Some such aspirations14 as these were again working in her mind late in the afternoon, when the apparition15 of one of the personages haunting her thoughts passed the parlour window. Miss Keeldar sauntered slowly by, her gait, her countenance16, wearing that mixture of wistfulness227 and carelessness which, when quiescent17, was the wonted cast of her look and character of her bearing. When animated18, the carelessness quite vanished, the wistfulness became blent with a genial19 gaiety, seasoning20 the laugh, the smile, the glance, with a unique flavour of sentiment, so that mirth from her never resembled "the crackling of thorns under a pot."
"What do you mean by not coming to see me this afternoon, as you promised?" was her address to Caroline as she entered the room.
"I was not in the humour," replied Miss Helstone, very truly.
"No," she said; "I see you are not in the humour for loving me. You are in one of your sunless, inclement23 moods, when one feels a fellow-creature's presence is not welcome to you. You have such moods. Are you aware of it?"
"Do you mean to stay long, Shirley?"
"Yes. I am come to have my tea, and must have it before I go. I shall take the liberty, then, of removing my bonnet24, without being asked."
And this she did, and then stood on the rug with her hands behind her.
"A pretty expression you have in your countenance," she went on, still gazing keenly, though not inimically—rather indeed pityingly—at Caroline. "Wonderfully self-supported you look, you solitude-seeking, wounded deer. Are you afraid Shirley will worry you if she discovers that you are hurt, and that you bleed?"
"I never do fear Shirley."
"But sometimes you dislike her; often you avoid her. Shirley can feel when she is slighted and shunned25. If you had not walked home in the company you did last night, you would have been a different girl to-day. What time did you reach the rectory?"
"By ten."
"Humph! You took three-quarters of an hour to walk a mile. Was it you, or Moore, who lingered so?"
"Shirley, you talk nonsense."
"He talked nonsense—that I doubt not; or he looked it, which is a thousand times worse. I see the reflection of his eyes on your forehead at this moment. I feel disposed to call him out, if I could only get a trustworthy second.228 I feel desperately26 irritated. I felt so last night, and have felt it all day."
"You don't ask me why," she proceeded, after a pause, "you little silent, over-modest thing; and you don't deserve that I should pour out my secrets into your lap without an invitation. Upon my word, I could have found it in my heart to have dogged Moore yesterday evening with dire27 intent. I have pistols, and can use them."
"Stuff, Shirley! Which would you have shot—me or Robert?"
"Neither, perhaps. Perhaps myself—more likely a bat or a tree-bough. He is a puppy, your cousin—a quiet, serious, sensible, judicious28, ambitious puppy. I see him standing29 before me, talking his half-stern, half-gentle talk, bearing me down (as I am very conscious he does) with his fixity of purpose, etc.; and then—I have no patience with him!"
Miss Keeldar started off on a rapid walk through the room, repeating energetically that she had no patience with men in general, and with her tenant30 in particular.
"You are mistaken," urged Caroline, in some anxiety. "Robert is no puppy or male flirt31; I can vouch32 for that."
"You vouch for it! Do you think I'll take your word on the subject? There is no one's testimony33 I would not credit sooner than yours. To advance Moore's fortune you would cut off your right hand."
"But not tell lies. And if I speak the truth, I must assure you that he was just civil to me last night—that was all."
"I never asked what he was. I can guess. I saw him from the window take your hand in his long fingers, just as he went out at my gate."
"That is nothing. I am not a stranger, you know. I am an old acquaintance, and his cousin."
"I feel indignant, and that is the long and short of the matter," responded Miss Keeldar. "All my comfort," she added presently, "is broken up by his manœuvres. He keeps intruding34 between you and me. Without him we should be good friends; but that six feet of puppyhood makes a perpetually-recurring eclipse of our friendship. Again and again he crosses and obscures the disc I want always to see clear; ever and anon he renders me to you a mere35 bore and nuisance."
229"No, Shirley, no."
"He does. You did not want my society this afternoon, and I feel it hard. You are naturally somewhat reserved, but I am a social personage, who cannot live alone. If we were but left unmolested, I have that regard for you that I could bear you in my presence for ever, and not for the fraction of a second do I ever wish to be rid of you. You cannot say as much respecting me."
"Shirley, I can say anything you wish. Shirley, I like you."
"You will wish me at Jericho to-morrow, Lina."
"I shall not. I am every day growing more accustomed to—fonder of you. You know I am too English to get up a vehement36 friendship all at once; but you are so much better than common—you are so different to every-day young ladies—I esteem37 you, I value you; you are never a burden to me—never. Do you believe what I say?"
