We read daily of fathers tyrannizing over trembling families, of stepmothers and unnatural9 children turning what might be happy homes into amateur Infernos10, and sigh, as we think of martyrdoms endured by overworked animals.
It is cheering to know that societies have been formed for the protection of dumb brutes11 and helpless children. Will no attempt be made to alleviate12 this other form of suffering, which has apparently escaped the eye of the reformer?
The animal kingdom is divided—like all Gaul—into three divisions: wild beasts, that are obliged to hustle13 for themselves; laboring15 and producing animals, for which man provides because they are useful to him—and dogs! Of all created things on our globe the canine16 race have the softest “snap.” The more one thinks about this curious exception in their favor the more unaccountable it appears. We neglect such wild things as we do not slaughter17, and exact toil18 from domesticated19 animals in return for their keep. Dogs alone, shirking all cares and labor14, live in idle comfort at man’s expense.
When that painful family jar broke up the little garden party in Eden and forced our first parents to work or hunt for a living, the original Dog (equally disgusted with either alternative) hit on the luminous20 idea of posing as the champion of the disgraced couple, and attached himself to Adam and Eve; not that he approved of their conduct, but simply because he foresaw that if he made himself companionable and cosy21 he would be asked to stay to dinner.
From that day to the present, with the exception of occasionally watching sheep and houses—a lazy occupation at the best—and a little light carting in Belgium (dogs were given up as turn-spits centuries ago, because they performed that duty badly), no canine has raised a paw to do an honest day’s work, neither has any member of the genus been known voluntarily to perform a useful act.
How then—one asks one’s self in a wonder—did the myth originate that Dog was the friend of Man? Like a multitude of other fallacies taught to innocent children, this folly22 must be unlearned later. Friend of man, indeed! Why, the “Little Brothers of the Rich” are guileless philanthropists in comparison with most canines24, and unworthy to be named in the same breath with them. Dogs discovered centuries ago that to live in luxury, it was only necessary to assume an exaggerated affection for some wealthy mortal, and have since proved themselves past masters in a difficult art in which few men succeed. The number of human beings who manage to live on their friends is small, whereas the veriest mongrel cur contrives25 to enjoy food and lodging26 at some dupe’s expense.
Facts such as these, however, have not over-thrown the great dog myth. One can hardly open a child’s book without coming across some tale of canine intelligence and devotion. My tender youth was saddened by the story of one disinterested27 dog that refused to leave his master’s grave and was found frozen at his post on a bleak28 winter’s morning. With the experience of years in pet dogs I now suspect that, instead of acting29 in this theatrical30 fashion, that pup trotted31 home from the funeral with the most prosperous and simple-minded couple in the neighborhood, and after a substantial meal went to sleep by the fire. He must have been a clever dog to get so much free advertisement, so probably strolled out to his master’s grave the next noon, when people were about to hear him, and howled a little to keep up appearances.
I have written “the richest and most simple minded couple,” because centuries of self-seeking have developed in these beasts an especial aptitude32 for spotting possible victims at a glance. You will rarely find dogs coquetting with the strong-minded or wasting blandishments where there is not the probability of immediate33 profit; but once let even a puppy get a tenderhearted girl or aged34 couple under his influence, no pity will be shown the victims.
There is a house not a square away from Mr. Gerry’s philanthropic headquarters, where a state of things exists calculated to extract tears from a custom-house official. Two elderly virgins35 are there held in bondage36 by a Minotaur no bigger than your two fists. These good dames37 have a taste for travelling, but change of climate disagrees with their tyrant. They dislike house-keeping and, like good Americans, would prefer hotel life, nevertheless they keep up an establishment in a cheerless side street, with a retinue38 of servants, because, forsooth, their satrap exacts a back yard where he can walk of a morning. These spinsters, although loving sisters, no longer go about together, Caligula’s nerves being so shaken that solitude39 upsets them. He would sooner expire than be left alone with the servant, for the excellent reason that his bad temper and absurd airs have made him dangerous enemies below stairs—and he knows it!
