BOOK I CHAPTER I

 It is strange that I can never think of writing any account of my life without thinking of Pauline Mills and wondering what she will say of it. Pauline is rather given to reading the autobiographies¹ of distinguished² people—unless she has left off since I disappointed her—and finding in them new persuasions³ of the fundamental lightness of her scheme of things. I recall very well, how, when I was having the bad time of my life there in Chicago, she would abound⁴ in consoling instances from one then appearing in the monthly magazines; skidding⁵ over the obvious derivation of the biographist's son from the Lord Knows Who, except that it wasn't from the man to whom she was legally married, to fix on the foolish detail of the child's tempers and woolly lambs as the advertisement of that true womanliness which Pauline loves to pluck from every feminine bush.

 

There was also a great deal in that story about a certain other celebrity⁶, for her relations to whom the writer was blackballed in a club of which I afterward⁷ became a member, and I think it was the things Pauline said about one of the rewards of genius being the privilege of association with such transcendent personalities⁸ on a footing which permitted one to call them by their first names in one's reminiscences, that gave me the notion of writing this book. It has struck me as humorous to a degree, that, in this sort of writing, the really important things are usually left out.

 

I thought then of writing the life of an accomplished⁹ woman, not so much of the accomplishment¹⁰ as of the woman; and I have never been able to make a start at it without thinking of Pauline Mills and that curious social warp¹¹ which obligates us most to impeach¹² the validity of a woman's opinion at the points where it is most supported by experience. From the earliest I have been rendered highly suspicious of the social estimate of women, by the general social conspiracy¹³ against her telling the truth about herself. But, in fact, I do not think Mrs. Mills will read my book. Henry will read it first at his office and tell her that he'd rather she shouldn't, for Henry has been so successfully Paulined that it is quite sufficient for any statement of life to lie outside his wife's accepted bias¹⁴, to stamp it with insidious¹⁵ impropriety. There is at times something almost heroic in the resolution with which women like Pauline Mills defend themselves from whatever might shift the centres of their complacency.

 

But even without Pauline, it interests me greatly to undertake this book, of which I have said in the title as much as a phrase may of the scope of the undertaking¹⁶, for if I know anything of genius it is wholly extraneous¹⁷, derived¹⁸, impersonal¹⁹, flowing through and by. I cannot tell you what it is, but I hope to show you a little of how I was seized of it, shaped; what resistances opposed to it; what surrenders. I mean to put as plainly as possible how I felt it fumbling²⁰ at my earlier life like the sea at the foot of a tidal wall, and by what rifts²¹ in the structure of living, its inundation²² rose upon me; by what practices and passions I was enlarged to it, and by what well meaning of my friends I was cramped²³ and hardened. But of its ultimate operation once it had worked up through my stiff clay, of triumphs, profits, all the intricacies of technique, gossip of rehearsals²⁴, you shall hear next to nothing. This is the story of the struggle between a Genius for Tragic²⁵ Acting²⁶ and the daughter of a County Clerk, with the social ideal of Taylorville, Ohianna, for the villain²⁷. It is a drama in which none of the characters played the parts they were cast for, and invariably spoke²⁸ from the wrong cues, which nevertheless proceeded to a successful dénouement. But if you are looking for anything ordinarily called plot, you will be disappointed. Plot is distinctly the province of fiction, though I've a notion there is a sort of order in my story, if one could look at it from the vantage of the gods, but I have never rightly made it out. What I mean to go about is the exploitation of the personal phases of genius, of which when it refers to myself you must not understand me to speak as of a peculiar²⁹ merit, like the faculty³⁰ for presiding at a woman's club or baking sixteen pies of a morning, which distinguished one Taylorvillian from another; rather as a seizure³¹, a possession which overtook me unaware³², like one of those insidious Oriental disorders³³ which you may never die of, but can never be cured. You shall hear how I did successfully stave it off in my youth for the sake of a Working Taylor and Men's Outfitter, and was nearly intimidated³⁴ out of it by the wife of a Chicago attorney who had something to do with stocks; how I was often very tired of it, and many times, especially in the earlier periods when I was trying to effect a compromise between it and the afore-mentioned Taylorvillian predilections³⁵, I should have been happiest to have been quit of it altogether.

