She stared at his black outline helplessly. She was overwhelmed. What could a respectable pastor's wife say to such a speech? It had the genuine ring. She did not believe it all—not, that is, the portions of it which that back part of her mind, the part that leapt about with disconcerting agility1 of irrelevant2 questioning when it most oughtn't to, called the decorations, for how could any one like Ingram really think those wonderful things of any one like her?—but she no longer suspected him of making fun. He meant some of it. What was underneath3 it he meant, she felt. She was scared, and at the same time caught up into rapture4. Was it possible that at last she was wanted, at last she could help some one? He wanted her, he, Ingram, of all people in the world; and only a few weeks ago she had been going about Kökensee so completely unwanted that if a dog wagged its tail at her she had been glad.
"It—it's a great responsibility," she murmured a second time, while her face was transfigured with more than just the sunset.
It was. For there was Robert.
Robert, she felt even at this moment in the uplifted state when everything seems easy and possible, would not understand. Robert had no need of her himself, but he would not let her go for all that to Venice. Robert had altogether not grasped Ingram's importance in the world; he could not, perhaps, be expected to, for he did not like art. Robert, she was deadly certain, would not leave his work for an hour to take her anywhere for any purpose however high; and without him how could she go to Venice? People didn't go to Venice with somebody who wasn't their husband. They might go there with a whole trainful of indifferent persons if they were indifferent. Directly you liked somebody, directly it became wonderful to be taken there, to be shown the way, looked after, prevented from getting lost, you didn't go. It simply, as with kissing, was a matter of liking5. Society seemed based on hate. You might kiss the people you didn't want to kiss; you might go to Venice with any amount of strangers because you didn't like strangers. And in a case like this—"Oh, in a case like this," she suddenly cried out aloud, flinging the paddle into the punt and twisting her hands together, overcome by the vision of the glories that were going to be missed, "when it's so important, when it so tremendously matters—to be caught by convention!"
He had got her. The swift conviction flashed through him as he jerked his feet out of the way of the paddle. Got her differently from what he had first aimed at perhaps, still incredibly without sex-consciousness, but she would come to Venice, she would come and sit to him, he was going to do his masterpiece, and the rest was inevitable6.
"How do you mean?" he said, his eyes on her.
"To think the great picture's never going to be painted!"
"And why?"
"Because of convention, because of all these mad rules—"
She was twisting her fingers about in the way she did when much stirred.
"It's doomed7," she said, "doomed." And she looked at him with eyes full of amazement8, of aggrievedness, of, actually, tears.
"Ingeborg—" he began.
"Do you know how I've longed to go just to Italy?" she interrupted with just the same headlong impulsiveness9 that had swept her into Dent's Travel Bureau years before. "How I've read about it and thought about it till I'm sick with longing10? Why, I've looked out trains. And the things I've read! I know all about its treasures—oh, not only its treasures of art and old histories, but other treasures, light and colour and scent11, the things I love now, the things I know now in pale mean little visions. I know all sorts of things. I know there's a great rush of wistaria along the wall as you go up to the Certosa, covering its whole length with bunch upon bunch of flowers—"
"Which Certosa?"
"Pavia, Pavia—and all the open space in front of it is drenched12 in April with that divinest smell. And I know about the little red monthly roses scrambling13 in and out of the Campo Santo above Genoa in January—in January! Red roses in January. While here.... And I know about the fireflies in the gardens round Florence—that's May, early May, while here we still sit up against the stoves. And I know about the chestnut14 woods, real chestnuts15 that you eat afterwards, along the steep sides of the lakes, miles and miles of them, with deep green moss16 underneath, and I know about the queer black grapes that sting your tongue and fill the world with a smell of strawberries in September, and what the Appian way looks like in April when it is still waving flowery grass burning in an immensity of light, and I know the honey-colour of the houses in the old parts of Rome, and that the irises17 they sell there in the streets are like pale pink coral—and all one needs to do to see these things for oneself is to catch a train at Meuk. Any day one could catch that train at Meuk. Every day it starts and one is never there. And Kökensee would roll back like a curtain, and the world be changed like a garment, like an old stiff clayey garment, like an old shroud18, into all that. Think of it! What a background, what a background for the painting of the greatest picture in the world!"
She stopped and took up the paddle again. "I wonder," she said, with sudden listlessness "why I say all this to you?"
"Because," said Ingram, in a low voice, "you're my sister and my mate."
She dipped the paddle into the water and turned the punt towards home.
"Oh, well," she said, the enthusiasm gone out of her.
