There was, for instance, much money that he had lent privately5, about thirteen hundred dollars in all, which he realized, in his new enlightenment, he would never see again. It had taken Jaqueline's harder, feminine intelligence to know this. It was only now when he owed it to Jaqueline to have money in the bank that he missed these loans at all.
He realized too the truth of her assertions that he was continually doing favors—a little something here, a little something there; the sum total, in time and energy expended6, was appalling7. It had pleased him to do the favors. He reacted warmly to being thought well of, but he wondered now if he had not been merely indulging a selfish vanity of his own. In suspecting this, he was, as usual, not quite fair to himself. The truth was that Mather was essentially8 and enormously romantic.
He decided9 that these expenditures10 of himself made him tired at night, less efficient in his work, and less of a prop11 to Jaqueline, who, as the months passed, grew more heavy and bored, and sat through the long summer afternoons on the screened veranda12 waiting for his step at the end of the walk.
Lest that step falter13, Mather gave up many things—among them the presidency14 of his college alumni association. He let slip other labors15 less prized. When he was put on a committee, men had a habit of electing him chairman and retiring into a dim background, where they were inconveniently16 hard to find. He was done with such things now. Also he avoided those who were prone17 to ask favors—fleeing a certain eager look that would be turned on him from some group at his club.
The change in him came slowly. He was not exceptionally unworldly—under other circumstances Drake's refusal of money would not have surprised him. Had it come to him as a story he would scarcely have given it a thought. But it had broken in with harsh abruptness18 upon a situation existing in his own mind, and the shock had given it a powerful and literal significance.
It was mid-August now, and the last of a baking week. The curtains of his wide-open office windows had scarcely rippled19 all the day, but lay like sails becalmed in warm juxtaposition20 with the smothering21 screens. Mather was worried—Jaqueline had over-tired herself, and was paying for it by violent sick headaches, and business seemed to have come to an apathetic22 standstill. That morning he had been so irritable23 with Miss Clancy that she had looked at him in surprise. He had immediately apologized, wishing afterward25 that he hadn't. He was working at high speed through this heat—why shouldn't she?
She came to his door now, and he looked up faintly frowning.
"Mr. Edward Lacy."
"All right," he answered listlessly. Old man Lacy—he knew him slightly. A melancholy26 figure—a brilliant start back in the eighties, and now one of the city's failures. He couldn't imagine what Lacy wanted unless he were soliciting27.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Mather."
A little, solemn, gray-haired man stood on the threshold. Mather rose and greeted him politely.
"Are you busy, Mr. Mather?"
"Well, not so very." He stressed the qualifying word slightly.
Mr. Lacy sat down, obviously ill at ease. He kept his hat in his hands, and clung to it tightly as he began to speak.
"Mr. Mather, if you've got five minutes to spare, I'm going to tell you something that—that I find at present it's necessary for me to tell you."
Mather nodded. His instinct warned him that there was a favor to be asked, but he was tired, and with a sort of lassitude he let his chin sink into his hand, welcoming any distraction28 from his more immediate24 cares.
"You see," went on Mr. Lacy—Mather noticed that the hands which fingered at the hat were trembling—"back in eighty-four your father and I were very good friends. You've heard him speak of me no doubt."
Mather nodded.
"I was asked to be one of the pallbearers. Once we were—very close. It's because of that that I come to you now. Never before in my life have I ever had to come to any one as I've come to you now, Mr. Mather—come to a stranger. But as you grow older your friends die or move away or some misunderstanding separates you. And your children die unless you're fortunate enough to go first—and pretty soon you get to be alone, so that you don't have any friends at all. You're isolated29." He smiled faintly. His hands were trembling violently now.
"Once upon a time almost forty years ago your father came to me and asked me for a thousand dollars. I was a few years older than he was, and though I knew him only slightly, I had a high opinion of him. That was a lot of money in those days, and he had no security—he had nothing but a plan in his head—but I liked the way he had of looking out of his eyes—you'll pardon me if I say you look not unlike him—so I gave it to him without security."
Mr. Lacy paused.
"Without security," he repeated. "I could afford it then. I didn't lose by it. He paid it back with interest at six per cent before the year was up."
Mather was looking down at his blotter, tapping out a series of triangles with his pencil. He knew what was coming now, and his muscles physically30 tightened31 as he mustered32 his forces for the refusal he would have to make.
