"Not in the least, Ellen," which was not[Pg 159] strictly1 the truth. He supposed she must be thinking naturally of the news he had told her not an hour since, of his engagement to Eunice Goodward. It lay so close to the surface of his own mind at all times that the slightest stir of conversation, like the wind above a secret rose, seemed always about to disclose it. They were sitting on the porch at Bloombury and the pointed2 swallows pitched and darted3 about the eaves.
"It was the smell of the dust that reminded me," said Ellen, "and the wild rose at the turn of the road; you can smell it as plain as plain when the air lifts a little. Do you remember a picnic that we were invited to and couldn't go? It was on account of being poor ... and I was just finding it out. I found out a good many things that summer; about my always going to be lame4 and what it would mean to us. It was dreadful to me that I couldn't be lame just by myself, but I had to mix up you and mother in it."
"We were glad, Ellen, to be mixed up in it if it made things easier for you."
"I know ... times I felt that way[Pg 160] about it too, but that was when I was older ... as if it sort of held us all together; like somebody who had belonged to us all and had died. Only it was me that died, the me that would have been if I hadn't been lame.... Well, I hadn't thought it out so far that first summer; I just hated it because it kept us from doing things like other people. You were fond of Ada Brown, I remember, and it was because I was lame and we were so poor and all, that you couldn't go with her and she got engaged to Jim Harvey. I hope you don't think I have a bad heart, Peter, but I was always glad that Ada didn't turn out very well. Every time I saw her getting homelier and kind of bedraggled like, I said to myself, well, I've saved Peter from that at any rate. I couldn't have borne it if she had turned out the kind of a person you ought to have married."
"You shouldn't have worried, Ellen; very few men marry the first woman they are interested in."
"There was a girl you used to write home about—at that boarding-house. I used to get you to write. I daresay you thought I was[Pg 161] just curious. But I was trying to find out something that would make me perfectly6 sure she wasn't good enough for you. She was a typewriter, wasn't she?"
"Something of that sort."
"Well!" Ellen took him up triumphantly7, "you wouldn't have wanted to be married to a typewriter now!"
"I never really thought of marrying one, Ellen. I'm sure everything has turned out for the best."
"That's what I'm trying to tell you. You see I was determined8 it should turn out that way. I said, what was the use of being lame and being a burden to you unless there was something meant by it. I'd have fretted9 dreadfully if I hadn't felt that there was something to come out of it. And it has come.... Peter, you'd rather I'd saved you for this than anything that might have happened?"
"Much rather, Ellen."
It had surprised him in the telling, to see how accurately10 his sister had gauged11 the worldly advantage of his marriage. If Eunice Goodward had been a piece of furniture, Ellen[Pg 162] couldn't have appraised12 her better at her obvious worth: beauty and character and family and the mysterious cachet of society. Clarice had been at work there, too, he suspected. Miss Goodward fitted in Ellen's mind's eye into her brother's life and fortune as a picture into its frame.
"I'm very glad you feel that way about it, Ellen," he said again; he was on the point of telling her about the House of Shining Walls. The material from which he had drawn13 its earliest furnishings lay all about them, the receding14 blue of the summer sky, the aged5, arching apple boughs15. The scent16 of the wilding rose came faintly in from the country road—suddenly his sister surprised him with a flash of rare insight.
"I guess there can't anything keep us from the best except ourselves," she said. "Being willing to put up with the second best gives us more trouble than the Lord ever meant for us. Think of the way I've always wanted children—but if they'd been my real own, they'd have been sickly, likely, or even lame like me, or just ordinary like the only kind of man who would[Pg 163] have married me. As it is, I've had Clarice's and now——" She broke off with a quick, old-maidish colour.
Ellen had gone so far as to name all of Peter's children in the days when nothing seemed so unlikely; now in the face of his recent engagement she would have thought it indelicate.
"She would have liked you marrying so well, Peter," she finished with a backward motion of her head toward the room where the parlour set, banished17 long ago from the town house, symbolized18 for Ellen the brooding maternal19 presence.
