CHAPTER V.—HER SITUATION IS A TRYING ONE

 May 15.—The more I think of it day after day, the more convinced I am that my suspicions are true.  He is too interested in me—well, in plain words, loves me; or, not to degrade that phrase, has a wild passion for me; and his affection for Caroline is that towards a sister only.  That is the distressing¹ truth; how it has come about I cannot tell, and it wears upon me.

 

A hundred little circumstances have revealed this to me, and the longer I dwell upon it the more agitating² does the consideration become.  Heaven only can help me out of the terrible difficulty in which this places me.  I have done nothing to encourage him to be faithless to her.  I have studiously kept out of his way; have persistently³ refused to be a third in their interviews.  Yet all to no purpose.  Some fatality⁴ has seemed to rule, ever since he came to the house, that this disastrous⁵ inversion⁶ of things should arise.  If I had only foreseen the possibility of it before he arrived, how gladly would I have departed on some visit or other to the meanest friend to hinder such an apparent treachery.  But I blindly welcomed him—indeed, made myself particularly agreeable to him for her sake.

 

There is no possibility of my suspicions being wrong; not until they have reached absolute certainty have I dared even to admit the truth to myself.  His conduct to-day would have proved them true had I entertained no previous apprehensions⁷.  Some photographs of myself came for me by post, and they were handed round at the breakfast table and criticised.  I put them temporarily on a side table, and did not remember them until an hour afterwards when I was in my own room.  On going to fetch them I discovered him standing⁸ at the table with his back towards the door bending over the photographs, one of which he raised to his lips.

 

The witnessing this act so frightened me that I crept away to escape observation.  It was the climax⁹ to a series of slight and significant actions all tending to the same conclusion.  The question for me now is, what am I to do?  To go away is what first occurs to me, but what reason can I give Caroline and my father for such a step; besides, it might precipitate¹⁰ some sort of catastrophe¹¹ by driving Charles to desperation.  For the present, therefore, I have decided¹² that I can only wait, though his contiguity¹³ is strangely disturbing to me now, and I hardly retain strength of mind to encounter him.  How will the distressing complication end?

 

May 19.—And so it has come!  My mere¹⁴ avoidance of him has precipitated¹⁵ the worst issue—a declaration.  I had occasion to go into the kitchen garden to gather some of the double ragged-robins which grew in a corner there.  Almost as soon as I had entered I heard footsteps without.  The door opened and shut, and I turned to behold¹⁶ him just inside it.  As the garden is closed by four walls and the gardener was absent, the spot ensured absolute privacy.  He came along the path by the asparagus-bed, and overtook me.

 

‘You know why I come, Alicia?’ said he, in a tremulous voice.

 

I said nothing, and hung my head, for by his tone I did know.

 

‘Yes,’ he went on, ‘it is you I love; my sentiment towards your sister is one of affection too, but protective, tutelary¹⁷ affection—no more.  Say what you will I cannot help it.  I mistook my feeling for her, and I know how much I am to blame for my want of self-knowledge.  I have fought against this discovery night and day; but it cannot be concealed¹⁸.  Why did I ever see you, since I could not see you till I had committed myself?  At the moment my eyes beheld¹⁹ you on that day of my arrival, I said, “This is the woman for whom my manhood has waited.”  Ever since an unaccountable fascination²⁰ has riveted²¹ my heart to you.  Answer one word!’

 

‘O, M. de la Feste!’ I burst out.  What I said more I cannot remember, but I suppose that the misery²² I was in showed pretty plainly, for he said, ‘Something must be done to let her know; perhaps I have mistaken her affection, too; but all depends upon what you feel.’

 

‘I cannot tell what I feel,’ said I, ‘except that this seems terrible treachery; and every moment that I stay with you here makes it worse! .  .  .  Try to keep faith with her—her young heart is tender; believe me there is no mistake in the quality of her love for you.  Would there were!  This would kill her if she knew it!’

 

He sighed heavily.  ‘She ought never to be my wife,’ he said.  ‘Leaving my own happiness out of the question, it would be a cruelty to her to unite her to me.’

 

I said I could not hear such words from him, and begged him in tears to go away; he obeyed, and I heard the garden door shut behind him.  What is to be the end of the announcement, and the fate of Caroline?

