“What do you say to that, Sapphira?” asked the Baron, politely turning to Mrs. Ananias, who had called with her husband. “Are you interested in giraffes?”
“I like lions better,” said Sapphira. “They roar louder and bite more fiercely.”
“Well, suppose we compromise,” said the Baron, “and have a story about a poodle dog. Poodle dogs sometimes look like lions, and as a rule they are as gentle as giraffes.”
“I know a better scheme than that,” put in Ananias. “Tell us a story about a lion and a giraffe, and if you feel disposed throw in a few poodles for good measure. I’m writing on space this year.”
“That’s so,” said Sapphira, wearily. “I could say it was a story about a lion and Ananias could call it a giraffe story, and we’d each be right.”
“Very well,” said the Baron, “it shall be a story of each, only I must have a cigar before I begin. Cigars help me to think, and the adventure I had in the Desert of Sahara with a lion, a giraffe, and a slippery elm tree was so long ago that I shall have to do a great deal of thinking in order to recall it.”
So the Baron went for a cigar, while Ananias and Sapphira winked2 enviously3 at each other and lamented4 their lost glory. In a minute the Baron returned with the weed, and after lighting5 it, began his story.
“I was about twenty years old when this thing happened to me,” said he. “I had gone to Africa to investigate the sand in the Desert of Sahara for a Sand Company in America. As you may already have heard, sand is a very useful thing in a great many ways, more particularly however in the building trades. The Sand Company was formed for the purpose of supplying sand to everybody that wanted it, but land in America at that time was so very expensive that there was very little profit in the business. People who owned sand banks and sand lots asked outrageous6 prices for their property; and the sea-shore people were not willing to part with any of theirs because they needed it in their hotel business. The great attraction of a seaside hotel is the sand on the beach, and of course the proprietors7 weren’t going to sell that. They might better even sell their brass8 bands. So the Sand Company thought it might be well to build some steam-ships, load them with oysters9, or mowing10 machines, or historical novels, or anything else that is produced in the United States, and in demand elsewhere; send them to Egypt, sell the oysters, or mowing machines, or historical novels, and then have the ships fill up with sand from the Sahara, which they could get for nothing, and bring it back in ballast to the United States.”
“It must have cost a lot!” said Ananias.
“Not at all,” returned the Baron. “The profits on the oysters and mowing machines and historical novels were so large that all expenses both ways were more than paid, so that when it was delivered in America the sand had really cost less than nothing. We could have thrown it all overboard and still have a profit left. It was I who suggested the idea to the President of the Sand Company—his name was Bartlett, or—ah—Mulligan—or some similar well-known American name, I can’t exactly recall it now. However, Mr. Bartlett, or Mr. Mulligan, or whoever it was, was very much pleased with the idea and asked me if I wouldn’t go to the Sahara, investigate the quality of the sand, and report; and as I was temporarily out of employment I accepted the commission. Six weeks later I arrived in Cairo and set out immediately on a tour of the desert. I went alone because I preferred not to take any one into my confidence, and besides one can always be more independent when he has only his own wishes to consult. I also went on foot, for the reason that camels need a great deal of care—at least mine would have, if I’d had one, because I always like to have my steeds well groomed11 whether there is any one to see them or not. So to save myself trouble I started off alone on foot. In twenty-four hours I travelled over a hundred miles of the desert, and the night of the second day found me resting in the shade of a slippery elm tree in the middle of an oasis12, which after much suffering and anxiety I had discovered. It was a beautiful moonlight night and I was enjoying it hugely. There were no mosquitoes or insects of any kind to interfere13 with my comfort. No insects could have flown so far across the sands. I have no doubt that many of them have tried to get there, but up to the time of my arrival none had succeeded, and I felt as happy as though I were in Paradise.
“After eating my supper and taking a draught14 of the delicious spring water that purled up in the middle of the oasis, I threw myself down under the elm tree, and began to play my violin, without which in those days I never went anywhere.”
“I didn’t know you played the violin,” said Sapphira. “I thought your instrument was the trombone—plenty of blow and a mighty15 stretch.”
“I don’t—now,” said the Baron, ignoring the sarcasm16. “I gave it up ten years ago—but that’s a different story. How long I played that night I don’t know, but I do know that lulled17 by the delicious strains of the music and soothed18 by the soft sweetness of the atmosphere I soon dropped off to sleep. Suddenly I was awakened19 by what I thought to be the distant roar of thunder. ‘Humph!’ I said to myself. ‘This is something new. A thunder storm in the Desert of Sahara is a thing I never expected to see, particularly on a beautifully clear moonlight night’—for the moon was still shining like a great silver ball in the heavens, and not a cloud was anywhere to be seen. Then it occurred to me that perhaps I had been dreaming, so I turned over to go to sleep again. Hardly had I closed my eyes when a second ear-splitting roar came bounding over the sands, and I knew that it was no dream, but an actual sound that I heard. I sprang to my feet and looked about the horizon and there, a mere20 speck21 in the distance, was something—for the moment I thought a cloud, but in another instant I changed my mind, for glancing through my telescope I perceived it was not a cloud but a huge lion with the glitter of hunger in his eye. What I had mistaken for the thunder was the roar of this savage22 beast. I seized my gun and felt for my cartridge23 box only to discover that I had lost my ammunition24 and was there alone, unarmed, in the great desert, at the mercy of that savage creature, who was drawing nearer and nearer every minute and giving forth25 the most fearful roars you ever heard. It was a terrible moment and I was in despair.
