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Book 15 Chapter 3
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PRINCESS MARYA put off her departure. Sonya and the count tried to take Natasha's place, but they could not. They saw that she was the only one who could keep the mother from the frenzy1 of despair. For three weeks Natasha never left her mother's side, slept on a lounge in her room, made her drink and eat, and without pause talked to her, talked because her tender, loving voice was the only thing that soothed2 the countess.

The wound in the mother's heart could never be healed. Petya's death had torn away half of her life. When the news of Petya's death reached her, she was a fresh-looking, vigorous woman of fifty; a month later she came out of her room an old woman, half dead and with no more interest in life. But the wound that half killed the countess, that fresh wound, brought Natasha back to life.

A spiritual wound that comes from a rending3 of the spirit is like a physical wound, and after it has healed externally, and the torn edges are scarred over, yet, strange to say, like a deep physical injury, it only heals inwardly by the force of life pushing up from within.

So Natasha's wound healed. She believed that her life was over. But suddenly her love for her mother showed her that the essence of her life—love—was still alive within her. Love was awakened4, and life waked with it.

The last days of Prince Andrey had been a close bond between Natasha and Princess Marya. This fresh trouble brought them even closer together. Princess Marya put off her departure, and for the last three weeks she had been looking after Natasha, as though she were a sick child. Those weeks spent by Natasha in her mother's room had completely broken down her health.

One day Princess Marya noticed that Natasha was shivering with a feverish6 chill, and brought her away to her own room, and tucked her up in bed in the middle of the day. Natasha lay down, but when Princess Marya, having let down the blinds, was about to leave the room, Natasha called her to her.

“I'm not sleepy, Marie; stay with me.”

“You are tired; try and go to sleep.”

“No, no. Why did you bring me away? She will ask for me.”

“She is much better. She was talking much more like herself to-day,” said Princess Marya.

Natasha lay on the bed, and in the half-dark room she tried to make out Princess Marya's face.

“Is she like him?” Natasha wondered. “Yes; like and unlike. But she is original, different, a quite new, unknown person. And she likes me. What is there in her heart? Everything good. But what is it like? What are her thoughts like? How does she look on me? Yes; she is nice!”

“Masha,” she said, shyly drawing her hand towards her. “Masha, you mustn't think I'm horrid7. No? Masha, darling! How I love you! Let us be quite, quite friends.” And embracing her, Natasha fell to kissing her hands and face.

Princess Marya was abashed8 and overjoyed at this demonstration9 of feeling.

From that day there sprang up between Princess Marya and Natasha one of those tender and passionate10 friendships which can only exist between women. They were continually kissing each other and saying tender things to one another, and they spent the greater part of their time together. If one went away, the other was uneasy and hastened to join her. They felt more harmony together with each other than apart, each with herself. There sprang up between them a feeling stronger than friendship; that was the feeling of life being only possible in each other's company.

Sometimes they did not speak for hours together. Sometimes, as they lay in their beds, they would begin to talk, and talked till morning. They talked, for the most part, of their own remote past. Princess Marya told her of her childhood, of her mother, of her father, of her dreams. And Natasha, who had in the past turned away with calm acceptance of her non-comprehension of that life of devotion and resignation, of the idealism of Christian11 self-sacrifice, grew to love Princess Marya's past, and to understand that side of life of which she had had no conception before. She had no thought of imitating that resignation and self-sacrifice in her own life, because she was accustomed to look for other joys in life; but she understood and loved in another that virtue12 that had been till now beyond her ken5. Princess Marya, too, as she listened to Natasha's stories of her childhood and early girlhood, had a glimpse of a side of life she had known nothing of, of faith in life and in the enjoyment13 of life.

They still refrained from talking of him, that they might not, as seemed to them, desecrate14 the exalted15 feeling in their hearts; but this reticence16 led them, though they would not have believed it, into gradually forgetting him.

Natasha had grown thin and pale, and was physically17 so weak that every one was continually talking about her health, and she was glad it was so. Yet sometimes she was suddenly seized, not simply by a dread18 of death, but by a dread of sickness, of ill-health, of losing her good looks; and sometimes she unconsciously examined her bare arm, marvelling19 at its thinness, or peeped in the looking-glass in the morning at her pinched face, and was touched by its piteous look. It seemed to her that this was as it should be, and yet she felt afraid and mournful at it.

