At this point the cycle of his reflections was completed, and began again. He thought of all the occupied bedrooms.... Thus, in the dark, warm night the contents of his mind revolved16 endlessly, with extreme tedium17 and extreme distress18, and each moment his mood became more morbid19.
An occasional sound of traffic penetrated20 into the room,—strangely mournful, a reminder21 of the immense and ineffable22 melancholy23 of a city which could not wholly lose itself in sleep. The window lightened. He could descry24 his wife's portable clock on the night-table. A quarter to four. Turning over savagely25 in bed, he muttered: "My night's done for. And nearly five hours to breakfast. Good God!" The cycle resumed, and was enlarged.
At intervals26 he imagined that he dozed27; he did doze28, if it is possible while you are dozing29 to know that you doze. His personality separated into two personalities30, if not more. He was on a vast plain, and yet he was not there, and the essential point of the scene was that he was not there. Thousands and tens of thousands of men stood on this plain, which had no visible boundaries. A roll-call was proceeding31. A resounding32 and mysterious voice called out names, and at each name a man stepped briskly from the crowds and saluted34 and walked away. But there was no visible person to receive the salute33; the voice was bodiless. George became increasingly apprehensive35; he feared a disaster, yet he could not believe that it would occur. It did occur. Before it arrived he knew that it was arriving. The voice cried solemnly:
An awful stillness and silence followed, enveloping37 the entire infinite plain. George trembled. He was there, but he was not there. Men looked at each other, raising their eyebrows38. The voice did not deign39 to repeat the call. After a suitable pause, the voice cried solemnly:
"Everard Lucas."
And Lucas in his new uniform stepped gravely forward and saluted and walked away.
"Was I asleep or awake?" George asked himself. He could not decide. At any rate the scene impressed him. The bigness of the plain, the summons, the silence, the utter absence of an expression of reproof40 or regret—of any comment whatever.
At five o'clock he arose, and sat down in his dressing-gown at Lois's very untidy and very small writing-desk, and wrote a letter on her notepaper. The early morning was lovely; it was celestial41.
"DEAR DAVIDS," the letter began.—That would annoy the fellow, who liked the address respectful.—"Dear Davids, I have decided42 to join the Army, and therefore cannot proceed further with your commission. However, the general idea is complete. I advise you to get it carried out by Lucas & Enwright. Enwright is the best architect in England. You may take this from me. I'm his disciple43. You might ring me up at the office this afternoon.—Yours faithfully, GEORGE CANNON"
"P.S.—Assuming you go to Lucas & Enwright, I can either make some arrangement with them as to sharing fees myself, or you can pay me an agreed sum for the work I've done, and start afresh elsewhere. I shall want all the money I can get hold of."
Yes, Sir Isaac would be very angry. George smiled. He was not triumphant45, but he was calm. In the full sanity46 of the morning, every reason against his going into the Army had vanished. The material objection was ridiculous—with Edwin Clayhanger at the back of him! Moreover, some money would be coming in. The professional objection was equally ridiculous. The design for the Indian barracks existed complete; and middle-aged47 mediocrity could carry it out in a fashion, and Lucas & Enwright could carry it out better than he could carry it out himself. As for Davids, he had written. There was nothing else of importance in his office. The other competition had not been won. If people said that he had been influenced by Lucas's uniform, well, they must say it. They would not say it for more than a few days. After a few days the one interesting fact would be that he had joined. By such simple and curt48 arguments did he annihilate49 the once overwhelming reasons against his joining the Army.
But he did not trouble to marshal the reasons in favour of his joining the Army. He had only one reason: he must! He quite ignored the larger aspects of the war—the future of civilization, freedom versus50 slavery, right versus wrong, even the responsibilities of citizenship51 and the implications of patriotism52. His decision was the product, not of argument, but of feeling. However, he did not feel a bit virtuous53. He had to join the Army, and 'that was all there was to it.' A beastly nuisance, this world-war! It was interfering54 with his private affairs; it might put an end to his private affairs altogether; he hated soldiering; he looked inimically at the military caste. An unspeakable nuisance. But there the war was, and he was going to answer to his name. He simply could not tolerate the dreadful silence and stillness on the plain after his name had been called. "Pooh! Sheer sentimentality!" he said to himself, thinking of the vision—half-dream, half-fancy. "Rotten sentimentality!"
He asked:
"Damn it! Am I an Englishman or am I not?"
Like most Englishmen, he was much more an Englishman than he ever suspected.
"What on earth are you doing, George?"
At the voice of his wife he gave a nervous jump, and then instantly controlled himself and looked round. Her voice was soft, liquid, weak with slumber55. But, lying calmly on one side, her head half buried in the pillow, and the bedclothes pushed back from her shoulders, she was wideawake and gazed at him steadily56.