 

I shall try to have you understand that I have not undertaken to restate those phases of autobiography³⁶ which are commonly suppressed, because of an exception to what the public has finally and at large concurred³⁷ in, that it does not particularly matter what happens to the vessel³⁸ of personality, so long as the essential fluid gets through; but from having gone so much farther to discover that it matters not a little to Genius to be so scamped and retarded³⁹. I have arrived at seeing the uncritical acceptance of poverty and heartbreak as essential accompaniments of Gift, very much of a piece with the proneness⁴⁰ of Christians⁴² to regard the early martyrdoms as concomitants of faith, when every thinking person knows they arose in the cruelty and stupidity of the bystanders. Hardly any one seems to have recalled in this connection, that the initial Christian⁴¹ experience is a baptism of Joy, and it was only in the business of communicating it that it became bloody⁴³ and tormenting⁴⁴. If you will go a little farther with me, you shall be made to see the miseries⁴⁵ of genius, perhaps also the bulk of wretchedness everywhere, not so much the rod of inexplicable⁴⁶ chastisement⁴⁷, as the reaction of a purblind⁴⁸ social complacency.

 

I shall take you at the sincerest in admitting the function of Art to be its re-kneading of the bread of life until it nourishes us toward greater achievement, as a basis for proving that much that you may be thinking about its processes is wrong, and most that you may have done for its support is beside the mark. If I have had any compunction about writing this book, it has been the fear that in the relation of incidents difficult and sordid⁴⁹, you might still miss the point of your being largely to blame for them. And even if you escape the banality⁵⁰ of believing that my having lived for a week in Chicago on 85 cents was in any way important to my artistic⁵¹ development, and go so far as to apprehend⁵² it as it actually was, a foolish and unnecessary interference with my business of serving you anew with entertainment, you must go a little farther honestly to accept it, even when it came—this revitalizing fluid of which I was for the moment the vase, the cup—in circumstances which in the rule you live by, appear, when not actually reprehensible⁵³, at least ridiculous.

 

Looking back over a series of struggles that have left me in a frame when no man under forty interests me very much, still within the possibility of personal romance, and at an age when most women have the affectional value of a keepsake only, the arbiter⁵⁴ and leader of my world, I seem to see my life not much else but a breach⁵⁵ in the social fabric⁵⁶, sedulously⁵⁷ bricked up from within and battered⁵⁸ from without, through which at last pours light and the fluid soul of Life. Something of all this I shall try to make plain to you, and incidentally how in the process I have perceived dimly this huge coil of social adjustment as a struggle against the invasive forces of blessedness, the smother⁵⁹ of sheep in the lanes stupidly to escape the fair pastures toward which a large Friendliness⁶⁰ herds⁶¹ them. If you go as far as this with me, you shall avoid, who knows, what indirection, and that not altogether without entertainment.

 

1 autobiographies   

n.自传( autobiography的名词复数 )；自传文学

参考例句：

• The series was based on the autobiographies of the author. 这部连续剧是根据那位作家的自传拍摄的。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• There are some songs and, recently, a few autobiographies about peasant experience. 有些歌曲描述了农民的经验，最近还出了几本自传。 来自互联网

2 distinguished   

adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的

参考例句：

• Elephants are distinguished from other animals by their long noses.大象以其长长的鼻子显示出与其他动物的不同。
• A banquet was given in honor of the distinguished guests.宴会是为了向贵宾们致敬而举行的。

