II.—A GALA PERFORMANCE

 THE sun came into my room early next morning and woke me up. It was followed immediately by a large blue-bottle which settled down to play with me. We adopted the usual formation, the blue-bottle keeping mostly to the back of the court whilst I waited at the net for a kill. After two sets I decided² to change my tactics. I looked up at the ceiling and pretended I wasn't playing. The blue-bottle settled on my nose and walked up my forehead. "Heavens!" I cried, clasping my hand suddenly to my brow, "I've forgotten my toothbrush!" This took it completely by surprise, and I removed its corpse³ into the candlestick.

 

Then Simpson came in with a golf club in his hand.

 

"Great Scott," he shouted, "you're not still in bed?"

 

"I am not. This is telepathic suggestion. You think I'm in bed; I appear to be in bed; in reality there is no bed here. Do go away—I haven't had a wink⁴ of sleep yet."

 

"But, man, look at the lovely morning!"

 

"Simpson," I said sternly, rolling up the sleeves of my pyjamas⁵ with great deliberation, "I have had one visitor already to-day. His corpse is now in the candlestick. It is an omen⁶, Simpson."

 

"I thought you'd like to come outside with me, and I'd show you my swing."

 

"Yes, yes, I shall like to see that, but AFTER breakfast, Simpson. I suppose one of the gardeners put it up for you? You must show me your box of soldiers and your tricycle horse, too. But run away now, there's a good boy."

 

"My golf-swing, idiot."

 

I sat up in bed and stared at him in sheer amazement⁷. For a long time words wouldn't come to me. Simpson backed nervously⁸ to the door.

 

"I saw the Coronation," I said at last, and I dropped back on my pillow and went to sleep.

 

. . . . . .

 

"I feel very important," said Archie, coming on to the lawn where Myra and I were playing a quiet game of bowls with the croquet balls. "I've been paying the wages."

 

"Archie and I do hate it so," said Dahlia. "I'm luckier, because I only pay mine once a month."

 

"It would be much nicer if they did it for love," said Archie, "and just accepted a tie-pin occasionally. I never know what to say when I hand a man eighteen-and-six."

 

"Here's eighteen-and-six," I suggested, "and don't bite the half-sovereign, because it may be bad."

 

"You should shake his hand," said Myra, "and say, 'Thank you very much for the azaleas.'"

 

"Or you might wrap the money up in paper and leave it for him in one of the beds."

 

"And then you'd know whether he had made it properly."

 

"Well, you're all very helpful," said Archie. "Thank you extremely. Where are the others? It's a pity that they should be left out of this."

 

"Simpson disappeared after breakfast with his golf-clubs. He is in high dudgeon—which is the surname of a small fish—because no one wanted to see his swing."

 

"Oh, but I do," said Dahlia eagerly. "Where is he?"

 

"We will track him down," announced Archie. "I will go to the stables, unchain the truffle-hounds, and show them one of his reversible cuffs⁹."

 

We found Simpson in the pig-sty. The third hole, as he was planning it out for Archie, necessitated¹⁰ the carrying of the farm buildings, which he described as a natural hazard. Unfortunately, his ball had fallen into a casual pig-sty. It had not yet been decided whether the ball could be picked out without penalty—the more immediate¹ need being to find the blessed thing. So Simpson was in the pig-sty, searching.

 

"If you're looking for the old sow," I said, "there she is, just behind you."

 

"What's the local rule about loose pigs blown on to the course?" asked Archie.

 

"Oh, you fellows, there you are," said Simpson rapidly. "I'm getting on first-rate. This is the third hole, Archie. It will be rather good, I think; the green is just the other side of the pond. I can make a very sporting little course."

 

"We've come to see your swing, Samuel," said Myra. "Can you do it in there, or is it too crowded?"

 

"I'll come out. This ball's lost, I'm afraid."

 

"One of the little pigs will eat it," complained Archie, "and we shall have indiarubber crackling."

 

Simpson came out and proceeded to give his display. Fortunately the weather kept fine, the conditions indeed being all that could be desired. The sun shone brightly, and there was a slight breeze from the south which tempered the heat and in no way militated against the general enjoyment¹¹. The performance was divided into two parts. The first part consisted of Mr Simpson's swing WITHOUT the ball, the second part being devoted¹² to Mr Simpson's swing WITH the ball.

 

"This is my swing," said Simpson.

 

He settled himself ostentatiously into his stance and placed his club-head stiffly on the ground three feet away from him.

 

"Middle," said Archie.

 

Simpson frowned and began to waggle his club. He waggled it carefully a dozen times.

 

"It's a very nice swing," said Myra at the end of the ninth movement, "but isn't it rather short?"

