No, not then, but I’m not so sure now. I think there are two burdens now.”
 
Elizabeth laid her hand on Agneta’s lips.
 
“Agneta, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Stop thought-reading this very minute. I never gave you leave.”
 
“Sorry.” Agneta kissed the hand against her lips and laid it back in Elizabeth’s lap. “Oh, Lizabeth, why didn’t you marry Louis?” she said, and Elizabeth saw that her eyes were full of tears. The firelight danced on a brilliant, falling drop.
 
“Because I love David,” said Elizabeth. “And love is worth while, Agneta. It is very well worth while. You knew it was when you thought that Douglas was dead. Would you have gone back to a year ago?”
 
“Ah, Lizabeth, don’t,” said Agneta.
 
She leaned her head against Elizabeth’s knee and was still.
 
All that week, Elizabeth slept little and thought much. And her thought was prayer. She did not kneel when she prayed, and she had her own idea of what prayer should be. Not petition. The Kingdom of Heaven is about us. We have but to open our eyes and take what is our own. Therefore not petition. What Elizabeth called prayer was far more like taking something out of the darkness, to look at it in the light. And before the light, all things evil, all things that were not good and not of God, vanished and were not. If thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light. In this manner, David’s sleeplessness10 had been changed to rest and healing, and in this same manner, Elizabeth now knew that she must test the strange dream-state in which David loved her. And in her heart of hearts she did not think that it would stand the test. She believed that, subjected to this form of prayer, the dream would vanish and she be left alone.
 
She faced the probability, and facing it, she prayed for light, for wisdom, for the Reality that annihilates11 the shadows of man’s thought. When she used words at all, they were the words of St. Patrick’s prayer:
 
I bind12 to myself to-day,
 
The Power of God to protect me,
 
The Might of God to uphold me,
 
The Wisdom of God to guide me,
 
The Light of God to shine upon me,
 
The Love of God to encompass13 me.
 
During these days Agneta looked at her anxiously, but she asked no questions at all, and Elizabeth loved her for it.
 
Elizabeth went home on the 15th of June. After hard struggle, she had come into a place of clear vision. If the dream stood the test, if in spite of all her strivings towards Truth, David still came to her, she would take the dream to be an earnest of some future waking. If the dream ceased, if David came no more, then she must cast her bread of love upon the waters of the Infinite, God only knowing, if after many days, she should be fed.
 
David was very much pleased to have her back. He told her so with a laugh—confessed that he had missed her.
 
 
When Elizabeth went to her room that night, she sat down on the window-seat and watched. It had rained, but the night was clear again. She looked from the window, and the midsummer beauty slid into her soul. The rain had washed the sky to an unearthly translucent14 purity, but out of the west streamed a radiance of turquoise15 light. It filled the night, and as it mounted towards the zenith, the throbbing16 colour passed by imperceptible degrees into a sapphire17 haze18. The horizon was a ghostly line of far, pure emerald. This transfiguring glow had all the sunset’s fire, only there was neither red nor gold in it. The ether itself flamed, and the colour of that flame was blue. It was the light of vision, the very light of a Midsummer’s Dream. The cloud that had shed the rain brooded apart with wings of folded gloom. Two or three drifting feathers of dark grey vapour barred the burning blue. Perishably fine, they dissolved against the glow, and one amazing star showed translucent at the vapour’s edge, now veiled, now blazing out as the mist wavered and withdrew from so much brightness. A night for love, a night for lovers’ dreams.
 
Yearning19 came upon Elizabeth like a flood. Just once more to see him look at her with love. Just once more—once more, to feel his arms, his kiss—to weep upon his breast and say farewell.
 
 
She put her hand out waveringly until it touched the wall. She shut her eyes against the beauty of the night, and strove with the longing20 that rent her. Her lips framed broken words. She said them over and over again until the tumult21 died in her, and she was mistress of her thoughts. Immortal22 love could never lose by Truth.
 
Now she could look again upon the night. The trees were very black. The wind stirred them. The sky was full of light made mystical. Which of the temples that man has built, has light for its walls, and cloud and fire for its pillars? In which of them has the sun his tabernacle, through which of them does the moon pass, by a path of silver adoration23? What altar is served by the rushing winds and lighted by the stars? In all the temples that man has made, man bows his head and worships, but in the Temple of the Universe it is the Heavens themselves that declare the Glory of God.
 
Elizabeth’s thought rose up and up. In the divine peace it rested and was stilled.
 
And David did not come.

