He found himself on English soil with all sorts of feelings, but he hadn't quite faced having to reckon with a certain ruefulness in regard to that subject as one of the strongest. He was aware later on that there were questions his impatience18 had shirked; whereby it actually rather smote19 him, for want of preparation and assurance, that he had nowhere to "take" his love. He had taken it thus, at Euston—and on Kate's own suggestion—into the place where people had beer and buns, and had ordered tea at a small table in the corner; which, no doubt, as they were lost in the crowd, did well enough for a stop-gap. It perhaps did as well as her simply driving with him to the door of his lodging20, which had had to figure as the sole device of his own wit. That wit, the truth was, had broken down a little at the sharp prevision that once at his door they would have to hang back. She would have to stop there, wouldn't come in with him, couldn't possibly; and he shouldn't be able to ask her, would feel he couldn't without betraying a deficiency of what would be called, even at their advanced stage, respect for her: that again was all that was clear except the further fact that it was maddening. Compressed and concentrated, confined to a single sharp pang21 or two, but none the less in wait for him there on the Euston platform and lifting its head as that of a snake in the garden, was the disconcerting sense that "respect," in their game, seemed somehow—he scarce knew what to call it—a fifth wheel to the coach. It was properly an inside thing, not an outside, a thing to make love greater, not to make happiness less. They had met again for happiness, and he distinctly felt, during his most lucid22 moment or two, how he must keep watch on anything that really menaced that boon23. If Kate had consented to drive away with him and alight at his house there would probably enough have occurred for them, at the foot of his steps, one of those strange instants between man and woman that blow upon the red spark, the spark of conflict, ever latent in the depths of passion. She would have shaken her head—oh sadly, divinely—on the question of coming in; and he, though doing all justice to her refusal, would have yet felt his eyes reach further into her own than a possible word at such a time could reach. This would have meant the suspicion, the dread24 of the shadow, of an adverse25 will. Lucky therefore in the actual case that the scant26 minutes took another turn and that by the half-hour she did in spite of everything contrive27 to spend with him Kate showed so well how she could deal with things that maddened. She seemed to ask him, to beseech28 him, and all for his better comfort, to leave her, now and henceforth, to treat them in her own way.
She had still met it in naming so promptly, for their early convenience, one of the great museums; and indeed with such happy art that his fully seeing where she had placed him hadn't been till after he left her. His absence from her for so many weeks had had such an effect upon him that his demands, his desires had grown; and only the night before, as his ship steamed, beneath summer stars, in sight of the Irish coast, he had felt all the force of his particular necessity. He hadn't in other words at any point doubted he was on his way to say to her that really their mistake must end. Their mistake was to have believed that they could hold out—hold out, that is, not against Aunt Maud, but against an impatience that, prolonged and exasperated30, made a man ill. He had known more than ever, on their separating in the court of the station, how ill a man, and even a woman, could feel from such a cause; but he struck himself as also knowing that he had already suffered Kate to begin finely to apply antidotes31 and remedies and subtle sedatives32. It had a vulgar sound—as throughout, in love, the names of things, the verbal terms of intercourse33, were, compared with love itself, horribly vulgar; but it was as if, after all, he might have come back to find himself "put off," though it would take him of course a day or two to see. His letters from the States had pleased whom it concerned, though not so much as he had meant they should; and he should be paid according to agreement and would now take up his money. It wasn't in truth very much to take up, so that he hadn't in the least come back flourishing a cheque-book; that new motive34 for bringing his mistress to terms he couldn't therefore pretend to produce. The ideal certainty would have been to be able to present a change of prospect35 as a warrant for the change of philosophy, and without it he should have to make shift but with the pretext36 of the lapse37 of time. The lapse of time—not so many weeks after all, she might always of course say—couldn't at any rate have failed to do something for him; and that consideration it was that had just now tided him over, all the more that he had his vision of what it had done personally for Kate. This had come out for him with a splendour that almost scared him even in their small corner of the room at Euston—almost scared him because it just seemed to blaze at him that waiting was the game of dupes. Not yet had she been so the creature he had originally seen; not yet had he felt so soundly safely sure. It was all there for him, playing on his pride of possession as a hidden master in a great dim church might play on the grandest organ. His final sense was that a woman couldn't be like that and then ask of one the impossible.
