His weakness and his dependence1 on her gave her a feeling of kind superiority. And also her own physical well-being2 was such that she could not help condescending3 towards him. She cared for a trustful, helpless little dog. She thought a great deal about him; she longed ardently4 to be of assistance to him; she had an acute sense of her responsibility and her duty. Yet, notwithstanding all that, her brain was perhaps chiefly occupied with herself and her own attitude towards existence. She became mentally and imaginatively active to an intense degree. She marvelled5 at existence as she had never marvelled before, and while seeming suddenly to understand it better she was far more than ever baffled by it. Was it credible6 that the accident of a lad losing control of a horse could have such huge and awful consequences on two persons utterly7 unconnected with the lad? A few seconds sooner, a few seconds later—and naught8 would have occurred to Louis, but he must needs be at exactly a certain spot at exactly a certain instant, with the result that now she was in torture! If this, if that, if the other—Louis would have been well and gay at that very moment, instead of a broken organism humiliated9 on a bed and clinging to her like a despairing child.
The rapidity and variety of events in her life again startled her, and once more she went over them. The disappearance10 of the bank-notes was surely enough in itself. But on the top of that fell the miracle of her love affair. Her marriage was like a dream of romance to her, untrue, incredible. Then there was the terrific episode of Julian on the previous night. One would have supposed that after that the sensationalism of events would cease. But, no! The unforeseeable had now occurred, something which reduced all else to mere11 triviality.
And yet what had in fact occurred? Acquaintances, in recounting her story, would say that she had married her mistress's nephew, that there had been trouble between Louis and Julian about some bank-notes, and that Louis had had a bicycle accident. Naught more! A most ordinary chronicle! And if he died now, they would say that Louis had died within a month of the wedding and how sad it was! Husbands indubitably do die, young wives indubitably are transformed into widows—daily event, indeed!... She seemed to perceive the deep, hidden meaning of life. There were three Rachels in her—one who pitied Louis, one who pitied herself, and one who looked on and impartially12 comprehended. The last was scarcely unhappy—only fervently14 absorbed in the prodigious15 wonder of the hour.
"Can't you do anything?" Louis murmured.
"If Dr. Yardley doesn't come quick, I shall send for some other doctor," she said, with decision.
He sighed.
"Better send for a lawyer at the same time," he said.
"A lawyer?"
"Yes. You know I've not made my will."
"Oh, Louis! Please don't talk like that! I can't bear to hear you."
"You'll have to hear worse things than that," he said pettishly16, loosing her hand. "I've got to have a solicitor17 here. Later on you'll probably be only too glad that I had enough common sense to send for a solicitor. Somebody must have a little common sense. I expect you'd better send for Lawton.... Oh! It's Friday afternoon—he'll have left early for his week-end golf, I bet." This last discovery seemed to exhaust his courage.
In another minute the doctor, cheerful and energetic, was actually in the room, and the gas brilliant. He gazed at an exanimate Louis, made a few inquiries18 and a few observations of his own, gave some brief instructions, and departed. The day was in truth one of his busy days.
He seemed surprised when Rachel softly called to him on the stairs.
"I suppose everything's all right, doctor?"
"Then there's no danger?"
"Certainly not."
"But he thinks he's dying."
Dr. Yardley smiled carelessly.
"And do you?... He's no more dying than I am. That's only the effect of the shock. Didn't I tell you this morning? You probably won't be able to stop him just yet from thinking he's dying—it is a horrid21 feeling—but you needn't think so yourself, Mrs. Fores." He smiled.
"Oh, doctor," she burst out, "you don't know how you've relieved me!"
"You'll excuse me if I fly away," said Dr. Yardley calmly. "There's a crowd of insurance patients waiting for me at the surgery."
V
In the middle of the night Rachel was awakened22 by Louis' appeal. She was so profoundly asleep that for a few moments she could not recall what it was that had happened during the previous day to cause her anxiety.
After the visit of the doctor, Louis' moral condition had apparently23 improved. He had affected24 to be displeased25 by the doctor's air of treating his case as though it was deprived of all importance. He had said that the doctor had failed to grasp his case. He had stated broadly that in these days of State health insurance all doctors were too busy and too wealthy to be of assistance to private patients capable of paying their bills in the old gentlemanly fashion. But his remarks had not been without a touch of facetiousness26 in their wilful27 disgust. And the mere tone of his voice proved that he felt better. To justify28 his previous black pessimism29 he had of course been obliged to behave in a certain manner (well known among patients who have been taking themselves too seriously), and Rachel had understood and excused. She would have been ready, indeed, to excuse for worse extravagances than any that could have occurred to the fancy of a nature so polite and benevolent30 as that of Louis; for, in order to atone31 for her silly school-girlishness, she had made a compact with herself to be an angel and a serpent simultaneously32 for the entire remainder of her married life.