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 perfectly 8Mzxb     
adv.完美地,无可非议地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
  • Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。
2 trumps 22c5470ebcda312e395e4d85c40b03f7     
abbr.trumpets 喇叭;小号;喇叭形状的东西;喇叭筒v.(牌戏)出王牌赢(一牌或一墩)( trump的过去式 );吹号公告,吹号庆祝;吹喇叭;捏造
参考例句:
  • On the day of the match the team turned up trumps. 比赛那天该队出乎意料地获得胜利。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • Every time John is late getting home he trumps up some new excuse. 每次约翰晚回家都会编造个新借口。 来自《简明英汉词典》
3 latch g2wxS     
n.门闩,窗闩;弹簧锁
参考例句:
  • She laid her hand on the latch of the door.她把手放在门闩上。
  • The repairman installed an iron latch on the door.修理工在门上安了铁门闩。
4 suspense 9rJw3     
n.(对可能发生的事)紧张感,担心,挂虑
参考例句:
  • The suspense was unbearable.这样提心吊胆的状况实在叫人受不了。
  • The director used ingenious devices to keep the audience in suspense.导演用巧妙手法引起观众的悬念。
5 rumour 1SYzZ     
n.谣言,谣传,传闻
参考例句:
  • I should like to know who put that rumour about.我想知道是谁散布了那谣言。
  • There has been a rumour mill on him for years.几年来,一直有谣言产生,对他进行中伤。
6 desperately cu7znp     
adv.极度渴望地,绝望地,孤注一掷地
参考例句:
  • He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
  • He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。
7 purgatory BS7zE     
n.炼狱;苦难;adj.净化的,清洗的
参考例句:
  • Every step of the last three miles was purgatory.最后3英里时每一步都像是受罪。
  • Marriage,with peace,is this world's paradise;with strife,this world's purgatory.和谐的婚姻是尘世的乐园,不和谐的婚姻则是人生的炼狱。
8 expiated 7a831553f3629208ef5fd55e4efdde19     
v.为(所犯罪过)接受惩罚,赎(罪)( expiate的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • The thief expiated his theft by giving back the amount stolen and by reforming. 那小偷送回全部偷窃物并改过自新,以为他的偷窃行为赎罪。 来自互联网
9 brute GSjya     
n.野兽,兽性
参考例句:
  • The aggressor troops are not many degrees removed from the brute.侵略军简直象一群野兽。
  • That dog is a dangerous brute.It bites people.那条狗是危险的畜牲,它咬人。
10 sleeplessness niXzGe     
n.失眠,警觉
参考例句:
  • Modern pharmacy has solved the problem of sleeplessness. 现代制药学已经解决了失眠问题。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The doctors were puzzled by this strange continuous sleeplessness. 医生们对他的奇异的不眠感到疑惑。 来自英语晨读30分(高三)
11 annihilates 237828303df6464799066cd9d52294bc     
n.(彻底)消灭( annihilate的名词复数 );使无效;废止;彻底击溃v.(彻底)消灭( annihilate的第三人称单数 );使无效;废止;彻底击溃
参考例句:
  • Art has no influence upon action. It annihilates the desire to act. 艺术不能影响行为。它可以根绝干某种行动的愿望。 来自辞典例句
  • That which once you rode annihilates you. 昔时的坐骑,如今却要将你毁灭。 来自互联网
12 bind Vt8zi     
vt.捆,包扎;装订;约束;使凝固;vi.变硬
参考例句:
  • I will let the waiter bind up the parcel for you.我让服务生帮你把包裹包起来。
  • He wants a shirt that does not bind him.他要一件不使他觉得过紧的衬衫。
13 encompass WZJzO     
vt.围绕,包围;包含,包括;完成
参考例句:
  • The course will encompass physics,chemistry and biology.课程将包括物理、化学和生物学。
  • The project will encompass rural and underdeveloped areas in China.这项工程将覆盖中国的农村和不发达地区。
14 translucent yniwY     
adj.半透明的;透明的
参考例句:
  • The building is roofed entirely with translucent corrugated plastic.这座建筑完全用半透明瓦楞塑料封顶。
  • A small difference between them will render the composite translucent.微小的差别,也会使复合材料变成半透明。
15 turquoise Uldwx     
n.绿宝石;adj.蓝绿色的
参考例句:
  • She wore a string of turquoise round her neck.她脖子上戴着一串绿宝石。
  • The women have elaborate necklaces of turquoise.那些女人戴着由绿松石制成的精美项链。
16 throbbing 8gMzA0     
a. 跳动的,悸动的
参考例句:
  • My heart is throbbing and I'm shaking. 我的心在猛烈跳动,身子在不住颤抖。
  • There was a throbbing in her temples. 她的太阳穴直跳。
17 sapphire ETFzw     
n.青玉,蓝宝石;adj.天蓝色的
参考例句:
  • Now let us consider crystals such as diamond or sapphire.现在让我们考虑象钻石和蓝宝石这样的晶体。
  • He left a sapphire ring to her.他留给她一枚蓝宝石戒指。
18 haze O5wyb     
n.霾,烟雾;懵懂,迷糊;vi.(over)变模糊
参考例句:
  • I couldn't see her through the haze of smoke.在烟雾弥漫中,我看不见她。
  • He often lives in a haze of whisky.他常常是在威士忌的懵懂醉意中度过的。
19 yearning hezzPJ     
a.渴望的;向往的;怀念的
参考例句:
  • a yearning for a quiet life 对宁静生活的向往
  • He felt a great yearning after his old job. 他对过去的工作有一种强烈的渴想。
20 longing 98bzd     
n.(for)渴望
参考例句:
  • Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
  • His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。
21 tumult LKrzm     
n.喧哗;激动,混乱;吵闹
参考例句:
  • The tumult in the streets awakened everyone in the house.街上的喧哗吵醒了屋子里的每一个人。
  • His voice disappeared under growing tumult.他的声音消失在越来越响的喧哗声中。
22 immortal 7kOyr     
adj.不朽的;永生的,不死的;神的
参考例句:
  • The wild cocoa tree is effectively immortal.野生可可树实际上是不会死的。
  • The heroes of the people are immortal!人民英雄永垂不朽!
23 adoration wfhyD     
n.爱慕,崇拜
参考例句:
  • He gazed at her with pure adoration.他一往情深地注视着她。
  • The old lady fell down in adoration before Buddhist images.那老太太在佛像面前顶礼膜拜。


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