The water and the sky and the forests along the banks and the spire19 of the Kökensee church at the end of the lake looked dark and sad going this way. At first she could see nothing after the blinding light of the other direction, then everything cleared into dun colour and bleakness20. "How one talks," she said. "I say things—enthusiastic things, and you say things—beautiful kind things, and it's all no good."
"Isn't it? Not only do we say them but we're going to do them. You're coming with me to Venice, my dear. Haven't you read in those travel books of yours what the lagoons21 look like at sunset?"
She made an impatient movement.
"Ingeborg, let us reason together."
"I can't reason."
"Well, listen to me then doing it by myself."
And he proceeded to do it. All the way down the lake he did it, and up along the path through the rye, and afterwards in the garden pacing up and down in the gathering22 twilight23 beneath the lime-trees he did it. "Wonderful," he thought in that submerged portion of the back of his mind where imps24 of criticism sat and scoffed25, "the trouble one takes at the beginning over a woman."
She let him talk, listening quite in silence, her hands clasped behind her, her eyes observing every incident of the pale summer path, the broken twigs26 scattered27 on it, some withered28 sweet-peas she had worn that afternoon, a column of ants over which she stepped carefully each time. Till the stars came out and the owls29 appeared he eagerly reasoned. He talked of the folly30 of conventions, of the ridiculous way people deliberately31 chain themselves up, padlock themselves to some bogey32 of a theory of right and wrong, are so deeply in their souls improper33 that they dare not loose their chain one inch or unlock themselves an instant to go on the simplest of adventures. Such people, he explained, were in their essence profoundly and incurably34 immoral35. They needed the straight waistcoat and padded room of principles. Their only hope lay in chains. "With them," he said, "sane36 human beings such as you and I have nothing to do." But what about the others, the free spirits increasing daily in number, the fundamentally fine and clean, who wanted no safeguards and were engaged in demonstrating continually to the world that two friends, man and woman, could very well, say, travel together, be away seeing beautiful things together, with the simplicity37 of children or of a brother and sister, and return safe after the longest absence with not a memory between them that they need regret?
Why, there were—he instanced names, well-known ones, of people who, he said, had gone and come back openly, frankly38, determined39 demonstrators for the public good of the natural. And then there were—he instanced more names, names of people even Ingeborg had heard of; and finding this unexpectedly impressive he went on inventing with a growing recklessness, taking any people well-known enough to have been heard of by Ingeborg and sending them to Venice in twos, in haphazard40 juxtapositions41 that presently began to amuse him tremendously. No doubt they had gone, or would go sooner or later, he thought, greatly tickled42 by the vision of some of his couples. "There was Lilienkopf—you know, the African millionaire. He went to Venice with Lady Missenden." He flung back his head and laughed. The thought of Lilienkopf and Lady Missenden.... "They, too, came back without a regret," he said; and laughed and laughed.
She watched him gravely. She knew neither Lilienkopf nor Lady Missenden, and was not in the mood for laughter.
"But not to Venice?"
"But why secret? You said—"
"Well, careful pilgrims. Pilgrims who make careful departures. One has to depart carefully, you know. Not because of oneself but because of offending those who are not imbued45 with the pilgrim spirit. For instance Robert."
"Oh—Robert. I see his face if I suggested he should let me be a pilgrim."
"But of course you mustn't suggest."
"What?" She stood still and looked up at him. "Just go?"
"Of course. It was what you did when you ran away to Lucerne. If you'd suggested you'd never have got there. And you did that for merest fun. While this—"
He looked at her, and the impishness died out of his face.
"Why, this," he said, after a silence, "this is the giving back to me of my soul. I need you, my dear. I need you as a dark room needs a lamp, as a cold room needs a fire. My work will be nothing without you—how can it be with no light to see by? It will be empty, dead. It will be like the sky without the star that makes it beautiful, the hay without the flower that scents46 it, the cloak one is given by God to keep out the cold and wickedness of life slipped off because there was no clasp to hold it tight over one's heart."
She began to warm again. She had been a little cooled while he laughed by himself over Lady Missenden's unregretted journeyings. To go to Italy; to go to Italy at all; but to go under such conditions, wanted, indispensable to the creation of a great work of art; it was the most amazing cluster of joys surely that had ever been offered to woman.
"How long would I have to be away?" she asked. "How long is the shortest time one wants for a picture?"
He airily told her a month would be enough, and, on her exclaiming, immediately reduced it to a week.
"But getting there and coming back—"
"Well, say ten days," he said. "Surely you could get away for ten days? To do," he added, looking at her, "some long-delayed shopping in Berlin."
"But I don't want to shop."