 

May 20.—I put a good deal on paper yesterday, and yet not all.  I was, in truth, hoping against hope, against conviction, against too conscious self-judgment.  I scarcely dare own the truth now, yet it relieves my aching heart to set it down.  Yes, I love him—that is the dreadful fact, and I can no longer parry, evade²³, or deny it to myself though to the rest of the world it can never be owned.  I love Caroline’s betrothed²⁴, and he loves me.  It is no yesterday’s passion, cultivated by our converse²⁵; it came at first sight, independently of my will; and my talk with him yesterday made rather against it than for it, but, alas²⁶, did not quench²⁷ it.  God forgive us both for this terrible treachery.

 

May 25.—All is vague; our courses shapeless.  He comes and goes, being occupied, ostensibly at least, with sketching²⁸ in his tent in the wood.  Whether he and she see each other privately²⁹ I cannot tell, but I rather think they do not; that she sadly awaits him, and he does not appear.  Not a sign from him that my repulse³⁰ has done him any good, or that he will endeavour to keep faith with her.  O, if I only had the compulsion of a god, and the self-sacrifice of a martyr³¹!

 

May 31.—It has all ended—or rather this act of the sad drama has ended—in nothing.  He has left us.  No day for the fulfilment of the engagement with Caroline is named, my father not being the man to press any one on such a matter, or, indeed, to interfere³² in any way.  We two girls are, in fact, quite defenceless in a case of this kind; lovers may come when they choose, and desert when they choose; poor father is too urbane³³ to utter a word of remonstrance³⁴ or inquiry³⁵.  Moreover, as the approved of my dead mother, M. de la Feste has a sort of autocratic power with my father, who holds it unkind to her memory to have an opinion about him.  I, feeling it my duty, asked M. de la Feste at the last moment about the engagement, in a voice I could not keep firm.

 

‘Since the death of your mother all has been indefinite—all!’ he said gloomily.  That was the whole.  Possibly, Wherryborne Rectory may see him no more.

 

June 7 .—M. de la Feste has written—one letter to her, one to me.  Hers could not have been very warm, for she did not brighten on reading it.  Mine was an ordinary note of friendship, filling an ordinary sheet of paper, which I handed over to Caroline when I had finished looking it through.  But there was a scrap³⁶ of paper in the bottom of the envelope, which I dared not show any one.  This scrap is his real letter: I scanned it alone in my room, trembling, hot and cold by turns.  He tells me he is very wretched; that he deplores³⁷ what has happened, but was helpless.  Why did I let him see me, if only to make him faithless.  Alas, alas!

 

June 21 .—My dear Caroline has lost appetite, spirits, health.  Hope deferred³⁸ maketh the heart sick.  His letters to her grow colder—if indeed he has written more than one.  He has refrained from writing again to me—he knows it is no use.  Altogether the situation that he and she and I are in is melancholy³⁹ in the extreme.  Why are human hearts so perverse⁴⁰?

该作者的其它作品
《Tess of the D‘Urbervilles德伯家的苔丝》
《韦塞克斯的故事 Wessex Tales》
《远离尘嚣 Far from the madding crowd》
《绿茵树下 Under the Greenwood Tree》

1 distressing   

a.使人痛苦的

参考例句：

• All who saw the distressing scene revolted against it. 所有看到这种悲惨景象的人都对此感到难过。
• It is distressing to see food being wasted like this. 这样浪费粮食令人痛心。

2 agitating   

搅动( agitate的现在分词 )； 激怒； 使焦虑不安； （尤指为法律、社会状况的改变而）激烈争论

参考例句：

• political groups agitating for social change 鼓吹社会变革的政治团体
• They are agitating to assert autonomy. 他们正在鼓吹实行自治。

3 persistently   

ad.坚持地；固执地

参考例句：

• He persistently asserted his right to a share in the heritage. 他始终声称他有分享那笔遗产的权利。
• She persistently asserted her opinions. 她果断地说出了自己的意见。

4 fatality   

n.不幸，灾祸，天命

参考例句：

• She struggle against fatality in vain.她徒然奋斗反抗宿命。
• He began to have a growing sense of fatality.他开始有一种越来越强烈的宿命感。