 

Simpson said nothing, but drew his club slowly and jerkily back, twisting his body and keeping his eye fixed¹³ on an imaginary ball until the back of his neck hid it from sight.

 

"You can see it better round this side now," suggested Archie.

 

"He'll split if he goes on," said Thomas anxiously.

 

"Watch this," I warned Myra. "He's going to pick a pin out of the back of his calf¹⁴ with his teeth."

 

Then Simpson let himself go, finishing up in a very creditable knot indeed.

 

"That's quite good," said Dahlia. "Does it do as well when there's a ball?"

 

"Well, I miss it sometimes, of course."

 

"We all do that," said Thomas.

 

Thus encouraged, Simpson put down a ball and began to address it. It was apparent at once that the last address had been only his telegraphic one; this was the genuine affair. After what seemed to be four or five minutes there was a general feeling that some apology was necessary. Simpson recognized this himself.

 

"I'm a little nervous," he said.

 

"Not so nervous as the pigs are," said Archie.

 

Simpson finished his address and got on to his swing. He swung. He hit the ball. The ball, which seemed to have too much left-hand side on it, whizzed off and disappeared into the pond. It sank….

 

Luckily the weather had held up till the last.

 

"Well, well," said Archie, "it's time for lunch. We have had a riotous¹⁵ morning. Let's all take it easy this afternoon."

1 immediate   

adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的

参考例句：

• His immediate neighbours felt it their duty to call.他的近邻认为他们有责任去拜访。
• We declared ourselves for the immediate convocation of the meeting.我们主张立即召开这个会议。

2 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

3 corpse   

n.尸体，死尸

参考例句：

• What she saw was just an unfeeling corpse.她见到的只是一具全无感觉的尸体。
• The corpse was preserved from decay by embalming.尸体用香料涂抹以防腐烂。

4 wink   

n.眨眼，使眼色，瞬间；v.眨眼，使眼色，闪烁

参考例句：

• He tipped me the wink not to buy at that price.他眨眼暗示我按那个价格就不要买。
• The satellite disappeared in a wink.瞬息之间，那颗卫星就消失了。

5 pyjamas   

n.（宽大的）睡衣裤

参考例句：

• This pyjamas has many repairs.这件睡衣有许多修补过的地方。
• Martin was in his pyjamas.马丁穿着睡衣。

6 omen   

n.征兆，预兆；vt.预示

参考例句：

• The superstitious regard it as a bad omen.迷信的人认为那是一种恶兆。
• Could this at last be a good omen for peace?这是否终于可以视作和平的吉兆了？

7 amazement   

n.惊奇，惊讶

参考例句：

• All those around him looked at him with amazement.周围的人都对他投射出惊异的眼光。
• He looked at me in blank amazement.他带着迷茫惊诧的神情望着我。

8 nervously   

adv.神情激动地，不安地

参考例句：

• He bit his lip nervously,trying not to cry.他紧张地咬着唇，努力忍着不哭出来。
• He paced nervously up and down on the platform.他在站台上情绪不安地走来走去。

9 cuffs   

n.袖口( cuff的名词复数 )v.掌打，拳打( cuff的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• a collar and cuffs of white lace 带白色蕾丝花边的衣领和袖口
• The cuffs of his shirt were fraying. 他衬衣的袖口磨破了。

10 necessitated   

使…成为必要，需要( necessitate的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Recent financial scandals have necessitated changes in parliamentary procedures. 最近的金融丑闻使得议会程序必须改革。
• No man is necessitated to do wrong. 没有人是被迫去作错事的。

11 enjoyment   

n.乐趣；享有；享用

参考例句：

• Your company adds to the enjoyment of our visit. 有您的陪同，我们这次访问更加愉快了。
• After each joke the old man cackled his enjoyment.每逢讲完一个笑话，这老人就呵呵笑着表示他的高兴。

12 devoted   

adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的

参考例句：

• He devoted his life to the educational cause of the motherland.他为祖国的教育事业贡献了一生。
• We devoted a lengthy and full discussion to this topic.我们对这个题目进行了长时间的充分讨论。

13 fixed   

adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的

参考例句：

• Have you two fixed on a date for the wedding yet?你们俩选定婚期了吗？
• Once the aim is fixed,we should not change it arbitrarily.目标一旦确定，我们就不应该随意改变。

14 calf   

n.小牛，犊，幼仔，小牛皮

参考例句：

• The cow slinked its calf.那头母牛早产了一头小牛犊。
• The calf blared for its mother.牛犊哞哞地高声叫喊找妈妈。

15 riotous   

adj.骚乱的；狂欢的

参考例句：

• Summer is in riotous profusion.盛夏的大地热闹纷繁。
• We spent a riotous night at Christmas.我们度过了一个狂欢之夜。