"Oh, Ingeborg, you're relapsing into your choir-boy condition again. Of course you don't want to shop. Of course you don't want to go to Berlin. But it's what you'll say to Robert."
"Oh?" she said. "But isn't that—wouldn't that be rather—"
"Why can't you be as simple as when you went to Lucerne? You wanted to go, so you went. And you were leaving your father who tremendously needed you. You were his right hand. Here you're nobody's right hand. I'm not asking you to do anything that would hurt Robert. All you've got to do is to arrange so that he knows nothing beyond Berlin. Surely after these years he can let you go away for ten days?"
She walked with him in silence down the lilac path as far as the gate into the yard. She was exalted47, but her exaltation was shot with doubt. What he said sounded so entirely48 right, so obviously right. She had no reasoning to put up against it. She longed intolerably to go. She was quite certain it was a high and beautiful thing to go. And yet—
Herr Dremmel's laboratory windows were open, for the evening was heavy and quiet, and they could see him in the lamplight, with disregarded moths49 fluttering round his head, bent50 over his work.
"Good night," Ingram called in at the window with the peculiar51 cordial voice reserved for husbands; but Herr Dremmel was too much engrossed52 to hear.
Towards two o'clock there was a thunderstorm and sheets of rain, and when Ingeborg got up next morning it was to find the summer gone. The house was cold and dark and mournful, and it was raining steadily53. Looking out of the front door at the yard that had been so bright and dusty for five weeks she thought she had never seen such a sudden desolation. The rain rained on the ivy54 with a drawn-out dull dripping. The pig standing55 solitary56 in the mud was the wettest pig. The puddles57 were all over little buttons made of raindrops. Invariably after a thunderstorm the weather broke up for days, sometimes for weeks. What would she and Ingram do now? she thought; what in the world would they do now? Shut up in the dark little parlour, he unable to work, and no walks, and no punting—why, he'd go, of course, and the wonder-time was at an end.
"A week of this," said Herr Dremmel, coming out of his laboratory to stand on the doorstep and rub his hands in satisfaction, "a week of this will save the situation."
"Which situation, Robert?" she asked, her mind as confused and dull as the untidy grey sky. He looked at her.
"Oh, yes," she said hastily, "of course—the experiment fields. Yes, I suppose this is what they've been wanting all through that heavenly weather."
"It was a weather," said Herr Dremmel, "that had nothing to do with heaven and everything to do with hell. Devils no doubt might grow in it, wax fat and big and heavy-eared, devils used to drought, but certainly not the kindly58 fruits of the earth."
And for an instant he gave his mind to reflection on how great might be the barrier created between two people living together by a different taste in weather.
Ingram arrived at two o'clock in a state of extreme irritation59. He splashed through the farmyard with the collar of his coat turned up and angrily holding an umbrella. In his wet-weather mood it seemed to him entirely absurd and unworthy to be wading60 through an East Prussian farmyard mess in pouring rain, beneath an umbrella, in order to sit with a woman. He wanted to be at work. He was obsessed61 by his picture. He was in the fever to begin that seizes the artist after idleness, the fever to get away, to be off back to the real concern of life—the fierce fever of creation. He had not yet had to come into the house on his daily visits, and when he got into the passage he was immediately and deeply offended by the smell that met him of what an hour before had been a German dinner. The smell came out, as it were, weighty with welcome. It advanced en bloc62. It was massive, deep, enveloping63. The front door stood open, but nothing but great space of time could rid the house in the afternoons of that peculiar and all-pervading smell. He was shocked to think his white and golden one, his little image of living ivory and living gold, must needs on a day like this be swathed about in such fumes64, must sit in them and breathe them, and that his communings with her were going to be conducted through a heavy curtain of what seemed to be different varieties of cabbage and all of them malignant65.
The narrow gloom of the house, its unpiercedness on that north side by any but the coldest light, its abrupt66 ending almost at once in the kitchen and servant part, struck him as incredibly, preposterously67 sordid68. What a place to put a woman in! What a place, having put her in it, to neglect her in! The thought of Herr Dremmel's neglects, those neglects that had made his own stay possible and pleasant, infuriated him. How dare he? thought Ingram, angrily wiping his boots.
Herr Dremmel, Kökensee, everything connected with the place except Ingeborg, seemed in his changed mood ignoble69. He forgot the weeks of sunshine there had been, the large afternoons in the garden and forest and rye-fields, the floating on great stretches of calm water, and just hated everything. Kökensee was God-forsaken, distant, alien, ugly, dirty, dripping, evil-smelling. Ingeborg herself when she came running out of the parlour to him into the concentrated cabbage of the corridor seemed less shining, drabber than before. And so unfortunately active was his imagination, so quick to riot, that almost he could fancy for one dreadful instant as he looked at her that there was cabbage in her very hair.
