AGAIN PIERRE was overtaken by that despondency he so dreaded1. For three days after the delivery of his speech at the lodge2 he lay on a sofa at home, seeing no one, and going nowhere.
At this time he received a letter from his wife who besought3 him to see her, wrote of her unhappiness on his account, and her desire to devote her whole life to him.
At the end of the letter she informed him that in a day or two she would arrive in Petersburg from abroad.
The letter was followed up by one of the freemasons whom Pierre respected least bursting in upon his solitude4. Turning the conversation upon Pierre's matrimonial affairs, he gave him, by way of brotherly counsel, his opinion that his severity to his wife was wrong, and that Pierre was departing from the first principles of freemasonry in not forgiving the penitent5. At the same time his mother-in-law, Prince Vassily's wife, sent to him, beseeching6 him to visit her, if only for a few minutes, to discuss a matter of great importance. Pierre saw there was a conspiracy7 against him, that they meant to reconcile him with his wife, and he did not even dislike this in the mood in which he then was. Nothing mattered to him; Pierre regarded nothing in life as a matter of great consequence, and under the influence of the despondency which had taken possession of him, he attached no significance either to his own freedom or to having his own way be punishing his wife.
“No one is right, no one is to blame, and so she, too, is not to blame,” he thought. If Pierre did not at once give his consent to being reunited to his wife, it was simply because in the despondent8 state into which he had lapsed9, he was incapable10 of taking any line of action. Had his wife come to him, he could not now have driven her away. Could it matter beside the questions that were absorbing Pierre, whether he live with his wife or not?
Without answering either his wife or his mother-in-law, Pierre at once set off late in the evening and drove to Moscow to see Osip Alexyevitch.
This is what Pierre wrote in his diary.
“Moscow, November 17.—I have only just come from seeing my benefactor11, and I hasten to note down all I have been feeling. Osip Alexyevitch lives in poverty, and has been for three years past suffering from a painful disease of the bladder. No one has ever heard from him a groan12 or a word of complaint. From morning till late at night, except at the times when he partakes of the very plainest food, he is working at science. He received me graciously, and made me sit down on the bed on which he was lying. I made him the sign of the Knights13 of the East and of Jerusalem; he responded with the same, and asked me with a gentle smile what I had learned and gained in the Prussian and Scottish lodges14. I told him everything as best I could, repeating to him the principles of action I had proposed in our Petersburg lodge, and telling him of the unfavourable reception given me, and the rupture15 between me and the brothers. Osip Alexyevitch, after some silent thought, laid all his own views of the subject before me, which immediately threw light on all the past and all the course that lies before me. He surprised me by asking whether I remembered the threefold aim of the order—(1) the preservation16 and study of the holy mystery; (2) the purification and reformation of self for its reception; and (3) the improvement of the human race through striving for such purification. Which, he asked, was the first and greatest of those three aims? Undoubtedly17 self-reformation and self-purification. It is only towards that aim that we can always strive independently of all circumstances. But at the same time it is just that aim which requires of us the greatest effort, and therefore, led astray by pride, we let that aim drop, and either strive to penetrate18 to the mystery which we are unworthy in our impurity19 to receive, or seek after the reformation of the human race, while we are ourselves setting an example of vice20 and abomination. ‘Illuminism' is not a pure doctrine21 precisely22 because it is seduced23 by worldly activity and puffed24 up with pride. On this ground Osip Alexyevitch censured25 my speech and all I am doing. At the bottom of my heart I agreed with him. Talking of my domestic affairs, he said to me: ‘The first duty of a mason, as I have told you, is the perfection of himself. But often we imagine that by removing all the difficulties of our life, we may better attain26 this aim. It is quite the contrary, sir,' he said to me: ‘it is only in the midst of the cares of the world that we can reach the three great aims—(1) self-knowledge, for a man can know himself only by comparison; (2) greater perfection, which can only be obtained by conflict; and (3) the attainment27 of the chief virtue—love of death. Only the corruptions28 of life can show us all its vanity, and strengthen our innate29 love for death, or rather regeneration into new life.' These words were the more remarkable30 as Osip Alexyevitch, in spite of his grievous physical sufferings, is never weary of life, though he loves death, for which he does not, in spite of all the purity and loftiness of his inner man, yet feel himself prepared. Then my benefactor explained to me fully31 the significance of the great square of creation, and pointed32 out that the third and the seventh number are the basis of everything. He counselled me not to withdraw from co-operation with the Petersburg brothers, and while undertaking33 duties only of the second order in the lodge, to endeavour to draw the brothers away from the seductions of pride, and to turn them into the true path of self-knowledge and self-perfection. Moreover, for myself personally, he advised me first of all to keep a watch over myself, and with that aim he gave me a manuscript-book, the one in which I am writing now, and am to note down all my actions in the future.”