3 persuasions   

n.劝说，说服（力）( persuasion的名词复数 )；信仰

参考例句：

• To obtain more advertisting it needed readers of all political persuasions. 为获得更多的广告，它需要迎合各种政治见解的读者。 来自辞典例句
• She lingered, and resisted my persuasions to departure a tiresome while. 她踌躇不去，我好说歹说地劝她走，她就是不听。 来自辞典例句

4 abound   

vi.大量存在；(in，with)充满，富于

参考例句：

• Oranges abound here all the year round.这里一年到头都有很多橙子。
• But problems abound in the management of State-owned companies.但是在国有企业的管理中仍然存在不少问题。

5 skidding   

n.曳出，集材v.（通常指车辆） 侧滑( skid的现在分词 )；打滑；滑行；（住在）贫民区

参考例句：

• All the wheels of the truck were tied up with iron chains to avoid skidding on the ice road. 大卡车的所有轮子上都捆上了铁链，以防止在结冰的路面上打滑。 来自《用法词典》
• I saw the motorcycle skidding and its rider spilling in dust. 我看到摩托车打滑，骑车人跌落在地。 来自互联网

6 celebrity   

n.名人，名流；著名，名声，名望

参考例句：

• Tom found himself something of a celebrity. 汤姆意识到自己已小有名气了。
• He haunted famous men, hoping to get celebrity for himself. 他常和名人在一起, 希望借此使自己获得名气。

7 afterward   

adv.后来；以后

参考例句：

• Let's go to the theatre first and eat afterward. 让我们先去看戏，然后吃饭。
• Afterward,the boy became a very famous artist.后来，这男孩成为一个很有名的艺术家。

8 personalities   

n. 诽谤，（对某人容貌、性格等所进行的）人身攻击； 人身攻击；人格, 个性, 名人( personality的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• There seemed to be a degree of personalities in her remarks.她话里有些人身攻击的成分。
• Personalities are not in good taste in general conversation.在一般的谈话中诽谤他人是不高尚的。

9 accomplished   

adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的

参考例句：

• Thanks to your help,we accomplished the task ahead of schedule.亏得你们帮忙,我们才提前完成了任务。
• Removal of excess heat is accomplished by means of a radiator.通过散热器完成多余热量的排出。

10 accomplishment   

n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能

参考例句：

• The series of paintings is quite an accomplishment.这一系列的绘画真是了不起的成就。
• Money will be crucial to the accomplishment of our objectives.要实现我们的目标，钱是至关重要的。

11 warp   

vt.弄歪，使翘曲，使不正常，歪曲，使有偏见

参考例句：

• The damp wood began to warp.这块潮湿的木材有些翘曲了。
• A steel girder may warp in a fire.钢梁遇火会变弯。

12 impeach   

v.弹劾；检举

参考例句：

• We must impeach the judge for taking bribes.我们一定要检举法官收受贿赂。
• The committee decided to impeach the President.委员会决定弹劾总统。

13 conspiracy   

n.阴谋，密谋，共谋

参考例句：

• The men were found guilty of conspiracy to murder.这些人被裁决犯有阴谋杀人罪。
• He claimed that it was all a conspiracy against him.他声称这一切都是一场针对他的阴谋。

14 bias   

n.偏见，偏心，偏袒；vt.使有偏见

参考例句：

• They are accusing the teacher of political bias in his marking.他们在指控那名教师打分数有政治偏见。
• He had a bias toward the plan.他对这项计划有偏见。

15 insidious   

adj.阴险的，隐匿的，暗中为害的，（疾病）不知不觉之间加剧

参考例句：

• That insidious man bad-mouthed me to almost everyone else.那个阴险的家伙几乎见人便说我的坏话。
• Organized crime has an insidious influence on all who come into contact with it.所有和集团犯罪有关的人都会不知不觉地受坏影响。

16 undertaking   

n.保证，许诺，事业

参考例句：

• He gave her an undertaking that he would pay the money back with in a year.他向她做了一年内还钱的保证。
• He is too timid to venture upon an undertaking.他太胆小，不敢从事任何事业。