One day she ran upstairs quickly, and was painfully short of breath. Immediately she made some pretext20 for going down again, and ran upstairs again, to try her strength and put herself to the test.

Another day she called Dunyasha, and her voice broke. She called her once more, though she heard her coming—called her in the deep chest voice with which she used to sing, and listened to the sound.

She knew it not, and would not have believed it yet though the layer of mould under which she fancied that her soul was buried seemed unbroken, the delicate, tender, young blades of grass were already pushing through it, and were destined21 to take root, and so to hide the grief that had crushed her under their living shoots that it would soon be unseen and forgotten. The wound was healing from within.

Towards the end of January Princess Marya set off for Moscow, and the count insisted on Natasha going with her to consult the doctors.


玛丽亚公爵小姐推迟了启程日期。索尼娅、伯爵都很想把娜塔莎替换下来。他们未能办到。他们看得出,只有她才能使她母亲不致陷入疯狂的绝望。娜塔莎在母亲身边守候了三个星期,寸步不离,在她屋内椅子上睡觉,给她喂水,喂饭,不停地和她说话,因为只有她一个人的既温柔又亲切的声音才能使伯爵夫人得到安慰。

母亲的精神创伤无法医治。彼佳的死亡夺去了她一半的生命。自从获悉彼佳死讯,过了一个月,她才从屋里走出来,她原本是一个精神饱满、热爱生活的才刚刚五十岁的女人,这时却变成了一个半死不活,对生活没有兴趣的老太婆了。而夺去伯爵夫人一半生命的这个创伤,这一新的创伤却唤醒了娜塔莎。

由于精神崩溃而造成的心灵创伤,不管这似乎是多么奇怪,恰恰像肉体的创伤一样,在渐渐愈合。而一个很深的伤口愈合之后,就好像是自己渐渐长好了一样,心灵的创作也和肉体创伤一样只能依靠发自内在的生命力医治。

娜塔莎的创伤就是这样痊愈的。她想到,她的生命已经终结了。然而,对母亲的爱突然证明,生命的本质——爱——

仍然活在心中,爱复苏了,于是生命也复苏了。

安德烈公爵临终前的那些日子,把娜塔莎和玛丽亚公爵小姐连系在一起。新的不幸使她们之间更加亲近。玛利亚公爵小姐推迟了启程日期,在最近三个星期中,她像照顾一个生病的小孩子那样,照料着娜塔莎。娜塔莎在母亲的房间里呆了几个星期,这段时间几乎耗尽了她的体力。

一天中午,玛丽亚公爵小姐发现娜塔莎冷得直打哆嗦,就把她拉到自己房间,让她躺在自己床上。娜塔莎躺着,但是当玛丽亚公爵小姐放下窗帘要出去时,娜塔莎把她叫到身边。

“我不想睡,玛丽,陪我坐一会儿。”

“你累了,一定要睡一下。”

“不,不。你为什么带我来这里?她会找我的。”

“她好多了。她今天说话很正常。”玛丽亚公爵小姐说。

娜塔莎躺在床上,借助房间里半阴半暗的光线仔细端详玛丽亚公爵小姐的脸庞。

“她像他吗?”娜塔莎想。是的,又像又不像。但是,她是一个特别的、陌生的、全新的、令人难以理解的人。她是爱她的。她的内心又怎样呢?全都好。怎么好法?她是怎么想的?她对我有什么看法?是的,她太好了。

“玛莎,”她羞怯地拉住她的一只手,说,“玛莎,你不要以为我很坏。不是吗?玛莎,我是多么爱你啊,让我们做真正、真正的好朋友吧。”

娜塔莎拥抱玛丽亚公爵小姐,吻她的手和脸。玛丽亚公爵小姐对娜塔莎表现出的这种感情是又喜又羞。

从这一天起,在玛丽亚公爵小姐和娜塔莎之间建立了只有在女人之间才有的亲切的温情的友谊。她们不停地相互亲吻,说着温情的话,大部分时间她们都呆在一块儿。如果有一个外出了,另一个就烦躁不安,赶快紧随其后。