Then Mrs. Tams had come in, from errands of marketing33, with a copy of the early special of the Signal, containing a description of the accident. Mrs. Tams had never before bought such a thing as a newspaper, but an acquaintance of hers who "stood the market" with tripe34 and chitterlings had told her that Mr. Fores was "in" the Signal, and accordingly she had bravely stopped a news-boy in the street and made the purchase. To Rachel she pointed35 out the paragraph with pride, and to please her and divert Louis, Rachel had introduced the newspaper into the bedroom. The item was headed: "Runaway36 Horses in Bursley Market-place. Providential Escape." It spoke37 of Mr. Louis Fores' remarkable38 skill and presence of mind in swerving39 away with two bicycles. It said that Mr. Louis Fores was an accomplished40 cyclist, and that after a severe shaking Mr. Louis Fores drove home in a taxicab "apparently little the worse, save for facial contusions, for his perilous41 adventure." Lastly, it said that a representative of the Midland Railway had "assured our representative that the horses were not the property of the Midland Railway." Louis had sardonically42 repeated the phrase "apparently little the worse," murmuring it with his eyes shut. He had said, "I wish they could see me." Still, he had made no further mention of sending for a solicitor. He had taken a little food and a little drink. He had asked Rachel when she meant to go to bed. And at length Rachel, having first arranged food for use in the night, and fixed44 a sheet of note-paper on the gas-bracket as a screen between the gas and Louis, had undressed and got into bed, and gone off into a heavy slumber45 with a mind comparatively free.
In response to his confusing summons, she stumbled to her peignoir and slipped it on.
"Yes, dear?" she spoke softly.
"I couldn't bear it any longer," said the voice of Louis. "I just had to waken you."
She raised the gas, and her eyes blinked as she stared at him. His bedclothes were horribly disarranged.
"Are you in pain?" she asked, smoothing the blankets.
"No. But I'm so ill. I—I don't want to frighten you—"
"The doctor said you'd feel ill. It's the shock, you know."
She stroked his hand. He did indubitably look very ill. His appearance of woe46, despair, and dreadful apprehension47 was pitiable in the highest degree. With a gesture of intense weariness he declined food, nor could she persuade him to take anything whatever.
"You'll be ever so much better to-morrow. I'll sit up with you. You were bound to feel worse in the night."
"It's more than shock that I've got," he muttered. "I say, Rachel, it's all up with me. I know I'm done for. You'll have to do the best you can."
The notion shot through her head that possibly, after all, the doctor might have misjudged the case. Suppose Louis were to die in the night? Suppose the morning found her a widow? The world was full of the strangest happenings.... Then she was herself again and immovably cheerful in her secret heart. She thought: "I can go through worse nights than this. One night, some time in the future, either he will really be dying or I shall. This night is nothing." And she held his hand and sat in her old place on his bed. The room was chilly48. She decided49 that in five minutes she would light the gas-stove, and also make some tea with the spirit-lamp. She would have tea whether he still refused or not. His watch on the night-table showed half-past two. In about an hour the dawn would be commencing. She felt that she had reserves of force against any contingency50, against any nervous strain.
Then he said, "I say, Rachel."
He was too ill to call her "Louise."
"I shall make some tea soon," she answered.
He went on: "You remember about that missing money—I mean before auntie died. You remember—"
"Don't talk about that, dear," she interrupted him eagerly. "Why should you bother about that now?"
In one instant those apparently exhaustless reserves of moral force seemed to have ebbed51 away. She had imagined herself equal to any contingency, and now there loomed52 a contingency which made her quail53.
"I've got to talk about that," he said in his weak and desperate voice. His bruised54 head was hollowed into the pillow, and he stared monotonously55 at the ceiling, upon which the paper screen of the gas threw a great trembling shadow. "That's why I wakened you. You don't know what the inside of my brain's like.... Why did you say to them you found the scullery door open that night? You know perfectly56 well it wasn't open."
She could scarcely speak.
"I know why you said it."
"Be quiet!" she said sharply, and her voice broke.
But he continued in the same tone—
"You made up that tale about the scullery door because you guessed I'd collared the money and you wanted to save me from being suspected. Well, I did collar the money! Now I've told you!"
