He had begged Aunt Hilary to keep his secret, but that was evidently impossible; so on the day the school accounts were being written out and sent in, and their amount anxiously reckoned, she laid before her sisters the lad's letter, full of penitence3 and promises: "I will be careful—I will indeed—if you will help me out this once, dear Aunt Hilary; and don't think too ill of me. I have done nothing wicked. And you don't know London; you don't know, with a lot of young fellows about one, how very hard it is to say no."
At that unlucky postscript4 the Misses Leaf sorrowfully exchanged looks. Little the lad thought about it; but these few words were the very sharpest pang5 Ascott had ever given to his aunts.
"What's bred in the bone will come out in the flesh." "Like father like son." "The sins of the parents shall be visited on the children." So runs many a proverb: so confirms the unerring decree of a just God, who would not be a just God did He allow Himself to break His own righteous laws for the government of the universe; did He falsify the requirements of His own holy and pure being, by permitting any other wages for sin than death. And though, through His mercy, sin forsaken6 escapes sin's penalty, and every human being has it in his own power to modify, if not to conquer, any hereditary7 moral as well as physical disease, thereby8 avoiding the doom9 and alleviating10 the curse, still the original law remains11 in force, and ought to remain, an example and a warning. As true as that every individual sin that a man commits breeds multitudes more, is it that every individual sin may transmit his own peculiar12 type of weakness or wickedness to a whole race, disappearing in one generation, re-appearing in another, exactly the same as physical peculiarities13 do, requiring the utmost caution of education to counteract14 the terrible tendencies of nature—the "something in the blood" which is so difficult to eradicate15: which may even make the third and fourth generation execrate16 the memory of him or her who was its origin.
The long life-curse of Henry Leaf the elder, and Henry Leaf the younger, had been—the women of the family well knew—that they were men who "couldn't say No." So keenly were the three sisters alive to this fault—it could hardly be called a crime, and yet in its consequences it was so—so sickening the terror of it which their own wretched experience had implanted in their minds, that during Ascott's childhood and youth his very fractiousness and roughness, his little selfishness, and his persistence18 in his own will against theirs, had been hailed by his aunts as a good omen17 that he would grow up "so unlike his poor father."
If the two unhappy Henry Leafs—father and son—could have come out of their graves that night and beheld19 these three women, daughters and sisters, sitting with Ascott's letter on the table, planning how the household's small expenses could be contracted, its still smaller luxuries relinquished20, in order that the boy might honorably pay for pleasures he might so easily have done without! If they could have seen the weight of apprehension21 which then sank like a stone on these long-tried hearts, never to be afterward22 removed: lightened sometimes, but always—however Ascott might promise and amend—always there! On such a discovery, surely, these two "poor ghosts" would have fled away moaning, wishing they had died childless, or that during their mortal lives any amount of self restraint and self compulsion had purged23 from their natures the accursed thing; the sin which had worked itself out in sorrow upon every one belonging to them, years after their own heads were laid in the quiet dust.
"We must do it," was the conclusion the Misses Leaf unanimously came to; even Selina; who with all her faults, had a fair share of good feeling and of that close clinging to kindred which is found in fallen households, or households whom the sacred bond of common poverty, has drawn24 together in a way that large, well-to-do home circles can never quite understand.
"We must not let the boy remain in debt; it would be such a disgrace to the family."
"It is not the remaining in debt, but the incurring25 of it, which is the real disgrace to Ascott and the family."
Elizabeth, coming suddenly in—or else the ladies had been so engrossed27 with their conversation that they had not noticed her—had evidently heard every word of the last sentence. Her conscious face showed it; more especially the bright scarlet28 which covered both her cheeks when Miss Leaf said "Hush!" She stood, apparently29 irresolute30 as to whether she should run away again; and then her native honesty got the upper hand, and she advanced into the room.
"If you please, missis, I didn't mean to—but I've heard—"
"What have you heard; that is, how much?"
"Just what Miss Hilary said. Don't be afeared. I shan't tell. I never chatter31 about the family. Mother told me not."
"You owe a great deal, Elizabeth, to your good mother. Now go away."
"And another time." said Miss Selina, "knock at the door."
This was Elizabeth's first initiation32 into what many a servant has to share—the secret burden of the family. After that day, though they did not actually confide33 in her, her mistresses used no effort to conceal34 that they had cares; that the domestic economies must, this winter, be especially studied; there must be no extra fires, no candles left burning to waste; and once a week or so, a few butterless breakfasts or meatless dinners must be partaken of cheerfully, in both parlor35 and kitchen. The Misses Leaf never stinted37 their servant in any thing in which they did not stint36 themselves.
Strange to say, in spite of Miss Selina's prophecies, the girl's respectful conduct did not abate38: on the contrary, it seemed to increase. The nearer she was lifted to her mistress's level, the more her mind grew, so that she could better understand her mistresses cares, and the deeper her consciousness of the only thing which gives one human being any real authority over another—personal character.
Therefore, though the family means were narrowed, and the family luxuries few, Elizabeth cheerfully put up with all; she even felt a sort of pride in wasting nothing and in making the best of every thing, as the others did. Perhaps, it may be said she was an exceptional servant; and yet I would not do her class the wrong to believe so-I would rather believe that there are many such among it; many good, honest, faithful girls, who only need good mistresses unto whom to be honest and faithful, and they would be no less so than Elizabeth Hand.