She had been like that afresh on the morrow; and so for the hour they had been able to float in the mere38 joy of contact—such contact as their situation in pictured public halls permitted. This poor makeshift for closeness confessed itself in truth, by twenty small signs of unrest even on Kate's part, inadequate39; so little could a decent interest in the interesting place presume to remind them of its claims. They had met there in order not to meet in the streets and not again, with an equal want of invention and of style, at a railway-station; not again, either, in Kensington Gardens, which, they could easily and tacitly agree, would have had too much of the taste of their old frustrations40. The present taste, the taste that morning in the pictured halls, had been a variation; yet Densher had at the end of a quarter of an hour fully known what to conclude from it. This fairly consoled him for their awkwardness, as if he had been watching it affect her. She might be as nobly charming as she liked, and he had seen nothing to touch her in the States; she couldn't pretend that in such conditions as those she herself believed it enough to appease41 him. She couldn't pretend she believed he would believe it enough to render her a like service. It wasn't enough for that purpose—she as good as showed him it wasn't. That was what he could be glad, by demonstration, to have brought her to. He would have said to her had he put it crudely and on the spot: "Now am I to understand you that you consider this sort of thing can go on?" It would have been open to her, no doubt, to reply that to have him with her again, to have him all kept and treasured, so still, under her grasping hand, as she had held him in their yearning42 interval43, was a sort of thing that he must allow her to have no quarrel about; but that would be a mere gesture of her grace, a mere sport of her subtlety44. She knew as well as he what they wanted; in spite of which indeed he scarce could have said how beautifully he mightn't once more have named it and urged it if she hadn't, at a given moment, blurred46, as it were, the accord. They had soon seated themselves for better talk, and so they had remained a while, intimate and superficial. The immediate things to say had been many, for they hadn't exhausted47 them at Euston. They drew upon them freely now, and Kate appeared quite to forget—which was prodigiously48 becoming to her—to look about for surprises. He was to try afterwards, and try in vain, to remember what speech or what silence of his own, what natural sign of the eyes or accidental touch of the hand, had precipitated49 for her, in the midst of this, a sudden different impulse. She had got up, with inconsequence, as if to break the charm, though he wasn't aware of what he had done at the moment to make the charm a danger. She had patched it up agreeably enough the next minute by some odd remark about some picture, to which he hadn't so much as replied; it being quite independently of this that he had himself exclaimed on the dreadful closeness of the rooms. He had observed that they must go out again to breathe; and it was as if their common consciousness, while they passed into another part, was that of persons who, infinitely50 engaged together, had been startled and were trying to look natural. It was probably while they were so occupied—as the young man subsequently reconceived—that they had stumbled upon his little New York friend. He thought of her for some reason as little, though she was of about Kate's height, to which, any more than to any other felicity in his mistress, he had never applied51 the diminutive52.
What was to be in the retrospect53 more distinct to him was the process by which he had become aware that Kate's acquaintance with her was greater than he had gathered. She had written of it in due course as a new and amusing one, and he had written back that he had met over there, and that he much liked, the young person; whereupon she had answered that he must find out about her at home. Kate, in the event, however, had not returned to that, and he had of course, with so many things to find out about, been otherwise taken up. Little Miss Theale's individual history was not stuff for his newspaper; besides which, moreover, he was seeing but too many little Miss Theales. They even went so far as to impose themselves as one of the groups of social phenomena54 that fell into the scheme of his public letters. For this group in especial perhaps—the irrepressible, the supereminent young persons—his best pen was ready. Thus it was that there could come back to him in London, an hour or two after their luncheon55 with the American pair, the sense of a situation for which Kate hadn't wholly prepared him. Possibly indeed as marked as this was his recovered perception that preparations, of more than one kind, had been exactly what, both yesterday and to-day, he felt her as having in hand. That appearance in fact, if he dwelt on it, so ministered to apprehension56 as to require some brushing away. He shook off the suspicion to some extent, on their separating first from their hostesses and then from each other, by the aid of a long and rather aimless walk. He was to go to the office later, but he had the next two or three hours, and he gave himself as a pretext that he had eaten much too much. After Kate had asked him to put her into a cab—which, as an announced, a resumed policy on her part, he found himself deprecating—he stood a while by a corner and looked vaguely57 forth29 at his London. There was always doubtless a moment for the absentee recaptured—the moment, that of the reflux of the first emotion—at which it was beyond disproof that one was back. His full parenthesis58 was closed, and he was once more but a sentence, of a sort, in the general text, the text that, from his momentary59 street-corner, showed as a great grey page of print that somehow managed to be crowded without being "fine." The grey, however, was more or less the blur45 of a point of view not yet quite seized again; and there would be colour enough to come out. He was back, flatly enough, but back to possibilities and prospects60, and the ground he now somewhat sightlessly covered was the act of renewed possession.
