CHAPTER VII A SHOCK

 When to-morrow came we knew.

 

We had been using up our capital.

 

Another year, at this rate, and it would be gone. What was to become of us?

 

Should we have to sell Duncombe House? I asked.

 

Only then we heard that Duncombe belonged to Lord Helmstone.

 

But the rent was low. My mother said "at the worst," we would go on living at Duncombe. Yes, even if we kept only one servant instead of three.

 

For we would still have the tiny pension granted an officer's widow.

 

And should we always have the pension?

 

Yes, as long as she lived.

 

Not "always" then.

 

A horrible feeling of helplessness, a sense of the bigness of the world and of our littleness, came down upon me.[Pg 46]

 

We seemed to have almost no relations.

 

We knew our father had a step-sister, a good deal older than he. We heard that she lived in London and was childless. That was all.

 

My mother had been an orphan¹. She never seemed to want to talk about the past. When we were little we took no interest in these things. As we grew older we grew afraid of paining her with questions. In some crisis of house-cleaning a photograph came to the surface. Who was this with the hair rolled high and the pear-shaped earrings²? Oh, that was Mrs. Harborough.

 

"Aunt Josephine?"

 

"Well, your father's step-sister."

 

All hope of better acquaintance with her was dashed by learning that she had opposed our father's marriage, opposed it bitterly.

 

"She couldn't have known you," Bettina said.

 

"That I was not known to her was crime enough," my mother answered with unwonted bitterness.

 

Just as we were made to feel that questions about Aunt Josephine were troubling, I felt now that to inquire into our precise financial condition was to harass³ and depress my mother. The condition[Pg 47] was bad. Therefore it was best covered up.

 

"We shall manage," she said.

 

I was sixteen when this thunder-bolt descended⁴, and, by that time, I knew that "to manage" was just what my mother, at all events, was quite incapable⁵ of doing. We still kept three servants and no accounts. Lawyers' letters were put away. Out of sight, they seemed to be out of mind. Out of my mother's mind.

 

I thought constantly about these things.

 

One day, months later, I blurted⁶ out a hope that we should all die together. My mother was horrified⁷.

 

"But if we don't," I said, "how are we going to live—Bettina and I, without the pension?"

 

"You will have husbands, I hope, to take care of you."

 

I went over the grounds for this "hope" with no great confidence.

 

My mother went alone into the garden.

 

She came in looking tired and white.

 

Compunction seized me. I persuaded her to go and lie down. I would bring up her tea-tray. I expected to have to beg and urge. But she went[Pg 48] upstairs "quite goodly," as we used to say. She looked back and smiled. She was still the most beautiful person we knew. But it was a very waxen beauty now. I must learn not to weary her with insoluble riddles⁸. I went into the dining-room to make her tray ready—I liked doing it myself. Bettina's voice came floating in. She had grown tired of playing proper music. She was singing the nursery rhyme which my mother had set to variations of the tinkling⁹ old-world tune¹⁰:

 

"Where are you going to, my pretty maid?"

I thought how strange and wonderful was the simplest, most ordinary little life. There must always be that question: what is going to become of me? I had long known what was the proper thing to happen. I ought to marry Lord Helmstone's heir. And Bettina should marry a prince.

 

But Lord Helmstone's heir turned out to be a middle-aged¹¹ cousin with a family. Lord Helmstone himself had only lately taken to coming to Forest Hall—since the laying out of the golf-course. Still less frequently came my lady. Very[Pg 49] smart, with amazing clothes; and some married daughters with babies. There were two daughters unmarried, who seemed to be always abroad or in London. We liked Lord Helmstone; even my mother liked him. But she criticised his "noisy friends." These were the golfers who motored down from London. Broad-shouldered men, in tweeds that made them seem broader still. They would pass by our garden-wall and look at Bettina. Often when they had passed they looked back. Secretly, I wondered if any of them were those "husbands" who were going to take care of us. Some lodged¹² in the village. The noisiest stayed at the Hall.

 

Bettina's singing had broken off abruptly¹³. I heard her running upstairs.

 

And then a cry.