The months went by—heavy and anxious months; for the school gradually dwindled39 away, and Ascott's letter—now almost the only connection his aunts had with the outer world, for poverty necessarily diminished even their small Stowbury society—became more and more unsatisfactory; and the want of information in them was not supplied by those other letters which had once kept Johanna's heart easy concerning the boy.
Mr. Lyon had written once before sailing, nay40, after sailing, for he had sent it home by the pilot from the English Channel; then there was, of course, silence. October, November, December, January, February, March—how often did Hilary count the months, and wonder how soon a letter would come, whether a letter ever would come again. And sometimes—the sharp present stinging her with its small daily pains, the future looking dark before her and them all—she felt so forlorn, so forsaken, that but for a certain tiny well-spring of hope, which rarely dries up till long after three-and twenty, she could have sat down and sighed, "My good days are done."
Rich people break their hearts much sooner than poor people; that is, they more easily get into that morbid41 state which is glorified42 by the term, "a broken heart." Poor people can not afford it. Their constant labor43 "physics pain." Their few and narrow pleasures seldom pall44. Holy poverty! black as its dark side is, it has its bright side too, that is, when it is honest, fearless, free from selfishness. wastefulness45, and bickerings; above all, free from the terror of debt.
"We'll starve, we'll go into the work house rather than we'll go into debt!" cried Hilary once, in a passion of tears, when she was in sore want of a shawl, and Selina urged her to get it, and wait till she could pay for it. "Yes; the work house! It would be less shame to be honorably indebted to the laws of the land than to be meanly indebted, under false pretences46, to any individual in it".
And when, in payment for some accidental lessons, she got next month enough money to buy a shawl, and a bonnet47, too—nay, by great ingenuity48, another bonnet for Johanna—Hilary could have danced and sang—sang, in the gladness and relief of her heart, the glorious euthanasia of poverty.
But these things happened only occasionally; the daily life was hard still; ay, very hard, even though at last came the letter from "foreign parts;" and following it, at regular intervals49, other letters. They were full of facts rather than feelings—simple, straightforward50; worth little as literary compositions; school-master and learned man as he was, there was nothing literary or poetical51 about Mr. Lyon; but what he wrote was like what he spoke52, the accurate reflection of his own clear, original mind and honest, tender heart.
His letters gave none the less comfort because, nominally53, they were addressed to Johanna. This might have been from some crotchet of over-reserve, delicacy54, or honor—the same which made him part from her for years with no other word than 'You must trust me, Hilary;' but whatever it was she respected it, and she did trust him. And whether Johanna answered his letters or not, month by month they unfailingly came, keeping her completely informed of all his proceedings55, and letting out, as epistles written from over the seas often do, much more of himself and his character than he was probably aware that he betrayed.
And Hilary, whose sole experience of mankind had been the scarcely remembered father, the too well remembered brother, and the anxiously watched nephew, thanked God that there seemed to be one man in the world whom a woman could lean her heart upon, and not feel the support break like a reed beneath her—one man whom she could entirely56 believe in, and safely and sacredly trust.
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1
lapsed
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| adj.流失的，堕落的v.退步( lapse的过去式和过去分词 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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penitence
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| n.忏悔，赎罪；悔过 | |
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postscript
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| n.附言，又及；(正文后的)补充说明 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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6
Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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hereditary
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| adj.遗传的，遗传性的，可继承的，世袭的 | |
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thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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doom
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| n.厄运，劫数；v.注定，命定 | |
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alleviating
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| 减轻，缓解，缓和( alleviate的现在分词 ) | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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12
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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peculiarities
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| n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
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counteract
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| vt.对…起反作用，对抗，抵消 | |
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15
eradicate
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| v.根除，消灭，杜绝 | |
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16
execrate
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| v.憎恶；厌恶；诅咒 | |
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17
omen
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| n.征兆，预兆；vt.预示 | |
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persistence
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| n.坚持，持续，存留 | |
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19
beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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20
relinquished
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| 交出，让给( relinquish的过去式和过去分词 )； 放弃 | |
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21
apprehension
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| n.理解，领悟；逮捕，拘捕；忧虑 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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purged
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| 清除（政敌等）( purge的过去式和过去分词 )； 涤除（罪恶等）； 净化（心灵、风气等）； 消除（错事等）的不良影响 | |
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24
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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25
incurring
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| 遭受，招致，引起( incur的现在分词 ) | |
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26
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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scarlet
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| n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的 | |
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29
apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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irresolute
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| adj.无决断的，优柔寡断的，踌躇不定的 | |
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31
chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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32
initiation
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| n.开始 | |
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confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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36
stint
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| v.节省，限制，停止；n.舍不得化，节约，限制；连续不断的一段时间从事某件事 | |
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37
stinted
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| v.限制，节省（stint的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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38
abate
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| vi.(风势，疼痛等)减弱，减轻，减退 | |
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39
dwindled
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| v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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40
nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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41
morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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42
glorified
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| 美其名的，变荣耀的 | |
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43
labor
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| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
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44
pall
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| v.覆盖，使平淡无味；n.柩衣，棺罩；棺材；帷幕 | |
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45
wastefulness
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| 浪费，挥霍，耗费 | |
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46
pretences
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| n.假装( pretence的名词复数 )；作假；自命；自称 | |
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47
bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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48
ingenuity
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| n.别出心裁；善于发明创造 | |
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49
intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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50
straightforward
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| adj.正直的，坦率的；易懂的，简单的 | |
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51
poetical
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| adj.似诗人的；诗一般的；韵文的；富有诗意的 | |
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52
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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53
nominally
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| 在名义上，表面地； 应名儿 | |
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54
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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55
proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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56
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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