He walked northward61 without a plan, without suspicion, quite in the direction his little New York friend, in her restless ramble62, had taken a day or two before. He reached, like Milly, the Regent's Park; and though he moved further and faster he finally sat down, like Milly, from the force of thought. For him too in this position, be it added—and he might positively63 have occupied the same bench—various troubled fancies folded their wings. He had no more yet said what he really wanted than Kate herself had found time. She should hear enough of that in a couple of days. He had practically not pressed her as to what most concerned them; it had seemed so to concern them during these first hours but to hold each other, spiritually speaking, close. This at any rate was palpable, that there were at present more things rather than fewer between them. The explanation about the two ladies would be part of the lot, yet could wait with all the rest. They were not meanwhile certainly what most made him roam—the missing explanations weren't. That was what she had so often said before, and always with the effect of suddenly breaking off: "Now please call me a good cab." Their previous encounters, the times when they had reached in their stroll the south side of the park, had had a way of winding64 up with this special irrelevance65. It was effectively what most divided them, for he would generally, but for her reasons, have been able to jump in with her. What did she think he wished to do to her?—it was a question he had had occasion to put. A small matter, however, doubtless—since, when it came to that, they didn't depend on cabs good or bad for the sense of union: its importance was less from the particular loss than as a kind of irritating mark of her expertness. This expertness, under providence66, had been great from the first, so far as joining him was concerned; and he was critical only because it had been still greater, even from the first too, in respect to leaving him. He had put the question to her again that afternoon, on the repetition of her appeal—had asked her once more what she supposed he wished to do. He recalled, on his bench in the Regent's Park, the freedom of fancy, funny and pretty, with which she had answered; recalled the moment itself, while the usual hansom charged them, during which he felt himself, disappointed as he was, grimacing67 back at the superiority of her very "humour," in its added grace of gaiety, to the celebrated68 solemn American. Their fresh appointment had been at all events by that time made, and he should see what her choice in respect to it—a surprise as well as a relief—would do toward really simplifying. It meant either new help or new hindrance69, though it took them at least out of the streets. And her naming this privilege had naturally made him ask if Mrs. Lowder knew of his return.
"Not from me," Kate had replied. "But I shall speak to her now." And she had argued, as with rather a quick fresh view, that it would now be quite easy. "We've behaved for months so properly that I've margin70 surely for my mention of you. You'll come to see her, and she'll leave you with me; she'll show her good nature, and her lack of betrayed fear, in that. With her, you know, you've never broken, quite the contrary, and she likes you as much as ever. We're leaving town; it will be the end; just now therefore it's nothing to ask. I'll ask to-night," Kate had wound up, "and if you'll leave it to me—my cleverness, I assure you, has grown infernal—I'll make it all right."
He had of course thus left it to her and he was wondering more about it now than he had wondered there in Brook71 Street. He repeated to himself that if it wasn't in the line of triumph it was in the line of muddle72. This indeed, no doubt, was as a part of his wonder for still other questions. Kate had really got off without meeting his little challenge about the terms of their intercourse with her dear Milly. Her dear Milly, it was sensible, was somehow in the picture. Her dear Milly, popping up in his absence, occupied—he couldn't have said quite why he felt it—more of the foreground than one would have expected her in advance to find clear. She took up room, and it was almost as if room had been made for her. Kate had appeared to take for granted he would know why it had been made; but that was just the point. It was a foreground in which he himself, in which his connexion with Kate, scarce enjoyed a space to turn round. But Miss Theale was perhaps at the present juncture73 a possibility of the same sort as the softened74, if not the squared, Aunt Maud. It might be true of her also that if she weren't a bore she'd be a convenience. It rolled over him of a sudden, after he had resumed his walk, that this might easily be what Kate had meant. The charming girl adored her—Densher had for himself made out that—and would protect, would lend a hand, to their interviews. These might take place, in other words, on her premises75, which would remove them still better from the streets. That was an explanation which did hang together. It was impaired76 a little, of a truth, by this fact that their next encounter was rather markedly not to depend upon her. Yet this fact in turn would be accounted for by the need of more preliminaries. One of the things he conceivably should gain on Thursday at Lancaster Gate would be a further view of that propriety77.