Another household in this city revolves40 around two brainless, goggle-eyed beasts, imported at much expense from the slopes of Fuji-yama. The care that is lavished41 on those heathen monsters passes belief. Maids are employed to carry them up and down stairs, and men are called in the night to hurry for a doctor when Chi has over-eaten or Fu develops colic; yet their devoted42 mistress tells me, with tears in her eyes, that in spite of this care, when she takes her darlings for a walk they do not know her from the first stranger that passes, and will follow any boy who whistles to them in the street.
What revolts me in the character of dogs is that, not content with escaping from the responsibilities entailed43 on all the other inhabitants of our globe by the struggle for existence, these four-legged Pecksniffs have succeeded in making for themselves a fallacious reputation for honesty and devotion. What little lingering belief I had in canine fidelity44 succumbed45 then I was told that St. Bernards—those models of integrity and courage—have fallen into the habit of carrying the flasks46 of brandy that the kind monks47 provide for the succor48 of snowbound travellers, to the neighboring hamlets and exchanging the contents for—chops!
Will the world ever wake to the true character of these four-legged impostors and realize that instead of being disinterested and sincere, most family pets are consummate49 hypocrites. Innocent? Pshaw! Their pretty, coaxing50 ways and pretences51 of affection are unadulterated guile23; their ostentatious devotion, simply a clever manœuvre to excite interest and obtain unmerited praise. It is useless, however, to hope that things will change. So long as this giddy old world goes on waltzing in space, so long shall we continue to be duped by shams52 and pin our faith on frauds, confounding an attractive bearing with a sweet disposition53 and mistaking dishevelled hair and eccentric appearance for brains. Even in the Orient, where dogs have been granted immunity54 from other labor on the condition that they organized an effective street-cleaning department, they have been false to their trust and have evaded55 their contracts quite as if they were Tammany braves, like whom they pass their days in slumber56 and their nights in settling private disputes, while the city remains57 uncleaned.
I nurse yet another grudge58 against the canine race! That Voltaire of a whelp, who imposed himself upon our confiding59 first parents, must have had an important pull at headquarters, for he certainly succeeded in getting the decree concerning beauty and fitness which applies to all mammals, including man himself, reversed in favor of dogs, and handed down to his descendants the secret of making defects and deformities pass current as qualities. While other animals are valued for sleek60 coats and slender proportions, canine monstrosities have always been in demand. We do not admire squints61 or protruding62 under jaws63 in our own race, yet bulldogs have persuaded many weak-minded people that these defects are charming when combined in an individual of their breed.
The fox in the fable64, who after losing his tail tried to make that bereavement65 the fashion, failed in his undertaking66; Dutch canal-boat dogs have, however, been successful where the fox failed, and are to-day pampered67 and prized for a curtailment68 that would condemn69 any other animal (except perhaps a Manx cat) to a watery70 grave at birth.
I can only recall two instances where canine sycophants71 got their deserts; the first tale (probably apocryphal) is about a donkey, for years the silent victim of a little terrier who had been trained to lead him to water and back. The dog—as might have been expected—abused the situation, while pretending to be very kind to his charge, never allowed him to roll on the grass, as he would have liked, or drink in peace, and harassed72 the poor beast in many other ways, getting, however, much credit from the neighbors for devotion and intelligence. Finally, one day after months of waiting, the patient victim’s chance came. Getting his tormentor73 well out into deep water, the donkey quietly sat down on him.
The other tale is true, for I knew the lady who provided in her will that her entire establishment should be kept up for the comfort and during the life of the three fat spaniels that had solaced74 her declining years. The heirs tried to break the will and failed; the delighted domestics, seeing before them a period of repose75, proceeded (headed by the portly housekeeper) to consult a “vet” as to how the life of the precious legatees might be prolonged to the utmost. His advice was to stop all sweets and rich food and give each of the animals at least three hours of hard exercise a day. From that moment the lazy brutes led a dog’s life. Water and the detested76 “Spratt“ biscuit, scorned in happier days, formed their meagre ordinary; instead of somnolent77 airings in a softly cushioned landau they were torn from chimney corner musings to be raced through cold, muddy streets by a groom78 on horseback.
