In the end Lord Hurdly prevailed, and that end was swifter in coming than Bettina would have believed to be possible. She had allowed herself a week to wait in London, and for the first day or two of that week she lived in dread1 lest Lord Hurdly should come to her and renew the arguments which she was quite determined2 to combat. As the days passed and he did not come, she began to fear that the opportunity of final decision on the momentous3 question of her choice between these two men would not again be offered her. Her better nature still held her to her pledge to Horace, but already she had come to feel that, but for his disappointment at losing her, she would have accepted Lord Hurdly’s proposal, as it offered a full and immediate4 fulfilment of her dreams of ambition, and the other postponed5 these indefinitely, while it promised comparatively little in any other direction.
Toward the end of the week Lord Hurdly called, [Pg 44]and, without any reference to his own hopes and intentions, spoke6, with what seemed to be a considerable hesitation7 and regret, of his young cousin’s character and mode of life, which he declared were known, to every one except Bettina, to be exceedingly capricious—even light. He dwelt upon the fact, well known to Bettina, of his earnest desire that his cousin and heir should marry, and gave as a reason for this desire, what he declared to be the accepted fact, that Horace was inclined to a dissipated manner of living, which he hoped marriage might correct.
Poor Bettina! She had believed the young man, to whom she had pledged herself, to be the very opposite of all this. Yet how absolutely ignorant concerning him she really was! And the rector of her church, who was supposed to vouch8 for him, knew in reality as little as she. How easily she might have been mistaken in him! And yet, and yet, there was a still, small voice in her heart which confirmed her in her resolve to believe in him until she had proof that such a belief was ill founded.
“With his past I have nothing to do,” she said to Lord Hurdly, with a certain show of pride. “If it has been lower than my ideal of him, I regret it; but I am entirely9 sure that since he has [Pg 45]known me and had my promise to be his wife he has been true to all that that promise required of him.”
“This being your conclusion,” Lord Hurdly answered, “you force upon me the necessity of showing you a letter which I have to-day received from a friend in St. Petersburg, and which I would, without strong reason to the contrary, have gladly spared you the pain of reading.” With these words, he handed Bettina a letter.
It was signed with a name unknown to her, but written evidently in the tone and manner of an intimate friend. The first page or two referred to matters wholly indifferent to her—public affairs and the like—but toward the end were these words:
“Are you as set as ever in your determination not to marry? Pity it is that such a noble name and fortune as yours should not pass on to a son of your own, instead of to one who, it is to be feared, will do little to honor it. I see him here, at court and everywhere, accurately10 fulfilling the rather unflattering predictions which I long ago made concerning him. There is a story that he became engaged to be married during his travels in America, and I hear that he owns up to it and speaks of being joined by his [Pg 46]fiancée and married on this side. I hope it may not be so. Certainly his present manner of living argues against the rumor11, unless—a supposition I am reluctant to believe—he proposes to keep up, as a married man, the habits which are so readily forgiven to a bachelor, though not to a husband.”
There was more, but Bettina read no further. This was enough. She had turned away to a window, that she might read this letter unobserved by Lord Hurdly, who had considerately walked to the other end of the room.
When at last she approached him and gave him back the letter, she was very pale, but her manner was wholly without indecision and her voice was resolute12 as she said:
“I thank you, Lord Hurdly, for the service which you have rendered me. This letter has made my future course quite clear. I shall write to your cousin to-day that everything is at an end between us. And now will you be good enough to leave me? I wish to make my arrangements to return to America at once.”
Even as she said the words, the bitter barrenness of this prospect13—the old dull life, without the dear presence which had been its one and sufficient palliation—rose before her mind and appalled14 [Pg 47]her. Perhaps Lord Hurdly saw in her face some change of expression which he construed15 as favorable to himself, for he hastened to say:
“Will you not, before taking so rash a step, consider the proposal which I have made to you? I can offer you the substance of which the other was only the shadow, and I can pledge to you the stable and unalterable devotion of a man who has lived long enough to know his own mind, and who declares to you that you are the only woman whom he has ever desired to put in the position of his wife.”
It was impossible not to feel some consciousness of satisfaction at a tribute which her own knowledge of facts convinced her to be sincere, but Bettina’s heart and mind were still too preoccupied16 to meet him in the way he wished. She repeated her request that he would leave her, and so earnest and distressed17 was her manner that he complied, leaving behind him an impression of the deepest solicitude18 for her, and the most earnest desire on his part to atone19 for the wrong which his kinsman20 had done her.
Bettina threw herself upon the lounge and abandoned herself to a fit of weeping—so overwhelming, so despairing, so heart-breaking that [Pg 48]she could scarcely believe that she, who had thought that all her power of deep suffering had been exhausted21, could still find it in her to care so much for any other grief.