"Louis!" she cried passionately59, amid her sobs60. "Why ever did you tell me? You've ruined everything now. Everything!"
"I can't help that," said Louis, with a sort of obstinate61 and defiant62 weariness. "It was on my mind, and I just had to tell you. You don't seem to understand that I'm dying."
Rachel jumped up and sprang away from the bed.
"Of course you're not dying!" she reproached him. "How can you imagine such things?"
Her heart suddenly hardened against him—against his white-bandaged head and face, against his feeble voice of a beaten martyr64. It seemed to her disgraceful that he, a strong male creature, should be lying there damaged, helpless, and under the foolish delusion65 that he was dying. She recalled with bitter gusto the tone in which the doctor had said, "He's no more dying than I am!" All her fears that the doctor might be wrong had vanished away. She now resented her husband's illness; as a nurse, when danger is over, will resent a patient's long convalescence66, somehow charging it to him as a sin.
"I found the other half of the notes under the chair on the—" Louis began again.
"Please!" she objected with quick resounding67 violence, and raised a hand.
He said—
"You must listen."
She answered, passionately—
"I won't listen! I won't listen! And if you don't stop I shall leave the room! I shall leave you all alone!... Yes, I shall!" She moved a little towards the door.
His gloomy and shifty glance followed her, and there was a short silence.
"You needn't work yourself up into such a state," murmured Louis at length. "But I should like to know whether the scullery door was open or not, when you came downstairs that night?"
Rachel's glance fell. She blushed. The tears had ceased to drop from her eyes. She made no answer.
"You see," said Louis, with a half-sneering triumph, "I knew jolly well it wasn't open. So did old Batchgrew know, too."
She shut her lips together, went decisively to the mantelpiece, struck a match, and lit the stove. Like the patent gas-burner downstairs, the stove often had to be extinguished after the first lighting69 and lighted again with a second and different kind of explosion. And so it was now. She flung down the match pettishly into the hearth70. Throughout the whole operation she sniffed71 convulsively, to prevent a new fit of sobbing72. Her peignoir being very near to the purple-green flames that folded themselves round the asbestos of the stove, she reflected that the material was probably inflammable, and that a careless movement might cause it to be ignited. "And not a bad thing, either!" she said to herself. Then, without looking at all towards the bed, she lit the spirit-lamp in order to make tea. The sniffing73 continued, as she went through the familiar procedure.
The water would not boil, demonstrating the cruel truth of proverbs. She sat down and, gazing into the stove, now a rich red, ignored the saucepan. The dry heat from the stove burnt her ankles and face. Not a sound from the small saucepan, balanced on its tripod over the wavering blue flame of the spirit-lamp! At last, uncontrollably impatient, she lifted the teapot off the inverted74 lid of the saucepan, where she had placed it to warm, and peered into the saucepan. The water was cheerfully boiling! She made the tea, and sat down again to wait until it should be infused. She had to judge the minutes as well as she could, for she would not go across to the night-table to look at Louis' watch; her own was out of order, and so was the clock. She counted two hundred and fifty, and then, anticipating feverishly75 the tonic76 glow of the tea in her breast, she poured out a cup. Only colourless steaming water came forth77 from the pot. She had forgotten to put in the tea! Misfortune not unfamiliar78 to dazed makers79 of tea in the night! But to Rachel now the consequences of the omission80 seemed to amount to a tragedy. Had she the courage to begin the interminable weary process afresh? She was bound to begin it afresh. With her eyes obscured by tears, she put the water back into the saucepan and searched for the match-box. The water boiled almost immediately, and by so doing comforted her.
While waiting for the infusion81, she realized little by little that for a few moments she must have been nearly hysterical82, and she partially13 resumed possession of herself. The sniffing ceased, her vision cleared; she grew sardonic43. All her chest was filled with cold lead. "This truly is the end," she thought. She had thought that Julian's confession83 must be the end of the violent experiences which had befallen her in Mrs. Malden's house. Then she had thought that Louis' accident must be the end. Each time she had been mistaken. But she could not be mistaken now. No conceivable event, however awful, could cap Louis' confession that he had thieved—and under such circumstances!
She did not drink the first cup of tea. No! She must needs carry it, spilling it, to Louis in bed. He was asleep, or he was in a condition that resembled sleep. Assuredly he was ill. He made a dreadful object in his bandages amid the disorder84 of the bed, upon which strong shadows fell from the gas and from the stove. No matter! If he was ill, he was ill. So much the worse for him! He was not dangerously ill. He was merely passing through a stress which had to be passed through. It would soon be over, and he would be the same eternal Louis that he had always been.