"Partly," replied Miss Keeldar, smiling rather incredulously; "but you are a peculiar38 personage. Quiet as you look, there is both a force and a depth somewhere within not easily reached or appreciated. Then you certainly are not happy."
"And unhappy people are rarely good. Is that what you mean?"
"Not at all. I mean rather that unhappy people are often preoccupied39, and not in the mood for discoursing40 with companions of my nature. Moreover, there is a sort of unhappiness which not only depresses, but corrodes41; and that, I fear, is your portion. Will pity do you any good, Lina? If it will, take some from Shirley; she offers largely, and warrants the article genuine."
"Shirley, I never had a sister—you never had a sister; but it flashes on me at this moment how sisters feel towards each other—affection twined with their life, which no shocks of feeling can uproot42, which little quarrels only trample an instant, that it may spring more freshly when the pressure is removed; affection that no passion can ultimately outrival, with which even love itself cannot do more than compete in force and truth. Love hurts us so, Shirley. It is so tormenting43, so racking, and it burns away our strength with its flame. In affection is no pain and no fire, only sustenance44 and balm. I am supported and soothed45 when you—that230 is, you only—are near, Shirley. Do you believe me now?"
"I am always easy of belief when the creed46 pleases me. We really are friends, then, Lina, in spite of the black eclipse?"
"We really are," returned the other, drawing Shirley towards her, and making her sit down, "chance what may."
"Come, then; we will talk of something else than the Troubler." But at this moment the rector came in, and the "something else" of which Miss Keeldar was about to talk was not again alluded47 to till the moment of her departure. She then delayed a few minutes in the passage to say, "Caroline, I wish to tell you that I have a great weight on my mind; my conscience is quite uneasy as if I had committed, or was going to commit, a crime. It is not my private conscience, you must understand, but my landed-proprietor and lord-of-the-manor conscience. I have got into the clutch of an eagle with iron talons48. I have fallen under a stern influence, which I scarcely approve, but cannot resist. Something will be done ere long, I fear, which it by no means pleases me to think of. To ease my mind, and to prevent harm as far as I can, I mean to enter on a series of good works. Don't be surprised, therefore, if you see me all at once turn outrageously49 charitable. I have no idea how to begin, but you must give me some advice. We will talk more on the subject to-morrow; and just ask that excellent person, Miss Ainley, to step up to Fieldhead. I have some notion of putting myself under her tuition. Won't she have a precious pupil? drop a hint to her, Lina, that, though a well-meaning, I am rather a neglected character, and then she will feel less scandalized at my ignorance about clothing societies and such things."
On the morrow Caroline found Shirley sitting gravely at her desk, with an account-book, a bundle of banknotes, and a well-filled purse before her. She was looking mighty50 serious, but a little puzzled. She said she had been "casting an eye" over the weekly expenditure51 in housekeeping at the hall, trying to find out where she could retrench52; that she had also just given audience to Mrs. Gill, the cook, and had sent that person away with a notion that her (Shirley's) brain was certainly crazed. "I have lectured her on the duty of being careful," said she, "in a way quite231 new to her. So eloquent53 was I on the text of economy that I surprised myself; for, you see, it is altogether a fresh idea. I never thought, much less spoke54, on the subject till lately. But it is all theory; for when I came to the practical part I could retrench nothing. I had not firmness to take off a single pound of butter, or to prosecute55 to any clear result an inquest into the destiny of either dripping, lard, bread, cold meat, or other kitchen perquisite56 whatever. I know we never get up illuminations at Fieldhead, but I could not ask the meaning of sundry57 quite unaccountable pounds of candles. We do not wash for the parish, yet I viewed in silence items of soap and bleaching-powder calculated to satisfy the solicitude58 of the most anxious inquirer after our position in reference to those articles. Carnivorous I am not, nor is Mrs. Pryor, nor is Mrs. Gill herself, yet I only hemmed59 and opened my eyes a little wide when I saw butchers' bills whose figures seemed to prove that fact—falsehood, I mean. Caroline, you may laugh at me, but you can't change me. I am a poltroon60 on certain points; I feel it. There is a base alloy61 of moral cowardice62 in my composition. I blushed and hung my head before Mrs. Gill, when she ought to have been faltering63 confessions64 to me. I found it impossible to get up the spirit even to hint, much less to prove, to her that she was a cheat. I have no calm dignity, no true courage about me."
"Shirley, what fit of self-injustice is this? My uncle, who is not given to speak well of women, says there are not ten thousand men in England as genuinely fearless as you."