她们俩都觉得,俩人在一起比独自一人更和谐。她们之间感情比友谊更强烈:这是一种只有在一起才能生存下去的特殊感情。

她们有时一连数小时默不作声;有时已经上了床,才开始谈话,一谈就谈到天亮。她们多半是诉说往事。玛丽亚公爵小姐讲述她的童年,她的母亲,她的父亲和她的理想;娜塔莎原先不愿过那种虔诚、顺从的生活,不懂得基督教自我牺牲的诗意,而现在她觉得她和玛丽亚公爵小姐被爱联系在一起了,她开始爱玛丽亚公爵小姐的过去,懂得了她原先不懂的生活的另一面。她自己不愿过那种顺从生活,不信奉基督教的自我牺牲,因为她习惯寻求另外一些欢乐,但是她懂得了而且爱上了对方那种她原先不理解的美德。至于玛丽亚公爵小姐,她听了娜塔莎讲述了童年和少年的故事,也发现了她原先不了解的生活的另一个方面,要相信生活,相信生活的乐趣。

她们绝口不谈及关于他的一切,她们觉得那些话会破坏在她们心中建立起来的崇高的感情,而这种缄默,竟然令人难以置信地,使她们渐渐地忘记了他。

娜塔莎瘦了,脸色苍白,身子太弱,致使大家常谈及她的健康,而她却高兴。然而她有时忽然不仅怕死,而且怕病,怕衰弱,怕失去美貌,她有时细看手臂,瘦得使她惊愕,或者早上照镜子看瘦长的,她觉得可怜的脸。她觉得,应当这样,而又觉得可怕和可悲。