"I'm just writing a letter," he answered gruffly.
"Now? What letter?"
"Here! You shall read it." He walked straight across the room in his gay pyjamas57 only partly hidden by the splendid dressing-gown, and handed her the letter. Moving nothing but her hand, she took the letter and held it in front of her eyes. He sat down between the beds, on the edge of his own bed, facing her.
"Whatever is it?"
"Read it. You've got it," he said, with impatience58. He was trembling, aware that the crisis had suddenly leapt at him.
" Oh!"
She had read the opening phrase; she had received the first shock. But the tone of her exclamation59 gave no clue at all to her attitude. It might mean anything—anything. She shut her eyes; then glanced at him, terror-struck, appealing, wistful, implacable.
"Not at once?"
"Yes, at once."
"But surely you'll at least wait until after October."
He shook his head.
"But why can't you?"
"I can't."
"But there's no object—"
"I've got to do it."
"You're horribly cruel."
"George, I shall never be able to stand it. It's too much to expect. It'll kill me."
"Not it! What's the use of talking like that? If I'd been in the Territorials61 before the war, like lots of chaps, I should have been gone long ago, and you'd have stood it all right. Don't you understand we're at war? Do you imagine the war can wait for things like babies?"
She cried:
"It's no good your going on in that strain. You can't leave me alone with all this house on my shoulders, and so that's flat."
"Who wants to leave you all alone in the house? You can go and stay at Ladderedge, children and nurse and all." This scheme presented itself to him as he spoke62.
"Of course I can't! We can't go and plant ourselves on people like that. Besides—"
"Can't you? You'll see!"
He caught her eye. Why was he being so brutal63 to her? What conceivable purpose was served by this harshness? He perceived that his nerves were overstrung. And in a swift rush of insight he saw the whole situation from her point of view. She was exhausted64 by gestation65; she lived in a world distorted. Could she help her temperament66? She was in the gravest need of his support; and he was an ass44, a blundering fool. His severity melted within him, and secretly he became tender as only a man can be.
"You silly girl!" he said, slightly modifying his voice, taking care not to disclose all at once the change in his mood.
" You silly girl! Can't you see they'll be so proud to have you they won't be able to contain themselves? They'll turn the whole place upside-down for you. I know them. They'll pretend it's nothing, but mother won't sleep at night for thinking how to arrange things for the best, and as for my cuckoo of an uncle, if you notice something funny about your feet, it'll be the esteemed67 alderman licking your boots. You'll have the time of your life. In fact they'll ruin your character for you. There'll be no holding you afterwards."
She did not smile, but her eyes smiled. He had got the better of her. He had been cleverer than she was. She was beaten.
"But we shall have no money."
"Read the letter, child. I'm not a fool."
"I know you're not a fool. No one knows that better than me."
He went on:
"And what's uncle's money for, if it comes to that?"
"But we can't spunge on them like that!"
"Spunge be dashed! What's money for? It's no good till it's spent. If he can't spend it on us, who can he spend it on? He always makes out he's fiendishly hard, but he's the most generous idiot ever born."
"I'm not."
He was suddenly alive to the marvellous charm of the intimacy69 of the scene with his wife, in the early summer dawn, in the silent, enchanted70 house of sleepers71, in the disorder72 of the heaped bedroom. They were alone together, shameless in front of one another, and nobody knew or saw, or could ever know or see. Their relations were unique, the resultant of long custom, of friction73, of misunderstanding, of affection, of incomprehensible instincts, of destiny itself. He thought: "I have lived for this sensation, and it is worth living for."
Without the slightest movement, she invited him with her strange eyes, and as she did so she was as mysterious as ever she had been. He bent74 down responsively. She put her hot, clammy hands on his shoulders, and kept his head at a little distance and looked through his eyes into his soul. The letter had dropped to the floor.
"I knew you would!" she murmured, and then snatched him to her, and kissed him, and kept her mouth on his.
"You didn't," he said, as soon as she loosed him. "I didn't know myself."
But he privately75 admitted that perhaps she did know. She had every fault, but she was intelligent. Constantly he was faced with that fact. She did not understand the significance of the war; she lacked imagination; but her understanding was sometimes terrible. She was devious76; but she had a religion. He was her religion. She would cast the god underfoot—and then in a passion of repentance77 restore it ardently78 to the sacred niche79.
She said:
"I couldn't have borne it if Everard had gone and you hadn't. But of course you meant to go all the time."
That was how she saved his amour-propre.
"I always knew you were a genius—"
"Oh! Chuck it, kid!"
"But you're more, somehow. This business—"
"You don't mean joining the Army?"
"Yes."
"What rot! There's nothing in it. Fellows are doing it everywhere."
