Another large class find it impossible to discriminate3 between colors. Men afflicted4 in this way have even become painters of reputation. I knew one of the latter, who, when a friend complimented him on having caught the exact shade of a pink toilet in one of his portraits, answered, “Does that dress look pink to you? I thought it was green!” and yet he had copied what he saw correctly.
Both these classes are to be pitied, but are not the cause of much suffering to others. It is annoying, I grant you, to be torn asunder5 in a collision, because red and green lights on the switches combined into a pleasing harmony before the brakeman’s eyes. The tone-deaf gentleman who insists on whistling a popular melody is almost as trying as the lady suffering from the same weakness, who shouts, “Ninon, Ninon, que fais-tu de la vie!” until you feel impelled6 to cry, ”Que faites-vous, madame, with the key?”
Examinations now keep daltonic gentlemen out of locomotives, and ladies who have lost their “keys” are apt to find their friends’ pianos closed. What we cannot guard against is a variety of the genus homo which suffers from “social color-blindness.” These well-meaning mortals form one of the hardest trials that society is heir to; for the disease is incurable7, and as it is almost impossible to escape from them, they continue to spread dismay and confusion along their path to the bitter end.
This malady8, which, as far as I know, has not been diagnosed, invades all circles, and is, curiously9 enough, rampant10 among well-born and apparently11 well-bred people.
Why is it that the entertainments at certain houses are always dull failures, while across the way one enjoys such agreeable evenings? Both hosts are gentlemen, enjoying about the same amount of “unearned increment,” yet the atmosphere of their houses is radically12 different. This contrast cannot be traced to the dulness or brilliancy of the entertainer and his wife. Neither can it be laid at the door of inexperience, for the worst offenders13 are often old hands at the game.
The only explanation possible is that the owners of houses where one is bored are socially color-blind, as cheerfully unconscious of their weakness as the keyless lady and the whistling abomination.
Since increasing wealth has made entertaining general and lavish14, this malady has become more and more apparent, until one is tempted15 to parody16 Mme. Roland’s dying exclamation17 and cry, “Hospitality! hospitility! what crimes are committed in thy name!”
Entertaining is for many people but an excuse for ostentation18. For others it is a means to an end; while a third variety apparently keep a debit19 and credit account with their acquaintances—in books of double entry, so that no errors may occur—and issue invitations like receipts, only in return for value received.
We can rarely tell what is passing in the minds of people about us. Some of those mentioned above may feel a vague pleasure when their rooms are filled with a chattering20 crowd of more or less well-assorted guests; if that is denied them, can find consolation21 for the outlay22 in an indefinite sensation of having performed a duty,—what duty, or to whom, they would, however, find it difficult to define.
Let the novice23 flee from the allurements24 of such a host. Old hands know him and have got him on their list, escaping when escape is possible; for he will mate the green youth with the red frump, or like a premature25 millennium26 force the lion and the lamb to lie down together, and imagine he has given unmixed pleasure to both.
One would expect that great worldly lights might learn by experience how fatal bungled27 entertainments can be, but such is not the case. Many well-intentioned people continue sacrificing their friends on the altar of hospitality year after year with never a qualm of conscience or a sensation of pity for their victims. One practical lady of my acquaintance asks her guests alphabetically28, commencing the season and the first leaf of her visiting list simultaneously29 and working steadily30 on through both to “finis.” If you are an A, you will meet only A’s at her table, with perhaps one or two B’s thrown in to fill up; you may sit next to your mother-in-law for all the hostess cares. She has probably never heard that the number of guests at table should not exceed that of the muses31; or if by any chance she has heard it, does not care, and considers such a rule old-fashioned and not appropriate to our improved modern methods of entertaining.
One wonders what possible satisfaction a host can derive from providing fifty people with unwholesome food and drink at a fixed32 date. It is a physical impossibility for him to have more than a passing word with his guests, and ten to one the unaccustomed number has upset the internal arrangements of his household, so that the dinner will, in consequence, be poor and the service defective33.