"Here!" she said.
He stirred, opened his eyes.
"Here's some tea!" she said coldly. "Drink it."
He gave a gesture of dissent85. But it was useless. She had brewed86 the tea and had determined87 that he should drink a cup. Whether he desired it or loathed88 it was a question irrelevant89. He was appointed to drink some tea, and she would not taste until he had drunk. This self-sacrifice was her perverse90 pleasure.
"Come!... Please don't make it any more awkward for me."
With her right arm she raised the pillow and his head on it. He drank, his sick lips curling awkwardly upon the rim91 of the cup, which she held for him. When he had drunk, she put the cup down on the night-table, and tidied his bed, as though he had been a naughty child. And then she left him, and drank tea slowly, savouringly, by herself in a chair near the dressing-table, out of the same cup.
VI
She had lied about the scullery door being open when she went downstairs on the night of the disappearance of the bank-notes. The scullery door had not been open. The lie was clumsy, futile92, ill-considered. It had burst out of the impulsiveness93 and generosity94 of her nature. She had perceived that suspicion was falling, or might fall, upon Louis Fores, and the sudden lie had flashed forth to defend him. That she could ultimately be charged with having told the lie in order to screen herself from suspicion had never once occurred to her. And it did not even occur to her now as she sat perched uncomfortably on the chair in the night of desolation. She was now deeply ashamed of the lie—and she ought not to have been ashamed, for it was a lie magnanimous and fine; she might rather have taken pride in it. She was especially ashamed of her repetition of the lie on the following day to Thomas Batchgrew, and of her ingenious embroidery95 upon it. She hated to remember that she had wept violently in front of Thomas Batchgrew when he had charged her with having a secret about the loss of the notes. He must have well known that she was lying; he must have suspected her of some complicity; and if later he had affected to ignore all the awkward aspects of the episode it was only because he wished to remain on good terms with Louis for his own ends.
Had she herself all the time suspected Louis? In the harsh realism of the night hours she was not able positively96 to assert that she had never suspected him until after Julian's confession had made her think; but, on the other hand, she would not directly accuse herself of having previously97 suspected him. The worst that she could say was that she had been determined to believe him guiltless. She loved him; she had wanted his love; she would permit nothing to prevent their coming together; and so in her mind she had established his innocence98 apparently beyond any overthrowing99. She might have allowed herself to surmise100 that in the early past he had been naughty, untrustworthy, even wicked—but that was different, that did not concern her. His innocence with regard to the bank-notes alone mattered. And she had been genuinely convinced of it. A few moments before he kissed her for the first time, she had been genuinely convinced of it. And after the betrothal101 her conviction became permanent. She tried to scorn now the passion which had blinded her. Mrs. Maldon, at any rate, must have known that he was connected with the disappearance of the notes. In the light of Louis' confession Rachel could see all that Mrs. Maldon was implying in that last conversation between them.
So that she might win him she had been ready to throttle102 every doubt of his honesty. But now the indubitable fact that he was a thief seemed utterly monstrous103 and insupportable. And, moreover, his crime was exceptionally cruel. Was it conceivable that he could so lightly cause so much distress104 of spirit to a woman so aged63, defenceless, and kind? According to the doctor, the shock of the robbery had not been the originating cause of Mrs. Maldon's death; but it might have been; quite possibly it had hastened death.... Louis was not merely a thief; he was a dastardly thief.
But even that in her eyes did not touch the full height of his offence. The vilest105 quality in him was his capacity to seem innocent. She could recall the exact tone in which he had exclaimed: "Would you believe that old Batch68 practically accused me of stealing the old lady's money?... Don't you think it's a shame?" The recollection filled her with frigid106 anger. Her resentment107 of the long lie which he had lived in her presence since their betrothal was tremendous in its calm acrimony. A man who could behave as he had behaved would stop at nothing, would be capable of all.
She contrasted his conduct with the grim candour of Julian Maldon, whom she now admired. It was strange and dreadful that both the cousins should be thieves; the prevalence of thieves in that family gave her a shudder108. But she could not judge Julian Maldon severely109. He did not appear to her as a real thief. He had committed merely an indiscretion. It was his atonement that made her admire him. Though she hated confessions110, though she had burnt his exasperating111 document, she nevertheless liked the manner of his atonement. Whereas she contemned112 Louis for having confessed.
"He thought he was dying and so he confessed!" she reflected with asperity113. "He hadn't even the pluck to go through with what he had begun.... Ah! If I had committed a crime and once denied it, I would deny it with my last breath, and no torture should drag it out of me!"