5 disastrous   

adj.灾难性的，造成灾害的；极坏的，很糟的

参考例句：

• The heavy rainstorm caused a disastrous flood.暴雨成灾。
• Her investment had disastrous consequences.She lost everything she owned.她的投资结果很惨，血本无归。

6 inversion   

n.反向，倒转，倒置

参考例句：

• But sometimes there is an unusual weather condition called a temperature inversion.但有时会有一种被称作“温度逆增”的不平常的天气状态。
• And finally,we made a discussion on the problems in the cooperative inversion.最后，对联合反演中存在的问题进行了讨论。

7 apprehensions   

疑惧

参考例句：

• He stood in a mixture of desire and apprehensions. 他怀着渴望和恐惧交加的心情伫立着。
• But subsequent cases have removed many of these apprehensions. 然而，随后的案例又消除了许多类似的忧虑。

8 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

9 climax   

n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点

参考例句：

• The fifth scene was the climax of the play.第五场是全剧的高潮。
• His quarrel with his father brought matters to a climax.他与他父亲的争吵使得事态发展到了顶点。

10 precipitate   

adj.突如其来的；vt.使突然发生；n.沉淀物

参考例句：

• I don't think we should make precipitate decisions.我认为我们不应该贸然作出决定。
• The king was too precipitate in declaring war.国王在宣战一事上过于轻率。

11 catastrophe   

n.大灾难，大祸

参考例句：

• I owe it to you that I survived the catastrophe.亏得你我才大难不死。
• This is a catastrophe beyond human control.这是一场人类无法控制的灾难。

12 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

13 contiguity   

n.邻近，接壤

参考例句：

• The contiguity of the house and the garage was a convenience in bad weather.住宅和车库毗邻，这在天气不好的时候是很方便的。
• Scientists want to investigate the relation between xerophthalmia occurrence and smut contiguity.科学家们打算探讨干眼症与煤尘接触之间的关系。

14 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

15 precipitated   

v.（突如其来地）使发生( precipitate的过去式和过去分词 )；促成；猛然摔下；使沉淀

参考例句：

• His resignation precipitated a leadership crisis. 他的辞职立即引发了领导层的危机。
• He lost his footing and was precipitated to the ground. 他失足摔倒在地上。 来自《简明英汉词典》

16 behold   

v.看，注视，看到

参考例句：

• The industry of these little ants is wonderful to behold.这些小蚂蚁辛勤劳动的样子看上去真令人惊叹。
• The sunrise at the seaside was quite a sight to behold.海滨日出真是个奇景。

17 tutelary   

adj.保护的；守护的

参考例句：

• Brazil's democratic constitution gives the army vague tutelary powers.巴西民主宪法赋予军方含糊不清的监护权。
• The gloomy family of care and distrust shall be banished from our dwelling,guarded by the kind and tutelary deity.我们居住的地方不再有忧虑和不信任的阴影笼罩，只有仁慈的守护神保卫我们。

18 concealed   

a.隐藏的，隐蔽的

参考例句：

• The paintings were concealed beneath a thick layer of plaster. 那些画被隐藏在厚厚的灰泥层下面。
• I think he had a gun concealed about his person. 我认为他当时身上藏有一支枪。

19 beheld   

v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟

参考例句：

• His eyes had never beheld such opulence. 他从未见过这样的财富。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The soul beheld its features in the mirror of the passing moment. 灵魂在逝去的瞬间的镜子中看到了自己的模样。 来自英汉文学 - 红字

20 fascination   

n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋

参考例句：

• He had a deep fascination with all forms of transport.他对所有的运输工具都很着迷。
• His letters have been a source of fascination to a wide audience.广大观众一直迷恋于他的来信。

21 riveted   

铆接( rivet的过去式和过去分词 )； 把…固定住； 吸引； 引起某人的注意

参考例句：

• I was absolutely riveted by her story. 我完全被她的故事吸引住了。
• My attention was riveted by a slight movement in the bushes. 我的注意力被灌木丛中的轻微晃动吸引住了。

22 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

23 evade   

vt.逃避，回避；避开，躲避

参考例句：

• He tried to evade the embarrassing question.他企图回避这令人难堪的问题。
• You are in charge of the job.How could you evade the issue?你是负责人，你怎么能对这个问题不置可否？

24 betrothed   

n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• She is betrothed to John. 她同约翰订了婚。
• His daughter was betrothed to a teacher. 他的女儿同一个教师订了婚。