"Ingeborg," he said the moment he was in the parlour, "I can't stand this. I can't endure this sort of thing, you know."
He rubbed both his hands through his hair and gnawed70 at a finger and fixed71 his eyes on hers in a kind of angry reproach.
"I was afraid you wouldn't like it," she said apologetically, feeling somehow as though the weather were her fault.
"Like it! And I can't idle here any more. You can't expect me to hang on here any more—"
"Oh, but I never expected—" she interrupted hastily, surprised and distressed72 that she should have produced any such impression.
"Well, it comes to the same thing, your making difficulties about coming away, your wanting such a lot of persuading."
He stopped in his quick pacing of the little room and stared at her. "Why, you're giving me trouble!" he said, in a voice of high astonishment73.
And as she stood looking at him with her lips fallen apart, her eyes full of a new and anxious questioning, he began to pace about again, across and round and up and down the unworthy little room.
"God," he said, swiftly pacing, "how I do hate miss-ishness!"
And indeed it seemed to him wholly, amazingly monstrous74 that his great new work should be being held up a day by any scruples75 of any sort whatever.
"This grey headache of a sky," he said, jerking himself for a moment to the window, "this mud, this muggy76 chilliness—"
"But—" she began.
"The days here are lines—just length without breadth or thickness or any substance—"
"But surely—till to-day—"
"I feel in a sort of well in this place, out of sight of faith and kindliness—you shutting them out," he turned on her, "you deliberately shutting them out, putting the lid on the glory of light and life, being an extinguisher for the sake of nothing and nobody at all, just for the sake of a phantom77 of an idea about Robert—"
"But surely—" she said.
"I'm bored and bored here. This morning was a frightful78 thing. I daren't in this state even make a sketch79 of you. I'd spoil it. It'll rain for ever. I can't stay in this room. I'd begin to rave—"
"But of course you can't stay in it. Of course you must go."
"Go! When I can't work without you? When you're so everything to me that during the hours I'm away from you little things you've said and done float in my mind like little shining phosphorescent things in a dark cold sea, and I creep into warm little thoughts of you like some creature that shivers and gets back into its nest? I told you I was a parasite80. I told you I depend on you. I told you you make me exist for myself. How can you let me beg? How can you let me beg?"
They stood facing each other in the middle of the room, his light eyes blazing down into hers.
"You—you're sure I'd be back in ten days?" she said.
And he had the presence of mind not to catch her to his heart.
点击收听单词发音
1 agility | |
n.敏捷,活泼 | |
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2 irrelevant | |
adj.不恰当的,无关系的,不相干的 | |
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3 underneath | |
adj.在...下面,在...底下;adv.在下面 | |
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4 rapture | |
n.狂喜;全神贯注;着迷;v.使狂喜 | |
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5 liking | |
n.爱好;嗜好;喜欢 | |
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6 inevitable | |
adj.不可避免的,必然发生的 | |
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7 doomed | |
命定的 | |
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8 amazement | |
n.惊奇,惊讶 | |
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9 impulsiveness | |
n.冲动 | |
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10 longing | |
n.(for)渴望 | |
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11 scent | |
n.气味,香味,香水,线索,嗅觉;v.嗅,发觉 | |
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12 drenched | |
adj.湿透的;充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 );在某人(某物)上大量使用(某液体) | |
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13 scrambling | |
v.快速爬行( scramble的现在分词 );攀登;争夺;(军事飞机)紧急起飞 | |
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14 chestnut | |
n.栗树,栗子 | |
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15 chestnuts | |
n.栗子( chestnut的名词复数 );栗色;栗树;栗色马 | |
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16 moss | |
n.苔,藓,地衣 | |
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17 irises | |
n.虹( iris的名词复数 );虹膜;虹彩;鸢尾(花) | |
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18 shroud | |
n.裹尸布,寿衣;罩,幕;vt.覆盖,隐藏 | |
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19 spire | |
n.(教堂)尖顶,尖塔,高点 | |
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20 bleakness | |
adj. 萧瑟的, 严寒的, 阴郁的 | |
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21 lagoons | |
n.污水池( lagoon的名词复数 );潟湖;(大湖或江河附近的)小而浅的淡水湖;温泉形成的池塘 | |
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22 gathering | |
n.集会,聚会,聚集 | |
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23 twilight | |
n.暮光,黄昏;暮年,晚期,衰落时期 | |
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24 imps | |
n.(故事中的)小恶魔( imp的名词复数 );小魔鬼;小淘气;顽童 | |
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25 scoffed | |
嘲笑,嘲弄( scoff的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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26 twigs | |
细枝,嫩枝( twig的名词复数 ) | |
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27 scattered | |
adj.分散的,稀疏的;散步的;疏疏落落的 | |