She smiled superiorly, and then inquired:
"How do you join? What are you going to do? Shall you ask Everard?"
"Well—" he hesitated. He had no desire to consult Lucas.
"Why don't you see Colonel Rannion?" she Suggested.
"Jove! That's a scheme. Never thought of him!"
Her satisfaction at the answer was childlike, and he was filled with delight that it should be so. They launched themselves into an interminable discussion about every possible arrangement of everything. But in a pause of it he destroyed its tremendous importance by remarking casually80:
"No hurry, of course. I bet you I shall be kept knocking about here for months."
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1
touchy
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| adj.易怒的；棘手的 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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adamant
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| adj.坚硬的，固执的 | |
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rapacity
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| n.贪婪，贪心，劫掠的欲望 | |
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incompetence
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| n.不胜任，不称职 | |
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pompous
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的；夸大的；豪华的 | |
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arrogance
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| n.傲慢，自大 | |
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complexity
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| n.复杂(性)，复杂的事物 | |
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9
atlas
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| n.地图册，图表集 | |
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crumble
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| vi.碎裂，崩溃；vt.弄碎，摧毁 | |
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collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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envisage
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| v.想象，设想，展望，正视 | |
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solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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revolved
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| v.（使）旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 )；细想 | |
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17
tedium
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| n.单调；烦闷 | |
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18
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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19
morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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20
penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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21
reminder
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| n.提醒物，纪念品；暗示，提示 | |
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22
ineffable
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| adj.无法表达的，不可言喻的 | |
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23
melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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24
descry
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| v.远远看到；发现；责备 | |
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25
savagely
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| adv. 野蛮地，残酷地 | |
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26
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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27
dozed
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| v.打盹儿，打瞌睡( doze的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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28
doze
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| v.打瞌睡；n.打盹，假寐 | |
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29
dozing
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| v.打瞌睡,假寐 n.瞌睡 | |
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30
personalities
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| n. 诽谤，（对某人容貌、性格等所进行的）人身攻击； 人身攻击；人格, 个性, 名人( personality的名词复数 ) | |
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31
proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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32
resounding
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| adj. 响亮的 | |
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33
salute
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| vi.行礼，致意，问候，放礼炮；vt.向…致意，迎接，赞扬；n.招呼，敬礼，礼炮 | |
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34
saluted
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| v.欢迎，致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 )；赞扬，赞颂 | |
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35
apprehensive
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| adj.担心的，恐惧的，善于领会的 | |
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36
cannon
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| n.大炮，火炮；飞机上的机关炮 | |
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37
enveloping
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的现在分词 ) | |
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38
eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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39
deign
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| v. 屈尊, 惠允 ( 做某事) | |
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40
reproof
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| n.斥责，责备 | |
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41
celestial
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| adj.天体的；天上的 | |
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42
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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43
disciple
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| n.信徒，门徒，追随者 | |
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44
ass
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| n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人 | |
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45
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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46
sanity
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| n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确 | |
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47
middle-aged
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| adj.中年的 | |
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48
curt
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| adj.简短的，草率的 | |
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49
annihilate
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| v.使无效；毁灭；取消 | |
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50
versus
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| prep.以…为对手，对；与…相比之下 | |
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51
citizenship
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| n.市民权，公民权，国民的义务(身份) | |
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52
patriotism
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| n.爱国精神，爱国心，爱国主义 | |
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53
virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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54
interfering
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| adj. 妨碍的 动词interfere的现在分词 | |
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55
slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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56
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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57
pyjamas
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| n.（宽大的）睡衣裤 | |
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58
impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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59
exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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60
sullen
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| adj.愠怒的，闷闷不乐的，(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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61
territorials
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| n.（常大写）地方自卫队士兵( territorial的名词复数 ) | |
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62
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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63
brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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64
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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gestation
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| n.怀孕；酝酿 | |
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temperament
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| n.气质，性格，性情 | |
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67
esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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68
awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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69
intimacy
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| n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行 | |
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70
enchanted
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| adj. 被施魔法的，陶醉的，入迷的 动词enchant的过去式和过去分词 | |
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71
sleepers
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| n.卧铺（通常以复数形式出现）；卧车( sleeper的名词复数 )；轨枕；睡觉（呈某种状态）的人；小耳环 | |
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72
disorder
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| n.紊乱，混乱；骚动，骚乱；疾病，失调 | |
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73
friction
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| n.摩擦，摩擦力 | |
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74
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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75
privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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76
devious
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| adj.不坦率的，狡猾的；迂回的，曲折的 | |
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77
repentance
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| n.懊悔 | |
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78
ardently
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| adv.热心地，热烈地 | |
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79
niche
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| n.壁龛；合适的职务(环境、位置等) | |
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casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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