“Petersburg, November 23.—I am reconciled with my wife. My mother-in-law came to me in tears, and said that Ellen was here, and that she besought me to hear her; that she was innocent, that she was miserable34 at my desertion of her, and a great deal more. I knew that if I once let myself see her, I should not be able to refuse to accede35 to her wishes. In my uncertainty36, I did not know to whose help and advice to have recourse. If my benefactor had been here, he would have told me what to do. I retired37 to my own room, read over the letters of Osip Alexyevitch, recalled my conversations with him, and from all that I reached the conclusion that I ought not to refuse a suppliant38, and ought to hold out a helping39 hand to every one, and, above all, to a person so closely connected with me, and that I must bear my cross. But if I forgive her for the sake of doing right, at least let my reunion with her have a spiritual end only. So I decided40, and so I wrote to Osip Alexyevitch. I said to my wife that I begged her to forget all the past, that I begged her to forgive whatever wrong I might have done her, and that I had nothing to forgive her. It was a joy to me to tell her that. May she never know how painful it was to me to see her again! I have installed myself in the upper rooms in this great house, and I am conscious of a happy feeling of beginning anew.”
皮埃尔心中又产生了一种他最畏惧的苦闷。他在分会讲演后，接连有三天躺在家中的长沙发上，什么人都不接见，什么地方都不去。
这时他接到妻子的来信，她恳求和他相会并且在信中写到思念他，希望把她自己的一生奉献给他。
她在这封信的末尾通知他，在最近几天内她从国外回到彼得堡。
紧跟着妻子的来信，有个最不受皮埃尔尊敬的共济会的同参闯进了他的僻静的地方，这个人谈到皮埃尔的夫妻关系，表述了自己的看法，他以此作为师兄弟的忠告，这个人说到皮埃尔对他妻子的苛刻态度是不合理的，皮埃尔不肯宽容悔改的妻子，他就背离了共济会的首要规则。
就是在这个时候，他的岳母，瓦西里公爵的妻子派人来找他，央求他那怕费花几分钟见见她也好，她要商谈一件极为重要的事情。皮埃尔看见，这是个和他作对的阴谋，他们想要他和妻子结合在一起，而在他所处的境况下，这样做甚至不会使他觉得不痛快。他反正一样。皮埃尔并不认为生活中会有什么意义重大的事情，他受到眼前支配他的难以忍受的苦闷的影响，他既不珍视自己的自由，也不重视他顽固地惩罚妻子的傻劲。
“谁也不对，谁也无罪，因此她也无罪，”他想道。如果皮埃尔没有马上同意和妻子结合，那只是因为他陷入苦闷之中，他不能采取任何行动。如果他妻子到他身边来了，现在他是不会把她赶走的。与那吸引住皮埃尔的注意力的事情相比，与他妻子住在一起，或者不住在一起，岂不都是无所谓？
无论对妻子，抑或对岳母，皮埃尔都不答复，于一日深夜启程，前往莫斯科拜谒约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇。下面是皮埃尔写的日记。
“莫斯科，十一月十七日。
方才我从恩主那里回来，我现正急忙记下我所感受
的一切。约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇的生活贫穷，两年多以来身患令人折磨的膀胱炎。从来没有谁听见他的呻吟或怨言。从清早直至深夜，除开吃便饭花费一些时间而外，其他时间全部用来钻研科学。他亲热地接待我，请我坐在他所躺的那张床上，我向他作了个东方骑士和耶路撒冷骑士的手势，他以同样的手势作答，脸上含着温顺的微笑，问我在普鲁士分会和苏格兰分会有什么见闻，有什么收获。我尽可能把一切情形都讲给他听，把我在我们彼得堡分会提出的基本原理转告他，把我所遭受的冷遇、我和师兄师弟断绝关系的情形告诉他。约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇沉默地思忖了良久，并向我阐述他对所有这一切的观点，他的观点霎时间照亮了我的一桩桩往事和我面前的未来的道路。他使我感到诧异，问我是不是记得共济会的三大目的：（一）保守与认识秘密；
（二）为领悟第一目的而净化自己，改造自己；（三）致力于这种净化，藉之以改造全人类。在这三大目的中哪一个目的是首要目的？自然，自我净化和改造是首要目的。只不过我们经常可以不依赖各种环境去达到这个目的。但是与此同时，这个目的又要求我们付出最大的努力，如果我们由于骄傲而误入歧途，以致于放弃这个目的，我们就得为神秘的哲理而奋斗，可是我们由于心地不纯而不配去领会这个玄理，否则，如果我们自己都是卑鄙和淫荡行为的坏榜样，那末，我们就要为改造全人类而奋斗。光明教的教义不是纯洁的教理，正是因为它迷恋于社会活动，才显得傲气十足。约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇根据这个理由来谴责我的演说词和我的全部活动。我在灵魂深处是赞同他的意见的。当我们谈到我的家事的时候，他对我说：正如我对您说的，真正的共济会的主要职责乃在于自我完善。但是我常常想到，只有排除我们生活上的一切困难，我们才能更快地达到这个目的；反之，阁下，他对我说，只有在尘世的骚动中我们才能达到三大目的：（一）自我认识，盖因人类只借助于比较才能认识自己；（二）自我完善，只有借助于斗争才能达到自我完善；（三）获致主要的德行——爱死亡。
只有人生的波折才能向我们证明人生的空虚，才能有助于我们加深对死亡或新生的天赋的爱。这些话说得十分中肯，因为约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇在肉体上痛苦万分，尽管如此，他从未感到生活的苦恼，他热爱死亡，尽管他这个人的内心纯洁和高尚，但是他觉得他对死亡还没有充分的准备。后来这位恩人对我充分地说明宇宙的大正方形的意义，并且指出，三和七这两个数目是世界的基础。他劝我切莫回避彼得堡的师兄师弟，劝我在分会中只担任次要职务，极力地诱使师兄师弟戒除骄傲，把他们引向自我认识和自我完善的正路。除此之外，他规劝我检点自己，并为此给我一本笔记簿，今后我将自己的一切行为都记在这本笔记簿上。”
“彼得堡，十一月二十三日。
我又和妻子同居了。我岳母含着泪水到我这里来，并且告诉我，海伦在这里，她央求我要听她的话，她没有罪过，我把她遗弃，使她感到不幸福，她还对我说了许多别的话。我知道，如果我只让我自己去看她，那末，我再也不能拒绝她的请求了。我没有把握，不晓得要找谁帮忙，要向谁求教。如果我的恩主在这里，他就会讲给我听的。我回到自己房间里，把约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇的信件翻阅了几遍，想起了我和他的谈话，从中得出结论，我不应拒绝请求的人，我应该向每个人伸出援助的手，何况这个人和我的关系这么密切，我应当忍气吞声痛苦地度日。但若我为了德行而宽恕她，那也说得过去，我和她的结合将会具有一个精神的目的。我就是这样拿定主意的，我就是这样给约瑟夫·阿列克谢耶维奇写信的。我对妻子说，要她忘记过去的一切，我有什么对不起她的地方，请她宽恕我，我是没有什么可宽恕她的。把这些话说给她听，我很高兴，不让她知道，我又看见她时心里多么难受。我在大住宅的楼上安顿下来，感觉到获得新生的幸福。”
收听单词发音 |
1
dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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lodge
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| v.临时住宿，寄宿，寄存，容纳；n.传达室，小旅馆 | |
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besought
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| v.恳求，乞求（某事物）( beseech的过去式和过去分词 )；(beseech的过去式与过去分词) | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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penitent