17 extraneous   

adj.体外的；外来的；外部的

参考例句：

• I can choose to ignore these extraneous thoughts.我可以选择无视这些外来的想法。
• Reductant from an extraneous source is introduced.外来的还原剂被引进来。

18 derived   

vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取

参考例句：

• Many English words are derived from Latin and Greek. 英语很多词源出于拉丁文和希腊文。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He derived his enthusiasm for literature from his father. 他对文学的爱好是受他父亲的影响。 来自《简明英汉词典》

19 impersonal   

adj.无个人感情的，与个人无关的，非人称的

参考例句：

• Even his children found him strangely distant and impersonal.他的孩子们也认为他跟其他人很疏远，没有人情味。
• His manner seemed rather stiff and impersonal.他的态度似乎很生硬冷淡。

20 fumbling   

n. 摸索,漏接 v. 摸索,摸弄,笨拙的处理

参考例句：

• If he actually managed to the ball instead of fumbling it with an off-balance shot. 如果他实际上设法拿好球而不是fumbling它。50-balance射击笨拙地和迅速地会开始他的岗位移动，经常这样结束。
• If he actually managed to secure the ball instead of fumbling it awkwardly an off-balance shot. 如果他实际上设法拿好球而不是fumbling它。50-50提议有时。他从off-balance射击笨拙地和迅速地会开始他的岗位移动，经常这样结束。

21 rifts   

n.裂缝( rift的名词复数 )；裂隙；分裂；不和

参考例句：

• After that, through the rifts in the inky clouds sparkled redder and yet more luminous particles. 然后在几条墨蓝色云霞的隙缝里闪出几个更红更亮的小片。 来自汉英文学 - 现代散文
• The Destinies mend rifts in time as man etches fate. 当人类想要再次亵渎命运的时候，命运及时修正了这些裂痕。 来自互联网

22 inundation   

n.the act or fact of overflowing

参考例句：

• Otherwise, inundation would ensue to our dismay. 若不疏导，只能眼巴巴看着它泛滥。
• Therefore this psychology preceded the inundation of Caudillo politics after independence. 在独立后，这一心态助长了考迪罗主义的泛滥。

23 cramped   

a.狭窄的

参考例句：

• The house was terribly small and cramped, but the agent described it as a bijou residence. 房子十分狭小拥挤，但经纪人却把它说成是小巧别致的住宅。
• working in cramped conditions 在拥挤的环境里工作

24 rehearsals   

n.练习( rehearsal的名词复数 )；排练；复述；重复

参考例句：

• The earlier protests had just been dress rehearsals for full-scale revolution. 早期的抗议仅仅是大革命开始前的预演。
• She worked like a demon all through rehearsals. 她每次排演时始终精力过人。 来自《简明英汉词典》

25 tragic   

adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的

参考例句：

• The effect of the pollution on the beaches is absolutely tragic.污染海滩后果可悲。
• Charles was a man doomed to tragic issues.查理是个注定不得善终的人。

26 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。

27 villain   

n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因

参考例句：

• He was cast as the villain in the play.他在戏里扮演反面角色。
• The man who played the villain acted very well.扮演恶棍的那个男演员演得很好。

28 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

29 peculiar   

adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的

参考例句：

• He walks in a peculiar fashion.他走路的样子很奇特。
• He looked at me with a very peculiar expression.他用一种很奇怪的表情看着我。

30 faculty   

n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员

参考例句：

• He has a great faculty for learning foreign languages.他有学习外语的天赋。
• He has the faculty of saying the right thing at the right time.他有在恰当的时候说恰当的话的才智。

31 seizure   

n.没收；占有；抵押

参考例句：

• The seizure of contraband is made by customs.那些走私品是被海关没收的。
• The courts ordered the seizure of all her property.法院下令查封她所有的财产。

32 unaware   

a.不知道的，未意识到的

参考例句：

• They were unaware that war was near. 他们不知道战争即将爆发。
• I was unaware of the man's presence. 我没有察觉到那人在场。