The worst of it was that, now it was quite evident that she was forever divided from Horace, the charm of his manner and appearance, the tenderness of his love-making, came back to her with a power which they had never exercised upon her in reality. Never, surely, had a man existed who was, to appearance at least, more frank, sincere, ardent22, and deeply in love than he had seemed to be with her. It made his perfidy23 appear the greater. Nothing but the sight of that letter could have made her believe it; but that, taken in connection with the rareness and coolness of his recent letters to her, made it all too plain that the ardent flame of his love had burned out, and that he had repented24 his impetuosity, now that he had had time to think of the sacrifice which it entailed25.
This was indeed great for a man in his position, ambitious in his career, and with his foot already on the ladder that led to success. She even began to doubt whether he would have fulfilled his obligations to her when it came to the point.
[Pg 49]
She got out his letters and read them over. How passionately26 loving were the early ones—how cool and constrained27 the more recent! The contrast struck her far more now in the light of recent events. It really seemed as if he might be trying to get out of the engagement.
At this thought pride came to her rescue. She felt herself grow hard and cold, and her composure returned completely. She would never let him know what she had heard, for that might make it seem as if she gave him up from compulsion. She sat down and wrote quickly a few formal sentences, saying that she had mistaken her own feelings, and that she wished to break the engagement. She added that she was returning immediately to America, as indeed she was intending to do at the time of the writing of this letter.
After it had gone, and was on its way to St. Petersburg, a mental condition of such abject28 misery29 settled down upon her that the thought of the endless days and nights of idle monotony which would be her lot if she returned home, and the awful void of her mother’s absence, became intolerable. She could not do it. She must find some way of escape from such a fate.
Just as she was casting about for such a way, [Pg 50]Lord Hurdly came to see her. The escape which he offered had in it many elements of the strongest attractiveness for her. Since she could not be happy, as she believed, why might she not get from life the satisfaction which comes from the holding of a great position, the opportunity of being admired and wielding30 a powerful influence? It was a prospect which had always charmed her; and now, with no alternative but lonely isolation31 and bitter weariness, was it strange that she decided32 to accept Lord Hurdly’s offer?
And if it was to be, what need was there to wait? Wounded in her pride as she was by the revelation of Horace which she had received, she relished33 the idea of becoming at once what he had proposed to make her—and afterward34 repented of. She was fully35 convinced in her mind that he had repented, and her blood beat faster as she thought of his consternation36 on hearing of this marriage. She felt eager that he should hear of it at once.
And so indeed he did. On the heels of his receipt of Bettina’s letter her marriage to Lord Hurdly was announced by cable—not to him, but through the newspapers.
Then into his heart there entered also the exceeding [Pg 51]bitterness of a lost ideal. She became to him, as he had become to her, the image of broken faith, capricious feeling, and overweening worldly ambition.
Yet in the heart of the man, who had loved completely and supremely37, as Bettina never had, there was a feeling which made him say to himself, with a conviction which he knew to be immutable38, that marriage was not for him. The present Lord Hurdly had said the same, and had changed his mind. For himself he knew that he should not, for all of love that he was capable of feeling had been given to the woman who had cast him off.
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1
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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2
determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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3
momentous
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| adj.重要的，重大的 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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5
postponed
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| vt.& vi.延期，缓办，（使）延迟vt.把…放在次要地位；[语]把…放在后面（或句尾）vi.（疟疾等）延缓发作（或复发） | |
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6
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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7
hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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8
vouch
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| v.担保；断定；n.被担保者 | |
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9
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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10
accurately
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| adv.准确地，精确地 | |
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11
rumor
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| n.谣言，谣传，传说 | |
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12
resolute
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| adj.坚决的，果敢的 | |
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13
prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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14
appalled
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| v.使惊骇，使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的；丧胆的 | |
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15
construed
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| v.解释（陈述、行为等）( construe的过去式和过去分词 )；翻译，作句法分析 | |
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16
preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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17
distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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18
solicitude
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| n.焦虑 | |
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atone
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| v.赎罪，补偿 | |
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20
kinsman
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| n.男亲属 | |
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exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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22
ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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23
perfidy
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| n.背信弃义，不忠贞 | |
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24
repented
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| 对（自己的所为）感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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25
entailed
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| 使…成为必要( entail的过去式和过去分词 )； 需要； 限定继承； 使必需 | |
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26
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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27
constrained
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| adj.束缚的,节制的 | |
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28
abject
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| adj.极可怜的，卑屈的 | |
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29
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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30
wielding
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| 手持着使用（武器、工具等）( wield的现在分词 )； 具有； 运用（权力）； 施加（影响） | |
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31
isolation
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| n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离 | |
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32
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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33
relished
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| v.欣赏( relish的过去式和过去分词 )；从…获得乐趣；渴望 | |
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34
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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35
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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36
consternation
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| n.大为吃惊，惊骇 | |
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37
supremely
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| adv.无上地，崇高地 | |
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38
immutable
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| adj.不可改变的，永恒的 | |
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