Miss Leaf had gone to lie down, and Miss Selina was away to see the
Lord Mayor's Show with Mr. Peter Ascott.
"With Mr. Peter Ascott!" Hilary was a little surprised; but on second thoughts she found it natural; Selina was glad of any amusement—to her, not only the narrowness but the dullness of their poverty was inexpressibly galling3. "She will be back to dinner, I suppose?"
Had Miss Hilary been less preoccupied5, she would have noticed something not quite right about the girl—something that at any other time would have aroused the direct question, "What is the matter, Elizabeth?" For Miss Hilary did not consider it beneath her dignity to observe that things might occasionally go wrong with this solitary6 young woman, away from her friends, and exposed to all the annoyances7 of London lodgings8; that many trifles might happen to worry and perplex her. If the mistress could not set them right, she could at least give the word of kindly9 sympathy, as precious to "a poor servant" as to the Queen on her throne.
This time, however, it came not, and Elizabeth disappeared below stairs immediately.
The girl was revolving10 in her own mind a difficult ethical11 question. To-day, for the first time in her life, she had not "told Miss Hilary every thing." Two things had happened, and she could not make up her mind as to whether she ought to communicate them.
Now Elizabeth had a conscience, by nature a very tender one, and which, from circumstances, had been cultivated into a much higher sensitiveness than, alas12! is common among her class, or, indeed, in any class. This, if an error, was Miss Hilary's doing; it probably caused Elizabeth a few more miseries13, and vexations, and painful shocks in the world than she would have had had she imbibed15 only the ordinary tone of morality, especially the morality of ordinary domestic servants; but it was an error upon which, in summing up her life, the Recording16 Angel would gravely smile.
The first trial had happened at breakfast time. Ascott, descending17 earlier than his wont18, had asked her. Did any gentleman, short and dirty, with a hooked nose, inquire for him yesterday?
Elizabeth thought a minute, and recollected19 that some person answering the above not too flattering description had called, but refused to leave his name, saying he did not know the ladies, but was a particular friend of Mr. Leaf's.
Ascott laughed. "So he is—a very particular friend; but my aunts would not fancy him, and I don't want him to come here. Say, if he calls, that I'm gone out of town."
"Very well, sir. Shall you start before dinner?" said Elizabeth, whose practical mind immediately recurred20 to that meal, and to the joint21, always contrived22 to be hot on the days that Ascott dined at home.
He seemed excessively tickled23. "Bless you, you are the greatest innocent! Just say what I tell you, and never mind—hush! here's Aunt Hilary."
And Miss Hilary's anxious face, white with long wakefulness, had put out of Elizabeth's head the answer that was coming; indeed the matter slipped from her mind altogether, in consequence of another circumstance which gave her much more perplexity.
During her young mistress's absence, supposing Miss Selina out too, and Miss Leaf up stairs, she had come suddenly into the parlor without knocking. There, to her amazement24, she saw Miss Selina and Mr. Ascott standing25, in close conversation, over the fire. They were so engrossed26 that they did not notice her, and she shut door again immediately. But what confounded her was, that she was certain, absolutely certain, Mr. Ascott had his arm round Miss Selina's waist!
Now that was no business of hers, and yet the faithful domestic was a good deal troubled; still more so, when, by Miss Leaf's excessive surprise at hearing of the visitor who had come and gone, carrying Miss Selina away to the city, she was certain the elder sister was completely in the dark as to any thing going to happen in the family.
Could it be a wedding? Could Miss Selina really love, and be intending to marry, that horrid27 little man? For strange to say, this young servant had, what many a young beauty of rank and fashion has not, or has lost forever—the true, pure, womanly creed28, that loving and marrying are synonymous terms; that to let a man put his arm round your waist when you do not intend to marry him, or to intend to marry him for money or any thing else when you do not really love him, are things quite impossible and incredible to any womanly mind. A creed somewhat out of date, and perhaps existing only in stray nooks of the world; but thank God! it does exist. Hilary had it, and she had taught it to Elizabeth.
"I wonder whether Miss Hilary knows of this? I wonder what she would say to it?"
And now arose the perplexing ethical question aforesaid, as to whether Elizabeth ought to tell her.
It was one of Miss Hilary's doctrines—the same for the kitchen as for the parlor, nay29, preached strongest in the kitchen, where the mysteries of the parlor are often so cruelly exposed—that a secret accidentally found out should be kept as sacred as if actually confided30; also, that the secret of an enemy should no more be betrayed than that of a beloved and trusting friend.