"I'm now an old man, Mr. Mather," the cracked voice went on. "I've made a failure—I am a failure—only we needn't go into that now. I have a daughter, an unmarried daughter who lives with me. She does stenographic33 work and has been very kind to me. We live together, you know, on Selby Avenue—we have an apartment, quite a nice apartment."
The old man sighed quaveringly. He was trying—and at the same time was afraid—to get to his request. It was insurance, it seemed. He had a ten-thousand-dollar policy, he had borrowed on it up to the limit, and he stood to lose the whole amount unless he could raise four hundred and fifty dollars. He and his daughter had about seventy-five dollars between them. They had no friends—he had explained that—and they had found it impossible to raise the money....
Mather could stand the miserable34 story no longer. He could not spare the money, but he could at least relieve the old man of the blistered35 agony of asking for it.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Lacy," he interrupted as gently as possible, "but I can't lend you that money."
"No?" The old man looked at him with faded, blinking eyes that were beyond all shock, almost, it seemed, beyond any human emotion except ceaseless care. The only change in his expression was that his mouth dropped slowly ajar.
"We're going to have a baby in a few months, and I've been saving for that. It wouldn't be fair to my wife to take anything from her—or the child—right now."
His voice sank to a sort of mumble37. He found himself saying platitudinously that business was bad—saying it with revolting facility.
Mr. Lacy made no argument. He rose without visible signs of disappointment. Only his hands were still trembling and they worried Mather. The old man was apologetic—he was sorry to have bothered him at a time like this. Perhaps something would turn up. He had thought that if Mr. Mather did happen to have a good deal extra—why, he might be the person to go to because he was the son of an old friend.
As he left the office he had trouble opening the outer door. Miss Clancy helped him. He went shabbily and unhappily down the corridor with his faded eyes blinking and his mouth still faintly ajar.
Jim Mather stood by his desk, and put his hand over his face and shivered suddenly as if he were cold. But the five-o'clock air outside was hot as a tropic noon.
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1
frictions
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| n.摩擦( friction的名词复数 )；摩擦力；冲突；不和 | |
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cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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conspicuous
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| adj.明眼的，惹人注目的；炫耀的，摆阔气的 | |
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immunity
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| n.优惠；免除；豁免，豁免权 | |
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privately
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| adv.以私人的身份，悄悄地，私下地 | |
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6
expended
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| v.花费( expend的过去式和过去分词 )；使用（钱等）做某事；用光；耗尽 | |
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7
appalling
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| adj.骇人听闻的，令人震惊的，可怕的 | |
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essentially
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| adv.本质上，实质上，基本上 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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expenditures
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| n.花费( expenditure的名词复数 )；使用；（尤指金钱的）支出额；（精力、时间、材料等的）耗费 | |
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prop
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| vt.支撑；n.支柱，支撑物；支持者，靠山 | |
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veranda
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| n.走廊；阳台 | |
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falter
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| vi.(嗓音)颤抖，结巴地说；犹豫；蹒跚 | |
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14
presidency
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| n.总统(校长，总经理)的职位(任期) | |
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15
labors
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| v.努力争取(for)( labor的第三人称单数 )；苦干；详细分析；（指引擎）缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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inconveniently
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| ad.不方便地 | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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abruptness
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| n. 突然，唐突 | |
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rippled
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| 使泛起涟漪（ripple的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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juxtaposition
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| n.毗邻，并置，并列 | |
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21
smothering
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| （使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的现在分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制 | |
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22
apathetic
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| adj.冷漠的，无动于衷的 | |
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irritable
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| adj.急躁的；过敏的；易怒的 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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27
soliciting
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| v.恳求( solicit的现在分词 )；（指娼妇）拉客；索求；征求 | |
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28
distraction
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| n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐 | |
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isolated
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| adj.与世隔绝的 | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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31
tightened
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| 收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
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32
mustered
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| v.集合，召集，集结（尤指部队）( muster的过去式和过去分词 )；（自他人处）搜集某事物；聚集；激发 | |
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33
stenographic
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| adj.速记的，利用速记的 | |
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34
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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35
blistered
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| adj.水疮状的，泡状的v.（使）起水泡( blister的过去式和过去分词 )；（使表皮等）涨破，爆裂 | |
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36
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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37
mumble
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| n./v.喃喃而语，咕哝 | |
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