IT WAS a book that laid bare a heart; the heart of one who loved him with a love such as he had not imagined a man ever gave to any boy but his very own. "If he had been my father," Derrick thought, as he read with bated breath, "he could not say more than that!" And the very next sentence seemed to voice his thought.
"You think that is extreme for just an uncle? Ah, but you don't know, dear boy Dick—I am sure they call you Dick, they did me—that you are my boy, my very own; I have adopted you with my soul; there can not be any stronger tie than that. You see, you are all I have; you take the place to me of father, mother and brother; I have lost them all. There were reasons why I never had wife and children, so, my soul's son, I have adopted you. I could wish that your name were Timothy, for I know I have the feeling for you that Paul had for his son. You read the Bible, don't you, my boy? You will find what I mean if you study the love of those two. My boy, I want you to live my life for me, do my work in the world, be myself as I meant to be, and missed. Oh, I meant to do so much for father! I had such glorious plans to enrich his life! I failed him utterly1; I made a mistake, but you will not; you will carry out for your father and your mother and your home all that I meant to do for mine, and didn't; and you will do infinitely2 more; I feel in my very soul that you will be a better Derrick Forman than I could ever have been; don't you dare to disappoint me, Dick; it would kill me."
Derrick, the boy, drew an amazed, almost a frightened, breath. What a strange idea as though he could take another boy's life and live it for him!
"It's a lot more than I can do to live my own in the way it ought to be lived!" he muttered; but he read on, like one fascinated. Very soon he came to understand that the life of the man he was asked to represent had been hidden in another life.
"The fact is, Dick," the record ran, "that I am dead; did you realize it? I have known it in a vague sort of way for a long time, but I don't believe I ever realized it fully3 until this morning when I read it in the Book: 'Ye are dead; and your life is hid with Christ in God.' I stopped and laughed. 'Why, of course!' I said. 'What a dolt4 I am not to have known that before! It was told me plainly enough, only I didn't take it in.' Ever since I was a youngster learning to read out of father's big Bible at home I have known the verse: 'If any man be in Christ he is a new creature.' Well, I am 'in Christ.' I am as sure of that as I am that I breathe; I surrendered to him, body, soul and spirit; all I was, all I am, all that I ever will be are his. Then, of course, the old Dick Forman is dead! Good! He wasn't worth much; I am glad he is gone. I'm 'a new creature,' I live, 'yet not I, but Christ liveth in me.' 'That sounds egotistical,' do I hear you say? Yes, but I didn't say it—that's Bible, a blessed fact guaranteed by Christ himself. Now, you see, if you are to live my life for me the part that I missed must have this same experience; you must be a 'new creature,' Dick; the old one isn't worth shucks! I don't want to live his life; don't you be persuaded into trying it; hide your life, hide it 'with Christ in God'; only then will you begin to live. Oh, Dick Forman, my boy, my very self, given another chance! You will do this for me, won't you?"
Derrick closed the book with a bang and laid it as far away from him as he could; was strangely moved, he was half awed5, half indignant. "The man was insane!" he muttered. Yet he knew better. He had been a good Bible scholar in Sabbath school; those quoted verses were familiar to him; intellectually, at least, he understood something of their meaning but he had never thought of such a thing as applying them to himself. After a little he opened the book again; he re-read those same pages; he put the book from him several times, declaring that he would read no more; the most of it was simply the ravings of a lunatic. After a while he said he would wait until he was older; boys like him could not be expected to be interested in such queer notions; his Uncle Derrick lived so much alone that evidently his ideas had become misty6, unreal, unintelligible7. There were days together when the boy did not open the book, but passed it hurriedly, with a wish that he could forget it; there were hours when he hid it, and told himself that he would never touch it again, and always he went back to it and read again the very portions that had disturbed him. At times he was genuinely angry over the appeals in that uncanny book. He said that Uncle Derrick had no right to die and leave such a book to him; it was like trying to steal a fellow's individuality. "A new creature," quoted his memory, and he sneered8; he didn't want to be a new creature; he was well enough satisfied as he was. "Ye must be born again," said a voice to his inner consciousness; said it plainly, solemnly. He looked about him, startled; there had been no real voice, he knew that; but it had seemed very real; and those were not the words of his dead uncle, it was Jesus who said that!