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1
promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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unanimity
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| n.全体一致，一致同意 | |
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sketched
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| v.草拟（sketch的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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eloquent
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| adj.雄辩的，口才流利的；明白显示出的 | |
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behooved
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| v.适宜( behoove的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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crafty
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| adj.狡猾的，诡诈的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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publicity
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| n.众所周知，闻名；宣传，广告 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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ripened
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| v.成熟，使熟( ripen的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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expectancy
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| n.期望，预期，（根据概率统计求得）预期数额 | |
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adjourned
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| （使）休会， （使）休庭( adjourn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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incur
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| vt.招致，蒙受，遭遇 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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smote
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| v.猛打，重击，打击( smite的过去式 ) | |
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lodging
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| n.寄宿，住所；(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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lucid
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| adj.明白易懂的，清晰的，头脑清楚的 | |
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boon
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| n.恩赐，恩物，恩惠 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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adverse
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| adj.不利的；有害的；敌对的，不友好的 | |
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scant
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| adj.不充分的，不足的；v.减缩，限制，忽略 | |
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contrive
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| vt.谋划，策划；设法做到；设计，想出 | |
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beseech
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| v.祈求，恳求 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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antidotes
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| 解药( antidote的名词复数 )； 解毒剂； 对抗手段； 除害物 | |
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sedatives
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| n.镇静药，镇静剂( sedative的名词复数 ) | |
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intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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motive
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| n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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pretext
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| n.借口，托词 | |
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lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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inadequate
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| adj.(for,to)不充足的，不适当的 | |
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frustrations
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| 挫折( frustration的名词复数 )； 失败； 挫败； 失意 | |
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appease
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| v.安抚，缓和，平息，满足 | |
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yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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subtlety
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| n.微妙，敏锐，精巧；微妙之处，细微的区别 | |
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blur
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| n.模糊不清的事物；vt.使模糊，使看不清楚 | |
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blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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47
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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prodigiously
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| adv.异常地，惊人地，巨大地 | |
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49
precipitated
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| v.（突如其来地）使发生( precipitate的过去式和过去分词 )；促成；猛然摔下；使沉淀 | |
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infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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diminutive
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| adj.小巧可爱的，小的 | |
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53
retrospect
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| n.回顾，追溯；v.回顾，回想，追溯 | |
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phenomena
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| n.现象 | |
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55
luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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56
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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parenthesis
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| n.圆括号，插入语，插曲，间歇，停歇 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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61
northward
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| adv.向北；n.北方的地区 | |
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ramble
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| v.漫步，漫谈，漫游；n.漫步，闲谈，蔓延 | |
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positively
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| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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winding
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| n.绕，缠，绕组，线圈 | |
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irrelevance
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| n.无关紧要；不相关；不相关的事物 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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grimacing
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| v.扮鬼相，做鬼脸( grimace的现在分词 ) | |
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68
celebrated
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| adj.有名的，声誉卓著的 | |
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hindrance
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| n.妨碍，障碍 | |
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70
margin
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| n.页边空白；差额；余地，余裕；边，边缘 | |
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71
brook
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| n.小河，溪；v.忍受，容让 | |
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72
muddle
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| n.困惑，混浊状态；vt.使混乱，使糊涂，使惊呆；vi.胡乱应付，混乱 | |
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73
juncture
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| n.时刻，关键时刻，紧要关头 | |
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74
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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75
premises
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| n.建筑物，房屋 | |
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76
impaired
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| adj.受损的；出毛病的；有（身体或智力）缺陷的v.损害，削弱( impair的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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77
propriety
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| n.正当行为；正当；适当 | |
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