Bettina’s talk with Parlett had set her mind to working very actively1 in a direction in which she had not allowed it to stray before. The thought of Horace always brought a sense of pain and spiritual discomfort2 to her, which she instinctively3 desired to shake off; and in the restless whirl of London life, which left her little time for thought of any kind, she had not much difficulty in doing so.
Now, however, she had nothing to do but to think and to become acquainted with her new possessions, the latter occupation being a strong stimulus4 to the former. There were many associations with Horace at Kingdon Hall. It was extraordinary how many things that he had told her in connection with this place came back to her. She was constantly recognizing pictures or persons or names with which he had made her familiar. The persons were, of course, the servants, steward5, tenants6, and the like, for she had [Pg 67]seen no others. Even in walking about the lawn she had found his initials cut on trees, and the very dogs which joined her when she would go out for her walks had names on their collars that she knew. There was one, a magnificent Great Dane, which bore Horace’s name there as well as his own. This dog, Comrade, she had heard Horace speak of with a special affection.
True, Kingdon Hall had never been Horace’s home, but he had grown up with the idea that it might be, and since coming to manhood had felt wellnigh secure that it would be. All his life he had been in the habit of making visits here, and the impression which he had left behind him was almost surprising to Bettina.
The place in which this impression was strongest was in the hearts of the servants. Bettina, through Nora, had assured herself of this. The devoted7 servant, who had the sole object in life of serving her beloved mistress, had, by Bettina’s orders, informed herself on this point, and all that she gathered in the servants’ hall she retailed8 to Bettina in her room. Nora, like every one else, had been won by Horace’s manner and appearance, but, of course, when her mistress had drawn9 off from him, she had no idea of anything but acceptance of the changed conditions. Still, [Pg 68]she was inwardly delighted when Bettina explained to her how anxious she was to learn all that she could about Mr. Horace, so that she might lose no opportunity of furthering his interest with Lord Hurdly, and making up to him, as far as possible, for having disappointed him in his worldly prospects10 by marrying his cousin.
That he could hold her accountable for any other wrong to him she did not admit. At times the memory of his fresh and buoyant youth, in so great contrast to the jaded11 maturity12 of his cousin, knocked at the door of her heart, and the ardent13 expressions of his worshipping, passionate14 love for her echoed there with a distinctness that amazed her.
Surely he had loved her—this she could not doubt. But if his love had been so slight that a few months of absence had cooled it, and of so poor a quality that a new caprice had taken its place so soon, she was well rid of it. That this had been so the letter which Lord Hurdly had shown her sufficiently15 attested16, and she must guard herself against the folly17 of sentimental18 regrets.
It was not Horace that she regretted. It was only the ideal of the love between man and woman which her brief intercourse19 with him had [Pg 69]held up to her. She had seen love in a different guise20 since then—or what went by the name of love—and surely the contrast must have had a deeper root than the mere21 difference between youth and middle-age.
It was not often that Bettina allowed herself to think of these things. But now, in her solitude22 and idleness, visions would come of the eager lover, strong as a young Narcissus, who represented love in such a simple, wholesome23 guise—or at least so it had seemed to be. Then she would shake off the image, and tell herself it was but seeming, as the result had proved, and so she would accuse herself of weakness and sentimentality. These thoughts were getting to be inconvenient24. They haunted her too persistently25, and at last she began to wish for the time to come when her days would again be too crowded with engagements for her to indulge in such foolish reflections.
The truth was, deep down in Bettina’s heart there was a fear which she could not wholly still in any waking hour. She could and did refuse to recognize it, even in her own soul; but there it was, and there it remained, to rise again and again, and almost stifle26 her with the sinister27 possibility which it suggested.
[Pg 70]
This fear was based upon the clearer knowledge of Lord Hurdly’s character which had come to her since marriage. She had found in him an inexorable resolution to have what he wanted in life, which had rendered him, more than once within her knowledge, unscrupulous as to the means he used in the securing of his ends. This it was which had planted in her mind the awful though remote possibility of his having been, in some manner, insincere in his representations of Horace’s nature and character.
But then there was the letter from his friend which she had seen with her own eyes, with the St. Petersburg mark, so familiar to her, on the envelope, and which had been written by a person who could not have known that she would ever see it. Surely that was enough to settle all doubts as to the character and conduct of the man to whom she had first pledged herself in marriage, and she had at least the satisfaction of knowing that her present husband could be charged with no such faults. His indifference28 to her sex was proverbial in society, and that she alone, of all the women he had seen—so many of whom had angled for him openly—had been able to do away with his aversion to marriage was a tribute in which she could not help [Pg 71]feeling a certain pride, the more so as she saw every day new proofs of his fastidiousness, as well as his importance.
So she stifled29 this dread30 suggestion and forced her thoughts into other channels. This was to be more easily accomplished31 when her body was actively employed; so she took long rides on horseback, attended by a groom32, or long walks in the park alone. In these walks Horace’s big dog Comrade would often join her. The creature had taken a fancy to her, which seemed, in some strange way, to comfort her.
Besides these diversions, she had her large correspondence to dispose of every day; for in her important position she had of course established numberless points of contact with the world.
So the time went by until Lord Hurdly’s return, and the day that followed saw Kingdon Hall filled with guests. After that there were few moments of reflection for its mistress, as the duty of doing the honors of this great establishment demanded all her time.
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1
actively
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| adv.积极地，勤奋地 | |
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2
discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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4
stimulus
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| n.刺激，刺激物，促进因素，引起兴奋的事物 | |
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5
steward
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| n.乘务员，服务员；看管人；膳食管理员 | |
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6
tenants
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| n.房客( tenant的名词复数 )；佃户；占用者；占有者 | |
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7
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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8
retailed
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| vt.零售（retail的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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9
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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10
prospects
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| n.希望，前途(恒为复数) | |
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11
jaded
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| adj.精疲力竭的；厌倦的；（因过饱或过多而）腻烦的；迟钝的 | |
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12
maturity
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| n.成熟；完成；(支票、债券等)到期 | |
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13
ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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14
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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15
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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16
attested
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| adj.经检验证明无病的，经检验证明无菌的v.证明( attest的过去式和过去分词 )；证实；声称…属实；使宣誓 | |
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17
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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18
sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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19
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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20
guise
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| n.外表，伪装的姿态 | |
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21
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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22
solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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wholesome
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| adj.适合；卫生的；有益健康的；显示身心健康的 | |
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24
inconvenient
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| adj.不方便的，令人感到麻烦的 | |
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persistently
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| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
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26
stifle
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| vt.使窒息；闷死；扼杀；抑止，阻止 | |
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27
sinister
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| adj.不吉利的，凶恶的，左边的 | |
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28
indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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29
stifled
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| （使）窒息， （使）窒闷( stifle的过去式和过去分词 )； 镇压，遏制； 堵 | |
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30
dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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31
accomplished
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| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
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32
groom
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| vt.给（马、狗等）梳毛，照料，使...整洁 | |
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