"I am fearless, physically65; I am never nervous about danger. I was not startled from self-possession when Mr. Wynne's great red bull rose with a bellow66 before my face, as I was crossing the cowslip lea alone, stooped his begrimed, sullen67 head, and made a run at me; but I was afraid of seeing Mrs. Gill brought to shame and confusion of face. You have twice—ten times—my strength of mind on certain subjects, Caroline. You, whom no persuasion68 can induce to pass a bull, however quiet he looks, would have firmly shown my housekeeper69 she had done wrong; then you would have gently and wisely admonished70 her; and at last, I dare say, provided she had seemed penitent71, you would have very sweetly forgiven her. Of this conduct I am incapable72. However, in spite of exaggerated imposition, I still find we live within our means. I have money232 in hand, and I really must do some good with it. The Briarfield poor are badly off; they must be helped. What ought I to do, think you, Lina? Had I not better distribute the cash at once?"
"No, indeed, Shirley; you will not manage properly. I have often noticed that your only notion of charity is to give shillings and half-crowns in a careless, free-handed sort of way, which is liable to continual abuse. You must have a prime minister, or you will get yourself into a series of scrapes. You suggested Miss Ainley yourself; to Miss Ainley I will apply. And, meantime, promise to keep quiet, and not begin throwing away your money. What a great deal you have, Shirley! You must feel very rich with all that?"
"Yes; I feel of consequence. It is not an immense sum, but I feel responsible for its disposal; and really this responsibility weighs on my mind more heavily than I could have expected. They say that there are some families almost starving to death in Briarfield. Some of my own cottagers are in wretched circumstances. I must and will help them."
"Some people say we shouldn't give alms to the poor, Shirley."
"They are great fools for their pains. For those who are not hungry, it is easy to palaver73 about the degradation of charity, and so on: but they forget the brevity of life, as well as its bitterness. We have none of us long to live. Let us help each other through seasons of want and woe74 as well as we can, without heeding75 in the least the scruples76 of vain philosophy."
"But you do help others, Shirley. You give a great deal as it is."
"Not enough. I must give more, or, I tell you, my brother's blood will some day be crying to Heaven against me. For, after all, if political incendiaries come here to kindle77 conflagration78 in the neighbourhood, and my property is attacked, I shall defend it like a tigress—I know I shall. Let me listen to Mercy as long as she is near me. Her voice once drowned by the shout of ruffian defiance79, and I shall be full of impulses to resist and quell80. If once the poor gather and rise in the form of the mob, I shall turn against them as an aristocrat81; if they bully82 me, I must defy: if they attack, I must resist, and I will."
"You talk like Robert."
233"I feel like Robert, only more fierily83. Let them meddle84 with Robert, or Robert's mill, or Robert's interests, and I shall hate them. At present I am no patrician85, nor do I regard the poor around me as plebeians86; but if once they violently wrong me or mine, and then presume to dictate87 to us, I shall quite forget pity for their wretchedness and respect for their poverty, in scorn of their ignorance and wrath88 at their insolence89."
"Shirley, how your eyes flash!"
"Because my soul burns. Would you, any more than me, let Robert be borne down by numbers?"
"If I had your power to aid Robert, I would use it as you mean to use it. If I could be such a friend to him as you can be, I would stand by him, as you mean to stand by him, till death."
"And now, Lina, though your eyes don't flash, they glow. You drop your lids; but I saw a kindled90 spark. However, it is not yet come to fighting. What I want to do is to prevent mischief91. I cannot forget, either day or night, that these embittered92 feelings of the poor against the rich have been generated in suffering: they would neither hate nor envy us if they did not deem us so much happier than themselves. To allay93 this suffering, and thereby94 lessen95 this hate, let me, out of my abundance, give abundantly; and that the donation may go farther, let it be made wisely. To that intent, we must introduce some clear, calm, practical sense into our councils. So go and fetch Miss Ainley."