33 disorders   

n.混乱( disorder的名词复数 )；凌乱；骚乱；（身心、机能）失调

参考例句：

• Reports of anorexia and other eating disorders are on the increase. 据报告，厌食症和其他饮食方面的功能紊乱发生率正在不断增长。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The announcement led to violent civil disorders. 这项宣布引起剧烈的骚乱。 来自《简明英汉词典》

34 intimidated   

v.恐吓；威胁adj.害怕的；受到威胁的

参考例句：

• We try to make sure children don't feel intimidated on their first day at school. 我们努力确保孩子们在上学的第一天不胆怯。
• The thief intimidated the boy into not telling the police. 这个贼恫吓那男孩使他不敢向警察报告。 来自《简明英汉词典》

35 predilections   

n.偏爱，偏好，嗜好( predilection的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Like any other idealistic person you make a secret of your predilections. 像任何其他理想主义者，你从不隐晦自己的偏好。 来自互联网

36 autobiography   

n.自传

参考例句：

• He published his autobiography last autumn.他去年秋天出版了自己的自传。
• His life story is recounted in two fascinating volumes of autobiography.这两卷引人入胜的自传小说详述了他的生平。

37 concurred   

同意（concur的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• Historians have concurred with each other in this view. 历史学家在这个观点上已取得一致意见。
• So many things concurred to give rise to the problem. 许多事情同时发生而导致了这一问题。

38 vessel   

n.船舶；容器，器皿；管，导管，血管

参考例句：

• The vessel is fully loaded with cargo for Shanghai.这艘船满载货物驶往上海。
• You should put the water into a vessel.你应该把水装入容器中。

39 retarded   

a.智力迟钝的，智力发育迟缓的

参考例句：

• The progression of the disease can be retarded by early surgery. 早期手术可以抑制病情的发展。
• He was so slow that many thought him mentally retarded. 他迟钝得很，许多人以为他智力低下。

40 proneness   

n.俯伏，倾向

参考例句：

• Their proneness to hallucinatory experiences, and their stress levels, were also assessed. 同时也评估他们产生幻觉的倾向和压力水平。 来自互联网
• Shame proneness as the independent variable was positively correlated with social anxiety. 目的：在大学生中尝试验证羞耻感对社交焦虑的影响作用。 来自互联网

41 Christian   

adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒

参考例句：

• They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
• His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。

42 Christians   

n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Christians of all denominations attended the conference. 基督教所有教派的人都出席了这次会议。
• His novel about Jesus caused a furore among Christians. 他关于耶稣的小说激起了基督教徒的公愤。

43 bloody   

adj.非常的的；流血的；残忍的；adv.很；vt.血染

参考例句：

• He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
• He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。

44 tormenting   

使痛苦的，使苦恼的

参考例句：

• He took too much pleasure in tormenting an ugly monster called Caliban. 他喜欢一味捉弄一个名叫凯列班的丑妖怪。
• The children were scolded for tormenting animals. 孩子们因折磨动物而受到责骂。

45 miseries   

n.痛苦( misery的名词复数 )；痛苦的事；穷困；常发牢骚的人

参考例句：

• They forgot all their fears and all their miseries in an instant. 他们马上忘记了一切恐惧和痛苦。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• I'm suffering the miseries of unemployment. 我正为失业而痛苦。 来自《简明英汉词典》

46 inexplicable   

adj.无法解释的，难理解的

参考例句：

• It is now inexplicable how that development was misinterpreted.当时对这一事态发展的错误理解究竟是怎么产生的，现在已经无法说清楚了。
• There are many things which are inexplicable by science.有很多事科学还无法解释。

47 chastisement   

n.惩罚

参考例句：

• You cannot but know that we live in a period of chastisement and ruin. 你们必须认识到我们生活在一个灾难深重、面临毁灭的时代。 来自辞典例句
• I think the chastisement to him is too critical. 我认为对他的惩罚太严厉了。 来自互联网