"Yes, she would have liked it." There came back to him with deep satisfaction his mother's appraisement20 of young Mrs. Dassonville, who must, as he recalled her, have been shaped by much the same frame of life as Eunice Goodward—the Lovely Lady. The long unused phrase had risen unconsciously to his lips on the day that he had brought Eunice her ring. He had spent a whole week in the city choosing it; three little flawless, oblong emeralds set with diamonds, almost encircling her finger with the mystic number seven. He had discovered on the day that she had accepted him, that it had[Pg 164] to be emeralds to match the green lights that her eyes took on in the glen from the deep fern, the mossy bank and the green boughs overhead. On the terrace at Lessings' under a wide June sky he had supposed them to be blue; but there was no blue stone of that sky colour of sufficient preciousness for Eunice Goodward.
She had been very sweet about the ring, touched with grateful surprise for its beauty and its taste. Something he could see of relief, of assurance, flashed and fell between the two women as she showed it to her mother. They had taken him so beautifully on trust, they couldn't have known, he reflected, whether he would rise at all to the delicate, balanced observation of life among them; it was evidence, the emerald circlet, of how satisfyingly he had risen. The look that passed between mother and daughter was like a spark that lighted as it fell, an unsuspected need of him as man merely, the male element, security, dependability, care. His first response to it was that of a swimmer who has struck earth under him; he knew in that flash where he was, by what familiar shores; and the whole effect, in spite of him was[Pg 165] of the sudden shrinkage of that lustrous21 sea in which his soul and sense had floated. It steadied him, but it also for the moment narrowed a little the horizon of adventure. It was the occasion that Eunice took to define for him his status as an engaged man.
He kept as far as he was able his compact of expecting nothing of her, except of course that he couldn't avoid expecting that their arrangement would lead in the natural course to marriage. She had met him more than halfway22 in that, agreeing to an earlier date than he had thought compatible with the ritual of engagements in the Best Society. She had managed, however, that Peter should present her with her summer freedom: the engagement was not even to be announced until their return to town. And in the meantime Peter was to find a house. He had offered her travel for that first year. Europe, which he had scarcely glimpsed, glittered and allured23. But travel, Eunice let him know, went much better when you had a place to come back to. He saw at once how right was everything she did. Well, then, a house on Fillmore Avenue?[Pg 166]
"Oh—shall we be so rich as that, Peter?" He divined some embarrassment24 in her as to the scale in which they were to live. "We'll want something in the country, too," she reminded him.
"I've a couple of options at Maplemont——"
"Oh, Maplemont——" She liked that also, he perceived.
"And a place in Florida. Lessing and I bought it the winter the children had the diphtheria. They've a very pretty bungalow25; we could put up something like it for ourselves—if you wouldn't mind my sister occasionally. Ellen isn't happy at hotels."
"Mind! with all you're giving me! You won't think it's just the money, Peter;" she had a very charming hesitancy about it. "It's what money stands for, beauty, and suitability—and—everything." He was very tender with her.
"It's not that I have such a pile of it either," he assured her, "though I turn over a great deal in the course of a year. It's easier making money than people think."
"Easier for everybody?" There was a certain eagerness in the look and voice.[Pg 167]
"Easier for those who know how. I'm only forty, and I've learned; there's not much I couldn't get if I set about it. It's a kind of a gift, perhaps, like painting or music, but there's a great deal to be learned, too."
"And some haven't the gift to learn, perhaps." For some reason she sighed.... He was turning all this over in his mind when suddenly Ellen recalled him.
"Have you told Clarice yet?"
"I mean to, Sunday, if you don't mind my not coming down to you. Miss Goodward is spending the week end at Maplemont, and by staying at Julian's——"
"Of course." Ellen sympathized. "I shall want to know what Clarice says." She never did know exactly, for when Clarice gave Peter her congratulations in the terrace garden after dinner, she missed, extraordinarily26 for her, the felicitous27 note.
"I'm so happy for Eunice, you can't imagine," she insisted. "I've always said we've none of us known what Eunice can do until she's had her opportunity. And now with all the background you can give her—— You'll see!"[Pg 168]
He didn't quite know what he was to see except that if Eunice were to be in the picture it was bound to be satisfying. But Mrs. Lessing was not done with him. "For all her being so beautiful and so well placed," she went on, "Eunice has never had any life at all, not what you might call a life. And she might so easily have missed this. It is hard for girls to realize sometimes that the success of marriage depends on real qualities in the man, in mastery over things and not just over her susceptibilities. It is quite the most sensible thing I've known Eunice to do."