Those two tales give me the keenest pleasure. When I am received on entering a friend’s room with a chorus of yelps79 and attacked in dark corners by snarling80 little hypocrites who fawn81 on me in their master’s presence, I humbly82 pray that some such Nemesis83 may be in store for these faux bonhommes before they leave this world, as apparently no provision has been made for their punishment in the next.
点击收听单词发音
1 apparently | |
adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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2 tyrant | |
n.暴君,专制的君主,残暴的人 | |
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3 reigns | |
n.君主的统治( reign的名词复数 );君主统治时期;任期;当政期 | |
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4 bowels | |
n.肠,内脏,内部;肠( bowel的名词复数 );内部,最深处 | |
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5 compassion | |
n.同情,怜悯 | |
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6 incubus | |
n.负担;恶梦 | |
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7 bastard | |
n.坏蛋,混蛋;私生子 | |
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8 bosom | |
n.胸,胸部;胸怀;内心;adj.亲密的 | |
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9 unnatural | |
adj.不自然的;反常的 | |
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10 infernos | |
n.地狱( inferno的名词复数 );很热的地方 | |
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11 brutes | |
兽( brute的名词复数 ); 畜生; 残酷无情的人; 兽性 | |
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12 alleviate | |
v.减轻,缓和,缓解(痛苦等) | |
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13 hustle | |
v.推搡;竭力兜售或获取;催促;n.奔忙(碌) | |
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14 labor | |
n.劳动,努力,工作,劳工;分娩;vi.劳动,努力,苦干;vt.详细分析;麻烦 | |
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15 laboring | |
n.劳动,操劳v.努力争取(for)( labor的现在分词 );苦干;详细分析;(指引擎)缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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16 canine | |
adj.犬的,犬科的 | |
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17 slaughter | |
n.屠杀,屠宰;vt.屠杀,宰杀 | |
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18 toil | |
vi.辛劳工作,艰难地行动;n.苦工,难事 | |
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19 domesticated | |
adj.喜欢家庭生活的;(指动物)被驯养了的v.驯化( domesticate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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20 luminous | |
adj.发光的,发亮的;光明的;明白易懂的;有启发的 | |
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21 cosy | |
adj.温暖而舒适的,安逸的 | |
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22 folly | |
n.愚笨,愚蠢,蠢事,蠢行,傻话 | |
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23 guile | |
n.诈术 | |
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24 canines | |
n.犬齿( canine的名词复数 );犬牙;犬科动物 | |
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25 contrives | |
(不顾困难地)促成某事( contrive的第三人称单数 ); 巧妙地策划,精巧地制造(如机器); 设法做到 | |
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26 lodging | |
n.寄宿,住所;(大学生的)校外宿舍 | |
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27 disinterested | |
adj.不关心的,不感兴趣的 | |
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28 bleak | |
adj.(天气)阴冷的;凄凉的;暗淡的 | |
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29 acting | |
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的 | |
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30 theatrical | |
adj.剧场的,演戏的;做戏似的,做作的 | |
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31 trotted | |
小跑,急走( trot的过去分词 ); 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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32 aptitude | |
n.(学习方面的)才能,资质,天资 | |
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33 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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34 aged | |
adj.年老的,陈年的 | |
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35 virgins | |
处女,童男( virgin的名词复数 ); 童贞玛利亚(耶稣之母) | |
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36 bondage | |
n.奴役,束缚 | |
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37 dames | |
n.(在英国)夫人(一种封号),夫人(爵士妻子的称号)( dame的名词复数 );女人 | |
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38 retinue | |
n.侍从;随员 | |
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39 solitude | |
n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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40 revolves | |
v.(使)旋转( revolve的第三人称单数 );细想 | |