There came an evening when Derrick Forman, in the privacy of his locked room, got to his knees, with the written book spread open before him, and solemnly gave himself, body, soul, and spirit, to his uncle's God for time and for eternity9. It had been a hard struggle, unusually hard, for one so young and so well taught. Yet, perhaps, it was on account of the teaching that he was so slow in reaching a decision. Already temptations had assailed10 him which he knew must be overcome if he was to become the kind of man that his uncle's Commander called for.
"But I'm glad of it," he told himself on the night when he made his great decision; "I'm glad it means out-and-out, downright, everlasting11 business; I hate a half-and-half anything."
Very soon he made the surprising discovery that he was happy in his new life. He had not looked for that; at least, not yet, not for years and years, probably. He had expected to make sacrifices and meet crosses; he considered himself prepared for those, but the glow of new and genuine joy was unexpected and took hold of him with power. He began to understand some of the sentences in his book that had seemed like the extravagances of a diseased brain; he spent much time reading that book, studying the Bible quotations12 in it, hunting in the public library for other books from which his uncle had quoted as though they were familiar friends; he locked his manuscript book with his Bible in his private drawer and took them out together; he began to see that the life portrayed13 in the one had been lived as a commentary on the directions of the other. Still, he was chary14 of his new experience; it was not a matter to be talked of; at least, not yet. He told his mother a little about it one evening when they two were alone, and was astonished and touched to note that she cried; she told him they were tears of joy; and that she felt as though it didn't matter much now how many troubles they had. He had not supposed that his mother would care so very much. The next morning when they walked down town together he managed to make his father understand what had come to him as a result of a step that he had taken, and he knew that he would never forget the words his father spoke15 in reply; nor the look on his face, a little later, when he straightened himself and threw back the shoulders that had begun to droop16, as he said:
"My boy, I feel ten years younger than I did when we started."
Ray did not have to be told; she seemed to know by intuition what great event had taken place. She lingered in the hall a moment after the others had passed into the sitting-room—they had all just come in from Sabbath evening service—and reaching up to her tall young brother kissed a lingering, tender kiss, as she said: "My soldier brother enlisted17 for life; I know I shall always be proud of him." Yet nothing had occurred at church, nor during the walk home, to tell her that he had chosen a new Commander.
But with Jean, his heretofore confidante all occasions, Derrick played shy. He could not decide how to tell her about this momentous18 change which had come to him. A "new creature?" Yes, the phrase described it singularly well, but to feel it, know it, was one thing, and to describe it or account for it in terms that Jean would understand was quite another. He had a feeling that Jean would not want to understand; he and she had stood on the same plane as regards these matters; they had exchanged witticisms19 over the weaknesses of many professing20 Christians21, especially among young people; they had agreed that Ray was not like any of the others, but was "unnecessarily good," and, in short, had made the entire subject an embarrassment22 when one came to talk about it from a standpoint that the other had not seen. He decided23 finally not to say anything to her about it; if his life did not tell her, without words, he assured himself that it would not be much of a life; anyhow, he must wait and see.
And so, Jean did not understand; she only felt in her brother a subtle change difficult to define; she was not even sure that she approved it; Dick had always suited her well enough just as he was; she was able to see in it only the influence of the new member of the family, and this she instinctively24 resented.
