Passing through Switzerland on my return from India, I was informed that several of the German nobility had been deprived of the honours and immunities4 of their French estates. I heard of the sufferings of the amiable5 Marie Antoinette, and swore to avenge6 every look that had threatened her with insult. I went to the cavern7 of these Anthropophagi, assembled to debate, and gracefully8 putting the hilt of my sword to my lips—"I swear," cried I, "by the sacred cross of my sword, that if you do not instantly reinstate your king and his nobility, and your injured queen, I will cut the one half of you to pieces."
On which the President, taking up a leaden inkstand, flung it at my head. I stooped to avoid the blow, and rushing to the tribunal seized the Speaker, who was fulminating against the Aristocrats9, and taking the creature by one leg, flung him at the President. I laid about me most nobly, drove them all out of the house, and locking the doors put the key in my pocket.
I then went to the poor king, and making my obeisance10 to him—"Sire," said I, "your enemies have all fled. I alone am the National Assembly at present, and I shall register your edicts to recall the princes and the nobility; and in future, if your majesty11 pleases, I will be your Parliament and Council." He thanked me, and the amiable Marie Antoinette, smiling, gave me her hand to kiss.
At that moment I perceived a party of the National Assembly, who had rallied with the National Guards, and a vast procession of fishwomen, advancing against me. I deposited their Majesties12 in a place of safety, and with my drawn13 sword advanced against my foes14. Three hundred fishwomen, with bushes dressed with ribbons in their hands, came hallooing and roaring against me like so many furies. I scorned to defile15 my sword with their blood, but seized the first that came up, and making her kneel down I knighted her with my sword, which so terrified the rest that they all set up a frightful16 yell and ran away as fast as they could for fear of being aristocrated by knighthood.
As to the National Guards and the rest of the Assembly, I soon put them to flight; and having made prisoners of some of them, compelled them to take down their national, and put the old royal cockade in its place.
I then pursued the enemy to the top of a hill, where a most noble edifice17 dazzled my sight; noble and sacred it was but now converted to the vilest18 purposes, their monument de grands hommes, a Christian19 church that these Saracens had perverted20 into abomination. I burst open the doors, and entered sword in hand. Here I observed all the National Assembly marching round a great altar erected21 to Voltaire; there was his statue in triumph, and the fishwomen with garlands decking it, and singing "Ca ira!" I could bear the sight no longer; but rushed upon these pagans, and sacrificed them by dozens on the spot. The members of the Assembly, and the fishwomen, continued to invoke22 their great Voltaire, and all their masters in this monument de grands hommes, imploring23 them to come down and succour them against the Aristocrats and the sword of Munchausen. Their cries were horrible, like the shrieks24 of witches and enchanters versed25 in magic and the black art, while the thunder growled26, and storms shook the battlements, and Rousseau, Voltaire, and Beelzebub appeared, three horrible spectres; one all meagre, mere27 skin and bone, and cadaverous, seemed death, that hideous28 skeleton; it was Voltaire, and in his hand were a lyre and a dagger29. On the other side was Rousseau, with a chalice30 of sweet poison in his hand, and between them was their father Beelzebub!
I shuddered31 at the sight, and with all the enthusiasm of rage, horror, and piety32, rushed in among them. I seized that cursed skeleton Voltaire, and soon compelled him to renounce33 all the errors he had advanced; and while he spoke34 the words, as if by magic charm, the whole assembly shrieked35, and the pandemonium36 began to tumble in hideous ruin on their heads.
I returned in triumph to the palace, where the Queen rushed into my arms, weeping tenderly. "Ah, thou flower of nobility," cried she, "were all the nobles of France like thee, we should never have been brought to this!"
I bade the lovely creature dry her eyes, and with the King and Dauphin ascend37 my carriage, and drive post to Mont-Medi, as not an instant was to be lost. They took my advice and drove away. I conveyed them within a few miles of Mont-Medi, when the King, thanking me for my assistance, hoped I would not trouble myself any farther, as he was then, he presumed, out of danger; and the Queen also, with tears in her eyes, thanked me on her knees, and presented the Dauphin for my blessing38. In short, I left the King eating a mutton chop. I advised him not to delay, or he would certainly be taken, and setting spurs to my horse, wished them a good evening, and returned to England. If the King remained too long at table, and was taken, it was not my fault.
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1
baron
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| n.男爵；(商业界等)巨头，大王 | |
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2
rout
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| n.溃退，溃败；v.击溃，打垮 | |
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3
liberates
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| 解放，释放( liberate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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4
immunities
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| 免除，豁免( immunity的名词复数 )； 免疫力 | |
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5
amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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6
avenge
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| v.为...复仇，为...报仇 | |
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7
cavern
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| n.洞穴，大山洞 | |
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8
gracefully
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| ad.大大方方地；优美地 | |
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9
aristocrats
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| n.贵族( aristocrat的名词复数 ) | |
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10
obeisance
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| n.鞠躬，敬礼 | |
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11
majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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12
majesties
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| n.雄伟( majesty的名词复数 )；庄严；陛下；王权 | |
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13
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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14
foes
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| 敌人，仇敌( foe的名词复数 ) | |
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15
defile
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| v.弄污，弄脏；n.(山间)小道 | |
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16
frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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17
edifice
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| n.宏伟的建筑物(如宫殿，教室) | |
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18
vilest
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| adj.卑鄙的( vile的最高级 )；可耻的；极坏的；非常讨厌的 | |
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19
Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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20
perverted
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| adj.不正当的v.滥用( pervert的过去式和过去分词 )；腐蚀；败坏；使堕落 | |
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21
ERECTED
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| adj. 直立的，竖立的，笔直的 vt. 使 ... 直立，建立 | |
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22
invoke
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| v.求助于(神、法律)；恳求，乞求 | |
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23
imploring
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| 恳求的，哀求的 | |
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24
shrieks
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| n.尖叫声( shriek的名词复数 )v.尖叫( shriek的第三人称单数 ) | |
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25
versed
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| adj. 精通，熟练 | |
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26
growled
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| v.（动物）发狺狺声， （雷）作隆隆声( growl的过去式和过去分词 )；低声咆哮着说 | |
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27
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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28
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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29
dagger
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| n.匕首，短剑，剑号 | |
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30
chalice
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| n.圣餐杯；金杯毒酒 | |
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31
shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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32
piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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33
renounce
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| v.放弃；拒绝承认，宣布与…断绝关系 | |
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34
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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35
shrieked
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| v.尖叫( shriek的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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36
pandemonium
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| n.喧嚣，大混乱 | |
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37
ascend
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| vi.渐渐上升，升高；vt.攀登，登上 | |
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38
blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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