CHAPTER V THE MOTHER'S VOW

 We had no knowledge at first hand, of any family life except our own. But we imagined that we made up for any loss in that direction by following the outward fortunes of one other family, from a reverent¹ distance, but with a closeness of devotion.

 

In that mysterious world beyond the heath, we divined two exhaustless springs of enthusiasm: the Army and the Royal Family.

 

The reason for the first is clear.

 

As for the second, we never guessed that our varied² knowledge and intimate concern about the persons of the reigning³ house was a commonplace in English family life of the not very strenuous⁴ sort.

 

Royal personages presented themselves to our imagination, partly as the Fairy Tale element in life, partly as an ideal of mortal splendour, partly as symbols of our national greatness.

 

From fairy queens and princes no great step to the sea-king's daughter, or to her sailor-son,[Pg 25] the Prince of Wales. His wife, that Princess of Wales, who even before her marriage had been the idol⁵ of England was our idol too—apart from her high destiny as mother of the future King, (the little Prince born in the same year as Bettina)—and mother of that fascinating figure in the story, the solitary⁶ Princess of her house, three years younger than the youngest of our family. Our interest in them all received a fresh accession at the birth of Prince Henry; we hailed the advent⁷ of Prince George; we felt the succession trebly sure in the fortunate arrival of Prince John. We saw them safely christened; we consulted the bulletins in the Standard and the Queen about their health; we followed their august comings and goings with an enthusiasm undampened by hearing how well they were all being brought up on the incomparable "White Lodge⁸" system, which had been so successfully applied⁹ to the little royalties¹⁰' mamma.

 

Apart from these Shining Ones, a sense of the variety, the unexpectedness of life to lesser¹¹ folk, reached us through the changing fortunes of one of the country-houses that abutted¹² on the heath.

 

It was let to different people, from time to time,[Pg 26] for the hunting. If the people had children, they were of palpitating interest to us, even though we never saw much of the children.

 

Sometimes the fathers and mothers scraped acquaintance with our mother.

 

If they had seen the Brighton doctor driving up to our door, they would stop to ask how my mother was.

 

The doctor was a grim man with a stiff grey beard. He said my mother ought to have a nurse. She said she had me.

 

That was the proudest moment of my childhood.

 

I had to try very hard not to be glad when she was ill. It was such delight to nurse her. And after all, the only thing she herself seemed to mind about being ill was not having Bettina always with her.

 

Bettina was too little to understand that one must be quiet in a sick room.

 

In any case Bettina never wanted to stay indoors. So she would escape, and run about the garden, singing. My mother made us wheel her bed to the window that she might look out. She would lie there, watching Bettina play at church-choir¹³[Pg 27] with all our dolls in a row, and tiny home-made hymn-books in their laps.

 

When a butterfly detached the leader of the choir, and Bettina went in chase to the other side of the garden, my mother would say anxiously: "Someone must go down and bring Bettina back."

 

I could not bear to see Loring, or Mélanie, doing anything for my mother. I think they humoured me, and that Mélanie performed her service chiefly by stealth. I know I felt it to be all my doing when the invalid¹⁴ was able to come downstairs.

 

She sat very near the fire though the day was hot. When she held up her hand to shade her eyes, her hand was different.

 

Not only thin. Different.

 

Bettina and I were sorry she would never see the one or two kind people who "called to inquire."

 

We had come early to know that her refusal to take any part in such meagre "life" as the scattered¹⁵ community offered was indeed founded upon "indisposition," as we had heard; but an indisposition deeper than her malady¹⁶.[Pg 28]

 

We never knew her to say: these card-playing, fox-hunting people are our inferiors. But she might as well. We read her thought.

 

When the Marley children went by on ponies¹⁷, when the Reuters bought their third motor-car, Bettina and I stifled¹⁸ longing¹⁹ and curiosity with the puerilities of infant arrogance²⁰: Our mother doesn't mean to return your visit. She doesn't want us to 'sociate with your children.

 

In our hearts we longed for the society specially²¹ of Dora Marley. Betty used to slip out and show Alexandra to Dora. Alexandra was Betty's most glorious doll. When the others couldn't find Betty I knew where to look. I went secretly, a roundabout way through the shrubberies, to bring Betty in, reluctant and looking back at Dora: "Come again to-morrow?"

 

One day Dora shook her head.

 

"Why not?"

 

She was going back to school. "Aren't you going back to school?" she asked.

 

"Oh, no," I said, "we don't go to school."

 

Dora seemed not only surprised, but inclined to pity us.

 

"You like having to go to school!" I said.[Pg 29]

 

She loved it. "So would you."

 

"I should hate it!" I said with a passion of conviction.

 

She couldn't think why.

 

Neither could I—beyond the fact that my mother couldn't go with me. And that she had said of the Marley children, with that high air of pity—"They have the manners of girls who have not been brought up at home."

 

Dora asked if we didn't hate our governess. She was still more mystified to hear we had never had one.