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1
sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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valid
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| adj.有确实根据的；有效的；正当的，合法的 | |
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shuffling
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| adj. 慢慢移动的, 滑移的 动词shuffle的现在分词形式 | |
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4
cant
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| n.斜穿，黑话，猛扔 | |
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5
wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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descend
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| vt./vi.传下来，下来，下降 | |
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degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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mutual
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| adj.相互的，彼此的；共同的，共有的 | |
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foe
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| n.敌人，仇敌 | |
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trample
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| vt.踩，践踏；无视，伤害，侵犯 | |
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cleave
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| v．(clave；cleaved)粘着，粘住；坚持；依恋 | |
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sundered
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| v.隔开，分开( sunder的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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aspirations
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| 强烈的愿望( aspiration的名词复数 )； 志向； 发送气音； 发 h 音 | |
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apparition
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| n.幽灵，神奇的现象 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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quiescent
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| adj.静止的，不活动的，寂静的 | |
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animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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seasoning
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| n.调味；调味料；增添趣味之物 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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penetrating
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| adj.（声音）响亮的，尖锐的adj.（气味）刺激的adj.（思想）敏锐的，有洞察力的 | |
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inclement
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| adj.严酷的，严厉的，恶劣的 | |
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bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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shunned
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| v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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dire
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| adj.可怕的，悲惨的，阴惨的，极端的 | |
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judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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tenant
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| n.承租人；房客；佃户；v.租借，租用 | |
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flirt
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| v.调情，挑逗，调戏；n.调情者，卖俏者 | |
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vouch
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| v.担保；断定；n.被担保者 | |
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testimony
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| n.证词；见证，证明 | |
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intruding
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| v.侵入，侵扰，打扰( intrude的现在分词)；把…强加于 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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vehement
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| adj.感情强烈的；热烈的；(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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40
discoursing
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| 演说（discourse的现在分词形式） | |
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corrodes
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| v.使腐蚀，侵蚀( corrode的第三人称单数 ) | |
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uproot
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| v.连根拔起，拔除；根除，灭绝；赶出家园，被迫移开 | |
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tormenting
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| 使痛苦的，使苦恼的 | |
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sustenance
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| n.食物，粮食；生活资料；生计 | |
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soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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creed
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| n.信条；信念，纲领 | |
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alluded
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| 提及，暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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talons
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| n.（尤指猛禽的）爪( talon的名词复数 )；（如爪般的）手指；爪状物；锁簧尖状突出部 | |
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49
outrageously
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| 凶残地； 肆无忌惮地； 令人不能容忍地； 不寻常地 | |
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50
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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51
expenditure
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| n.(时间、劳力、金钱等)支出；使用，消耗 | |
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52
retrench
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| v.节省，削减 | |
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53
eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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54
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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55
prosecute
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| vt.告发；进行；vi.告发，起诉，作检察官 | |
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56
perquisite
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| n.固定津贴，福利 | |
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57
sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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58
solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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59
hemmed
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| 缝…的褶边( hem的过去式和过去分词 )； 包围 | |
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60
poltroon
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| n.胆怯者；懦夫 | |
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61
alloy
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| n.合金，(金属的)成色 | |
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62
cowardice
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| n.胆小，怯懦 | |
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63
faltering
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| 犹豫的，支吾的，蹒跚的 | |
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64
confessions
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| n.承认( confession的名词复数 )；自首；声明；（向神父的）忏悔 | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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66
bellow
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| v.吼叫，怒吼；大声发出，大声喝道 | |
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67
sullen
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| adj.愠怒的，闷闷不乐的，(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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68
persuasion
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| n.劝说；说服；持有某种信仰的宗派 | |
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69
housekeeper
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| n.管理家务的主妇，女管家 | |
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70
admonished
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| v.劝告( admonish的过去式和过去分词 )；训诫；（温和地）责备；轻责 | |
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71
penitent
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| adj.后悔的；n.后悔者；忏悔者 | |
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72
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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73
palaver
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| adj.壮丽堂皇的；n.废话，空话 | |
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74
woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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75
heeding
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| v.听某人的劝告，听从( heed的现在分词 ) | |
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76
scruples
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| n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 )；顾虑，顾忌v.感到于心不安，有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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77
kindle
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| v.点燃，着火 | |
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78
conflagration
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| n.建筑物或森林大火 | |
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79
defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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80
quell
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| v.压制，平息，减轻 | |
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81
aristocrat
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| n.贵族，有贵族气派的人，上层人物 | |
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82
bully
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| n.恃强欺弱者，小流氓；vt.威胁，欺侮 | |
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83
fierily
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| 如火地，炽热地，猛烈地 | |
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84
meddle
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| v.干预，干涉，插手 | |
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85
patrician
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| adj.贵族的，显贵的；n.贵族；有教养的人；罗马帝国的地方官 | |
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86
plebeians
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| n.平民( plebeian的名词复数 )；庶民；平民百姓；平庸粗俗的人 | |
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87
dictate
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| v.口授；(使)听写；指令，指示，命令 | |
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88
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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89
insolence
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| n.傲慢；无礼；厚颜；傲慢的态度 | |
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90
kindled
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| （使某物）燃烧，着火( kindle的过去式和过去分词 )； 激起（感情等）； 发亮，放光 | |
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91
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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92
embittered
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| v.使怨恨，激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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93
allay
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| v.消除，减轻(恐惧、怀疑等) | |
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94
thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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95
lessen
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| vt.减少，减轻；缩小 | |
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