CHAPTER 46

 That evening Walter came back to the bungalow¹ a little earlier than usual. Kitty was lying on the long chair by the open window. It was nearly dark.

 

"Don't you want a lamp?" he asked.

 

"They'll bring it when dinner is ready."

 

He talked to her always quite casually², of trifling³ things, as though they were friendly acquaintances, and there was never anything in his manner to suggest that he harboured malice⁴ in his heart. He never met her eyes and he never smiled. He was scrupulously⁵ polite.

 

"Walter, what do you propose we should do if we get through the epidemic⁶?" she asked.

 

He waited for a moment before answering. She could not see his face.

 

"I haven't thought."

 

In the old days she said carelessly whatever came into her head; it never occurred to her to think before she spoke⁷; but now she was afraid of him; she felt her lips tremble and her heart beat painfully.

 

"I went to the convent this afternoon."

 

"So I heard."

 

She forced herself to speak though she could hardly frame the words.

 

"Did you really want me to die when you brought me here?"

 

"If I were you I'd leave well alone, Kitty. I don't think any good will come of talking about what we should do much better to forget."

 

"But you don't forget; neither do I. I've been thinking a great deal since I came here. Won't you listen to what I have to say?"

 

"Certainly."

 

"I treated you very badly. I was unfaithful to you."

 

He stood stock still. His immobility was strangely terrifying.

 

"I don't know whether you'll understand what I mean. That sort of thing doesn't mean very much to a woman when it's over. I think women have never quite understood the attitude that men take up." She spoke abruptly⁸, in a voice she would hardly have recognised as her own. "You know what Charlie was and you knew what he'd do. Well, you were quite right. He's a worthless creature. I suppose I shouldn't have been taken in by him if I hadn't been as worthless as he. I don't ask you to forgive me. I don't ask you to love me as you used to love me. But couldn't we be friends? With all these people dying in thousands round us, and with those nuns⁹ in their convent . . ."

 

"What have they got to do with it?" he interrupted.

 

"I can't quite explain. I had such a singular feeling when I went there to-day. It all seems to mean so much. It's all so terrible and their self-sacrifice is so wonderful; I can't help feeling it's absurd and disproportionate, if you understand what I mean, to distress¹⁰ yourself because a foolish woman has been unfaithful to you. I'm much too worthless and insignificant¹¹ for you to give me a thought."

 

He did not answer, but he did not move away; he seemed to be waiting for her to continue.

 

"Mr. Waddington and the nuns have told me such wonderful things about you. I'm very proud of you, Walter."

 

"You used not to be; you used to feel contempt for me. Don't you still?"

 

"Don't you know that I'm afraid of you?"

 

Again he was silent.

 

"I don't understand you," he said at last. "I don't know what it is you want."

 

"Nothing for myself. I only want you to be a little less unhappy."

 

She felt him stiffen¹² and his voice was very cold when he answered.

 

"You're mistaken in thinking I'm unhappy. I have a great deal too much to do to think of you very often."

 

"I have wondered if the nuns would allow me to go and work at the convent. They are very short handed and if I could be of any help I should be grateful to them."

 

"It is not easy work or pleasant work. I doubt if it would amuse you long."

 

"Do you absolutely despise me, Walter?"

 

"No." He hesitated and his voice was strange. "I despise myself."

1 bungalow   

n.平房，周围有阳台的木造小平房

参考例句：

• A bungalow does not have an upstairs.平房没有上层。
• The old couple sold that large house and moved into a small bungalow.老两口卖掉了那幢大房子，搬进了小平房。

2 casually   

adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地

参考例句：

• She remarked casually that she was changing her job.她当时漫不经心地说要换工作。
• I casually mentioned that I might be interested in working abroad.我不经意地提到我可能会对出国工作感兴趣。

3 trifling   

adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的

参考例句：

• They quarreled over a trifling matter.他们为这种微不足道的事情争吵。
• So far Europe has no doubt, gained a real conveniency,though surely a very trifling one.直到现在为止,欧洲无疑地已经获得了实在的便利，不过那确是一种微不足道的便利。

4 malice   

n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋

参考例句：

• I detected a suggestion of malice in his remarks.我觉察出他说的话略带恶意。
• There was a strong current of malice in many of his portraits.他的许多肖像画中都透着一股强烈的怨恨。

5 scrupulously   

adv.一丝不苟地；小心翼翼地，多顾虑地

参考例句：

• She toed scrupulously into the room. 她小心翼翼地踮着脚走进房间。 来自辞典例句
• To others he would be scrupulously fair. 对待别人，他力求公正。 来自英汉非文学 - 文明史

6 epidemic   

n.流行病；盛行；adj.流行性的，流传极广的

参考例句：

• That kind of epidemic disease has long been stamped out.那种传染病早已绝迹。
• The authorities tried to localise the epidemic.当局试图把流行病限制在局部范围。

7 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

8 abruptly   

adv.突然地，出其不意地

参考例句：

• He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
• I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。

9 nuns   

n.（通常指基督教的）修女， （佛教的）尼姑( nun的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Ah Q had always had the greatest contempt for such people as little nuns. 小尼姑之流是阿Q本来视如草芥的。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Nuns are under vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. 修女须立誓保持清贫、贞洁、顺从。 来自辞典例句

10 distress   

n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛

参考例句：

• Nothing could alleviate his distress.什么都不能减轻他的痛苦。
• Please don't distress yourself.请你不要忧愁了。

11 insignificant   

adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的

参考例句：

• In winter the effect was found to be insignificant.在冬季，这种作用是不明显的。
• This problem was insignificant compared to others she faced.这一问题与她面临的其他问题比较起来算不得什么。

12 stiffen   

v.(使)硬，(使)变挺，(使)变僵硬

参考例句：

• The blood supply to the skin is reduced when muscles stiffen.当肌肉变得僵硬时，皮肤的供血量就减少了。
• I was breathing hard,and my legs were beginning to stiffen.这时我却气吁喘喘地开始感到脚有点僵硬。