 

Even then we did not associate that lack with poverty. Rather with the riches of our mother's personal accomplishments²², and her devotion for her children. And indeed we may have been partly right. I think if she had been a millionaire she would not willingly have shared with a strange woman those hours she spent with us.

 

We read a great deal aloud. My mother and I took turns. Bettina used to sit over the embroidery²³ she was so good at, and I so hopeless. Or she would sit under the wild broom in Cæsar's Camp watching the birds; or lie curled up on the sofa stroking Abdul, the blue Persian. Indoors[Pg 30] or out, I don't think Bettina often listened to the reading. Perhaps that was because we read a good deal of history. Poetry was "for pleasure," our mother said. But it had to be translated into singing to be any pleasure to Bettina. I loved it all.

 

Betty was two years younger than I, but nobody would believe I was not the elder by five years, or even six. I was proud of this, seeing in the circumstance my sole but sufficient advantage over a sister excelling in all things else.

 

I am not to be understood as having been envious²⁴ of Bettina. For I recognised her accomplishments as among our best family assets—reflecting glory on us all; ranking in honour after the respect shown to our mother, and the V. C. our father won in the Soudan. But my thoughtfulness and gravity as a child, my being cast in a larger, soberer mould, lent validity to my assumption of the right to take care of Bettina. Even to harry²⁵ her now and then, when her feet outstrayed the paths appointed.

 

Bettina was not only younger, she was delicate; she had to be protected against colds, against fatigue²⁶.[Pg 31]

 

There is, in almost every house, one main concern.

 

When I look back, I see that in ours the main concern was Bettina. If she had been less sweet-natured, she would have been made intolerable.

 

But the great need of being loved kept Bettina lovable.

 

I cannot remember that we ever spent half a day away from each other, or away from our mother, until—but that is to come later.

 

I feel still the panic that fell on us after the excitement of seeing the good-natured Mrs. Reuter drive up in her motor-car—the first we had encountered at close quarters—a jarring, uncanny, evil-smelling apparition²⁷ in our peaceful court. Mrs. Reuter leaned out and unfolded her dreadful errand—to invite us children to come and stay at her house in Brighton from Friday to Monday!

 

We stood there, blank, speechless.

 

Our mother, with a presence of mind for which we blessed her, said she could not spare us; she was not well; I was a famous little nurse.

 

Relief and pride rushed together. I could[Pg 32] have kissed my mother's feet. My own could hardly keep from dancing.

 

"Let me take the little one, then," said this brutal²⁸ visitor.

 

The little one burst into large, heart-rending sobs²⁹.

 

Twenty times that afternoon the little one made my mother say: "I will not let anyone take you away—no, never. Very well, you shall not pay visits."

 

And Betty, suspicious, insistent³⁰: "Not never?"

 

"Not never."

 

Oh, mother! mother! would you had kept your word!

1 reverent   

adj.恭敬的，虔诚的

参考例句：

• He gave reverent attention to the teacher.他恭敬地听老师讲课。
• She said the word artist with a gentle,understanding,reverent smile.她说作家一词时面带高雅，理解和虔诚的微笑。

2 varied   

adj.多样的，多变化的

参考例句：

• The forms of art are many and varied.艺术的形式是多种多样的。
• The hotel has a varied programme of nightly entertainment.宾馆有各种晚间娱乐活动。

3 reigning   

adj.统治的，起支配作用的

参考例句：

• The sky was dark, stars were twinkling high above, night was reigning, and everything was sunk in silken silence. 天很黑，星很繁，夜阑人静。
• Led by Huang Chao, they brought down the reigning house after 300 years' rule. 在黄巢的带领下，他们推翻了统治了三百年的王朝。

4 strenuous   

adj.奋发的，使劲的；紧张的；热烈的，狂热的

参考例句：

• He made strenuous efforts to improve his reading. 他奋发努力提高阅读能力。
• You may run yourself down in this strenuous week.你可能会在这紧张的一周透支掉自己。

5 idol   

n.偶像，红人，宠儿

参考例句：

• As an only child he was the idol of his parents.作为独子，他是父母的宠儿。
• Blind worship of this idol must be ended.对这个偶像的盲目崇拜应该结束了。

6 solitary   

adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士

参考例句：

• I am rather fond of a solitary stroll in the country.我颇喜欢在乡间独自徜徉。
• The castle rises in solitary splendour on the fringe of the desert.这座城堡巍然耸立在沙漠的边际，显得十分壮美。

7 advent   

n.(重要事件等的)到来，来临

参考例句：

• Swallows come by groups at the advent of spring. 春天来临时燕子成群飞来。
• The advent of the Euro will redefine Europe.欧元的出现将重新定义欧洲。

8 lodge   

v.临时住宿，寄宿，寄存，容纳；n.传达室，小旅馆

参考例句：

• Is there anywhere that I can lodge in the village tonight?村里有我今晚过夜的地方吗？
• I shall lodge at the inn for two nights.我要在这家小店住两个晚上。