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| adj.后悔的；n.后悔者；忏悔者 | |
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beseeching
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| adj.恳求似的v.恳求，乞求（某事物）( beseech的现在分词 ) | |
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conspiracy
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| n.阴谋，密谋，共谋 | |
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despondent
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| adj.失望的，沮丧的，泄气的 | |
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lapsed
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| adj.流失的，堕落的v.退步( lapse的过去式和过去分词 )；陷入；倒退；丧失 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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benefactor
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| n. 恩人，行善的人，捐助人 | |
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groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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knights
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| 骑士； （中古时代的）武士( knight的名词复数 )； 骑士； 爵士； （国际象棋中）马 | |
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lodges
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| v.存放( lodge的第三人称单数 )；暂住；埋入；（权利、权威等）归属 | |
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rupture
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| n.破裂；(关系的)决裂；v.(使)破裂 | |
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preservation
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| n.保护，维护，保存，保留，保持 | |
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undoubtedly
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| adv.确实地，无疑地 | |
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penetrate
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| v.透(渗)入；刺入，刺穿；洞察，了解 | |
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impurity
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| n.不洁，不纯，杂质 | |
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vice
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| n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的 | |
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doctrine
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| n.教义；主义；学说 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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seduced
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| 诱奸( seduce的过去式和过去分词 )； 勾引； 诱使堕落； 使入迷 | |
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puffed
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| adj.疏松的v.使喷出( puff的过去式和过去分词 )；喷着汽（或烟）移动；吹嘘；吹捧 | |
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censured
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| v.指责，非难，谴责( censure的过去式 ) | |
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attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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attainment
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| n.达到，到达；［常pl.］成就，造诣 | |
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corruptions
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| n.堕落( corruption的名词复数 )；腐化；腐败；贿赂 | |
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innate
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| adj.天生的，固有的，天赋的 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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undertaking
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| n.保证，许诺，事业 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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accede
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| v.应允，同意 | |
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uncertainty
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| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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suppliant
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| adj.哀恳的；n.恳求者，哀求者 | |
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helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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