A side-light on this question came to me recently when an exceedingly frank husband confided35 to a circle of his friends at the club the scheme his wife, who, though on pleasure bent36, was of a frugal37 mind, had adopted to balance her social ledger38.
“As we dine out constantly through the year,” remarked Benedict, “some return is necessary. So we wait until the height of the winter season, when everybody is engaged two weeks in advance, then send out our invitations at rather short notice for two or three consecutive39 dinners. You’d be surprised,” he remarked, with a beaming smile, “what a number refuse; last winter we cancelled all our obligations with two dinners, the flowers and entrées being as fresh on the second evening as the first! It’s wonderful!” he remarked in conclusion, “how simple entertaining becomes when one knows how!” Which reminded me of an ingenious youth I once heard telling some friends how easy he had found it to write the book he had just published. After his departure we agreed that if he found it so easy it would not be worth our while to read his volume.
Tender-hearted people generally make bad hosts. They have a way of collecting the morally lame40, halt, and blind into their drawing-rooms that gives those apartments the air of a convalescent home. The moment a couple have placed themselves beyond the social pale, these purblind41 hosts conceive an affection for and lavish hospitality upon them. If such a host has been fortunate enough to get together a circle of healthy people, you may feel confident that at the last moment a leper will be introduced. This class of entertainers fail to see that society cannot he run on a philanthropic basis, and so insist on turning their salons42 into hospitals.
It would take too long to enumerate43 the thousand idiosyncrasies of the color-blind; few, however, are more amusing than those of the impulsive44 gentlemen who invite people to their homes indiscriminately, because they happen to feel in a good humor or chance to be seated next them at another house,—invitations which the host regrets half an hour later, and would willingly recall. “I can’t think why I asked the So-and-sos!” he will confide34 to you. “I can’t abide45 them; they are as dull as the dropsy!” Many years ago in Paris, we used to call a certain hospitable46 lady’s invitations “soup tickets,” so little individuality did they possess.
The subtle laws of moral precedence are difficult reading for the most intelligent, and therefore remain sealed books to the afflicted mortals mentioned here. The delicate tact47 that, with no apparent effort, combines congenial elements into a delightful48 whole is lacking in their composition. The nice discrimination that presides over some households is replaced by a jovial49 indifference50 to other persons’ feelings and prejudices.
The idea of placing pretty Miss Débutante next young Strongboys instead of giving her over into the clutches of old Mr. Boremore will never enter these obtuse51 entertainers’ heads, any more than that of trying to keep poor, defenceless Mrs. Mouse out of young Tom Cat’s claws.
It is useless to enumerate instances; people have suffered too severely52 at the hands of careless and incompetent53 hosts not to know pretty well what the title of this paper means. So many of us have come away from fruitless evenings, grinding our teeth, and vowing54 never to enter those doors again while life lasts, that the time seems ripe for a protest.
If the color-blind would only refrain from painting, and the tone-deaf not insist on inviting55 one to their concerts, the world would be a much more agreeable place. If people would only learn what they can and what they can’t do, and leave the latter feats56 alone, a vast amount of unnecessary annoyance57 would be avoided and the tiresome58 old grindstone turn to a more cheerful tune59.