一次,她快步上楼,喘不过气,不由得想退回,为了试试体力,看看自己,又往上爬。

又一回,她叫杜尼亚莎,声音发抖。她听见了杜尼亚莎的脚步声,她用唱歌的胸音又叫了一声,自己仔细倾听这个声音。

她不知道,也不相信,从她心中看来无法穿透的土层中,萌出细嫩的幼芽,一定会生根,以她生气盎然的嫩叶遮盖住她的悲哀,很快就会看不见,觉不出。创伤从内部慢慢愈合。

一月底,玛丽亚公爵小姐启程赴莫斯科,伯爵坚持要娜塔莎和她一道前往,以便在莫斯科请医生看病。


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 frenzy jQbzs     
n.疯狂,狂热,极度的激动
参考例句:
  • He was able to work the young students up into a frenzy.他能激起青年学生的狂热。
  • They were singing in a frenzy of joy.他们欣喜若狂地高声歌唱。
2 soothed 509169542d21da19b0b0bd232848b963     
v.安慰( soothe的过去式和过去分词 );抚慰;使舒服;减轻痛苦
参考例句:
  • The music soothed her for a while. 音乐让她稍微安静了一会儿。
  • The soft modulation of her voice soothed the infant. 她柔和的声调使婴儿安静了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
3 rending 549a55cea46358e7440dbc8d78bde7b6     
v.撕碎( rend的现在分词 );分裂;(因愤怒、痛苦等而)揪扯(衣服或头发等);(声音等)刺破
参考例句:
  • The cries of those imprisoned in the fallen buildings were heart-rending. 被困于倒塌大楼里的人们的哭喊声令人心碎。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
  • She was rending her hair out in anger. 她气愤得直扯自己的头发。 来自《简明英汉词典》
4 awakened de71059d0b3cd8a1de21151c9166f9f0     
v.(使)醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 );(使)觉醒;弄醒;(使)意识到
参考例句:
  • She awakened to the sound of birds singing. 她醒来听到鸟的叫声。
  • The public has been awakened to the full horror of the situation. 公众完全意识到了这一状况的可怕程度。 来自《简明英汉词典》
5 ken k3WxV     
n.视野,知识领域
参考例句:
  • Such things are beyond my ken.我可不懂这些事。
  • Abstract words are beyond the ken of children.抽象的言辞超出小孩所理解的范围.
6 feverish gzsye     
adj.发烧的,狂热的,兴奋的
参考例句:
  • He is too feverish to rest.他兴奋得安静不下来。
  • They worked with feverish haste to finish the job.为了完成此事他们以狂热的速度工作着。
7 horrid arozZj     
adj.可怕的;令人惊恐的;恐怖的;极讨厌的
参考例句:
  • I'm not going to the horrid dinner party.我不打算去参加这次讨厌的宴会。
  • The medicine is horrid and she couldn't get it down.这种药很难吃,她咽不下去。
8 abashed szJzyQ     
adj.窘迫的,尴尬的v.使羞愧,使局促,使窘迫( abash的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He glanced at Juliet accusingly and she looked suitably abashed. 他怪罪的一瞥,朱丽叶自然显得很窘。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The girl was abashed by the laughter of her classmates. 那小姑娘因同学的哄笑而局促不安。 来自《简明英汉词典》
9 demonstration 9waxo     
n.表明,示范,论证,示威
参考例句:
  • His new book is a demonstration of his patriotism.他写的新书是他的爱国精神的证明。
  • He gave a demonstration of the new technique then and there.他当场表演了这种新的操作方法。
10 passionate rLDxd     
adj.热情的,热烈的,激昂的,易动情的,易怒的,性情暴躁的
参考例句:
  • He is said to be the most passionate man.据说他是最有激情的人。
  • He is very passionate about the project.他对那个项目非常热心。
11 Christian KVByl     
adj.基督教徒的;n.基督教徒
参考例句:
  • They always addressed each other by their Christian name.他们总是以教名互相称呼。
  • His mother is a sincere Christian.他母亲是个虔诚的基督教徒。
12 virtue BpqyH     
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力
参考例句:
  • He was considered to be a paragon of virtue.他被认为是品德尽善尽美的典范。
  • You need to decorate your mind with virtue.你应该用德行美化心灵。
13 enjoyment opaxV     
n.乐趣;享有;享用
参考例句:
  • Your company adds to the enjoyment of our visit. 有您的陪同,我们这次访问更加愉快了。
  • After each joke the old man cackled his enjoyment.每逢讲完一个笑话,这老人就呵呵笑着表示他的高兴。
14 desecrate X9Sy3     
v.供俗用,亵渎,污辱
参考例句:
  • The enemy desecrate the church by using it as a stable.敌人亵渎这所教堂,把它当做马厩。
  • It's a crime to desecrate the country's flag.玷污国旗是犯罪。
15 exalted ztiz6f     
adj.(地位等)高的,崇高的;尊贵的,高尚的
参考例句:
  • Their loveliness and holiness in accordance with their exalted station.他们的美丽和圣洁也与他们的崇高地位相称。
  • He received respect because he was a person of exalted rank.他因为是个地位崇高的人而受到尊敬。
16 reticence QWixF     
n.沉默,含蓄
参考例句:
  • He breaks out of his normal reticence and tells me the whole story.他打破了平时一贯沈默寡言的习惯,把事情原原本本都告诉了我。
  • He always displays a certain reticence in discussing personal matters.他在谈论个人问题时总显得有些保留。
17 physically iNix5     
adj.物质上,体格上,身体上,按自然规律
参考例句:
  • He was out of sorts physically,as well as disordered mentally.他浑身不舒服,心绪也很乱。
  • Every time I think about it I feel physically sick.一想起那件事我就感到极恶心。
18 dread Ekpz8     
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧
参考例句:
  • We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
  • Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。
19 marvelling 160899abf9cc48b1dc923a29d59d28b1     
v.惊奇,对…感到惊奇( marvel的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • \"Yes,'said the clerk, marvelling at such ignorance of a common fact. “是的,\"那人说,很奇怪她竟会不知道这么一件普通的事情。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
  • Chueh-hui watched, marvelling at how easy it was for people to forget. 觉慧默默地旁观着这一切,他也忍不住笑了。 来自汉英文学 - 家(1-26) - 家(1-26)
20 pretext 1Qsxi     
n.借口,托词
参考例句:
  • He used his headache as a pretext for not going to school.他借口头疼而不去上学。
  • He didn't attend that meeting under the pretext of sickness.他以生病为借口,没参加那个会议。
21 destined Dunznz     
adj.命中注定的;(for)以…为目的地的
参考例句:
  • It was destined that they would marry.他们结婚是缘分。
  • The shipment is destined for America.这批货物将运往美国。


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