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41 lavished | |
v.过分给予,滥施( lavish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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42 devoted | |
adj.忠诚的,忠实的,热心的,献身于...的 | |
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43 entailed | |
使…成为必要( entail的过去式和过去分词 ); 需要; 限定继承; 使必需 | |
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44 fidelity | |
n.忠诚,忠实;精确 | |
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45 succumbed | |
不再抵抗(诱惑、疾病、攻击等)( succumb的过去式和过去分词 ); 屈从; 被压垮; 死 | |
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46 flasks | |
n.瓶,长颈瓶, 烧瓶( flask的名词复数 ) | |
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47 monks | |
n.修道士,僧侣( monk的名词复数 ) | |
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48 succor | |
n.援助,帮助;v.给予帮助 | |
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49 consummate | |
adj.完美的;v.成婚;使完美 [反]baffle | |
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50 coaxing | |
v.哄,用好话劝说( coax的现在分词 );巧言骗取;哄劝,劝诱;“锻炼”效应 | |
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51 pretences | |
n.假装( pretence的名词复数 );作假;自命;自称 | |
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52 shams | |
假象( sham的名词复数 ); 假货; 虚假的行为(或感情、言语等); 假装…的人 | |
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53 disposition | |
n.性情,性格;意向,倾向;排列,部署 | |
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54 immunity | |
n.优惠;免除;豁免,豁免权 | |
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55 evaded | |
逃避( evade的过去式和过去分词 ); 避开; 回避; 想不出 | |
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56 slumber | |
n.睡眠,沉睡状态 | |
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57 remains | |
n.剩余物,残留物;遗体,遗迹 | |
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58 grudge | |
n.不满,怨恨,妒嫉;vt.勉强给,不情愿做 | |
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59 confiding | |
adj.相信人的,易于相信的v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的现在分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
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60 sleek | |
adj.光滑的,井然有序的;v.使光滑,梳拢 | |
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61 squints | |
斜视症( squint的名词复数 ); 瞥 | |
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62 protruding | |
v.(使某物)伸出,(使某物)突出( protrude的现在分词 );凸 | |
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63 jaws | |
n.口部;嘴 | |
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64 fable | |
n.寓言;童话;神话 | |
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65 bereavement | |
n.亲人丧亡,丧失亲人,丧亲之痛 | |
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66 undertaking | |
n.保证,许诺,事业 | |
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67 pampered | |
adj.饮食过量的,饮食奢侈的v.纵容,宠,娇养( pamper的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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68 curtailment | |
n.缩减,缩短 | |
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69 condemn | |
vt.谴责,指责;宣判(罪犯),判刑 | |
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70 watery | |
adj.有水的,水汪汪的;湿的,湿润的 | |
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71 sycophants | |
n.谄媚者,拍马屁者( sycophant的名词复数 ) | |
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72 harassed | |
adj. 疲倦的,厌烦的 动词harass的过去式和过去分词 | |
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73 tormentor | |
n. 使苦痛之人, 使苦恼之物, 侧幕 =tormenter | |
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74 solaced | |
v.安慰,慰藉( solace的过去分词 ) | |
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75 repose | |
v.(使)休息;n.安息 | |
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76 detested | |
v.憎恶,嫌恶,痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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77 somnolent | |
adj.想睡的,催眠的;adv.瞌睡地;昏昏欲睡地;使人瞌睡地 | |
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78 groom | |
vt.给(马、狗等)梳毛,照料,使...整洁 | |
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79 yelps | |
n.(因痛苦、气愤、兴奋等的)短而尖的叫声( yelp的名词复数 )v.发出短而尖的叫声( yelp的第三人称单数 ) | |
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80 snarling | |
v.(指狗)吠,嗥叫, (人)咆哮( snarl的现在分词 );咆哮着说,厉声地说 | |
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81 fawn | |
n.未满周岁的小鹿;v.巴结,奉承 | |
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82 humbly | |
adv. 恭顺地,谦卑地 | |
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83 nemesis | |
n.给以报应者,复仇者,难以对付的敌手 | |
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