Holly1 had grown older within the last two months, although no one but Aunt India realized it. It was as though her eighteenth birthday had been a sharp line of division between girlhood and womanhood. It was not that Holly had altered either in appearance or actions; she was the same Holly, gay or serious, tender or tyrannical, as the mood seized her; but the change was there, even if Miss India couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Perhaps she was a little more sedate2 when she was sedate, a little more thoughtful at all times. She read less than she used to, but that was probably because there were fewer moments when she was alone. She was a little more careful of her attire3 than she had been, but that was probably because there was more reason to look well. Miss India felt the change rather than saw it.
[224]
I have said that no one save Miss India realized it, but that is not wholly true. For Holly herself realized it in a dim, disquieting4 way. The world in which she had spent her first eighteen years seemed, as she looked back at it, strangely removed from the present one. There had been the same sky and sunshine, the same breezes and flowers, the same pleasures and duties, and yet there had been a difference. It was as though a gauze curtain had been rolled away; things were more distinct, sensations more acute; the horizon was where it always had been, but now it seemed far more distant, giving space for so many details which had eluded5 her sight before. It was all rather confusing. At times it seemed to Holly that she was much happier than she had been in that old world, and there were times when the contrary seemed true, times when she became oppressed with a feeling of sorrowfulness. At such moments her soft mouth would droop6 at the corners and her eyes grow moist; life seemed very tragic7 in some indefinable[225] way. And yet, all the while, she knew in her heart that this new world—this broader, vaster, clearer world—was the best; that this new life, in spite of its tragedy which she felt but could not see, was the real life. Sorrow bit sharper, joy was more intense, living held a new, fierce zest8. Not that she spent much time in introspection, or worried her head with over-much reasoning, but all this she felt confusedly as one groping in a dark room feels unfamiliar9 objects without knowing what they may be or why they are there. But Holly’s groping was not for long. The door of understanding opened very suddenly, and the light of knowledge flooded in upon her.
January was a fortnight old and Winter held sway. The banana-trees drooped11 blackened and shrivelled, the rose-beds were littered with crumpled12 leaves, and morning after morning a film of ice, no thicker than a sheet of paper, but still real ice, covered the water-pail on its shelf on the back porch. Uncle Ran groaned13 with rheumatism14 as he laid the morning fires,[226] and held his stiffened15 fingers to the blaze as the fat pine hissed16 and spluttered. To Winthrop it was the veriest farce17 of a winter, but the other inhabitants of Waynewood felt the cold keenly. Aunt India kept to her room a great deal, and when she did appear down-stairs she seemed tinier than ever under the great gray shawl. Her face wore a pinched and anxious expression, as though she were in constant fear of actually freezing to death.
“I don’t understand what has gotten into our winters,” she said one day at dinner, drawing her skirts forward so they would not be scorched18 by the fire which blazed furiously at her back. “They used to be at least temperate19. Now one might as well live in Russia or Nova Zembla! Phœbe, you forgot to put the butter on the hearth20 and it’s as hard as a rock. You’re getting more forgetful every day.”
It was in the middle of the month, one forenoon when the cold had moderated so that one could sit on the porch in the sunshine without a wrap and when the southerly[227] breeze held a faint, heart-stirring promise of Spring—a promise speedily broken,—that Winthrop came back to the house from an after-breakfast walk over the rutted clay road and found Holly removing the greenery from the parlor21 walls and mantel. She had spread a sheet in the middle of the room and was tossing the dried and crackling holly and the gummy pine plumes22 onto it in a heap. As Winthrop hung up his hat and looked in upon her she was standing10 on a chair and, somewhat red of face, was striving to reach the bunch of green leaves and red berries above the half-length portrait of her father.
“You’d better let me do that,” suggested Winthrop, as he joined her.
“No,” answered Holly, “I’m——going to——get it——There!”
Down came the greenery with a shower of dried leaves and berries, and down jumped Holly with a triumphant23 laugh.
“Please move the chair over there,” she directed.
[228]
Winthrop obeyed, and started to step up onto it, but Holly objected.
“No, no, no,” she cried, anxiously. “I’m going to do it myself. It makes me feel about a foot high and terribly helpless to have folks reach things down for me.”
Winthrop smiled and held out his hand while she climbed up.