"Miss Selina isn't my enemy," smiled Elizabeth: "but I'm not overfond of her, and so I'd rather not tell of her, or vex14 her if I can help it. Any how, I'll keep it to myself for a bit."
But the secret weighed heavily upon her, and besides, her honest heart felt a certain diminution31 of respect for Miss Selina. What could she see to like in that common looking, commonplace man, whom she could not have met a dozen times, of whose domestic life she knew nothing, and whose personality Elizabeth, with the sharp observation often found in her class, probably because coarse people do not care to hide their coarseness from servants, had speedily set down at her own valuation—
"Neither carriage nor horses, nor nothing, will ever make him a gentleman?"
He, however, sent Miss Selina home magnificently in the said carriage; Ascott with her, who had been picked up somewhere in the City and who came in to his dinner, without the slightest reference to going "out of town."
But in spite of her Lord Mayor's Show, and the great attention which she said she had received from "various members of the Common Council of the City of London," Miss Selina was, for her, meditative32, and did not talk quite so much as usual. There was in the little parlor an uncomfortable atmosphere, as if all of them had something on their minds. Hilary felt the ice must be broken, and if she did not do it nobody else would. So she said, stealing her hand into Johanna's under shelter of the dim fire-light, "Selina, I wanted to have a little family consultation33. I have just received an offer."
"An offer!" repeated Miss Selina, with a visible start. "Oh, I forgot; you went to see your friend, Miss Balquidder, this morning. Did you get any thing out of her? Has she any nephews and nieces wanting a governess?"
"She has no relations at all. But I will just tell you the story of my visit."
"I hope it's interesting," said Ascott, who was lying on the sofa, half asleep, his general habit after dinner. He woke, however, during his Aunt Hilary's relation, and when she reached its climax34, that the offer was for her to manage a stationer's shop, he burst out heartily35 laughing:
"Well, that is a rich idea. I'll come and buy of you. You'll look so pretty standing behind a counter."
But Selina said, angrily, "You cannot even think of such a thing. It would be a disgrace to the family."
"No," said Hilary, clasping tightly her eldest36 sister's hand—they two had already talked the matter over: "I can not see any disgrace. If our family is so poor that the women must earn their living as well as the men, all we have to see is that it should be honestly earned. What do you say, Ascott?"
She looked earnestly at him; she wanted sorely to find out what he really thought.
But Ascott took it, as he did every thing, very easily. "I don't see why Aunt Selina should make such a fuss. Why need you do anything, Aunt Hilary? Can't we hold out a little longer, and live upon tick till I get into practice? Of course, I shall then take care of you all; I'm the head of the family. How horribly dark this room is!"
He started up, and gave the fire a fierce poke37, which consumed in five minutes a large lump of coal that Hilary had hoped—oh, cruel, sordid38 economy—would have lasted half the evening.
She broke the uneasy silence which followed by asking Johanna to give her opinion.
"Ascott says right; he is the head of the family, and, by-and-by. I trust will take care of us all. But he is not able to do it now, and meantime we must live."
"To be sure, we must Auntie."
"I mean, my boy, we must live honestly; we must not run into debt:" and her voice sharpened as with the reflected horror of her young days—if, alas! there ever had been any youth for Henry Leaf's eldest daughter. "No, Ascott, out of debt out of danger. For myself"—she laid her thin old fingers on his arm, and looked up at him with a pitiful mixture of reliance and hopelessness—"I would rather see you breaking stones in the road than living like a gentleman, as you call it, and a swindler, as I call it, upon other people's money."
Ascott sprang up, coloring violently. "You use strong language, Aunt Johanna. Never mind. I dare say you are right. However, it's no business of mine. Good-night, for I have an engagement."
Hilary said, gravely, she wished he would stay and join in the family consultation.
"You don't care, then, what becomes of us all? I sometimes begin to think so."
Struck by the tone, Ascott stopped in the act of putting on his lilac kid gloves. "What have I done? I may be a very bad fellow, but I'm not quite so bad as that. Aunt Hilary."
"She didn't mean it, my boy," said Aunt Johanna, tenderly.
He was moved, more by the tenderness than the reproach. He came and kissed his eldest aunt in that warm-hearted, impulsive41 way, which had won him forgiveness for many a boyish fault. It did so now.
"I know I'm not half good enough to you, Auntie, but I mean to be. I mean to work hard, and be a rich man some day; and then you may be sure I shall not let my Aunt Hilary keep a shop. Now, good-night, for I must meet a fellow on business—really business—that may turn out good for us all, I assure you."
