Morning had come at length, and, so far as Ethel Hargrave could judge, Arnold Rent appeared to be none the worse for his adventure. He had been brought back the night before by Grey, who did not wait to afford any information, but merely said that he had found the sick man wandering at large. Mrs. Rent was satisfied with this explanation, being only too glad to have her son back again. It would be a lesson to Ethel in future. As to the rest, the unfortunate lady decided1 that she would look after her son, at any rate, between the hour of his return and daybreak. All through the night Arnold Rent slept with the fatigue2 of a man who is physically3 exhausted4. When he awoke he did not appear to have the smallest idea of the commotion5 he had caused on the previous evening. Ethel crept into the room, anxious to see what she could do to wipe out her failure of the night before. Mrs. Rent smiled at her indulgently.
"I think I can leave him to you," she whispered. "I don't suppose you'll be so careless again."
"Indeed I won't," Ethel said earnestly. "You can trust me, I am sure. Go downstairs and get some breakfast and then lie down. Does he seem to be any better?"
Mrs. Rent shook her head sadly.
"Not in the least," she murmured. "He is in the same sullen6 mood. He seems still anxious over some trouble worrying him. My dear child, we made a great mistake in coming here at all. At any rate, we ought to have left at once and taken Arnold with us. He would have been far better at our quiet house in Devonshire. All I can hope and pray for now is that his memory will be quickly restored. And yet there are moments when it seems to me that we are better off as we are. I begin to dread7 the future. I am in hourly fear of some shocking exposure. I do not know what it is, but I am sure that we are all going to suffer before many days pass."
Ethel said nothing. She was not without the same dread herself. And, moreover, she had information of which Mrs. Rent knew nothing. It was impossible to hide from herself that the shadow of disgrace hung heavily over the house of Rent. With a vivid recollection of last night's scenes she could not delude8 herself with the feeling that all was going right. What had Rent been doing in that silent and secretive way under the roof of the man upon whom he had inflicted9 such a deadly injury? Possibly he had not intended to do John Charlock the slightest harm. He may have been actuated by the highest and most honourable10 intentions. But the facts pointed11 in another direction. Moreover, why had he gone off in his madness to the house of the man who should be his worst enemy? It might be argued that the whole thing had happened in a moment of frenzy12, but there was no getting away from the fact that there was a good deal of method behind it. And it was impossible, also, to pretend that Arnold Rent's present mode and manner did not lack a shadow of guilt13 or a suggestion of fear. The man was palpably frightened about something. He acted very like a criminal who expects at any moment to feel the grip of the law upon his shoulder. Ethel tried to put these gloomy thoughts out of her mind. She spoke14 cheerfully to her patient, who was already dressed and seated in an armchair, looking into the fire.
"Do you feel better this morning?"
"There is nothing whatever the matter with me," Rent said moodily15. "I feel as well and fit for work as you do. Since I have been up I have thought out a whole train of new experiments. I remember all that happened to a certain point, and then for a few days everything is blank. There is something I ought to do, something that I have left undone16 which I dare not neglect any longer. If I could only think of it! Oh, if I could only think of it, what a relief it would be!"
The words came from Rent in a tone of positive anguish17. He paced up and down the room with his hands locked behind his back. Ethel could see how drawn18 and contracted his brows were. Beads19 of perspiration20 stood on his forehead, his lips quivered, his whole body shook.
"You must try to put it out of your mind," the girl said. "You cannot hope to get better as long as you distress21 yourself in this fashion. And, besides, I don't suppose it is of any importance. If it is business, somebody is bound to remind you sooner or later."
Rent laughed in a hollow fashion.
"Oh, it isn't business," he explained. "It is worse than that. It is something that I am desperately22 afraid of, though I can't tell why. Do you know what I feel like?"
The speaker paused abruptly23 in his walk and came to a standstill in front of Ethel. He grasped her hands in his and pressed them with a certain passion which filled her with pain.
"I feel like a man who has committed murder," he said. "I am like one who has made away with a fellow-creature and hidden the body hurriedly till I could find time to dispose of it. It is like some hideous24 nightmare, some chapter from a weird25 novel. Imagine a man who has killed a fellow-creature. Imagine that nobody knows who this fellow-creature is. Try to think of a person who, once got rid of, no one would be any the wiser for the loss. You may say the woman came to my house late at night, if you like, after everybody had gone to bed.... And then she dies and is laid in a quiet spot, which is not so quiet but that people go there sometimes. The murderer dare not proceed further at present, but in the morning he promises himself that he will sink the body in a deep pool and then he will have no more anxiety on the matter. And when he wakes up on the morrow he has forgotten what he has done with the body. Don't laugh at me."