"Only," Peter reminded her for his part, "I'm not just exactly doing it because it is sensible." Her "of course not" was convinced enough to have stilled the vague ruffling28 of his mind, without doing it. He didn't object to having his qualifications as Eunice Goodward's husband taken solidly, but why dwell upon them when it was just the particular distinction of his engagement that it had the intensity29, the spiritual extension which was supposed to put it out of reach of material considerations. Even Ellen had done better by him than this.[Pg 169]
He was forced, however, to come back to the substance of Mrs. Lessing's comment a few days later when he was being dined at the club by a twice-removed cousin of the Goodward's, the upright, elderly symbol of the male sanction which was the most that his fiancée's fatherless condition could furnish forth30. The man was cordial enough; he was even prepared to find Peter likable; but even more on that account to measure his relation to Miss Goodward in terms of its being a "good thing."
"It's not, you know," his host couldn't forebear to remind him, "exactly the sort of a marriage we expected of Eunice; but if the girl is satisfied——"
"If I hadn't satisfied myself on that point——" Peter reminded him in his turn.
"Quite so, quite so ... girls have notions sometimes; one never quite knows ... You'll keep on with your—just what is it you do such tremendous things with; one hears of course that you do do them——"
"Real estate, brokerage," Peter enlightened him. "I shall certainly keep on with it.[Pg 170] Isn't one supposed to have all the more need of it when there's an establishment to keep up?"
The symbol waved a deprecating hand. "You'll find it rather an occupation to keep up with Eunice, I'm thinking. I've a notion she'll go it, once she has the chance."
"If by going it, you mean going out a great deal, seeing the world and having it in to see her, well, why shouldn't she, so long as I have the price?" He could only take it good-naturedly. It was amusing when you came to think of it, that a man who would contribute to the sum of his wife's future perhaps, the price of a silver tea salver, should so hold him to account for it. Nevertheless the talk left a faint savour of dryness. It was part of his new pride in himself as a possession of hers that he should in all things come up to the measure of men, but the one thing which should justify31 his being so ticketed and set aside by them as the Provider, the Footer-up of Accounts, was the assurance which only she could give, of his being the one thing, good or bad, which could be made to answer for her happiness.
Walking home by the river to avoid as far[Pg 171] as possible the baked, oven-smelling streets, he was aware how strangely the whole earth ached for her. He was here walking, as he had been since his first seeing her, at the core of a great light and harmony, and walking alone in it. If just loving her had been sufficient occupation for his brief courtship, for the present it failed him. For he was not only alone but lonely. He saw her swept aside by the calculating crowd—strange that Ellen and Clarice should be a part of it—not only out of reach of his live passion, but beyond all speech. Alone in his room he felt suddenly faint for the want of her. He turned off the light with which he had first flooded it, for the flare32 of the street came feebly in through the summer leafage, and sat sensing the need of her as a thing to be handled and measured, a benumbing, suffocating33 presence. As he sat, a sound of music floated by, and a thin pencil of light from a pleasure barge34 on the river flitted from window to window, travelling the gilt35 line of a picture-frame and the dark block of a picture that hung over his bed. And as it touched in passing the high ramping36 figure of a knight37 in armour38, the[Pg 172] old magic worked. He felt himself flung as it were across great distances, and dizzy with the turn, to her side. He was there to maintain in the face of all worldly reckoning, the excluding, spiritual quality of their relation. The more his engagement to Eunice Goodward failed of being the usual, the expected thing, the more authority it derived39 for its supernal40 sources. It took the colour of true romance from its unlikelihood. Peter turned on the light, and drawing paper to him, began to write.
"Lovely Lady," the letter began, and as if the words had been an incantation, the room was full and palpitating with his stored-up dreams. They came waking and crowding to fill out the measure of his unconsummated passion, and they had all one face and one likeness41. Late, late he was still going on with it....