He went away whistling, with that air of untroubled, good-natured liveliness peculiar42 to Ascott Leaf, which made them say continually that he was "only a boy," living a boy's life, as thoughtless and as free. When his handsome face disappeared the three women sat down again round the fire.
They made no comments on him whatever; they were women, and he was their own. But—passing him over as if he had never existed—Hilary began to explain to her sisters all particulars of her new scheme for maintaining the family. She told these details in a matter of-fact way, as already arranged; and finally hoped Selina would make no more objections.
"It is a thing quite impossible," said Selina, with dignity.
"Why impossible? I can certainly do the work; and it can not make me less of a lady. Besides, we had better not be ladies if we can not be honest ones. And, Selina, where is the money to come from? We have none in the house; we can not get any till Christmas."
"Opportunities might occur. We have friends."
"Not one in London; except, perhaps, Mr. Ascott, and I would not ask him for a farthing. You don't see, Selina, how horrible it would be to be helped, unless by some one dearly loved. I couldn't bear it! I'd rather beg, starve: almost steal!"
"Don't be violent, child."
"Oh, but it's hard!" and the cry of long-smothered pain burst out. "Hard enough to have to earn one's bread in a way one doesn't like; harder still to have to be parted from Johanna from Monday morning till Saturday night. But it must be, I'll go. It's a case between hunger, debt, and work: the first is unpleasant, the second impossible, the third is my only alternative. You must consent, Selina, for I will do it."
"Don't!" Selina spoke more gently, and not without some natural emotion. "Don't disgrace me, child; for I may as well tell you—I meant to do so to-night—Mr. Ascott has made me an offer of marriage, and I—I have accepted it." Had a thunder-bolt fallen in the middle of the parlor at No. 15, its inmates—that is, two of them—could not have been more astounded43.
No doubt this surprise was a great instance of simplicity44 on their part. Many women would have prognosticated, planned the thing from the first; thought it a most excellent match; seen glorious visions of the house in Russell Square, of the wealth and luxury that would be the portion of "dear Selina," and the general benefit that the marriage would be to the whole Leaf family.
But these two were different from others. They only saw their sister Selina, a woman no longer young, and not without her peculiarities45, going to be married to a man she knew little or nothing about—a man whom they themselves had endured rather than liked, and for the sake of gratitude46. He was trying enough merely as a chance visitor; but to look upon Mr. Ascott as a brother-in-law, as a husband— "Oh, Selina! you can not be in earnest?"
"Why not? Why should I not be married as well as my neighbors?" said she, sharply.
Nobody arguing that point, both being indeed too bewildered to argue at all, she continued, majestically47,
"I assure you, sisters, there could not be a more unexceptionable offer. It is true, Mr. Ascott's origin was rather humble48; but I can overlook that. In his present wealth, and with his position and character, he will make the best of husbands."
Not a word was answered; what could be answered? Selina was free to marry if she liked, and whom she liked. Perhaps, from her nature, it was idle to expect her to marry in any other way than this; one of the thousand and one unions where the man desires a handsome, lady-like wife for the head of his establishment, and the woman wishes an elegant establishment to be mistress of; so they strike a bargain—possibly as good as most other bargains.
"Quite. He wrote to me last night, and I gave him his answer this morning."
Selina certainly had not troubled any body with her "love affairs."
The sisters saw at once that she had made up her mind. Henceforward there could be no criticism of Mr. Peter Ascott.
"He had behaved handsomely—very much so. He makes a good settlement on me, and says how happy he will be to help my family, so as to enable you always to make a respectable appearance."
"We are exceedingly obliged to him."
"Don't be sharp, Hilary. He means well. And he must feel that this marriage is a sort of—ahem! condescension52 on my part, which I never should have dreamed of twenty years ago."
Selina sighed; could it be at the thought of that twenty years ago? Perhaps, shallow as she seemed, this woman might once have had some fancy, some ideal man whom she expected to meet and marry; possibly a very different sort of man from Mr. Peter Ascott. However, the sigh was but momentary53; she plunged54 back again into all the arrangements of her wedding, every one of which, down to the wedding-dress, she had evidently decided.
"And therefore you see," she added, as it the unimportant, almost forgotten item of discussion had suddenly occurred to her, "it's quite impossible that my sister should keep a shop. I shall tell Mr. Ascott, and you will see what he says to it."
But when Mr. Ascott appeared next day in solemn state as an accepted lover he seemed to care very little about the matter. He thought it was a good thing for every body to be independent; did not see why young women—he begged pardon, young ladies—should not earn their own bread if they liked. He only wished that the shop were a little further off than Kensington, and hoped the name of Leaf would not be put over the door.