"It is simply ridiculous," she told herself, half angrily, "for him to be infatuated with that lame25 old woman, whom he called the homeliest person he ever looked at! That's nothing against her, of course; I don't think myself that she is so terribly homely26, and she is kind, and unselfish, and all that, but then—I don't see what has made the change in him! Of course, I am glad that he doesn't want to stay out nights as he used to, nor go to places that father doesn't quite like, but why couldn't he have stopped all that long ago for all our sakes instead of waiting until that old woman—" Even unspoken words failed her, and she stopped abruptly27; then, after a moment, added, aloud: "I believe I shall end by—" But she had to stop again; she had almost said she would end by hating that old woman; of course, she was not going to say, or do, any such thing; but as for falling down to worship her as the others were almost doing she never should, and they need not expect it; she was sure of one thing; she did wish Aunt Elsie would let Dick alone.
It might have been a restless dissatisfaction, born of the feeling that in some undefined way she had lost her boon28 companion, which made the usually sweet-spirited Jean appear at great disadvantage during this period of her life. She seemed suddenly to have grown self-assertive and obstinate29. What she would and would not do grew daily more pronounced, and culminated30, one afternoon when she must make a journey across town for her music lesson, in a fixed31 resolve to wear neither rubbers nor raincoat; no, nor carry any umbrella; though Florence assured her earnestly that even the cat could see that it was going to rain.
"I'm not a cat," was Jean's reply. "I don't know why you should quote her to me; and I'm not going to bundle up like a rheumatic old maid when it doesn't rain a drop."
"Jean, dear," came gently from Ray, "do wear your sandals, won't you? Because you know those shoes you have on are really very thin, and if you should get caught in a shower—"
It is possible that but for Aunt Elsie's eager second to this suggestion the young girl's reply might have been different. As it was, she ignored her aunt entirely32, and said in charming mimicry33 of her sister's tone and manner: "Ray, dear, I won't do any such thing. I hate rubbers to walk in, and I have nearly a mile to walk. I do wish we had cross-town cars somewhere near this point."
There followed for those left at home an uncomfortable afternoon. Ray watched the swift-moving clouds with poorly concealed34 anxiety, and Florence openly worried. Jean was by no means strong; she took cold easily, and a cold with her always meant a more or less serious illness. Florence, at the window watching the growing evidences of storm, lamented35 that "mother" had not been at home to issue positive orders to that reckless child. Why hadn't Ray asserted authority as the oldest sister and insisted on her taking at least an umbrella?
"She will ruin her hat, and it is the one with a plume36, of course; it will serve her right, too. There! it's begun! do hear the pour down! and there's mother! she ran in at the basement door just in time to escape dash!"
Mrs. Forman's first word was about Jean. Had she gone prepared for the storm? It had been gathering37 for several hours; why hadn't they insisted on at least an umbrella?
It proved to be no passing shower; the rain fell in torrents38 until the streets were flooded, and then, after a while, settled into a steady downpour. The Formans comforted one another as well as they could; they said that it was a good thing it had rained so terribly hard; Jean would, of course, wait until the storm was over, or until some one came for her; she would never think of starting out in so wild a storm without even an umbrella. As soon as Derrick arrived he was laden39 with raincoat, rubbers, and injunctions, and started forth40 again. But Jean, her reckless mood continuing, had grown tired of waiting, and started out during a lull41 in the storm, making herself believe that she could get home before it began again, or at least get across town to a car line that would take her home by a circuitous42 route. In this way Derrick missed her. Before she was a block from the music school the rain was upon her again in full force. Even then she persisted; it was of no use to turn back, she assured herself; she was wet to the skin already, she might better keep on than sit in wet clothes waiting. But she had not gone much farther when she regretted that decision; the wind seemed to her to be rising every moment; it was all she could do to keep from being blown quite into the road. She had now reached a street lined on either side with wholesale43 houses, whose closed and gloomy fronts told her that the day was done, and furnished her with not so much as an awning44 under which to hide. She struggled on, feeling the water soak into her thin-soled, cloth-top boots; yonder, two blocks away, was the high school; if she could only reach it, Derrick might still be there and he could do something. She had only a carfare with her, and this she believed made it impossible for her to call a taxi. All her hopes centred in Dick, and he, poor fellow, was making all possible speed homeward in the hope of finding his sister safely arrived there. Alas45 for Jean, the high school was as closed and silent and aloof46 as though hundreds of eager feet had not but an hour or two before raced down its many steps and sped away from the storm. She could not find even the janitor47, and it seemed to her that she could never walk those long, long blocks facing that dreadful wind, and being pelted48 by the merciless rain.
