CHAPTER 54

 Because of the haste and confusion brought about by conflicting school tasks, I had not for many months found time to read my Bible; indeed I scarcely had time for a morning prayer.

 

I still went to church regularly every Sunday; that is we all went there together. I reverenced¹ the family pew where we had assembled for so many years; and apart from that reason I hold it dear because it is associated in my memory with my mother.

 

It was at church, however, that my faith continued to receive its most damaging blows; it was there that religion seemed a cold and meaningless term to me. Usually the commentaries, the narrow human reasoning and dissection² took away from the beauty of the Bible and the Gospels, and deprived them of their grandly solemn and exquisite³ poetry. For a peculiar⁴ nature like mine it was very difficult to have any one touch upon holy subjects (in such a way as did the minister) without in some measure, in my opinion, desecrating⁵ them. The family worship, held every evening, awakened⁶ in me the only religious meditation⁷ that I now knew, for the voice that read or prayed was exceedingly dear to me, and that changed everything.

 

My untiring contemplation of nature, and the reflections that I indulged in in the presence of the fossils I had brought from the mountains and cliffs, and placed in my museum, indicated that there had been bred in me a vague and unconscious pantheism.

 

In short my deeply rooted and still-living faith was covered over with encumbering⁸ earth. At times it threw out a green shoot, but for the most part it lay like an entirely⁹ dead thing in the cold ground. Moreover, I was too much troubled to pray; my conscience, still restive¹⁰ and timid, gave me no rest during the time that I was on my knees,—I always felt remorse¹¹ gnaw¹² at me then because of the slovenly¹³ and half-done tasks, and because of the feelings of hate I had for the “Big Ape” and the “Bull of Apis,” emotions that I was obliged to hide and disguise until I shuddered¹⁴ at the falsehoods I spoke¹⁵ and acted. These things gave me poignant¹⁶ remorse and excruciating moral distress¹⁷, and to escape from these emotions I indulged in noisy sports and foolish laughter; and when my conscience troubled me most, and I dared not, therefore, appear before my parents, I took refuge with the servants, played tennis, jumped the rope, or make a great racket.

 

For two or three years I had not spoken of a religious vocation¹⁸, for I now understood that such a desire was a thing of the past, was impossible; but I had not found anything to put in its place. When strangers asked what career I was being prepared for, my parents, a little anxious in regard to my future, did not know what to say; and I knew still less what to reply.

 

However my brother, who was also much concerned over my enigmatical future, in one of those letters that seemed always to come from an enchanted¹⁹ land, suggested, because of a certain facility in mathematics and a certain precision of nature, certainly anomalies in one of my temperament²⁰, that it might be well for me to study engineering. And when they consulted me and I replied apathetically²¹: “Very well, it is agreeable enough to me,” the matter seemed satisfactorily settled.

 

I would need to spend a little more than a year at a polytechnic²² school in order to prepare myself. To be there or elsewhere, what difference did it make to me? . . . When I contemplated²³ the men of a certain age who surrounded me, those occupying the most honorable positions, who had every claim to respect and consideration, I would say to myself: “It will some day be necessary for me to live a useful, sedate²⁴ life in a given place and fixed²⁵ sphere as they do, and to grow old as they are—and that is all!” And a bitter hopelessness overwhelmed me as I brooded on the thought; I yearned²⁶ for the impossible; I longed most of all to remain a child forever, and the reflection that the years were fleeing, and that, whether I would or would not, I must become a man, was anguish²⁷ to me.

1 reverenced   

v.尊敬，崇敬( reverence的过去式和过去分词 )；敬礼

参考例句：

• The name of Albert Einstein is still reverenced by the scientists all over the world. 爱因斯坦的名字仍然受到世界各地科学家的崇敬。 来自互联网
• For it is always necessary to be loved, but not always necessary to be reverenced. 一个人总是能得到必要的爱，却不总是能得到必要的尊敬。 来自互联网

2 dissection   

n.分析；解剖

参考例句：

• A dissection of your argument shows several inconsistencies.对你论点作仔细分析后发现一些前后矛盾之处。
• Researchers need a growing supply of corpses for dissection.研究人员需要更多的供解剖用的尸体。

3 exquisite   

adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的

参考例句：

• I was admiring the exquisite workmanship in the mosaic.我当时正在欣赏镶嵌画的精致做工。
• I still remember the exquisite pleasure I experienced in Bali.我依然记得在巴厘岛所经历的那种剧烈的快感。

4 peculiar   

adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的

参考例句：

• He walks in a peculiar fashion.他走路的样子很奇特。
• He looked at me with a very peculiar expression.他用一种很奇怪的表情看着我。

5 desecrating   

毁坏或亵渎( desecrate的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• You'll go back to desecrating these people's land, blowing up palm trees? 你要过去玷污这些人的土地，炸掉他们的棕榈树？
• Such actions have the effect desecrating the Olympics and humiliating and insulting the people of China. 这种行为产生的效力是侮辱奥运会和屈辱和侮辱中国人民的。