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28 withered | |
adj. 枯萎的,干瘪的,(人身体的部分器官)因病萎缩的或未发育良好的 动词wither的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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29 owls | |
n.猫头鹰( owl的名词复数 ) | |
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30 folly | |
n.愚笨,愚蠢,蠢事,蠢行,傻话 | |
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31 deliberately | |
adv.审慎地;蓄意地;故意地 | |
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32 bogey | |
n.令人谈之变色之物;妖怪,幽灵 | |
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33 improper | |
adj.不适当的,不合适的,不正确的,不合礼仪的 | |
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34 incurably | |
ad.治不好地 | |
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35 immoral | |
adj.不道德的,淫荡的,荒淫的,有伤风化的 | |
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36 sane | |
adj.心智健全的,神志清醒的,明智的,稳健的 | |
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37 simplicity | |
n.简单,简易;朴素;直率,单纯 | |
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38 frankly | |
adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说 | |
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39 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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40 haphazard | |
adj.无计划的,随意的,杂乱无章的 | |
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41 juxtapositions | |
n.并置,并列( juxtaposition的名词复数 ) | |
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42 tickled | |
(使)发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 ); (使)愉快,逗乐 | |
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43 bishops | |
(基督教某些教派管辖大教区的)主教( bishop的名词复数 ); (国际象棋的)象 | |
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44 shrines | |
圣地,圣坛,神圣场所( shrine的名词复数 ) | |
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45 imbued | |
v.使(某人/某事)充满或激起(感情等)( imbue的过去式和过去分词 );使充满;灌输;激发(强烈感情或品质等) | |
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46 scents | |
n.香水( scent的名词复数 );气味;(动物的)臭迹;(尤指狗的)嗅觉 | |
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47 exalted | |
adj.(地位等)高的,崇高的;尊贵的,高尚的 | |
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48 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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49 moths | |
n.蛾( moth的名词复数 ) | |
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50 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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51 peculiar | |
adj.古怪的,异常的;特殊的,特有的 | |
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52 engrossed | |
adj.全神贯注的 | |
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53 steadily | |
adv.稳定地;不变地;持续地 | |
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54 ivy | |
n.常青藤,常春藤 | |
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55 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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56 solitary | |
adj.孤独的,独立的,荒凉的;n.隐士 | |
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57 puddles | |
n.水坑, (尤指道路上的)雨水坑( puddle的名词复数 ) | |
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58 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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59 irritation | |
n.激怒,恼怒,生气 | |
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60 wading | |
(从水、泥等)蹚,走过,跋( wade的现在分词 ) | |
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61 obsessed | |
adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的 | |
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62 bloc | |
n.集团;联盟 | |
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63 enveloping | |
v.包围,笼罩,包住( envelop的现在分词 ) | |
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64 fumes | |
n.(强烈而刺激的)气味,气体 | |
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65 malignant | |
adj.恶性的,致命的;恶意的,恶毒的 | |
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66 abrupt | |
adj.突然的,意外的;唐突的,鲁莽的 | |
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67 preposterously | |
adv.反常地;荒谬地;荒谬可笑地;不合理地 | |
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68 sordid | |
adj.肮脏的,不干净的,卑鄙的,暗淡的 | |
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69 ignoble | |
adj.不光彩的,卑鄙的;可耻的 | |
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70 gnawed | |
咬( gnaw的过去式和过去分词 ); (长时间) 折磨某人; (使)苦恼; (长时间)危害某事物 | |
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71 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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72 distressed | |
痛苦的 | |
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73 astonishment | |
n.惊奇,惊异 | |
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74 monstrous | |
adj.巨大的;恐怖的;可耻的,丢脸的 | |
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75 scruples | |
n.良心上的不安( scruple的名词复数 );顾虑,顾忌v.感到于心不安,有顾忌( scruple的第三人称单数 ) | |
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76 muggy | |
adj.闷热的;adv.(天气)闷热而潮湿地;n.(天气)闷热而潮湿 | |
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77 phantom | |
n.幻影,虚位,幽灵;adj.错觉的,幻影的,幽灵的 | |
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78 frightful | |
adj.可怕的;讨厌的 | |
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79 sketch | |
n.草图;梗概;素描;v.素描;概述 | |
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80 parasite | |
n.寄生虫;寄生菌;食客 | |
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