"And so," he wrote, "I have come to the part of the story that was not in the picture, that I never knew. The dragon is slain42 and the knight has just begun to understand that the Princess for whom it was done is still a Princess; and though you have fought and bled for them, princesses must be approached humbly43. And[Pg 173] he did not know in the least how to go about it for in all his life the knight could never have spoken to one before. You have to think of that when you think of him at all, and of how he must stand even with his heart at her feet, hardly daring to so much as call her attention to it. For though he knows very well that it is quite enough to hope for and more than he deserves, to be able to spend his whole life serving her, love, great love such as one may have for princesses, aches, aches, my dear, and needs a comforting touch sometimes and a word of recognition to make it beat more steadily44 and more serviceably for every day."
He went out that night to post his letter when it was done, for though there was not time for an answer to it, he was going down to her on Saturday, he liked to think of it running before him as a torch to light the way which, even while he slept, he was so happily traversing. He was quite trembling with the journey he had come, when on Saturday she met him, floating in summer draperies and holding out a slim ringed hand, and a cool cheek to glance past his lips like a swallow.[Pg 174]
"You had my letter, dear?"
"Such a lovely letter, Peter, I couldn't think of trying to answer it."
"Oh, it wasn't to be answered—at least not by another——" He released her lest she should be troubled by his trembling.
"I should think not!" She was more than gracious to him. "It's a wonder to me, Peter, you never thought of writing. You have such a beautiful vocabulary." But even that did not daunt45 him, for he knew as soon as he had looked on her again, that loving Eunice Goodward was enough of an occupation.
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1
strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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lame
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| adj.跛的，(辩解、论据等)无说服力的 | |
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aged
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| adj.年老的，陈年的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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7
triumphantly
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| ad.得意洋洋地；得胜地；成功地 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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fretted
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| 焦躁的，附有弦马的，腐蚀的 | |
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accurately
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| adv.准确地，精确地 | |
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11
gauged
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| adj.校准的；标准的；量规的；量计的v.（用仪器）测量( gauge的过去式和过去分词 )；估计；计量；划分 | |
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12
appraised
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| v.估价( appraise的过去式和过去分词 )；估计；估量；评价 | |
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13
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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receding
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的现在分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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boughs
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| 大树枝( bough的名词复数 ) | |
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scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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banished
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| v.放逐，驱逐( banish的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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symbolized
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| v.象征，作为…的象征( symbolize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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maternal
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| adj.母亲的，母亲般的，母系的，母方的 | |
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appraisement
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| n.评价，估价；估值 | |
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lustrous
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| adj.有光泽的；光辉的 | |
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halfway
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| adj.中途的，不彻底的，部分的；adv.半路地，在中途，在半途 | |
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allured
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| 诱引，吸引( allure的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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bungalow
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| n.平房，周围有阳台的木造小平房 | |
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extraordinarily
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| adv.格外地；极端地 | |
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felicitous
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| adj.恰当的，巧妙的；n.恰当，贴切 | |
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28
ruffling
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| 弄皱( ruffle的现在分词 )； 弄乱； 激怒； 扰乱 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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32
flare
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| v.闪耀，闪烁；n.潮红；突发 | |
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suffocating
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| a.使人窒息的 | |
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barge
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| n.平底载货船，驳船 | |
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35
gilt
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| adj.镀金的；n.金边证券 | |
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36
ramping
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| 土堤斜坡( ramp的现在分词 )； 斜道； 斜路； （装车或上下飞机的）活动梯 | |
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37
knight
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| n.骑士，武士；爵士 | |
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armour
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| （=armor）n.盔甲；装甲部队 | |
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39
derived
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| vi.起源；由来；衍生；导出v.得到( derive的过去式和过去分词 )；（从…中）得到获得；源于；（从…中）提取 | |
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40
supernal
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| adj.天堂的，天上的；崇高的 | |
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41
likeness
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| n.相像，相似（之处） | |
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42
slain
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| 杀死，宰杀，杀戮( slay的过去分词 )； (slay的过去分词) | |
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43
humbly
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| adv. 恭顺地，谦卑地 | |
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44
steadily
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| adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地 | |
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45
daunt
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| vt.使胆怯，使气馁 | |
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