And she thought: "I am punished. This is my punishment for letting myself be engaged while Mrs. Maldon was dying."
Often she had dismissed as childish the notion that she was to blame for accepting Louis just when she did. But now it returned full of power and overwhelmed her. And like a whipped child she remembered Mrs. Maldon's warning: "My nephew is not to be trusted. The woman who married him would suffer horribly." And she was the woman who had married him. It seemed to her that the warnings of the dying must of necessity prove to be valid114.
Some mysterious phenomenon on the window-blind at her right hand attracted her attention, and she looked round, half startled. It was the dawn, furtive115 and inexorable. She had watched dawns, and she had watched them in that very bedroom. Only on the previous morning the dawn had met her smarting and wakeful eyes, and she had imagined that no dawn could be more profoundly sad!... And a little earlier still she had been desolating116 herself for hours because Louis was going to be careless about his investments, because he was unreliable and she would have to watch ceaselessly over his folly117. She had imagined then that no greater catastrophe118 could overtake her than some material result of his folly!... What a trivial apprehension! What a child she had been!
In the excitement and alarm of his accident she had honestly forgotten her suspicions of him. That disconcerted her.
She rose from the chair, stiff. The stove, with its steady faint roar of imperfectly consumed gas, had thoroughly119 heated the room. In careful silence she put the tea-things together. Then she ventured to glance at Louis. He was asleep. He had been restlessly asleep for a long time. She eyed him bitterly in his bandages. Only last night she had been tormented120 by that fear that his face might be marked for life. Again the trivial! What did it matter whether his face was marked for life or not?...
It did not occur to her to attempt to realize how intense must have been the spiritual tribulation121 which had forced him to confess. She knew that he was not dying, that he was in no danger whatever, and she was perfectly indifferent to the genuineness of his own conviction that he was dying. She simply thought: "He had to go through all that. If he fancied he was dying, can I help it?" ... Then she looked at her own empty bed. He reposed122; he slept. But she did not repose123 nor sleep.
She drew aside one of the blinds, and as she did so she could feel the steady slight current of cold air entering the room from the window open at the top. The street seemed to be full of daylight. The dawn had been proceeding124 in its vast secrecy125 and was now accomplished. She drew up the blind slowly, and then the gas-flame over the dressing-table seemed so pale and futile that she extinguished it, from a sort of pity. In silence she pulled out the iron bolts in the window-sash that had been Mrs. Maldon's device for preventing burglars from opening further a window already open a little, thus combining security with good hygiene126. Louis had laughed at these bolts, but Mrs. Maldon had so instilled127 their use into both Rachel and Mrs. Tams that to insert them at night was part of the unchangeable routine of the house. Rachel gently pushed up the lower sash and looked forth.
Bycars Lane, though free from mud, was everywhere heavily bedewed. The narrow pavement glistened128. The roofs glistened. Drops of water hung on all the edges of the great gas-lamp beneath her, which was still defying the dawn. The few miserable129 trees and bushes on the vague lands beyond the lane were dripping with water. The sky was low and heavy, in scarcely distinguishable shades of purplish grey, and Bycars Pool, of which she had a glimpse, appeared in its smooth blackness to be not more wet than the rest of the scene. Nothing stirred. Not the tiniest branch stirred on the leafless trees, nor a leaf on a grey rhododendron-bush in a front garden below. Every window within sight had its blind drawn130. No smoke rose from any house-chimney, and the distant industrial smoke on the horizon hung in the lower air, just under the clouds, undecided and torpid131. The wet air was moveless, and yet she could feel it impinging with its cool, sharp humidity on her cheek.
The sensation of this contact was delicious. She was surrounded, not by the slatternly Five Towns landscape and by the wretchedness of the familiar bedroom, but by the unanswerable, intimidating132, inspiring mystery of life itself. A man came hurrying with a pole out of the western vista133 of the lane, and stopped in front of the gas-lamp, and in an instant the flame was reduced to a little fat worm of blue, and the man passed swiftly up the lane, looking straight ahead with bent134 shoulders, and was gone. Never before had Rachel actually seen the lamp put out. Never before had she noticed, as she noticed now, that the lamp had a number, an identity—1054. The meek135 acquiescence136 of the lamp, and the man's preoccupied137 haste, seemed to bear some deep significance, which, however, she could not seize. But the aspect of the man afflicted138 her, she did not know why.