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1 utterly | |
adv.完全地,绝对地 | |
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2 infinitely | |
adv.无限地,无穷地 | |
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3 fully | |
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地 | |
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4 dolt | |
n.傻瓜 | |
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5 awed | |
adj.充满敬畏的,表示敬畏的v.使敬畏,使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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6 misty | |
adj.雾蒙蒙的,有雾的 | |
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7 unintelligible | |
adj.无法了解的,难解的,莫明其妙的 | |
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8 sneered | |
讥笑,冷笑( sneer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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9 eternity | |
n.不朽,来世;永恒,无穷 | |
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10 assailed | |
v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 );困扰;质问;毅然应对 | |
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11 everlasting | |
adj.永恒的,持久的,无止境的 | |
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12 quotations | |
n.引用( quotation的名词复数 );[商业]行情(报告);(货物或股票的)市价;时价 | |
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13 portrayed | |
v.画像( portray的过去式和过去分词 );描述;描绘;描画 | |
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14 chary | |
adj.谨慎的,细心的 | |
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15 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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16 droop | |
v.低垂,下垂;凋萎,萎靡 | |
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17 enlisted | |
adj.应募入伍的v.(使)入伍, (使)参军( enlist的过去式和过去分词 );获得(帮助或支持) | |
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18 momentous | |
adj.重要的,重大的 | |
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19 witticisms | |
n.妙语,俏皮话( witticism的名词复数 ) | |
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20 professing | |
声称( profess的现在分词 ); 宣称; 公开表明; 信奉 | |
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21 Christians | |
n.基督教徒( Christian的名词复数 ) | |
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22 embarrassment | |
n.尴尬;使人为难的人(事物);障碍;窘迫 | |
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23 decided | |
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的 | |
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24 instinctively | |
adv.本能地 | |
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25 lame | |
adj.跛的,(辩解、论据等)无说服力的 | |
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26 homely | |
adj.家常的,简朴的;不漂亮的 | |
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27 abruptly | |
adv.突然地,出其不意地 | |
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28 boon | |
n.恩赐,恩物,恩惠 | |
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29 obstinate | |
adj.顽固的,倔强的,不易屈服的,较难治愈的 | |
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30 culminated | |
v.达到极点( culminate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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31 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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32 entirely | |
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地 | |
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33 mimicry | |
n.(生物)拟态,模仿 | |
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34 concealed | |
a.隐藏的,隐蔽的 | |
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35 lamented | |
adj.被哀悼的,令人遗憾的v.(为…)哀悼,痛哭,悲伤( lament的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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36 plume | |
n.羽毛;v.整理羽毛,骚首弄姿,用羽毛装饰 | |
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37 gathering | |
n.集会,聚会,聚集 | |
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38 torrents | |
n.倾注;奔流( torrent的名词复数 );急流;爆发;连续不断 | |
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39 laden | |
adj.装满了的;充满了的;负了重担的;苦恼的 | |
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40 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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41 lull | |
v.使安静,使入睡,缓和,哄骗;n.暂停,间歇 | |
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42 circuitous | |
adj.迂回的路的,迂曲的,绕行的 | |
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43 wholesale | |
n.批发;adv.以批发方式;vt.批发,成批出售 | |
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44 awning | |
n.遮阳篷;雨篷 | |
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45 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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46 aloof | |
adj.远离的;冷淡的,漠不关心的 | |
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47 janitor | |
n.看门人,管门人 | |
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48 pelted | |
(连续地)投掷( pelt的过去式和过去分词 ); 连续抨击; 攻击; 剥去…的皮 | |
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