48 purblind   

adj.半盲的；愚笨的

参考例句：

• If an administrator has no access to information,it's as if he was purblind and hard of hearing and had a stuffed nose.做管理工作的人没有信息，就是耳目不灵，鼻子不通。
• Even his most purblind supporters knows this is nonsense.即使他最愚蠢的支持者也知道这是无稽之谈。

49 sordid   

adj.肮脏的，不干净的，卑鄙的，暗淡的

参考例句：

• He depicts the sordid and vulgar sides of life exclusively.他只描写人生肮脏和庸俗的一面。
• They lived in a sordid apartment.他们住在肮脏的公寓房子里。

50 banality   

n.陈腐；平庸；陈词滥调

参考例句：

• Neil's ability to utter banalities never ceased to amaze me.每次我都很惊讶，尼尔怎么能讲出这么索然无味的东西。
• He couldn't believe the banality of the question.他无法相信那问题竟如此陈腐。

51 artistic   

adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的

参考例句：

• The picture on this screen is a good artistic work.这屏风上的画是件很好的艺术品。
• These artistic handicrafts are very popular with foreign friends.外国朋友很喜欢这些美术工艺品。

52 apprehend   

vt.理解，领悟，逮捕，拘捕，忧虑

参考例句：

• I apprehend no worsening of the situation.我不担心局势会恶化。
• Police have not apprehended her killer.警察还未抓获谋杀她的凶手。

53 reprehensible   

adj.该受责备的

参考例句：

• Lying is not seen as being morally reprehensible in any strong way.人们并不把撒谎当作一件应该大加谴责的事儿。
• It was reprehensible of him to be so disloyal.他如此不忠，应受谴责。

54 arbiter   

n.仲裁人，公断人

参考例句：

• Andrew was the arbiter of the disagreement.安德鲁是那场纠纷的仲裁人。
• Experiment is the final arbiter in science.实验是科学的最后仲裁者。

55 breach   

n.违反，不履行；破裂；vt.冲破，攻破

参考例句：

• We won't have any breach of discipline.我们不允许任何破坏纪律的现象。
• He was sued for breach of contract.他因不履行合同而被起诉。

56 fabric   

n.织物，织品，布；构造，结构，组织

参考例句：

• The fabric will spot easily.这种织品很容易玷污。
• I don't like the pattern on the fabric.我不喜欢那块布料上的图案。

57 sedulously   

ad.孜孜不倦地

参考例句：

• In this view they were sedulously abetted by their mother, aunts and other elderly female relatives. 在这方面，他们得到了他们的母亲，婶婶以及其它年长的女亲戚们孜孜不倦的怂恿。
• The clerk laid the two sheets of paper alongside and sedulously compared their contents. 那职员把两张纸并排放在前面，仔细比较。

58 battered   

adj.磨损的；v.连续猛击；磨损

参考例句：

• He drove up in a battered old car.他开着一辆又老又破的旧车。
• The world was brutally battered but it survived.这个世界遭受了惨重的创伤,但它还是生存下来了。

59 smother   

vt./vi.使窒息；抑制；闷死；n.浓烟；窒息

参考例句：

• They tried to smother the flames with a damp blanket.他们试图用一条湿毯子去灭火。
• We tried to smother our laughter.我们强忍住笑。

60 friendliness   

n.友谊，亲切，亲密

参考例句：

• Behind the mask of friendliness,I know he really dislikes me.在友善的面具后面，我知道他其实并不喜欢我。
• His manner was a blend of friendliness and respect.他的态度友善且毕恭毕敬。

61 herds   

兽群( herd的名词复数 )； 牧群； 人群； 群众

参考例句：

• Regularly at daybreak they drive their herds to the pasture. 每天天一亮他们就把牲畜赶到草场上去。
• There we saw herds of cows grazing on the pasture. 我们在那里看到一群群的牛在草地上吃草。