9 applied   

adj.应用的；v.应用，适用

参考例句：

• She plans to take a course in applied linguistics.她打算学习应用语言学课程。
• This cream is best applied to the face at night.这种乳霜最好晚上擦脸用。

10 royalties   

特许权使用费

参考例句：

• I lived on about £3,000 a year from the royalties on my book. 我靠着写书得来的每年约3，000英镑的版税生活。 来自辞典例句
• Payments shall generally be made in the form of royalties. 一般应采取提成方式支付。 来自经济法规部分

11 lesser   

adj.次要的，较小的；adv.较小地，较少地

参考例句：

• Kept some of the lesser players out.不让那些次要的球员参加联赛。
• She has also been affected,but to a lesser degree.她也受到波及，但程度较轻。

12 abutted   

v.（与…）邻接( abut的过去式和过去分词 )；（与…）毗连；接触；倚靠

参考例句：

• Their house abutted against the hill. 他们的房子紧靠着山。 来自辞典例句
• The sidewalk abutted on the river. 人行道紧挨着河川。 来自辞典例句

13 choir   

n.唱诗班，唱诗班的席位，合唱团，舞蹈团；v.合唱

参考例句：

• The choir sang the words out with great vigor.合唱团以极大的热情唱出了歌词。
• The church choir is singing tonight.今晚教堂歌唱队要唱诗。

14 invalid   

n.病人，伤残人；adj.有病的，伤残的；无效的

参考例句：

• He will visit an invalid.他将要去看望一个病人。
• A passport that is out of date is invalid.护照过期是无效的。

15 scattered   

adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的

参考例句：

• Gathering up his scattered papers,he pushed them into his case.他把散乱的文件收拾起来，塞进文件夹里。

16 malady   

n.病，疾病(通常做比喻)

参考例句：

• There is no specific remedy for the malady.没有医治这种病的特效药。
• They are managing to control the malady into a small range.他们设法将疾病控制在小范围之内。

17 ponies   

矮种马，小型马( pony的名词复数 )； ￡25 25 英镑

参考例句：

• They drove the ponies into a corral. 他们把矮种马赶进了畜栏。
• She has a mania for ponies. 她特别喜欢小马。

18 stifled   

（使）窒息， （使）窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 )； 镇压，遏制； 堵

参考例句：

• The gas stifled them. 煤气使他们窒息。
• The rebellion was stifled. 叛乱被镇压了。

19 longing   

n.（for）渴望

参考例句：

• Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
• His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。

20 arrogance   

n.傲慢，自大

参考例句：

• His arrogance comes out in every speech he makes.他每次讲话都表现得骄傲自大。
• Arrogance arrested his progress.骄傲阻碍了他的进步。

21 specially   

adv.特定地；特殊地；明确地

参考例句：

• They are specially packaged so that they stack easily.它们经过特别包装以便于堆放。
• The machine was designed specially for demolishing old buildings.这种机器是专为拆毁旧楼房而设计的。

22 accomplishments   

n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就

参考例句：

• It was one of the President's greatest accomplishments. 那是总统最伟大的成就之一。
• Among her accomplishments were sewing,cooking,playing the piano and dancing. 她的才能包括缝纫、烹调、弹钢琴和跳舞。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

23 embroidery   

n.绣花，刺绣；绣制品

参考例句：

• This exquisite embroidery won people's great admiration.这件精美的绣品，使人惊叹不已。
• This is Jane's first attempt at embroidery.这是简第一次试着绣花。

24 envious   

adj.嫉妒的，羡慕的

参考例句：

• I don't think I'm envious of your success.我想我并不嫉妒你的成功。
• She is envious of Jane's good looks and covetous of her car.她既忌妒简的美貌又垂涎她的汽车。

25 harry   

vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼

参考例句：

• Today,people feel more hurried and harried.今天，人们感到更加忙碌和苦恼。
• Obama harried business by Healthcare Reform plan.奥巴马用医改掠夺了商界。

26 fatigue   

n.疲劳，劳累

参考例句：

• The old lady can't bear the fatigue of a long journey.这位老妇人不能忍受长途旅行的疲劳。
• I have got over my weakness and fatigue.我已从虚弱和疲劳中恢复过来了。

27 apparition   

n.幽灵，神奇的现象

参考例句：

• He saw the apparition of his dead wife.他看见了他亡妻的幽灵。
• But the terror of this new apparition brought me to a stand.这新出现的幽灵吓得我站在那里一动也不敢动。

28 brutal   

adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的

参考例句：

• She has to face the brutal reality.她不得不去面对冷酷的现实。
• They're brutal people behind their civilised veneer.他们表面上温文有礼，骨子里却是野蛮残忍。

29 sobs   

啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• She was struggling to suppress her sobs. 她拼命不让自己哭出来。
• She burst into a convulsive sobs. 她突然抽泣起来。

30 insistent   

adj.迫切的，坚持的

参考例句：

• There was an insistent knock on my door.我听到一阵急促的敲门声。
• He is most insistent on this point.他在这点上很坚持。