“‘It’s all up with you, Baron,’ I said to myself, and then I caught sight of the tree. It seemed my only chance. I must climb that. I tried, but alas26! As I have told you it was a slippery elm tree, and I might as well have tried to climb a greased pole. Despite my frantic27 efforts to get a grip upon the trunk I could not climb more than two feet without slipping back. It was impossible. Nothing was left for me to do but to take to my legs, and I took to them as well as I knew how. My, what a run it was, and how hopeless. The beast was gaining on me every second, and before me lay mile after mile of desert. ‘Better give up and treat the beast to a breakfast, Baron,’ I moaned to myself. ‘When there’s only one thing to do, you might as well do it and be done with it. Your misery28 will be over the more quickly if you stop right here.’ As I spoke29 these words, I slowed up a little, but the frightful30 roaring of the lion unnerved me for an instant, or rather nerved me on to a spurt31, which left the lion slightly more to the rear—and which resulted in the saving of my life; for as I ran on, what should I see about a mile ahead but another slippery elm tree, and under it stood a giraffe who had apparently32 fallen asleep while browsing33 among its upper branches, and filling its stomach with its cooling cocoanuts. The giraffe had its back to me, and as I sped on I formed my plan. I would grab hold of the giraffe’s tail; haul myself up onto his back; climb up his neck into the tree, and then give my benefactor34 a blow between the eyes which would send him flying across the desert before the lion could come along and get up into the tree the same way I did. The agony of fear I went through as I approached the long-necked creature was something dreadful. Suppose the giraffe should be awakened by the roaring of the lion before I got there and should rush off himself to escape the fate that awaited me? I nearly dropped, I was so nervous, and the lion was now not more than a hundred yards away. I could hear his breath as he came panting on. I redoubled my speed; his pants came closer, closer, until at length after what seemed a year, I reached the giraffe, caught his tail, raised myself up to his back, crawled along his neck and dropped fainting into the tree just as the lion sprang upon the giraffe’s back and came on toward me. What happened then I don’t know, for as I have told you I swooned away; but I do know that when I came to, the giraffe had disappeared and the lion lay at the foot of the tree dead from a broken neck.”
“A broken neck?” demanded Sapphira.
“Yes,” returned the Baron. “A broken neck! From which I concluded that as the lion reached the nape of the giraffe’s neck, the giraffe had waked up and bent35 his head toward the earth, thus causing the lion to fall head first to the ground instead of landing as he had expected in the tree with me.”
“It was wonderful,” said Sapphira, scornfully.
“Yes,” said Ananias, “but I shouldn’t think a lion could break his neck falling off a giraffe. Perhaps it was one of the slippery elm cocoanuts that fell on him.”
“Well, of course,” said the Baron, rising, “that would all depend upon the height of the giraffe. Mine was the tallest one I ever saw.”
“About how tall?” asked Ananias.
“Well,” returned the Baron, thoughtfully, as if calculating, “did you ever see the Eiffel Tower?”
“Yes,” said Ananias.
“Well,” observed the Baron, “I don’t think my giraffe was more than half as tall as that.”
With which estimate the Baron bowed his guests out of the room, and with a placid36 smile on his face, shook hands with himself.
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1
baron
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| n.男爵；(商业界等)巨头，大王 | |
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winked
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| v.使眼色( wink的过去式和过去分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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enviously
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| adv.满怀嫉妒地 | |
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lamented
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| adj.被哀悼的，令人遗憾的v.（为…）哀悼，痛哭，悲伤( lament的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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outrageous
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| adj.无理的，令人不能容忍的 | |
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proprietors
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| n.所有人，业主( proprietor的名词复数 ) | |
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brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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oysters
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| 牡蛎( oyster的名词复数 ) | |
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mowing
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| n.割草，一次收割量，牧草地v.刈，割( mow的现在分词 ) | |
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groomed
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| v.照料或梳洗（马等）( groom的过去式和过去分词 )；使做好准备；训练；（给动物）擦洗 | |
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oasis
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| n.（沙漠中的）绿洲，宜人的地方 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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14
draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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15
mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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sarcasm
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| n.讥讽，讽刺，嘲弄，反话 （adj.sarcastic） | |
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lulled
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| vt.使镇静，使安静（lull的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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soothed
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| v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 )；抚慰；使舒服；减轻痛苦 | |
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awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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speck
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| n.微粒，小污点，小斑点 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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cartridge
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| n.弹壳，弹药筒；(装磁带等的)盒子 | |
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ammunition
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| n.军火，弹药 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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frantic
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| adj.狂乱的，错乱的，激昂的 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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spurt
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| v.喷出；突然进发；突然兴隆 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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33
browsing
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| v.吃草( browse的现在分词 )；随意翻阅；（在商店里）随便看看；（在计算机上）浏览信息 | |
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34
benefactor
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| n. 恩人，行善的人，捐助人 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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37
chuckled
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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