CHAPTER XLI

Valancy looked dully about her old room. It, too, was so exactly the same that it seemed almost impossible to believe in the changes that had come to her since she had last slept in it. It seemed—somehow—indecent that it should be so much the same. There was Queen Louise everlastingly¹ coming down the stairway, and nobody had let the forlorn puppy in out of the rain. Here was the purple paper blind and the greenish mirror. Outside, the old carriage-shop with its blatant² advertisements. Beyond it, the station with the same derelicts and flirtatious³ flappers.

 

Here the old life waited for her, like some grim ogre that bided⁴ his time and licked his chops. A monstrous⁵ horror of it suddenly possessed⁶ her. When night fell and she had undressed and got into bed, the merciful numbness⁷ passed away and she lay in anguish⁸ and thought of her island under the stars. The camp-fires—all their little household jokes and phrases and catch words—their furry⁹ beautiful cats—the lights agleam on the fairy islands—canoes skimming over Mistawis in the magic of morning—white birches shining among the dark spruces like beautiful women’s bodies—winter snows and rose-red sunset fires—lakes drunken with moonshine—all the delights of her lost paradise. She would not let herself think of Barney. Only of these lesser¹⁰ things. She could not endure to think of Barney.

 

Then she thought of him inescapably. She ached for him. She wanted his arms around her—his face against hers—his whispers in her ear. She recalled all his friendly looks and quips and jests—his little compliments—his caresses¹¹. She counted them all over as a woman might count her jewels—not one did she miss from the first day they had met. These memories were all she could have now. She shut her eyes and prayed.

 

“Let me remember every one, God! Let me never forget one of them!”

 

Yet it would be better to forget. This agony of longing¹² and loneliness would not be so terrible if one could forget. And Ethel Traverse. That shimmering¹³ witch woman with her white skin and black eyes and shining hair. The woman Barney had loved. The woman whom he still loved. Hadn’t he told her he never changed his mind? Who was waiting for him in Montreal. Who was the right wife for a rich and famous man. Barney would marry her, of course, when he got his divorce. How Valancy hated her! And envied her! Barney had said, “I love you,” to her. Valancy had wondered what tone Barney would say “I love you” in—how his dark-blue eyes would look when he said it. Ethel Traverse knew. Valancy hated her for the knowledge—hated and envied her.

 

“She can never have those hours in the Blue Castle. They are mine,” thought Valancy savagely¹⁴. Ethel would never make strawberry jam or dance to old Abel’s fiddle¹⁵ or fry bacon for Barney over a camp-fire. She would never come to the little Mistawis shack¹⁶ at all.

 

What was Barney doing—thinking—feeling now? Had he come home and found her letter? Was he still angry with her? Or a little pitiful. Was he lying on their bed looking out on stormy Mistawis and listening to the rain streaming down on the roof? Or was he still wandering in the wilderness¹⁷, raging at the predicament in which he found himself? Hating her? Pain took her and wrung¹⁸ her like some great pitiless giant. She got up and walked the floor. Would morning never come to end this hideous¹⁹ night? And yet what could morning bring her? The old life without the old stagnation²⁰ that was at least bearable. The old life with the new memories, the new longings²¹, the new anguish.

 

“Oh, why can’t I die?” moaned Valancy.

 

1 everlastingly   

永久地，持久地

参考例句：

• Why didn't he hold the Yankees instead of everlastingly retreating? 他为什么不将北军挡住，反而节节败退呢？
• "I'm tired of everlastingly being unnatural and never doing anything I want to do. "我再也忍受不了这样无休止地的勉强自己，永远不能赁自己高兴做事。

2 blatant   

adj.厚颜无耻的；显眼的；炫耀的

参考例句：

• I cannot believe that so blatant a comedy can hoodwink anybody.我无法相信这么显眼的一出喜剧能够欺骗谁。
• His treatment of his secretary was a blatant example of managerial arrogance.他管理的傲慢作风在他对待秘书的态度上表露无遗。