Then a number of other figures, in a long spasmodic procession, passed up the lane after the man, and were gone out of sight. Their heavy boots clacked on the pavement. They wore thick, dirty greyish-black clothes, but no overcoats; small tight caps in their hands, and dark kerchiefs round their necks: about thirty of them in all, colliers on their way to one of the pits on the Moorthorne ridge139. They walked quickly, but they did not hurry as their forerunner140 hurried. Several of them smoked pipes. Though some walked in pairs, none spoke; none looked up or aside. With one man walked stolidly141 a young woman, her overskirt raised and pulled round her head from the back for a shawl; but even these two did not converse142. The procession closed with one or two stragglers. Rachel had never seen these pilgrims before, but she had heard them; and Mrs. Maldon had been acquainted with all their footfalls. They were tragic143 to Rachel; they infected her with the most recondite144 horror of existence; they left tragedy floating behind them in the lane like an invisible but oppressive cloud. Their utterly incurious indifference145 to Rachel in her peignoir at the window was somehow harrowing.
The dank lane and vaporous, stagnant146 landscape were once more dead and silent, and would for a long time remain so, for though potters begin work early, colliers begin work much earlier, living in a world of customs of their own. At last a thin column of smoke issued magically from a chimney down to the left. Some woman was about; some woman's day had opened within that house. At the thought of that unseen woman in that unknown house Rachel could have cried. She could not remain at the window. She was unhappy; but it was not her woe that overcame her, for if she was unhappy, her unhappiness was nevertheless exquisite147. It was the mere realization148 that men and women lived that rendered her emotions almost insupportable. She felt her youth. She thought, "I am only a girl, and yet my life is ruined already." And even that thought she hugged amorously149 as though it were beautiful. Amid the full disaster and regret, she was glad to be alive. She could not help exulting150 in the dreadful moment.
She closed the sash and began to dress, seldom glancing at Louis, who slept and dreamed and muttered. When she was dressed she looked carefully in the drawer where he deposited certain articles from his pockets, in order to find the bundle of notes left by Julian. In vain! Then she searched for his bunch of keys (which ultimately she found in one of his pockets) and unlocked his private drawer. The bundle of notes lay there. She removed it, and hid it away in one of her own secret places. After she had made preparations to get ready some invalid's food at short notice, she went downstairs.
VII
She went downstairs without any definite purpose—merely because activity of some kind was absolutely necessary to her. The clock in the lobby showed dimly a quarter past five. In the chilly twilit kitchen the green-lined silver-basket lay on the table in front of the window, placed there by a thoughtful and conscientious151 Mrs. Tams. On the previous morning Rachel had given very precise orders about the silver (as the workaday electro-plate was called), but owing to the astounding152 events of the day the orders had not been executed. Mrs. Tams had evidently determined to carry them out at an early hour.
Rachel opened a cupboard and drew forth the apparatus153 for cleaning. She was intensely fatigued155, weary, and seemingly spiritless, but she began to clean the silver—at first with energy and then with serious application. She stood at the table, cleaning, as she had stood there when Louis came into her kitchen on the night of the robbery; and she thought of his visit and of her lost bliss156, and the tears fell from her eyes on the newspaper which protected the whiteness of the scrubbed table. She would not think of the future; could not. She went on cleaning, and that silver had never been cleaned as she cleaned it then. She cleaned it with every attribute of herself, forgetting her fatigue154. The tears dried on her cheek. The faithful, scrupulous157 work either drugged or solaced158 her. Just as she was finishing, Mrs. Tarns159, with her immense bodice unfastened, came downstairs, apronless. The lobby clock struck six.
"Eh, missis!" breathed Mrs. Tams. "What's this?"
Rachel gave a nervous laugh.
"I was up. Mr. Fores was asleep, and I had to do something, so I thought—"
"Has he had a good night, ma'am?"
"Fair. Yes, pretty good. I must run up and see if he is awake."
Mrs. Tams saw the stains on Rachel's cheeks, but she could not mention them. Rachel had an impulse to fall on Mrs. Tams' enormous breast and weep. But the conventions of domesticity were far too strong for her also. Mrs. Tams was the general servant; what Louis occasionally called "the esteemed160 skivvy." Once Mrs. Tams had been wife, mother, grandmother, victim, slave, diplomatist, serpent, heroine. Once she had bent from morn till night under the terrific weight of a million perils161 and responsibilities. Once she could never be sure of her next meal, or the roof over her head, or her skin, or even her bones. Once she had been the last resource and refuge not merely of a house, but of half a street, and she had had a remedy for every ill, a balm for every wound. But now she was safe, out of harm's way. She had no responsibilities worth a rap. She had everything an old woman ought to desire. And yet the silly old woman felt a lack, as she impotently watched Rachel leave the kitchen. Perhaps she wanted her eye blacked, or the menace of a policeman, or a child down with diphtheria, to remind her that the world revolved162.