25 converse   

vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反

参考例句：

• He can converse in three languages.他可以用3种语言谈话。
• I wanted to appear friendly and approachable but I think I gave the converse impression.我想显得友好、平易近人些,却发觉给人的印象恰恰相反。

26 alas   

int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等)

参考例句：

• Alas!The window is broken!哎呀！窗子破了！
• Alas,the truth is less romantic.然而，真理很少带有浪漫色彩。

27 quench   

vt.熄灭，扑灭；压制

参考例句：

• The firemen were unable to quench the fire.消防人员无法扑灭这场大火。
• Having a bottle of soft drink is not enough to quench my thirst.喝一瓶汽水不够解渴。

28 sketching   

n.草图

参考例句：

• They are sketching out proposals for a new road. 他们正在草拟修建新路的计划。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• "Imagination is busy sketching rose-tinted pictures of joy. “飞舞驰骋的想象描绘出一幅幅玫瑰色欢乐的场景。 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险

29 privately   

adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地

参考例句：

• Some ministers admit privately that unemployment could continue to rise.一些部长私下承认失业率可能继续升高。
• The man privately admits that his motive is profits.那人私下承认他的动机是为了牟利。

30 repulse   

n.击退，拒绝；vt.逐退，击退，拒绝

参考例句：

• The armed forces were prepared to repulse any attacks.武装部队已作好击退任何进攻的准备。
• After the second repulse,the enemy surrendered.在第二次击退之后，敌人投降了。

31 martyr   

n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲

参考例句：

• The martyr laid down his life for the cause of national independence.这位烈士是为了民族独立的事业而献身的。
• The newspaper carried the martyr's photo framed in black.报上登载了框有黑边的烈士遗像。

32 interfere   

v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰

参考例句：

• If we interfere, it may do more harm than good.如果我们干预的话，可能弊多利少。
• When others interfere in the affair,it always makes troubles. 别人一卷入这一事件，棘手的事情就来了。

33 urbane   

adj.温文尔雅的，懂礼的

参考例句：

• He tried hard to be urbane.他极力作出彬彬有礼的神态。
• Despite the crisis,the chairman's voice was urbane as usual.尽管处于危机之中，董事长的声音还象通常一样温文尔雅。

34 remonstrance   

n抗议，抱怨

参考例句：

• She had abandoned all attempts at remonstrance with Thomas.她已经放弃了一切劝戒托马斯的尝试。
• Mrs. Peniston was at the moment inaccessible to remonstrance.目前彭尼斯顿太太没功夫听她告状。

35 inquiry   

n.打听，询问，调查，查问

参考例句：

• Many parents have been pressing for an inquiry into the problem.许多家长迫切要求调查这个问题。
• The field of inquiry has narrowed down to five persons.调查的范围已经缩小到只剩5个人了。

36 scrap   

n.碎片；废料；v.废弃，报废

参考例句：

• A man comes round regularly collecting scrap.有个男人定时来收废品。
• Sell that car for scrap.把那辆汽车当残品卖了吧。

37 deplores   

v.悲叹，痛惜，强烈反对( deplore的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• He often deplores his past sins. 他经常痛悔自己过去的罪恶。 来自辞典例句
• Regretting the lack of spontaneity and real sensuousness in other contemporary poets, he deplores in Tennyson. 他对于和他同时代的诗人缺乏自发性和真实的敏感，感到惋惜，他对坦尼森感到悲痛。 来自辞典例句

38 deferred   

adj.延期的，缓召的v.拖延，延缓，推迟( defer的过去式和过去分词 )；服从某人的意愿，遵从

参考例句：

• The department deferred the decision for six months. 这个部门推迟了六个月才作决定。
• a tax-deferred savings plan 延税储蓄计划

39 melancholy   

n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的

参考例句：

• All at once he fell into a state of profound melancholy.他立即陷入无尽的忧思之中。
• He felt melancholy after he failed the exam.这次考试没通过，他感到很郁闷。

40 perverse   

adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的

参考例句：

• It would be perverse to stop this healthy trend.阻止这种健康发展的趋势是没有道理的。
• She gets a perverse satisfaction from making other people embarrassed.她有一种不正常的心态，以使别人难堪来取乐。