“There,” said Holly. “Now I’m going to reach that if I—have to—stretch myself—out of—shape!” It was a long reach, but she finally accomplished24 it, laid hold of one of the stalks and gave a tug25. The tug achieved the desired result, but it also threw Holly off her balance. To save herself she made a wild clutch at Winthrop’s shoulder, and as the chair tipped over she found herself against his breast, his arms about her and her feet dangling26 impotently in air. Perhaps he held her there an instant longer than was absolutely necessary, and in that instant perhaps his heart beat a little faster than usual, his arms held her a little tighter than before, and his eyes darkened with some emotion not altogether[229] anxiety for her safety. Then he placed her very gently on her feet and released her.
“You see,” he began with elaborate unconcern, “I told you——”
Then he caught sight of her face and stopped. It was very white, and in the fleeting27 glimpse he had of her eyes they seemed vast and dark and terrified.
“It startled you!” he said, anxiously.
She stood motionless for a moment, her head bent28, her arms hanging straight. Then she turned and walked slowly toward the door.
“Yes,” she said, in a low voice; “it——I feel——faint.”
Very deliberately29 she climbed the stairs, passed along the hall, and entered her room. She closed the door behind her and walked, like one in a dream, to the window. For several minutes she stared unseeingly out into the sunlit world, her hands strained together at her breast and her heart fluttering chokingly. The door of understanding had opened and the sudden light bewildered her. But gradually things[230] took shape. With a little sound that was half gasp30, half moan, she turned and fell to her knees at the foot of her bed, her tightly-clasped hands thrown out across the snowy quilt and her cheek pillowed on one arm. Tears welled slowly from under her closed lids and seeped31 scorchingly through her sleeve.
“Don’t let me, dear God,” she sobbed32, miserably33, “don’t let me! You don’t want me to be unhappy, do you? You know he’s a married man and a Northerner! And I didn’t know, truly I didn’t know until just now! It would be wicked to love him, wouldn’t it? And you don’t want me to be wicked, do you? And you’ll take him away, dear God, where I won’t see him again, ever, ever again? You know I’m only just Holly Wayne and I need your help. You mustn’t let me love him! You mustn’t, you mustn’t....”
She knelt there a long time, feeling very miserable34 and very wicked,—wicked because in spite of her prayers, which had finally trailed off into mingled35 sobs36 and[231] murmurs37, her thoughts flew back to Winthrop and her heart throbbed38 with a strange, new gladness. Oh, how terribly wicked she was! It seemed to her that she had lied to God! She had begged Him to take Winthrop away from her and yet her thoughts sought him every moment! She had only to close her own eyes to see his, deep and dark, looking down at her, and to read again their wonderful, fearsome message; to feel again the straining clasp of his arms about her and the hurried thud of his heart against her breast! She felt guilty and miserable and happy.
She wondered if God would hear her prayer and take him away from her. And suddenly she realized what that would mean. Not to see him again—ever! No, no; she couldn’t stand that! God must help her to forget him, but He mustn’t take him away. After all, was it so horribly wicked to care for him as long as she never let him know? Surely no one would suffer[232] save herself? And she—well, she could suffer. It came to her, then, that perhaps in this new world of hers it was a woman’s lot to suffer.
Her thoughts flew to her mother. She wondered if such a thing had ever happened to her. What would she have done had she been in Holly’s place? Holly’s tears came creeping back again; she wanted her mother very much just then....
As she sat at the open window, the faint and measured tramp of steps along the porch reached her. It was Winthrop, she knew. And at the very thought her heart gave a quick throb39 that was at once a joy and a pain. Oh, why couldn’t people be just happy in such a beautiful world? Why need there be disappointments, and heartaches? If only she could go to him and explain it all! He would take her hand and look down at her with that smiling gravity of his, and she would say quite fearlessly: “I love you very dearly. I can’t help it. It isn’t my fault, nor yours.[233] But you must make it easy for me, dear. You must go away now, but not for ever; I couldn’t stand that. Sometimes you must come back and see me. And when you are away you will know that I love you more than anything in the world, and I will know that you love me. Of course, we must never speak again of our love, for that would be wicked. And you wouldn’t want me to be wicked. We will be such good, good friends always. Good-bye.”
You see, it never occurred to her that Winthrop’s straining arms, his quickening heart-throbs, and the words of his eyes, might be only the manifestation40 of a quite temporal passion. She judged him by herself, and all loves by that which her father and mother had borne for each other. There were still things in this new world of hers which her eyes had not discerned.
She wondered if Winthrop had understood her emotion after he had released her from his arms. For an instant, she hoped that he had. Then she clasped her hands closely to her burning cheeks and[234] thought that if he had she would never have the courage to face him again! She hoped and prayed that he had not guessed.