6 awakened   

v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到

参考例句：

• She awakened to the sound of birds singing. 她醒来听到鸟的叫声。
• The public has been awakened to the full horror of the situation. 公众完全意识到了这一状况的可怕程度。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 meditation   

n.熟虑，（尤指宗教的）默想，沉思，（pl.）冥想录

参考例句：

• This peaceful garden lends itself to meditation.这个恬静的花园适于冥想。
• I'm sorry to interrupt your meditation.很抱歉，我打断了你的沉思。

8 encumbering   

v.妨碍，阻碍，拖累( encumber的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• She had helped Mr. Gryce to bestow his encumbering properties beneath the table. 她帮着古莱斯先生把他那些乱堆着的提包安置在桌子底下。 来自辞典例句

9 entirely   

ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
• His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。

10 restive   

adj.不安宁的，不安静的

参考例句：

• The government has done nothing to ease restrictions and manufacturers are growing restive.政府未采取任何措施放松出口限制,因此国内制造商变得焦虑不安。
• The audience grew restive.观众变得不耐烦了。

11 remorse   

n.痛恨，悔恨，自责

参考例句：

• She had no remorse about what she had said.她对所说的话不后悔。
• He has shown no remorse for his actions.他对自己的行为没有任何悔恨之意。

12 gnaw   

v.不断地啃、咬；使苦恼，折磨

参考例句：

• Dogs like to gnaw on a bone.狗爱啃骨头。
• A rat can gnaw a hole through wood.老鼠能啃穿木头。

13 slovenly   

adj.懒散的，不整齐的，邋遢的

参考例句：

• People were scandalized at the slovenly management of the company.人们对该公司草率的经营感到愤慨。
• Such slovenly work habits will never produce good products.这样马马虎虎的工作习惯决不能生产出优质产品来。

14 shuddered   

v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动

参考例句：

• He slammed on the brakes and the car shuddered to a halt. 他猛踩刹车，车颤抖着停住了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I shuddered at the sight of the dead body. 我一看见那尸体就战栗。 来自《简明英汉词典》

15 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

16 poignant   

adj.令人痛苦的，辛酸的，惨痛的

参考例句：

• His lyrics are as acerbic and poignant as they ever have been.他的歌词一如既往的犀利辛辣。
• It is especially poignant that he died on the day before his wedding.他在婚礼前一天去世了，这尤其令人悲恸。

17 distress   

n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛

参考例句：

• Nothing could alleviate his distress.什么都不能减轻他的痛苦。
• Please don't distress yourself.请你不要忧愁了。

18 vocation   

n.职业，行业

参考例句：

• She struggled for years to find her true vocation.她多年来苦苦寻找真正适合自己的职业。
• She felt it was her vocation to minister to the sick.她觉得照料病人是她的天职。

19 enchanted   

adj. 被施魔法的，陶醉的，入迷的 动词enchant的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• She was enchanted by the flowers you sent her. 她非常喜欢你送给她的花。
• He was enchanted by the idea. 他为这个主意而欣喜若狂。

20 temperament   

n.气质，性格，性情

参考例句：

• The analysis of what kind of temperament you possess is vital.分析一下你有什么样的气质是十分重要的。
• Success often depends on temperament.成功常常取决于一个人的性格。

21 apathetically   

adv.不露感情地；无动于衷地；不感兴趣地；冷淡地

参考例句：

• "I'm not hungry," Jui-chueh replied apathetically. “我不想吃，”瑞珏第一个懒洋洋地说。 来自汉英文学 - 家（1-26） - 家（1-26）
• She behaves apathetically these days. 她这些天表现的很淡漠。 来自互联网

22 polytechnic   

adj.各种工艺的，综合技术的；n.工艺(专科)学校；理工(专科)学校

参考例句：

• She was trained as a teacher at Manchester Polytechnic.她在曼彻斯特工艺专科学校就读，准备毕业后做老师。
• When he was 17,Einstein entered the Polytechnic Zurich,Switzerland,where he studied mathematics and physics.17岁时，爱因斯坦进入了瑞士苏黎士的专科学院，学习数学和物理学。

23 contemplated   

adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式

参考例句：

• The doctor contemplated the difficult operation he had to perform. 医生仔细地考虑他所要做的棘手的手术。
• The government has contemplated reforming the entire tax system. 政府打算改革整个税收体制。

24 sedate   

adj.沉着的，镇静的，安静的

参考例句：

• After the accident,the doctor gave her some pills to sedate her.事故发生后，医生让她服了些药片使她镇静下来。
• We spent a sedate evening at home.我们在家里过了一个恬静的夜晚。

25 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

26 yearned   

渴望，切盼，向往( yearn的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The people yearned for peace. 人民渴望和平。
• She yearned to go back to the south. 她渴望回到南方去。

27 anguish   

n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼

参考例句：

• She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时，她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
• The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。