 

"Come—oh, quickly, quickly!"

 

Bettina had heard the fall overhead.

 

Our mother lay on the floor, Bettina standing¹⁴ over her, agonised, helpless.

 

We lifted her on to the bed. We loosened her clothing, and brought water, and bathed her temples.[Pg 50]

 

She opened her eyes and smiled—then the lids went down. Still that look, the look that made her a stranger.

 

Was this death?...

 

Bettina shrank from it. But I told her not to leave the room a second. I would bring the doctor quickly.

 

Bettina's face.... "I cannot stay alone," she whispered.

 

"I will send up one of the servants."

 

She held my arm. "Suppose ... while you are gone—— Oh, I am afraid."

 

"I will run all the way," I said.

1 orphan   

n.孤儿；adj.无父母的

参考例句：

• He brought up the orphan and passed onto him his knowledge of medicine.他把一个孤儿养大，并且把自己的医术传给了他。
• The orphan had been reared in a convent by some good sisters.这个孤儿在一所修道院里被几个好心的修女带大。

2 earrings   

n.耳环( earring的名词复数 )；耳坠子

参考例句：

• a pair of earrings 一对耳环
• These earrings snap on with special fastener. 这付耳环是用特制的按扣扣上去的。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 harass   

vt.使烦恼，折磨，骚扰

参考例句：

• Our mission is to harass the landing of the main Japaness expeditionary force.我们的任务是骚乱日本远征军主力的登陆。
• They received the order to harass the enemy's rear.他们接到骚扰敌人后方的命令。

4 descended   

a.为...后裔的，出身于...的

参考例句：

• A mood of melancholy descended on us. 一种悲伤的情绪袭上我们的心头。
• The path descended the hill in a series of zigzags. 小路呈连续的之字形顺着山坡蜿蜒而下。

5 incapable   

adj.无能力的，不能做某事的

参考例句：

• He would be incapable of committing such a cruel deed.他不会做出这么残忍的事。
• Computers are incapable of creative thought.计算机不会创造性地思维。

6 blurted   

v.突然说出，脱口而出( blurt的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She blurted it out before I could stop her. 我还没来得及制止，她已脱口而出。
• He blurted out the truth, that he committed the crime. 他不慎说出了真相，说是他犯了那个罪。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 horrified   

a.(表现出)恐惧的

参考例句：

• The whole country was horrified by the killings. 全国都对这些凶杀案感到大为震惊。
• We were horrified at the conditions prevailing in local prisons. 地方监狱的普遍状况让我们震惊。

8 riddles   

n.谜（语）( riddle的名词复数 )；猜不透的难题，难解之谜

参考例句：

• Few riddles collected from oral tradition, however, have all six parts. 但是据收集的情况看，口头流传的谜语很少具有这完整的六部分。 来自英汉非文学 - 民俗
• But first, you'd better see if you can answer riddles. 但是你首先最好想想你会不会猜谜语。 来自辞典例句

9 tinkling   

n.丁当作响声

参考例句：

• I could hear bells tinkling in the distance. 我能听到远处叮当铃响。
• To talk to him was like listening to the tinkling of a worn-out musical-box. 跟他说话，犹如听一架老掉牙的八音盒子丁冬响。 来自英汉文学

10 tune   

n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整

参考例句：

• He'd written a tune,and played it to us on the piano.他写了一段曲子，并在钢琴上弹给我们听。
• The boy beat out a tune on a tin can.那男孩在易拉罐上敲出一首曲子。

11 middle-aged   

adj.中年的

参考例句：

• I noticed two middle-aged passengers.我注意到两个中年乘客。
• The new skin balm was welcome by middle-aged women.这种新护肤香膏受到了中年妇女的欢迎。

12 lodged   

v.存放( lodge的过去式和过去分词 )；暂住；埋入；（权利、权威等）归属

参考例句：

• The certificate will have to be lodged at the registry. 证书必须存放在登记处。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Our neighbours lodged a complaint against us with the police. 我们的邻居向警方控告我们。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 abruptly   

adv.突然地，出其不意地

参考例句：

• He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
• I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。

14 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。