But the bride-elect, indignant and annoyed, begged her lover to interfere55, and prevent the scheme from being carried out.
"Don't vex yourself, my dear Selina," said he, dryly—how Hilary started to hear the stranger use the household name—"but I can't see that it's my business to interfere. I marry you, I don't marry your whole family."
"Mr. Ascott is quite right; we will end the subject," said Johanna, with grave dignity while Hilary sat with burning cheeks, thinking that, miserable56 as the family had been, it had never till now known real degradation57.
But her heart was very sore that day. It the morning had come the letter from India never omitted, never delayed; Robert Lyon was punctual as clock-work in every thing he did. It came, but this month it was a short and somewhat sad letter—hinting of failing health, uncertain prospects; full of a bitter longing58 to come home, and a dread59 that it would be years before that longing was realized.
"My only consolation60 is," he wrote, for once betraying himself a little, "that however hard my life out here may be, I bear it alone."
But that consolation was not so easy to Hilary. That they two should be wasting their youth apart, when just a little heap of yellow coins—of which men like Mr. Ascott had such profusion—would bring them together; and, let trials be many or poverty hard, give them the unutterable joy of being once more face to face and heart to heart—oh, it was sore, sore!
Yet when she went up from the parlor, where the newly-affianced couple sat together, "making-believe" a passion that did not exist, and acting61 out the sham62 courtship, proper for the gentleman to pay and the lady to receive—when she shut her bedroom door, and there, sitting in the cold, read again and again Robert Lyon's letter to Johanna, so good, so honest; so sad, yet so bravely enduring—Hilary was comforted. She felt that true love, in its most unsatisfied longings63, its most cruel delays, nay, even its sharpest agonies of hopeless separation, is sweeter ten thousand times than the most "respectable" of loveless marriages such as this.
So, at the week's end, Hilary went patiently to her work at
Kensington, and Selina began the preparations for her wedding.
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1
parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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galling
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| adj.难堪的,使烦恼的,使焦躁的 | |
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briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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5
preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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6
solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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7
annoyances
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| n.恼怒( annoyance的名词复数 )；烦恼；打扰；使人烦恼的事 | |
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lodgings
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| n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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9
kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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10
revolving
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| adj.旋转的，轮转式的；循环的v.（使）旋转( revolve的现在分词 )；细想 | |
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11
ethical
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| adj.伦理的，道德的，合乎道德的 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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miseries
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| n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人 | |
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vex
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| vt.使烦恼，使苦恼 | |
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imbibed
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| v.吸收( imbibe的过去式和过去分词 )；喝；吸取；吸气 | |
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recording
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| n.录音，记录 | |
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descending
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| n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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wont
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| adj.习惯于；v.习惯；n.习惯 | |
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recollected
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| adj.冷静的；镇定的；被回忆起的；沉思默想的v.记起，想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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recurred
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| 再发生，复发( recur的过去式和过去分词 )； 治愈 | |
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joint
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| adj.联合的，共同的；n.关节，接合处；v.连接，贴合 | |
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contrived
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| adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的 | |
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tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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amazement
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| n.惊奇，惊讶 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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engrossed
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| adj.全神贯注的 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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creed
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| n.信条；信念，纲领 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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confided
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| v.吐露（秘密，心事等）( confide的过去式和过去分词 )；（向某人）吐露（隐私、秘密等） | |
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diminution
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| n.减少；变小 | |
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meditative
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| adj.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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consultation
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| n.咨询；商量；商议；会议 | |
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climax
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| n.顶点；高潮；v.(使)达到顶点 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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poke
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| n.刺，戳，袋；vt.拨开，刺，戳；vi.戳，刺，捅，搜索，伸出，行动散慢 | |
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sordid
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| adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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bate
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| v.压制；减弱；n.（制革用的）软化剂 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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42
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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43
astounded
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| v.使震惊(astound的过去式和过去分词)；愕然；愕；惊讶 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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45
peculiarities
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| n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
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46
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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47
majestically
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| 雄伟地； 庄重地； 威严地； 崇高地 | |
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48
humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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49
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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50
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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51
prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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52
condescension
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| n.自以为高人一等，贬低(别人) | |
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53
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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54
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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55
interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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56
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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57
degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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58
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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59
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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60
consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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61
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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62
sham
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| n./adj.假冒(的)，虚伪(的) | |
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63
longings
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| 渴望，盼望( longing的名词复数 ) | |
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