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dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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well-being
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| n.安康，安乐，幸福 | |
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condescending
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| adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的 | |
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ardently
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marvelled
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| v.惊奇，对…感到惊奇( marvel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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credible
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| adj.可信任的，可靠的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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naught
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| n.无，零 [=nought] | |
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humiliated
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| 感到羞愧的 | |
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10
disappearance
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| n.消失，消散，失踪 | |
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11
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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12
impartially
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| adv.公平地，无私地 | |
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13
partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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14
fervently
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| adv.热烈地，热情地，强烈地 | |
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15
prodigious
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| adj.惊人的，奇妙的；异常的；巨大的；庞大的 | |
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16
pettishly
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17
solicitor
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| n.初级律师，事务律师 | |
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18
inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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19
casually
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| adv.漠不关心地，无动于衷地，不负责任地 | |
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20
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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21
horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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22
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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23
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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24
affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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25
displeased
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| a.不快的 | |
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26
facetiousness
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| n.滑稽 | |
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27
wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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28
justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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29
pessimism
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|
| n.悲观者，悲观主义者，厌世者 | |
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30
benevolent
|
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| adj.仁慈的，乐善好施的 | |
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31
atone
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| v.赎罪，补偿 | |
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32
simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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33
marketing
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| n.行销，在市场的买卖，买东西 | |
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34
tripe
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| n.废话，肚子, 内脏 | |
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35
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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36
runaway
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|
| n.逃走的人，逃亡，亡命者；adj.逃亡的，逃走的 | |
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37
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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38
remarkable
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|
| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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39
swerving
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| v.（使）改变方向，改变目的( swerve的现在分词 ) | |
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40
accomplished
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|
| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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41
perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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42
sardonically
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| adv.讽刺地，冷嘲地 | |
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43
sardonic
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| adj.嘲笑的，冷笑的，讥讽的 | |
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44
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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45
slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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46
woe
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|
| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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47
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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48
chilly
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| adj.凉快的，寒冷的 | |
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49
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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50
contingency
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| n.意外事件，可能性 | |
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51
ebbed
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| （指潮水）退( ebb的过去式和过去分词 )； 落； 减少； 衰落 | |
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52
loomed
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|
| v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的过去式和过去分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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53
quail
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|
| n.鹌鹑；vi.畏惧，颤抖 | |
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54
bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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55
monotonously
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|
| adv.单调地，无变化地 | |
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56
perfectly
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|
| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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57
implored
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| 恳求或乞求（某人）( implore的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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58
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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59
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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60
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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61
obstinate
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| adj.顽固的，倔强的，不易屈服的，较难治愈的 | |
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62
defiant
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|
| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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63
aged
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|
| adj.年老的，陈年的 | |
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64
martyr
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|
| n.烈士，殉难者；vt.杀害，折磨，牺牲 | |
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65
delusion
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|
| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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66
convalescence
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|
| n.病后康复期 | |
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67
resounding
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|
| adj. 响亮的 | |
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68
batch
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|
| n.一批(组，群)；一批生产量 | |
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69
lighting
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|
| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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70
hearth
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|
| n.壁炉炉床，壁炉地面 | |
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71
sniffed
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|
| v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的过去式和过去分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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72
sobbing
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|
| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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73
sniffing
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|
| n.探查法v.以鼻吸气，嗅，闻( sniff的现在分词 )；抽鼻子（尤指哭泣、患感冒等时出声地用鼻子吸气）；抱怨，不以为然地说 | |
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74
inverted
|
|
| adj.反向的，倒转的v.使倒置，使反转( invert的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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75
feverishly
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|
| adv. 兴奋地 | |
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76
tonic
|
|
| n./adj.滋补品，补药，强身的，健体的 | |
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77
forth
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|
| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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78
unfamiliar
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|
| adj.陌生的，不熟悉的 | |
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79
makers
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|
| n.制造者，制造商（maker的复数形式） | |
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80
omission
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| n.省略，删节；遗漏或省略的事物，冗长 | |
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81
infusion
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| n.灌输 | |
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82
hysterical
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|
| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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83
confession