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1
derive
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v.取得;导出;引申;来自;源自;出自 | |
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2
harmonious
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adj.和睦的,调和的,和谐的,协调的 | |
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3
discriminate
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v.区别,辨别,区分;有区别地对待 | |
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afflicted
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使受痛苦,折磨( afflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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5
asunder
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adj.分离的,化为碎片 | |
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impelled
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v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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incurable
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adj.不能医治的,不能矫正的,无救的;n.不治的病人,无救的人 | |
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malady
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n.病,疾病(通常做比喻) | |
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curiously
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adv.有求知欲地;好问地;奇特地 | |
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10
rampant
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adj.(植物)蔓生的;狂暴的,无约束的 | |
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apparently
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adv.显然地;表面上,似乎 | |
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12
radically
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ad.根本地,本质地 | |
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offenders
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n.冒犯者( offender的名词复数 );犯规者;罪犯;妨害…的人(或事物) | |
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14
lavish
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adj.无节制的;浪费的;vt.慷慨地给予,挥霍 | |
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15
tempted
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v.怂恿(某人)干不正当的事;冒…的险(tempt的过去分词) | |
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parody
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n.打油诗文,诙谐的改编诗文,拙劣的模仿;v.拙劣模仿,作模仿诗文 | |
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17
exclamation
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n.感叹号,惊呼,惊叹词 | |
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18
ostentation
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n.夸耀,卖弄 | |
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debit
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n.借方,借项,记人借方的款项 | |
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20
chattering
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n. (机器振动发出的)咔嗒声,(鸟等)鸣,啁啾 adj. 喋喋不休的,啾啾声的 动词chatter的现在分词形式 | |
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21
consolation
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n.安慰,慰问 | |
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22
outlay
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n.费用,经费,支出;v.花费 | |
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23
novice
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adj.新手的,生手的 | |
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24
allurements
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n.诱惑( allurement的名词复数 );吸引;诱惑物;有诱惑力的事物 | |
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premature
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adj.比预期时间早的;不成熟的,仓促的 | |
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26
millennium
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n.一千年,千禧年;太平盛世 | |
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27
bungled
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v.搞糟,完不成( bungle的过去式和过去分词 );笨手笨脚地做;失败;完不成 | |
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28
alphabetically
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adv.照字母顺序排列地 | |
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29
simultaneously
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adv.同时发生地,同时进行地 | |
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30
steadily
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adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地 | |
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31
muses
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v.沉思,冥想( muse的第三人称单数 );沉思自语说(某事) | |
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32
fixed
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adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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33
defective
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adj.有毛病的,有问题的,有瑕疵的 | |
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34
confide
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v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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35
confided
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v.吐露(秘密,心事等)( confide的过去式和过去分词 );(向某人)吐露(隐私、秘密等) | |
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bent
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n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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37
frugal
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adj.节俭的,节约的,少量的,微量的 | |
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ledger
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n.总帐,分类帐;帐簿 | |
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consecutive
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adj.连续的,联贯的,始终一贯的 | |
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lame
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adj.跛的,(辩解、论据等)无说服力的 | |
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purblind
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adj.半盲的;愚笨的 | |
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42
salons
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n.(营业性质的)店( salon的名词复数 );厅;沙龙(旧时在上流社会女主人家的例行聚会或聚会场所);(大宅中的)客厅 | |
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43
enumerate
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v.列举,计算,枚举,数 | |
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impulsive
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adj.冲动的,刺激的;有推动力的 | |
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45
abide
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vi.遵守;坚持;vt.忍受 | |
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46
hospitable
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adj.好客的;宽容的;有利的,适宜的 | |
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47
tact
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n.机敏,圆滑,得体 | |
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48
delightful
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adj.令人高兴的,使人快乐的 | |
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49
jovial
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adj.快乐的,好交际的 | |
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50
indifference
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n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎 | |
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51
obtuse
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adj.钝的;愚钝的 | |
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52
severely
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adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地 | |
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53
incompetent
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adj.无能力的,不能胜任的 | |
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54
vowing
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起誓,发誓(vow的现在分词形式) | |
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55
inviting
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adj.诱人的,引人注目的 | |
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56
feats
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功绩,伟业,技艺( feat的名词复数 ) | |
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57
annoyance
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n.恼怒,生气,烦恼 | |
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58
tiresome
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adj.令人疲劳的,令人厌倦的 | |
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59
tune
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n.调子;和谐,协调;v.调音,调节,调整 | |
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