Suddenly, regretfully for the pain she must cause him, she recollected41 Julian. She could never marry him now. She would never, never marry anyone. She would be an old maid, like Aunt India. The prospect42 seemed rather pleasing than otherwise. With such a precious love in her heart she could never be quite lonely, no matter if she lived to be very, very old! She wondered if Aunt India had ever loved. And just then Phœbe’s voice called her from below and she went to the door and answered. She bathed her hot cheeks and wet eyes in the chill water, and with a long look about the big square room, which seemed now to have taken on the sacredness of a temple of confession43, she went down-stairs.
Winthrop had not guessed. She knew that at once when she saw him. He was eagerly anxious about her, and blamed himself for her fright.
[235]
“I ought never to have let you try such foolishness,” he said, savagely44. “You might have hurt yourself badly.”
“Oh,” laughed Holly, “but you were there to catch me!”
There was a caressing45 note in her voice that thrilled him with longing46 to live over again that brief moment in the parlor. But he only answered, and awkwardly enough, since his nerves were taut47: “Then please see that I’m there before you try it again.”
They sat down at table with Miss India, to whom by tacit consent no mention was made of the incident, and chattered48 gayly of all things save the one which was crying at their lips to be spoken. And Holly kept her secret well.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
holly
|
|
| n.[植]冬青属灌木 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
sedate
|
|
| adj.沉着的，镇静的，安静的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
attire
|
|
| v.穿衣，装扮[同]array；n.衣着；盛装 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
disquieting
|
|
| adj.令人不安的，令人不平静的v.使不安，使忧虑，使烦恼( disquiet的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
eluded
|
|
| v.（尤指机敏地）避开( elude的过去式和过去分词 )；逃避；躲避；使达不到 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
droop
|
|
| v.低垂，下垂；凋萎，萎靡 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
tragic
|
|
| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
zest
|
|
| n.乐趣；滋味，风味；兴趣 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
unfamiliar
|
|
| adj.陌生的，不熟悉的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
standing
|
|
| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
drooped
|
|
| 弯曲或下垂，发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
crumpled
|
|
| adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
groaned
|
|
| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
rheumatism
|
|
| n.风湿病 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
stiffened
|
|
| 加强的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
hissed
|
|
| 发嘶嘶声( hiss的过去式和过去分词 )； 发嘘声表示反对 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
farce
|
|
| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
scorched
|
|
| 烧焦，烤焦( scorch的过去式和过去分词 )； 使（植物）枯萎，把…晒枯； 高速行驶； 枯焦 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
temperate
|
|
| adj.温和的，温带的，自我克制的，不过分的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
hearth
|
|
| n.壁炉炉床，壁炉地面 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
parlor
|
|
| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
plumes
|
|
| 羽毛( plume的名词复数 )； 羽毛饰； 羽毛状物； 升上空中的羽状物 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
triumphant
|
|
| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
accomplished
|
|
| adj.有才艺的；有造诣的；达到了的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
tug
|
|
| v.用力拖(或拉)；苦干；n.拖；苦干；拖船 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
dangling
|
|
| 悬吊着( dangle的现在分词 )； 摆动不定； 用某事物诱惑…； 吊胃口 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
fleeting
|
|
| adj.短暂的，飞逝的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
bent
|
|
| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
deliberately
|
|
| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
gasp
|
|
| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
seeped
|
|
| v.（液体）渗( seep的过去式和过去分词 )；渗透；渗出；漏出 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
sobbed
|
|
| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
miserably
|
|
| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
miserable
|
|
| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
mingled
|
|
| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
sobs
|
|
| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
murmurs
|
|
| n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 )；低语声；怨言；嘀咕 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
throbbed
|
|
| 抽痛( throb的过去式和过去分词 )； （心脏、脉搏等）跳动 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
throb
|
|
| v.震颤，颤动；(急速强烈地)跳动，搏动 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
manifestation
|
|
| n.表现形式；表明；现象 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
recollected
|
|
| adj.冷静的；镇定的；被回忆起的；沉思默想的v.记起，想起( recollect的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
prospect
|
|
| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
confession
|
|
| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
savagely
|
|
| adv. 野蛮地，残酷地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
caressing
|
|
| 爱抚的，表现爱情的，亲切的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
46
longing
|
|
| n.（for）渴望 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
47
taut
|
|
| adj.拉紧的，绷紧的，紧张的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
48
chattered
|
|
| （人）喋喋不休( chatter的过去式 )； 唠叨； （牙齿）打战； （机器）震颤 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
| 欢迎访问英文小说网 |