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|
| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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84
disorder
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|
| n.紊乱，混乱；骚动，骚乱；疾病，失调 | |
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85
dissent
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|
| n./v.不同意，持异议 | |
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86
brewed
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|
| 调制( brew的过去式和过去分词 )； 酝酿； 沏（茶）； 煮（咖啡） | |
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87
determined
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|
| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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88
loathed
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|
| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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89
irrelevant
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|
| adj.不恰当的，无关系的，不相干的 | |
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90
perverse
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| adj.刚愎的；坚持错误的，行为反常的 | |
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91
rim
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| n.(圆物的)边，轮缘；边界 | |
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92
futile
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|
| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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93
impulsiveness
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| n.冲动 | |
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94
generosity
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|
| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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95
embroidery
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|
| n.绣花，刺绣；绣制品 | |
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96
positively
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|
| adv.明确地，断然，坚决地；实在，确实 | |
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97
previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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98
innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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99
overthrowing
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| v.打倒，推翻( overthrow的现在分词 )；使终止 | |
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100
surmise
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|
| v./n.猜想，推测 | |
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101
betrothal
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|
| n. 婚约, 订婚 | |
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102
throttle
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| n.节流阀，节气阀，喉咙；v.扼喉咙，使窒息，压 | |
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103
monstrous
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|
| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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104
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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105
vilest
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| adj.卑鄙的( vile的最高级 )；可耻的；极坏的；非常讨厌的 | |
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106
frigid
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|
| adj.寒冷的，凛冽的；冷淡的；拘禁的 | |
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107
resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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108
shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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109
severely
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| adv.严格地；严厉地；非常恶劣地 | |
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110
confessions
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| n.承认( confession的名词复数 )；自首；声明；（向神父的）忏悔 | |
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111
exasperating
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| adj. 激怒的 动词exasperate的现在分词形式 | |
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112
contemned
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| v.侮辱，蔑视( contemn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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113
asperity
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| n.粗鲁，艰苦 | |
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114
valid
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| adj.有确实根据的；有效的；正当的，合法的 | |
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115
furtive
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| adj.鬼鬼崇崇的，偷偷摸摸的 | |
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116
desolating
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| 毁坏( desolate的现在分词 )； 极大地破坏； 使沮丧； 使痛苦 | |
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117
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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118
catastrophe
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| n.大灾难，大祸 | |
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119
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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120
tormented
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| 饱受折磨的 | |
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121
tribulation
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| n.苦难，灾难 | |
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122
reposed
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| v.将（手臂等）靠在某人（某物）上( repose的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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123
repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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124
proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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125
secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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126
hygiene
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| n.健康法，卫生学 （a.hygienic） | |
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127
instilled
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| v.逐渐使某人获得（某种可取的品质），逐步灌输( instill的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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128
glistened
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| v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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129
miserable
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|
| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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130
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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131
torpid
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| adj.麻痹的，麻木的，迟钝的 | |
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132
intimidating
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| vt.恐吓，威胁( intimidate的现在分词) | |
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133
vista
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| n.远景，深景，展望，回想 | |
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134
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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135
meek
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| adj.温顺的，逆来顺受的 | |
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136
acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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137
preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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138
afflicted
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| 使受痛苦，折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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139
ridge
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| n.山脊；鼻梁；分水岭 | |
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140
forerunner
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|
| n.前身，先驱（者），预兆，祖先 | |
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stolidly
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| adv.迟钝地，神经麻木地 | |
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142
converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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143
tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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144
recondite
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| adj.深奥的，难解的 | |
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145
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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146
stagnant
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| adj.不流动的，停滞的，不景气的 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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148
realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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149
amorously
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| adv.好色地，妖艳地；脉；脉脉；眽眽 | |
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150
exulting
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| vi. 欢欣鼓舞，狂喜 | |
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151
conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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152
astounding
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| adj.使人震惊的vt.使震惊，使大吃一惊astound的现在分词) | |
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153
apparatus
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| n.装置，器械；器具，设备 | |
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154
fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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155
fatigued
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| adj. 疲乏的 | |
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156
bliss
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| n.狂喜，福佑，天赐的福 | |
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157
scrupulous
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| adj.审慎的，小心翼翼的，完全的，纯粹的 | |
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158
solaced
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| v.安慰，慰藉( solace的过去分词 ) | |
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159
tarns
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| n.冰斗湖，山中小湖( tarn的名词复数 ) | |
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160
esteemed
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| adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 )；敬重；认为；以为 | |
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161
perils
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| 极大危险( peril的名词复数 )； 危险的事（或环境） | |
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162
revolved
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| v.（使）旋转( revolve的过去式和过去分词 )；细想 | |
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