3 flirtatious   

adj.爱调情的，调情的，卖俏的

参考例句：

• a flirtatious young woman 卖弄风情的年轻女子
• Her flirtatious manners are intended to attract. 她的轻浮举止是想引人注意。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 bided   

v.等待，停留( bide的过去式 )；居住；等待；面临

参考例句：

• Jack was hurt deeply, and he bided his time for revenge. 杰克受了很深的伤害，他等待着报仇的时机。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Their ready answer suggested that they had long bided that. 他们很爽快的回答表明他们已经等待这个（要求）很久了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》

5 monstrous   

adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的

参考例句：

• The smoke began to whirl and grew into a monstrous column.浓烟开始盘旋上升，形成了一个巨大的烟柱。
• Your behaviour in class is monstrous!你在课堂上的行为真是丢人！

6 possessed   

adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的

参考例句：

• He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
• He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。

7 numbness   

n.无感觉，麻木，惊呆

参考例句：

• She was fighting off the numbness of frostbite. 她在竭力摆脱冻僵的感觉。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Sometimes they stay dead, causing' only numbness. 有时，它们没有任何反应，只会造成麻木。 来自时文部分

8 anguish   

n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼

参考例句：

• She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时，她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
• The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。

9 furry   

adj.毛皮的；似毛皮的；毛皮制的

参考例句：

• This furry material will make a warm coat for the winter.这件毛皮料在冬天会是一件保暖的大衣。
• Mugsy is a big furry brown dog,who wiggles when she is happy.马格斯是一只棕色大长毛狗，当她高兴得时候她会摇尾巴。

10 lesser   

adj.次要的，较小的；adv.较小地，较少地

参考例句：

• Kept some of the lesser players out.不让那些次要的球员参加联赛。
• She has also been affected,but to a lesser degree.她也受到波及，但程度较轻。

11 caresses   

爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• A breeze caresses the cheeks. 微风拂面。
• Hetty was not sufficiently familiar with caresses or outward demonstrations of fondness. 海蒂不习惯于拥抱之类过于外露地表现自己的感情。

12 longing   

n.（for）渴望

参考例句：

• Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
• His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。

13 shimmering   

v.闪闪发光，发微光( shimmer的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The sea was shimmering in the sunlight. 阳光下海水波光闪烁。
• The colours are delicate and shimmering. 这些颜色柔和且闪烁微光。 来自辞典例句

14 savagely   

adv. 野蛮地，残酷地

参考例句：

• The roses had been pruned back savagely. 玫瑰被狠狠地修剪了一番。
• He snarled savagely at her. 他向她狂吼起来。

15 fiddle   

n.小提琴；vi.拉提琴；不停拨弄，乱动

参考例句：

• She plays the fiddle well.她小提琴拉得好。
• Don't fiddle with the typewriter.不要摆弄那架打字机了。

16 shack   

adj.简陋的小屋，窝棚

参考例句：

• He had to sit down five times before he reached his shack.在走到他的茅棚以前，他不得不坐在地上歇了五次。
• The boys made a shack out of the old boards in the backyard.男孩们在后院用旧木板盖起一间小木屋。

17 wilderness   

n.杳无人烟的一片陆地、水等，荒漠

参考例句：

• She drove the herd of cattle through the wilderness.她赶着牛群穿过荒野。
• Education in the wilderness is not a matter of monetary means.荒凉地区的教育不是钱财问题。

18 wrung   

绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水）

参考例句：

• He has wrung the words from their true meaning. 他曲解这些字的真正意义。
• He wrung my hand warmly. 他热情地紧握我的手。

19 hideous   

adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的

参考例句：

• The whole experience had been like some hideous nightmare.整个经历就像一场可怕的噩梦。
• They're not like dogs,they're hideous brutes.它们不像狗，是丑陋的畜牲。

20 stagnation   

n. 停滞

参考例句：

• Poor economic policies led to a long period of stagnation and decline. 糟糕的经济政策道致了长时间的经济萧条和下滑。
• Motion is absolute while stagnation is relative. 运动是绝对的，而静止是相对的。

21 longings   

渴望，盼望( longing的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Ah, those foolish days of noble longings and of noble strivings! 啊，那些充满高贵憧憬和高尚奋斗的傻乎乎的时光！
• I paint you and fashion you ever with my love longings. 我永远用爱恋的渴想来描画你。