"I am not," Ethel said, trembling from head to foot with a fear she could not repress. "I swear I am not laughing at you. But why let your mind dwell upon such morbid26 subjects? You are the last man in the world who is likely to be mixed up in a terrible thing like that. Try to compose yourself."
But Rent was not to be turned so lightly aside.
"I don't know," he said. "There are thousands of cases on record of sudden lapses27 of memory. Haven't you read of people whose minds suddenly become blank as they are walking along the street? Why, I am a case in point. What is the meaning of this extraordinary lapse28? And why do I feel this hideous impulse to go out and hide something? Why am I haunted by the terror that I have brought myself within reach of the law? Oh, the whole thing is ghastly, almost unbearable29."
Rent broke off suddenly and flung himself headlong into his chair. There was a change to sullenness30 in his manner. He waved Ethel aside with the curt31 intimation that he wanted to be alone. Involuntarily he had placed his hand in the breast-pocket of his coat and drawn thence what appeared to be a packet of letters tied up with string. The packet seemed to start some train of thought, for a bright light shone in his eyes now, and he seemed on the point of grasping something which had eluded32 him.
"Can I do anything for you?" Ethel asked.
"Leave me alone," Rent said hoarsely33. "Where did I get these things? How did they come into my possession? I thought they had been destroyed long ago. Now, why don't you do as I tell you? Why are you standing34 there gaping35? I beg your pardon if I seem to be rude. But I am hardly accountable for what I am saying. Now please go."
There was nothing for it but to obey, and Ethel went off to her own room, the door of which she left open. Nothing unusual could happen so long as she kept watch and ward36 and listened to what was taking place in the opposite room. She had plenty to occupy her thoughts. She felt incapable37 of sitting down to read or write. She could not forget what Rent had been saying. She could not dismiss his burning words. She began to wonder if he were mad, after all, or if, perhaps, there was some dreadful chapter in his life which was still left unfinished and which might sooner or later bring him into some serious trouble. And he had not spoken like a madman, either, but rather like one who was consumed with remorse38, terror and anxiety. For the moment it seemed as if he had torn aside the veil and allowed Ethel a glimpse into the past. For a long time the girl sat deep in her own troubled thoughts and anxious speculations39.
An hour or two passed, then she felt the need of society, the necessity for human companionship. Probably Mrs. Rent was down by this time. She looked into Arnold's room as she passed. She saw that he was lying back in his chair, fast asleep. He had untied40 the bundle of letters, which seemed to have slipped off his knee and had fallen in a heap on the floor. Mechanically, Ethel stooped to pick them up, her action dictated41 simply by love of tidiness. Then a word or two caught her eye, and before she knew what she was doing she was reading the letters.... When she crept down the stairs, presently, her face was pale, her eyes were dazed as if the light were too strong for them. She did not go into Mrs. Rent's sitting-room42. On the contrary, she put on her hat and jacket mechanically and turned out of the house towards John Charlock's residence.
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1
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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5
commotion
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| n.骚动，动乱 | |
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6
sullen
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| adj.愠怒的，闷闷不乐的，(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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7
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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8
delude
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| vt.欺骗；哄骗 | |
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9
inflicted
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| 把…强加给，使承受，遭受( inflict的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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10
honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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frenzy
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| n.疯狂，狂热，极度的激动 | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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14
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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15
moodily
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| adv.喜怒无常地；情绪多变地；心情不稳地；易生气地 | |
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16
undone
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| a.未做完的，未完成的 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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18
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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19
beads
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| n.（空心）小珠子( bead的名词复数 )；水珠；珠子项链 | |
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20
perspiration
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| n.汗水；出汗 | |
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distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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22
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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24
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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weird
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| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
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26
morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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27
lapses
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| n.失误，过失( lapse的名词复数 )；小毛病；行为失检；偏离正道v.退步( lapse的第三人称单数 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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28
lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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29
unbearable
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| adj.不能容忍的；忍受不住的 | |
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30
sullenness
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| n. 愠怒, 沉闷, 情绪消沉 | |
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31
curt
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| adj.简短的，草率的 | |
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32
eluded
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| v.（尤指机敏地）避开( elude的过去式和过去分词 )；逃避；躲避；使达不到 | |
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33
hoarsely
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| adv.嘶哑地 | |
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34
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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35
gaping
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| adj.口的；张口的；敞口的；多洞穴的v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的现在分词 )；张开，张大 | |
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36
ward
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| n.守卫，监护，病房，行政区，由监护人或法院保护的人（尤指儿童）；vt.守护，躲开 | |
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37
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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38
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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39
speculations
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| n.投机买卖( speculation的名词复数 )；思考；投机活动；推断 | |
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40
untied
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| 松开，解开( untie的过去式和过去分词 )； 解除，使自由； 解决 | |
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41
dictated
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| v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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42
sitting-room
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| n.（BrE）客厅，起居室 | |
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